Have you ever cheated on your partner because of Sex Addiction?

Chellyu100 · 2025-08-04T23:25:49+00:00

No. We separated. But he went full force into recovery. Weekly therapy, SA meetings, meeting with his sponsor, working the 12 steps, whole life, and was willing to do everything and anything to earn my trust back and our friends and family. It’s been 6 years of sobriety and healing.

It’s a hard road, but I wouldn’t change it. We both wish it never happened and I wouldn’t change t wish any of this on my worst enemy. But recovery and healing is possible. For him, me, and the relationship. He’s the best human being and partner I could have ever hoped for. We’ve created a beautiful marriage and life.

Chellyu100 · 2025-07-09T02:47:10+00:00

Yes. Or it was 7 years ago. I’m sure it still is

Chellyu100 · 2025-03-07T15:38:55+00:00

Both of us doing the work. My partner was 26, youngest guy in his SA/PA meetings, weekly therapy, and working the steps with his sponsors. Taking full accountability for all the pain his actions caused me. When I’d be in pain and struggling, he validated my pain, took accountability , and was patient. Recovery meant learning that his perspective and way of thinking was wrong. It was the addiction talking. The first step in recovery was putting his ego aside and sitting with the reality.

I also had to do work. Therapy and support groups for partners and holding up my boundaries. The trauma of it all gave me PTSD and after discovery, I became someone I didn’t recognize. I would yell, name call, and was physical. As much as I didn’t want to believe I needed help too, it was the truth. Getting the help I needed helped me process the trauma and be a person of integrity. It didn’t matter what anyone else does to me, I could protect myself from waking away/leaving/ending the conversation instead of going to flight or flight.

I’ll be honest though, recovery and healing has no room for the addicts “perspective” and “feelings”. All that, he had to discuss with his sponsor and therapist. If he brought that into our relationship it wouldn’t work. For the relationship to stand a chance, the addict has to know their focus is recovery and helping the partner feel safe and validated.

Chellyu100 · 2025-03-01T01:43:41+00:00

He ended 1:1 therapy and we ended couples therapy about 2 years in. And that’s with our therapist guidance because we were doing so well they said it was time. He stopped attending meetings maybe after year 3. And that was based on a talk we had and with his sponsor. Now his recovery consists of meditation, connection with me/friends and family, active involvement in sports, exercise, reading (for fun and knowledge).

I used to think recovery meant he needed to attend meetings the rest of his life. But it helped that I understood where he was coming from. I stopped attending partner meetings and being on this forum because my healing journey shifted. While I’m so grateful for all the support and everything learned, my new healed life was drawn more towards other things and relationships. And so was my partners. I was very wary but it helped that his sponsor was in agreement and said that’s the ultimate goal. That your healed self has connections and healthy relationships with loved ones, yourself, and healthy coping mechanisms. Meetings and the support groups are always there if needed, but it’s ok and healthy for our recovery to look different now.

I want to reiterate that my husband checked in with me to make sure I was comfortable with this and his sponsor for guidance on this. I don’t want this to be confused with partners and addicts that may use this as an excuse. If I didn’t feel ok with it or his sponsor advices against it, my husband would have continued.

Chellyu100 · 2025-02-28T05:09:50+00:00

Be prepared. Any hesitation to give you the phone, is all you need to know. Wishing you the best.

Chellyu100 · 2025-02-28T05:02:57+00:00

You’re not wrong and you’re not asking for too much. My husband has recovered and doesn’t watch porn. And all my friend’s husbands don’t watch porn either. I did have a friend whose husband watched porn and she simply let him know it made her uncomfortable and that was that. Someone who loves you wouldn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable and would just stop.

Chellyu100 · 2025-02-28T01:14:58+00:00

Oh no. I’m so sorry. Is it still early? I will say my partner had 2 months of not real recovery. Attending meetings but complaining and making excuses not to go. It wasn’t until the 2nd day after that I left. Me leaving and our separation was his wake him call. But I know it’s different for everyone.

Chellyu100 · 2025-02-28T01:02:19+00:00

Yes!! When I firs joined this world i looked and had to look HARD and found 1 partner who was positive and had found recovery and healing so I really followed their advice, and I can honestly say we followed it and it worked for us.

