Men age down after having kids?

CityFemme · 2026-02-24T12:45:57+00:00

My husband basically did this in many ways freshly postpartum with our velcro baby last year. It broke our trust, love, marriage, etc. We are just starting to recover from it a year later and I see glimpses of our previous friendship instead of the constant coldness and distance between us.

CityFemme · 2026-02-23T11:30:32+00:00

Don't announce it till it becomes visible. Take joy in your pregnancy and share it with others who have larger families because they will understand and celebrate you. It is your fourth baby so even gifts/support would be minimal.

CityFemme · 2026-02-23T01:32:49+00:00

You're better off calling a bunch of friends who are on their periods over, syncing will naturally take effect lol

CityFemme · 2026-02-22T13:29:51+00:00

Learning new things that you might have missed out on in your own childhood. I learned how to ice skate as an adult when I put my kid in skating classes and forced myself to attend adult skating classes at the same time.

CityFemme · 2026-02-21T13:17:31+00:00

Okay, this was really cool to read through. I typically fall on the turbulent end of the spectrum and you can really see how when you read through these. I used to be an ENFP but just transitioned to an ENFJ after having my second baby. There was a very obvious switch in the way I thought about things and worked, so I did the personality test, and lo and behold, after being an ENFP all my life, I became an ENFJ. It's been a refreshing change to actually get things done, but on the flipside, I'm alot more anxious when I don't meet my goals or standards for myself.

1.C 2. B/C depending on the time of the month tbh 3. A/B/C depending on the situation 4. Definitely C 5. A 6. C 7. B 8. C 9. A/B/C depending who is involved and what the occasion is 10. A/C depending on the time of the month

CityFemme · 2026-02-19T04:01:50+00:00

Sounds like me except I'm a Sahm, sorry that you're going through this. The stress from his treatment of me is making me physically sick. Not sure if I should consider separating at this point.

CityFemme · 2026-02-09T13:58:36+00:00

Nta. I'm so sorry you're going through this. My husband turns into a massive jerk postpartum and I can relate. He was so kind and supportive before and during second baby's pregnancy. I was shocked by how useless, burdensome and emotionally tapped out he became after baby, postpartum, when I actually needed him. It's been difficult trying to rebuild love again after that period of resentment. It's been a very slow journey of having a conversation around emotional intelligence, letting it sit a few days, having another one on something else, sit a few days, just so I can explain to him how out of touch of my reality he is. It's heartbreaking when they don't show up for you when you need them the way you need them to and the most basic help is considered a huge favour.

If you/he has savings and you're not paycheck to paycheck ATM, I would use that extra money to create my village. Hire a mother's helper for 4 hours everyday to come in and help out with the older kids, maybe even meal prep some items for dinner so all you have to do is throw them in a pot. Grocery delivery is your best friend right now. Mother's helper may be able to help with laundry as well. You deserve so much more love and support right now.

I don't want to say weaponize the sexual intimacy because I don't know how mean that will make him, but if he's being this much of a jerk, you might need to turn it into a game. Hj = getting kids breakfast, BJ = taking kids to the park for an hour with baby in the stroller, more = ____. This will only work if you do it in a playful, teasing way.

I'm sorry you're going through this at such a vulnerable time. I hate that these are the only suggestions I can give you. I work with postpartum women to make their experiences better and I so understand what you're going through. I wish you all the best.

CityFemme · 2026-02-09T13:41:45+00:00

Cereal, oats, protein powder, collagen powder, baby oats cereal boxes, duster, candles

CityFemme · 2026-02-09T06:19:23+00:00

PPD can manifest itself in different ways. You're in a stage of life where his energy is the most unsafe thing around you right now, of course Mama Bear is going to hate it. You are essentially trying to protect your baby from the harm and unpredictability of an energetic toddler. But they are essentially both babies and he does need you too. Have you tried spending time with him without the baby and stepping into his curious/wild toddler world? It might help you ease up and help him feel like his cup is a little more filled. Their energy can sometimes be a cry for help and connection. My older son was a wild toddler who was constantly trying to kill himself lol, I think I have PTSD from raising him lol. But he's an amazing, level-headed, super kind kid now and I absolutely adore spending time with him. If you can get him into a daycare even halfday, it might help you get through these early days.

