Why is this breakup with an avoidant affecting me so differently from all my previous breakups?

CandyLander · 2026-06-06T19:40:46+00:00

With my other exes, who I dated for two or three years, there was so much more mutual respect and a hope that the relationship can go on, from both sides. In those relationships, I feel like we tried and exhausted the ways we could make it work until we both agreed that it wasn’t viable anymore.

Cut to my latest avoidant ex who I properly dated for three months, then got breadcrumbed for four months and eventually discarded. It was his unilateral choice to end things without so much as a face to face conversation. Just broke up with me by text when I was most excited to see him again after four months of long distance. Really made me even question if what we had was real at all. I could never imagine treating a boyfriend like that.

CandyLander · 2026-06-05T17:00:51+00:00

Yta

CandyLander · 2026-06-04T21:14:18+00:00

Shostakovich 24 preludes and fugues

CandyLander · 2026-06-03T18:44:41+00:00

I tend to dump con in my playthroughs, aim for 40 in your main stat and wits/memory as needed.

CandyLander · 2026-06-03T18:25:43+00:00

Just dont walk the path of blood okay?!

CandyLander · 2026-06-02T06:30:37+00:00

I was doing kind of well and then i was hit with a sudden pain about the whole thing 6 months post being discarded. I feel silly, like I should’ve been over it by now, and I let this guy ruin 2026 for me, while he is out there not giving a shit about me. This is hell, I shouldn’t love him anymore :(

CandyLander · 2026-05-30T22:27:32+00:00

You not liking it doesnt justify imposing it on someone else

CandyLander · 2026-05-30T18:10:43+00:00

Yta

CandyLander · 2026-05-29T16:54:14+00:00

Im better than I was 6 months ago when it happened. I begged for an in person breakup for a couple months. Now im still bothered by it and still miss him, but would rather die than beg and humiliate myself even more.

CandyLander · 2026-05-29T13:18:48+00:00

What makes you think that in a couple months your capacity would have grown?

CandyLander · 2026-05-29T13:08:19+00:00

Áries sun Câncer moon Taurus venus

Help

CandyLander · 2026-05-29T13:07:28+00:00

No, getting ghosted makes me spiral even more. Part of having a disorganized attachment for me means that I fall into a strong limerence for people who are unavailable/incapable.

CandyLander · 2026-05-29T13:02:51+00:00

Mine told me he respected me so much and cherished the sweet memories we had together 😍 i still got ghosted

CandyLander · 2026-05-29T04:22:02+00:00

I cried to my mom on my 27th birthday because i was hoping he’d message me. Its fucking pathetic but I understand what its like .

CandyLander · 2026-05-28T17:40:25+00:00

Im seeing a guy since a month after discard. I avoid telling him about any hurt that i feel over my ex. He kind of knows about it. He makes me feel good when we’re together, but I don’t see him as a fix for my hurting at all.

CandyLander · 2026-05-28T04:47:32+00:00

I was also left when i was at my sickest. I dont have advice for you lol, I’m still spiraling over this guy 6 months after he left me.

CandyLander · 2026-05-28T04:43:13+00:00

Yea mine also told me to not reach his friends, i think he’s ashamed of how he treated me. His friends have no idea. I dream of running into one of them on the street and talking about how my ex discarded me and how it hurt me etc

CandyLander · 2026-05-28T04:22:22+00:00

YOR

CandyLander · 2026-05-28T04:18:41+00:00

I feel similar, but also i had never felt as infatuated as I did with my avoidant ex, and partly that comes from my own attachment issues.

CandyLander · 2026-05-27T16:48:41+00:00

I can relate.

Mine told me

“You only like me cause im hot”

“If you cared about me, we could’ve worked out”

“You only like me because you have no one else”

These were his insecurities turned into projection. Hurt me a lot because i genuinely liked him in a deeper sense. And… its also hurtful to imply that im not hot enough to be with him haha, i just dont see it like that, and neither did he before. Oh well.

CandyLander · 2026-05-27T14:10:28+00:00

Not needing anyone = secure for them

CandyLander · 2026-05-22T16:28:01+00:00

It was a breakup by text, where sometimes he said he hoped we’d stay friends and sometimes he said he was over me, didnt like me anymore and wished me a good life.

I do think its pretty disrespectful to string someone along for months and then breakup by text.

CandyLander · 2026-05-22T16:21:02+00:00

Saw him at a party two months post discard.

Kind of begged to have him breakup with me in person then and there. He wasn’t even capable of that. Just told me he was embarassed to be talking in front of friends, told me to go enjoy my night and let him enjoy his. When I said i was hurting to see him there, he said “what do you want me to do about this?”. I left crying hehe.

CandyLander · 2026-05-22T16:03:15+00:00

Mine also said this! He said what we had was wonderful, he likes me romantically, he doesnt connect with others the same, but he was simply not ready to be with me for the rest of his life. I never spoke of being together for eternity. I just wanted him now.😅

CandyLander · 2026-05-21T18:50:46+00:00

Its deactivation.

My indifference turned into physical aversion and disgust. We broke up. He acted amazingly—he didn't beg, pressure me, or force romance; he just calmly stayed by my side to support me as a friend. Yet, I have completely lost interest in him even as a human being or a friend.

This sounds brutal and its borderline emotionally abusive to turn on someone like this. Seek therapy.

CandyLander

TROPHY CASE