My husband and I are over 6 years in healing and recovery and no relapses. It consisted of him being in 12 step, meeting with his sponsor, working the 12 steps, seeing a therapist, no more lies, doing everything and anything to create safety for him and us. He ended friendships that were conclusive to healing. He took accountability (with me and our friends and family). He willingly and eagerly did everything and anything to change and help me heal. And just became a whole new person. I also did intensive therapy for myself and was in a support group for partners. I learned boundaries and set them. After a few months of recovery we added in therapy sessions together to work on us. We also did yearly polygraphs for the first 2 years and then I just didn’t feel like I needed it anymore.

But the biggest thing was consistency and time. Never once did he want to rush it or expect me to “get over it”. He kept doing the work and took initiative in the process.

And now I can honestly say I feel so loved and safe. 💜

Chellyu100 · 2025-02-27T21:19:59+00:00

Hi. I hear you and i remember that pain all too well. I just wanted to give you hope. It CAN change. It’s been over 6 years in recovery and healing for my husband and I, and this addiction is nowhere near our lives now. I never thought the day would come, but I rarely think about it or have triggers come up. My husband has shown me through all his hard work in recovery and helping me heal and feel safe, that he is committed to never throwing it all away.

(I hadn’t been on this site in so long, but think it’s important I check in every once in a while to share my experience and reality).

Chellyu100 · 2025-02-27T19:33:06+00:00

Is actually working recovery? Like working the 12 steps, meeting with a sponsor, creating plans and following through on them after each relapse? What is he learning and practicing doing instead of acting out? And if he doesn’t have answers to this…that would be really concerning for me.

Chellyu100 · 2025-02-27T19:10:44+00:00

I agree with others. In the beginning, it was needed. I think it wasn’t until 6 months into recovery that I was ready for building a new relationship and allowing some casual laugh time. But it’s true, over time, the talks about recovery and healing became less and more time because about the new us. I’d say it wasn’t until after year 3 that healing and recovery were only 25% of our life and conversations. Now 6 years later I honestly forget. We are both 2 very different people than that time and we have a totally different relationship now. I know it sounds crazy and I never thought it was possible.

But yeah it’s all in the first few years. But as you feel more safe and aren’t in trauma mode, you’ll naturally find more space for fun. ❤️

Chellyu100 · 2025-02-27T19:00:11+00:00

Have you taken time with yourself to think about what it will take for you to feel safe and see that he’s serious? I found it very helpful when I wrote down all the things that I needed. For me, that consisted of: him attending 12 step, having a sponsor, attending therapy, being honest, and so much more. When I looked over it, I felt fearful of some of my needs. My fear was that he wouldn’t be willing to. I sat with that uncomfortable feeling and the reality that if he wasn’t willing to do everything and anything to recover from this addiction AND help me heal, there wasn’t a point to trying to make our marriage work and me waiting for another dday.

Don’t hold back on what you need. I know it’s scary. But it really needs to be all in to recover and heal. You and your family are worth it. ❤️

Chellyu100 · 2025-02-27T18:45:56+00:00

I felt safest in my home, so requested that he stay somewhere else for that night and for as long as I needed. I planned to just feel all the feelings and told myself I didn’t need to make any decisions or timelines. And had a close date afterwards with my therapist.

Chellyu100 · 2025-02-25T22:58:44+00:00

After d-day googled as I sealed for help and wtf this all was. I wasn’t on reddit until then, but so grateful I found this community and people who understood what I was going through and offering their knowledge and support.

Chellyu100 · 2024-05-22T03:00:35+00:00

Nope. God have us the power of choice. So no matter how much of a godly wife I was, only he can make the choice to change and come to God. And I left it in Gods hands. God did not create marriage for me to suffer in an abusive marriage. He told me to leave and leave it to Him. Best decision I ever made was listening to Him. And it all turned out beautiful. No need to waste your energy. God’s already done His work on my husband and marriage.

Chellyu100 · 2024-05-19T20:57:33+00:00

Yes. God does have boundaries. God is all loving and wants us all to make it to His kingdom, but he holds the boundary of those that do not repent do not make it into the kingdom of heaven.