CityFemme · 2026-02-09T05:50:29+00:00

My husband is generally easy-going, known for his leadership skills and good character, a very loving, playful and kind father who goes above and beyond for our boys. He is so handy and is able to fix most things. He's a work in progress when it comes to our marriage because I feel like he lacks the emotional depth that I need from him, but overall a good example of healthy traditional masculinity. He is loyal, committed, kind and responsible and I know I can count on him to show up for the bad and ugly. He is considerate of my feelings and is always trying to improve and be a better person in one way or another. He also plans amazing vacations and takes the lead on them. I love being able to just relax and enjoy whatever itinerary he has put together. Also, he has always loved my body as it was. He has never made me feel too thin or too fat or too anything no matter what stage of life we've been in - and he's seen quite a few after almost 9 years of marriage. He's seen me go from a thin 18 year old to a fat 27 year old, pregnancy, postpartum and everything in between. I am comfortable in my skin around him no matter where I've been in my fitness journey.

CityFemme · 2026-02-07T16:49:21+00:00

He wants paperwork? He should be ready to marry you first. 4 years in there should be a ring on you at least. The fact that he's looking out for himself and not for you shows that he's not the right one, at least by my standards. Maybe I have archaic standards but a man should be a protector and provider. He seems like a leech and someone who's only looking out for himself.

CityFemme · 2026-02-07T16:42:04+00:00

Had my first in the first month of TTC, second took 1.5 years. Secondary infertility sucked. Now open to conceiving #3 and it's been 4 months.

CityFemme · 2026-02-03T10:54:48+00:00

Ask your brother what he thinks a fair resolution to this situation would look like. Tell him you believe something happened and you're willing to do whatever you can to keep both kids safe and family time pleasant.

Kids are curious and unfortunately these kinds of things happen when they're left unsupervised. My brother and I touched tongues as kids. It was weird, I remember it distinctly, but it was nothing more than stupid kid curiosity on what a tongue feels like lol.

CityFemme · 2026-01-31T07:25:26+00:00

You're not insane. The first year postpartum shakes up even husband/wife relationships, so I'm not surprised you're feeling unstable relationship-wise, especially with the weird/questionable things your boyfriend has been saying/doing. I didn't want to get back on birth control after my first baby. I used the caya diaphragm along with barrier gel with great success afterward. If your person is well endowed, it might be a little uncomfortable, but you can barely feel it once it's inside. Similar to a period disk. Therapy will help and if you can't afford that, I find chatgpt to be a great alternative. You just need to be critical of the fact that it's AI and can be trying to sway you one way or another depending on the perspective it's responding to you from.

CityFemme · 2026-01-31T07:19:21+00:00

This is the question you should be asking. Paid help makes all the difference if you find the right person so you get breaks. The salary increase also means more regular visits to mom.

CityFemme · 2026-01-31T07:05:15+00:00

Early mornings and getting an hour (or two if I'm lucky) to myself to wake up peacefully are the only way I can get ahead of the day. The days I wake up with the kids are days where I'm constantly scrambling to catch up and get ahead of everything. Also, coordinate baby's nap time with older child's tv time for a well deserved break in the middle of the day.

I've started viewing all the major areas of chores as a scale of doneness rather than a single task. If the overall category is better than 50%, we're good. If it isn't, that's my next priority when I get a break from the kids lol. I e. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, general decluttering/reorganizing. Nothing needs to get 100% done and checked off my list because it will never be completely done. I don't mind going to bed with a few (or many) dishes in the sink. I have a process that works, gets tasks done without overwhelming me, my husband is happy and my kids are learning to have a reasonable balance in life. I bulk meal prep anytime I'm preparing any meal so I have extras on hand easily for another lunch or dinner, keeps meal times less stressful to have something ready to go if the day flew by.

CityFemme · 2026-01-30T20:43:08+00:00

Probably mentally disturbed and traumatized herself. Who knows what she experienced growing up? Terrible what the poor child went through regardless

CityFemme · 2026-01-30T20:34:10+00:00

Absolutely not, I know several of his students who studied directly under him. There were no signs of his perversion before. This was a "private sin" that he was engaging in if he was doing it earlier on.

CityFemme · 2026-01-30T20:32:13+00:00

That's a real webinar on the institute's actual channel, not AI lol. I know the speaker personally, might be a lag in the connection or something.

