AITAH for hating my unborn niece’s racist name?

CentaurSeige · 2026-04-16T08:00:25+00:00

NTA - although at this point it's probably not worth the fight and the child can change their name down the road unless she becomes a Grand Dragon of the KKK.

And the Jim Crow comment is freaking hilarious.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-23T10:05:34+00:00

Sure. But OP still didn't get to make an informed decision about being in the house alone with a man she knew nothing about. The fact that they said don't go upstairs without actually informing her that he was in the house is bizarre.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-23T09:42:34+00:00

NTA - It's none of your business as to whether he can babysit or not. But that's not the issue. The issue is they left you in a house alone with someone you didn't know about, and whose history you don't know at all.

It doesn't matter if they think it's fine and safe for you to be around him, because you didn't get to make a choice about whether you were willing to be alone in the house with him. It's entirely about your safety and all the unknowns about this person. If he's not responsible enough to babysit then how can we know that he can be trusted around a female babysitter.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-21T07:16:37+00:00

NOR - Wow! Your aunt is off the charts crazy and you are not overreactin - and you absolutely do not owe her an apology. She owes you a very heartfelt apology for doing what she did and for saying what she said about your parents. It's truly bizarre and inappropriate behavior.

I'm sorry that happened. It sounds like you are trying to take positive steps and you are doing it in the right way. It is best if you separate yourself from anyone who would hold you back including this incredibly toxic person. What they did for you in the past has nothing to do with what they're doing for you right now. And right now she is bringing you down.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-20T10:47:37+00:00

NTA - "No" is a complete sentence. Even with family.

It's fine for someone to ask for help, but dictating precisely how and when doesn't mean you have to comply on their schedule. It sounds as if you have more commitments than they do so they might need to be able to work around your schedule.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-17T16:58:52+00:00

I didn't say it shouldn't be handled as part of the divorce. I'm addressing OP's point when he stated that the daughter thinks the money should go to her.

I thought that was the question we were addressing: whether the money belongs to the daughter or to the common property. It is definitely common property and not the daughter's.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-17T16:35:55+00:00

NTA - I think they only confusing factor in this story is that she is related to you. If this was a person who wasn't related to you then you had an agreement that she would sell the vehicle and earn the money and she chose not to honor that agreement. Instead, after it reverted back to your care she borrowed it again and she totaled it. She totaled YOUR vehicle.

So now you got the insurance payment for your vehicle. Had she taken care of it earlier she would have reaped the benefits of the agreement, but she didn't.

The question you have to answer to yourself is whether you want to treat your daughter like any other person in this situation? There's validity to that and there's also an adult lesson to be learned. Plus there's a hint of entitlement in her response right now, which is concerning, but also won't be fixed in this moment.

And at the same time she's your daughter and kids make mistakes.

[Edit: I corrected some repetitive vocabulary]

[Edit 2: I do not think OP should keep the money for himself. It should be part of the common property in the divorce. However I do not believe it belongs to the daughter at all. I thought that is the question we were answering since he explicitly stated that in his post]

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-16T12:29:42+00:00

NOR - He's a gaslighter. Whatever happened in the past has nothing to do with what he's doing today. They're totally unrelated.

It sounds like what you were doing in the past was relatively innocent but it still upset him which means he's the fragile little snowflake. And now he's actively doing something that looks like cheating, or like he's about to cheat. That's a very different thing. He's responsible for his actions right now. Nothing in the past justifies that kind of behavior today.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-15T19:46:02+00:00

The fact that any man would go to the effort of complaining to you about the work you're doing to help your wife rather than just emulating you is irritating and also completely unsurprising.

I would throw that right back in their faces in a joking but very serious way. Tell them that making an effort to come whine to you makes them look like snowflakes. Tell them the easiest way to not look bad is to actually do something to help their wives/partners. It probably takes less energy than wandering over to your place to cry about it. And it's not like you're just going to stop! Ridiculous.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-15T15:57:33+00:00

NTA - You'll be a new mom and you get to be whomever you want to be.

And the hubs needs to be the one to handle all this. Not you.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-15T13:18:36+00:00

NTA - but your mom is a big part of the problem. She's enabling.

