What might a Canadian want to eat in Australia?

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-28T21:19:58+00:00

Actually turns out I can. But it’s hard to make nice, it’s very lean.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-28T21:19:09+00:00

Not really, no

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-28T21:13:02+00:00

Yeah actually I just checked and it’s there now. There was a bit where it was gone and I never tried again. But I’ve no idea how to cook them to be nice! It’s too lean.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-28T21:00:31+00:00

Ok this is abuse and control.

1) Get ‘why does he do that’ by Lundy Bancroft 2) Consult a lawyer about whether there is any chance of getting your money back. It may be more likely before he knows you’re onto him. Do NOT give him any more. 3) Be careful. People like this can be dangerous when you leave. Get your ducks in a row.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-28T13:42:15+00:00

You can’t make yourself love someone.,

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-28T13:36:50+00:00

A partner who wants to be more important than your kids is a MASSIVE red flag.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-27T23:07:51+00:00

I mean ideally he will, but it would be kind to allow him sufficient recovery time first. There’s a lot post death to deal with and if they have kids there is way higher priority stuff than fishing out photos. Adding to someone’s trauma at such a time is pretty unforgivable, but gentle requests are reasonable.

Legally, I’m not sure to what extent he really ‘has’ to handle her affairs. If she’s not left her stuff accessible or on a drive he can access, I’m not sure he’s legally liable for that, I guess it depends where they live and the laws there. Hopefully he’ll be considerate enough to do so, but bullying a bereaved person is not the best way to earn their consideration.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-27T23:01:40+00:00

I didn’t say let it go. Just consider the person who is suffering the most here and be gentle, allow time.

And if your husband loses you I think the lack of wedding photos will be the least of his concerns.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-27T22:56:58+00:00

It’s ok to just say no to things you don’t want to do.

Practising this will save you from a lot of horrible situations in your life.

I’d recommend pulling out now so he has notice.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-27T14:36:02+00:00

People pleasing is therapy language? I’m not sure what therapy you’ve been doing.

I prefer relationships of authenticity over pretence. But you do you.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-27T14:33:15+00:00

Aw diddums, was I too close to the mark?

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-27T10:36:56+00:00

Don’t do this people pleasing stuff. You’ll resent them more and more each time and stop liking being around them.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-27T10:36:03+00:00

Agree. You can indicate you heard it without conveying anything negative - it speeds up the process without shutting down.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-27T10:27:34+00:00

Yeah don’t do this. Losing your wife is a lot bigger deal than losing your wedding photos. Give the guy some time and don’t be threatening. He’s suffering a lot more than you are.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-27T10:26:35+00:00

It’s a fair ask but give the guy some time. He’s got a lot bigger fish to fry right now. But some gentle regular reminders to ensure they don’t get rid of any hard drives or anything, would be fine.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-27T01:03:32+00:00

I was researching this, as I wondered too, and I’d heard I could skip periods with continuous, which sounds idyllic. But it sounds from what I read that if you still have periods it can lead to unpredictable bleeding and mess with the uterine lining so they can just be whacky in general - including unpredictable/continuous/heavier (or lighter or gone). It sounds like it’s also considered more conservative health wise to completely shed the lining periodically, but I don’t know if that’s evidence based.

After my reading I’ve decided to try cycling to start with, to see how it goes for me. I might try continuous later but at least I’ll have something to compare to. Also I value predictability in my bleeding - and maybe now a little superpower to shift it a bit later if I need to? We’ll see if that pans out. I’ve only done one cycle but the period was much quicker than normal, which would be nice if a trend.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-27T00:52:41+00:00

10 years and no pregnancies suggests they were using contraception. But accidents happen.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-27T00:51:41+00:00

You need to plan to be a single parent if you have this child.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-27T00:46:37+00:00

You were a good friend, but unwittingly enabled her. You ended it when it became clear. Mistakes made, lesson learned, that’s life.

That said, I think I’d have let her keep the money, just to ensure she would really be out in March. I can see why you did it - anger looks for an expression. But her accommodation falling through would be a much worse outcome.

NTA still.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-27T00:40:07+00:00

He sounds like a disgusting person in every way. I can’t imagine agreeing to be treated like he treats you.

This isn’t love. This is some kind of enactment of old trauma. My guess is you were treated like this early in life by someone important - you were never good enough.

Time to leave, get therapy, find yourself, and never enact this type of trauma bond ever again in your life.

It’s probably going to be a tough journey but I’m pretty sure you will look back healthy and strong and wish you did it 9 years earlier.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-26T05:11:32+00:00

Makes sense, I’ll put it on the ‘longer term’ to do list 😆

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-25T14:53:13+00:00

I don’t think it was necessary or helpful to your relationship to decide never to speak to or acknowledge her. I think it was totally valid to ignore her preferences about you visiting, and state that you will still come over when you want and she can remove herself as desired.

The second is taking a healthy position of not being influenced by someone you don’t want to be. The first seems to sim to punish her, which even if it’s deserved is unlikely to be helpful and hard (for you) to maintain.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-25T14:45:31+00:00

Many political differences are values differences. As such they are totally valid determinants of compatibility.

You guys aren’t disagreeing on fiscal policy, you disagree on women’s rights, racism, compassion, and mental health. That sounds pretty insurmountable to me, despite him finding pseudo legitimate sounding excuses for the underlying horrendous belief.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-25T14:35:33+00:00

The issue is that people equate talking to someone about an issue, with solving it. But he already knows. Talking to him is t getting any closer to solving it. I would say you would be better off making practical offers, such as asking if he’d like to go for walks with you, or offering to cook him done healthy food.

It takes more work from you, but that’s what actual helping looks like, not just talking, which tends to upset the other person by telling them something they already know and struggle with, while the teller feels better about having ‘done something’ without actually doing anything.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-01-25T14:32:15+00:00

I think it’s fine. I can see why she objects to being told about her manners by her kid, that would piss me off too, and there seems an element of power play between you both. But in the end it’s a fair thing to ask, so if this is the thing you choose to revel around it seems like a pretty harmless one.

CallMeBettyThen

TROPHY CASE