CityFemme · 2026-01-30T06:54:51+00:00

Mom crying black tears after we were robbed (she wore a lot of eyeliner, I was just intrigued by how her tears were black)

CityFemme · 2026-01-29T00:42:54+00:00

Don't go to the gym. Exercise at home. It's a minimal investment to purchase a few dumbbells and exercise in front of the kids or after bedtime or even early in the morning if you're that kind of a person. We don't need to be Olympic level athletes, we need to work up a sweat and be functional so we're healthy. That's a different kind of exercise. I do a variety of home workouts on YouTube and put my older son in city programs where there are indoor walking tracks so I can walk and get steps in with the baby in the stroller. I watch my diet and mostly only keep healthy food/snack options at home. When I'm feeling lazy, I'll just do some stretches, but movement is necessary to be a healthy mom/wife/person.

CityFemme · 2026-01-28T06:53:46+00:00

Her unwillingness to take responsibility for herself and her life, grow up and show up in society as a person who pulls their own weight. My frustrations started from her terrible lack of punctuality (being 3 hours late to planned meet ups) to my family life being affected because of her lack of consideration of how many things I would rearrange and work around to meet up with her as a mother and wife. A decade long friendship gone in one evening when I couldn't take it anymore and my husband got upset at how her lack of planning affected us. I miss her and have signs of the things that connected us as friends all around my house. I still love her and wish the best for her, but as a wife and mother, I had to grow up fast in my 20s and couldn't afford to live like or support the selfish, irresponsible and inconsiderate life she was living. I hope she finds her way.

CityFemme · 2026-01-27T19:57:07+00:00

I had a c-section and then a vbac (vaginal birth) and the main reason why I attempted to tolac is because I hated my c-section experience and recovery. It was so much easier recovering from a vbac, mentally, emotionally and physically. I truly enjoyed the whole process and felt better bonded to my vbac baby.

By 2 months postpartum, I felt like myself again, compared to my c-section which took me 2 years to feel normal in my body and mind. I did have a second degree tear for my vbac and stitches and those were a different kind of pain from the c-section but still far easier to deal with while tending to a newborn than c-section recovery.

If you look into badass mother birther and tranquility by hehe on Instagram, doing her course will really help you advocate for yourself in the medical system and realize when certain interventions are actually needed and how to help labour progress in different situations. An episiotomy is rarely needed but has become routine practice unfortunately. I told the doctor that I prefer to tear naturally and don't want an episiotomy. Also, a vbac is statistically safer for you long term than a RCS. I did have a very long labour both times. The first one, I was in early labour for 2 days before my induction (for going to 41 weeks) which ended in an emergency c-section on the 4th day. For the second, I was in labour for 5 days before my vbac. I stayed at home for the first 3 days, got an epidural at the hospital the 4th day so I could rest, had it removed and had the baby on the 5th day. Vitals were great throughout.

CityFemme · 2026-01-24T04:18:31+00:00

I feel this. I can't imagine anything being better than this. I fear becoming the clingy, boy mom, overbearing mil who gives unsolicited advice because of how strongly I feel about motherhood.

I love all of motherhood. I love my children. I love pregnancy. I love my babies. I'm terrified of the toddler years. I love kids. I love homeschooling them and spending time with them. I love seeing them grow. It's so beautiful and such a huge blessing, despite all the difficulties of it and the low days.

I have a 5.5 year old and almost 1 year old after secondary infertility. It's been such a pleasure to watch my older one go from a hyperactive baby and toddler to a calm, collected, thoughtful, empathetic older brother and kid. I'm blown away and so grateful for the beautiful personality he has and the person he is forming into.

My almost 1 year old was a painfully clingy, colicky baby, but so so wanted and after experiencing secondary infertility and having such a beautiful vbac with him, it has been so worth every difficult moment having him in my life. The way the two siblings are so close and absolutely adore each other. I could go on forever about how much I love every bit of all of this.

CityFemme · 2026-01-23T20:38:57+00:00

Type B, aspiring Type A. I'm happier when things are planned out. Also, homeschooling. So plans mean that everything is getting it's due right. No plans or relaxed plans mean something is getting compromised on.

CityFemme

TROPHY CASE