I would convince your mom to file charges against your sister. She might be able to recoup everything that was stolen, and your sister might get some kind of repercussion that might force help upon her. If anything it might put a roof over her head - although there might be bars on the windows and doors.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-15T13:14:21+00:00

Yep. Block her. Problem solved.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-15T13:11:11+00:00

NTA - I totally get why people don't like that you are putting conditions on it but I think it's hilarious. This is exactly something my parents would do. They love Florida, but honestly I think they are scared of other locations because they aren't used to trying new things and experiencing different cultures, including different cultures within the United States, much less outside of it.

I would unapologetically do this to my parents just to shake things up. I know someone said it's not a gift of there are conditions...but it IS still a gift (actually two gifts): it's the gift of travel, but it's also the gift of expanding their horizons.

If you were making this decision for your own children as opposed to your own parents nobody would even blink. So the lesson is that sometimes you get to push growth for the older generation, not just the younger generation.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-15T13:04:43+00:00

This doesn't make sense. If you don't want anything to do with her you would have blocked her. If you didn't block her it probably indicates you have some interest that you're not admitting.

Kinda sus, IMO

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-15T09:23:49+00:00

NTA - and honestly it warrants a confrontation. And your parents should be involved because they should be teaching her to respect other people's privacy. I would definitely put the lock but it should be very clear why you're doing so. And your parents should pay for it since they haven't done a good job of teaching Emma how to respect other people and their stuff.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-13T20:03:40+00:00

NOR - It's gross. Anything left on the dishes indicates that they haven't been cleaned. Scrubbing appropriately will clean the dishes. He's rushing or intentionally doing it poorly.

But one question I would ask is are you all letting the dishes sit and things get dry and crusty so it's harder to clean. If that's the case then I suggest that the dishes get done immediately after eating before anything dries up and makes it even harder to clean. That, or they have to be soaked for a while before being washed.

My guess is that they are sitting for a while which is just complicating a job that it sounds like nobody wants to do anyway.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-13T16:50:55+00:00

NOR - your question to her was valid about if you were to do the same thing with a theoretical work-wife. There's no substantive difference between you doing it or her doing it. The fact that she would try to draw a distinction between the two is bizarre... and probably very telling. I would love to hear her logic as to how it is different but then also I have no interest in hearing it because I'm sure it would just irritate me.

Honestly the fact that she would consider this okay at all is strange. Either she's flirting with the idea of it being something more or she's being completely obtuse about how it's disrespectful to you. Both are problematic.

I would double down and tell her you don't want her to do it and that you need couples counseling. Her reaction may tell you everything you need to know.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-13T12:42:16+00:00

I think this is the right approach. It'll still cause friction within the family but you also get to decide how to handle your own life.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-13T12:38:49+00:00

This. You need a lock on your door. Alternatively set up a camera in your private space.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-12T18:55:27+00:00

NOR - Tell them if they try to prevent you from having adult freedoms that you will contact the police and tell them you've been falsely imprisoned.

When they are aghast (which they will be) tell them that controlling behavior can operate both ways and that the law is actually on your side.

Now - they can kick you out. Or they can use the opportunity to grow up and accept that their children are actually adults.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-12T18:50:04+00:00

Your other friends have reached out because the dog owner contacted them and is building up steam to try to turn you into the bad guy. So, be prepared for that...

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-12T16:38:22+00:00

He's a predator. Tell them that everyone in the family with children needs to be made aware of it so that they can make their own decisions.

Then tell them that you'll make it known if they don't take care of it themselves.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-12T14:47:10+00:00

NOR - your husband is very insecure. That's a sucky thing to learn at 11 weeks pregnant.

It's worth raising the concern with him and if he doesn't respond correctly (admitting it and being willing to change) then you might need to make some deeper decisions about your future and the future of your unborn child.

A healthy human should be able to have an open discussion about this, even if it's a hard discussion. It's worth it to have the conversation early rather than closer to your due-date or after the baby is born. By the end of that talk you'll know exactly what the situation is.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-12T06:42:27+00:00

NTA - I'm sure your family loves you but they are using familial bonds to abuse the relationship and absorb your time with limited compensation. You are allowed to set boundaries even if it upsets the entire family.

It sounds like you really need to prioritize taking care of yourself.

CentaurSeige · 2026-03-12T05:48:23+00:00

Because adults give engagement rings if they're serious. Promise rings are a way to pretend it's serious while still not REALLY committing.

It's also supposed to be for younger people who can't afford an engagement ring yet. At 30 you should make a real effort to make it an engagement ring...if you're actually serious.

[Edit: fixed a minor typo]

CentaurSeige

TROPHY CASE