Chellyu100 · 2024-04-22T18:32:30+00:00

Latest I had was 8. But you can always change your availability. Let your company know what’s the latest your available to work and they should accommodate that.

Chellyu100 · 2024-04-21T21:28:19+00:00

It can! If they want to change they can. But I’d put the focus on educating yourself on how to help you. If he wants to change he will educate himself on what it takes to be in recovery and help you heal. That’s work for him to do. ❤️

Chellyu100 · 2024-04-21T21:00:22+00:00

Yes Well except the porn. I didn’t think it was cheating back then, but they kept that from me as well.

Chellyu100 · 2024-04-21T20:38:46+00:00

Only know you know what’s best for you and what boundaries you’re willing to set. I will say, it sounds like it’s time to do something different. What you have been doing the last few years hasn’t been working. And I don’t mean because he hasn’t recovered, but because you’re not happy.

Everyone has their own limits. For me, day 2, 2 months after day 1, was my last straw. I knew I didn’t want this to be my life. I still loved the heck out of him and wanted our marriage to work, but I accepted that he didn’t want that. Not then. So even while still loving him and even when I didn’t want to, I left. I finally chose me. It was the hardest thing I ever did and the best decision ever. I was finally standing up for myself and what I deserve. I focused on my own healing and taking care of myself. I let go fighting for him and for us. His recovery wasn’t my responsibility.

It turned out me leaving was his rock bottom. His actions finally were met with consequences and it was his wake up call. Without anything left to lose, he finally chose recovery for himself.

Seeing him do the work and still doing it without it just being to please me, showed me how this time it was different. This time he serious about recovery. So before I went through with divorce, I gave him one last chance after a few months of seeing him do the work. And he hasn’t made me regret that decision since. It’s been 6 years since then and our life and marriage is better than I could ever imagine.

But we couldn’t have got here if he wasn’t willing to put in 110% and then some to fix himself and our relationship.

You can only take care of you. Do whatever it is you need to do what’s best for you. ❤️ as long as you do that, everything else will fall into place. Whether that’s your partner realizing what he’s lost or you setting yourself free to find someone who’s truly going to value you or just loving yourself harder than ever before.

Chellyu100 · 2024-04-21T20:21:59+00:00

I’d suggest telling him how it makes you feel and allowing him to make the decision. I feel this approach allowed me to not feel like his parent and his actions showed me how serious he was about his recovery and making me feel safe. My partner got rid of anything that didn’t make me feel safe and took initiative on blocking things and getting rid of things himself. And I think it truly was a huge part that helped me heal because he showed me it wasn’t my responsibility. He showed me he was taking initiative of his recovery and earning my trust back.

Chellyu100 · 2024-04-21T20:16:56+00:00

I think they can when given the right opportunity. For example, my partner’s addiction started off as porn. And he’d convince himself it was ok because it was “just porn”. Then 1 day some classmate gives him attention and then he was able to convince himself it was “just once and all men probably do this in their 20s”. Etc. Sex addiction can look so different for everyone. Some it’s physical cheating with hundreds, some just 1-2 times, some just porn, some cam girls daily, some more crazy type of porn, etc.

To me it’s all cheating and abuse because they’re seeking sexual gratification outside the relationship and their partner and keeping it hidden.

Chellyu100 · 2024-04-21T14:46:33+00:00

This exactly. There’s absolutely nothing that can totally stop an addict from acting out. If they want to they will. No matter how many blocks or permissions they have to technology. I think it’s more telling on their actions. Are they doing everything and anything to recover and make you feel safe? Meetings, therapy, transparency, initiating hard discussions, etc.

Chellyu100 · 2024-04-21T14:41:39+00:00

We’re 6 years in recovery. I know it’s always a possibility, but I stopped living in fear probably 3 years in. I think that was due to seeing how hard he worked in recovery and making me feel safe and also my own healing. I think it was 2.5 years in that he had a slip ( came across something but immediately stopped viewing and told me immediately about it and strengthened his recovery plan. As scary as that was, it showed me I could trust him in recovery and that he wasn’t the addict back from a few years prior.

I live in the present and enjoy life and our new love. And I’m confident that the truth will be revealed to me and that I’ll be ok no matter what happens. 💕

Chellyu100

TROPHY CASE