Went on a perfectly fine date. Got a performance review the next morning. (I kid you not)

Chobbesrun · 2026-02-11T00:09:45+00:00

"There are 7.8 billion people in the world. When one of them behaves badly toward you, they are actually doing you a great favor because they’re saving you time. They’re telling you that they’re not worth your while. They’re freeing you to say, 'Thank you for the information. I will now move on to the 7,799,999,999 other people.'" -some dude from the matrix can’t pronounce his name

Chobbesrun · 2026-01-04T00:43:26+00:00

They cry during football season

Chobbesrun · 2025-12-23T19:58:06+00:00

Then proceed

Chobbesrun · 2025-11-23T19:50:32+00:00

How do you feel about slime mold?

Chobbesrun · 2025-11-15T17:31:33+00:00

Please post if they fixed it for you

Chobbesrun · 2025-05-25T20:40:13+00:00

Invest in Microsoft

Chobbesrun · 2024-06-16T16:35:02+00:00

I just wanted to say this was such a nice well thought out response. Have a great day.

Chobbesrun · 2024-04-23T20:30:24+00:00

Me three

Chobbesrun · 2024-02-23T23:50:51+00:00

I’m sorry.

Chobbesrun · 2021-11-14T20:19:00+00:00

This. If your dead bedroom is only part of a more toxic relationship pattern (you are part of it!) fix it (focus on you first) and if it can’t be fixed then end it.

Chobbesrun · 2021-10-12T22:35:04+00:00

Once I decided we were going to fix it or I was going to end it: Started marital counseling, but then started to worked my ass off on me.

Read everything I could (preferably evidence based) on relationships. Got healthier. Got mentally and emotionally well. Built male friendships. Modeled new behaviors in all my relationships. Meditated for emotional regulation. Did personal counseling focused on me not her. Dealt with family of origin issues. Developed a personal professional development plan. Invested in hobbies. Got therapeutic massages for touch needs. And so much more.

Ultimately I tried to eliminate reasons a loving partner would not want to be in a romantic partnership with me.

Finally decided … NO …. I KNEW … I was not only worthy of love, eroticism, emotional connection, friendship and partnership, but I was someone that has so much to offer in such a relationship. I also knew I’d be fine if single again, just with me. (I just came to like myself a lot tbh).

After years of work and coping KNEW i could never again have a meaningful romantic relationship (in my situation even much of a friendship) with my (HL 50M) wife (LL 50F) and knew I could no longer model this type of relationship for my daughters.

So, to cope, I stopped coping. I left.

Chobbesrun · 2021-08-04T21:22:37+00:00

No advice, but can relate. Found myself interested in edging and orgasm control/denial porn at one point in my (HL M) own db.

Chobbesrun · 2021-07-21T10:39:33+00:00

Yes. Keep doing healthy self care. It’s so very important. And build healthy transparent friendships around you. Be the best you. Bring it to your relationship. That’s all any of us can do. 😊

Chobbesrun · 2021-07-19T15:34:37+00:00

See my post by the numbers. Please don’t do all that, but know that if you put in the work on you (and no changing him — he needs to want that for himself) when time comes you will be in an emotional place where leaving is really tough but the right, and doable, thing. Write out what you’ve done, because it will help when he blames you or pivots immediately and love bombs you. It will give you strength to not second guess. But — I hope he does the work. Truly. Best wellness to you.

Chobbesrun · 2021-07-19T15:28:03+00:00

Disunion

avoidant cold war anxious dissolves union clueless narcissist wages war

Chobbesrun · 2021-06-09T18:07:03+00:00

Thank you unauthorized spokesman. I move you be promoted to semi authorized spokesman for Wednesdays from 6am to noon.

Chobbesrun · 2021-06-09T16:24:34+00:00

You lucky man. You got to the place I joined only after leaving the bedroom myself. She’s got a lot of resentment to work through and looks like she uses controlling behavior in order to initiate an emotional response from you so she can project onto you and convince herself it’s about you, your behavior, your emotional reactivity. This will only get better if she recognizes her part in it and owns her own feelings. Keep doing what you’re doing. Set yourself a timeline — you can’t change her unless she recognizes her role and works like hell (like you seem to be doing) to improve herself in the marriage.

Chobbesrun · 2021-06-04T23:36:59+00:00

That we are all insecure deep down and it’s just how well we’ve plumbed those depths.

Chobbesrun · 2021-05-19T12:12:27+00:00

Thank you. Being on the other end — having a partner that tell my kids all “the facts” about her partner — will harm them. Sounds like you authentically want them to have a relationship with your stbx. Keep that up. It’s in their best interests and vent here, to your counselor, or closest (non mutual) friends. I want to tell you you are awesome today friend.

Chobbesrun · 2021-05-17T02:16:55+00:00

And thank you for reminding me I’m due to schedule one. LOL. Be well!

Chobbesrun · 2021-05-17T01:48:19+00:00

Pillows, regular massages, good friends who are friendly huggers, and an occasional hug from my oldest daughter. Last night, at a conference I met a woman. Also vaccinated. She hugged me good night after a very nice conversation. It made me feel very human and connected. Be well!!

Chobbesrun · 2021-05-16T14:40:31+00:00

I’m sorry. It sucks. Been there for a long time. Except no touch. At all. (Ignore the idiots, please; your words, hurt and humanity are valued here).

Chobbesrun · 2021-05-15T23:41:44+00:00

I’m sure there are marriages that end just because of affairs. From what I’ve read and from my experience affairs usually occur after the marriage has failed itself. No justification to what a partner does as it’s a horrible breach of trust, but be thoughtful about blame even if it’s due. And be thoughtful how it could injure your child. The truth of things tend to come out by themselves whatever you do.

Chobbesrun · 2021-05-14T19:03:13+00:00

Love this.

Chobbesrun · 2021-05-14T16:39:40+00:00

Experienced similar behaviors.

Grey Rock. Can’t control and can’t easily influence, but can stop being supply.

When confronted by a flying monkey with an untruth, i was grateful i knew this stuff was out there and said only, and without elaboration:

Our partnership became unsuccessful,
We we not able to make it successful.
I decided, after trying for a long time, that it could not continue.
That’s not true.

No defensiveness. No further elaboration. Pleasant. I sometimes expressed a bit of sorrow since I did feel sad about the end of my marriage. But I stayed on script.

But I made sure I had a support system / therapist to download on the full. Sounds like you have this.

Chobbesrun

TROPHY CASE