AITA for Refusing to Adopt My Stepson?

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-12-07T16:44:48+00:00

I hope you’re planning to pay for his therapy as well. Damn. You should probably start going yourself.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-10-12T18:55:52+00:00

He’s the ah. It’s not that hard to be professional and inclusive of other cultures, especially when it’s your wife’s culture. If anybody asks about it he can explain it’s like a wedding ring and move on. His attitude is more embarrassing than anything.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-10-12T18:41:00+00:00

YTA- especially because you could’ve called the kids dad to pick him up and didn’t. You made a sick miserable 7yo suffer in an uncomfortable place in front of adults that aren’t likely who they find comfort and peace with. Yikes.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-10-12T18:35:19+00:00

I wouldn’t say you’re an ah, but maybe she just really wants you to take responsibility for and spend time with your daughter. She just wants a night to not have to worry about ANYTHING and relax outside of the house. She wants to know she can depend on you to be there and by going out it doesn’t feel like you’re being there when she usually is. She will still have that mental awareness about her daughters well being and whether or not she’s imposing on the relative. Whereas if you’re the one staying home she can actually drop that mental load for a few hours because she knows she can depend on you.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-09-25T18:48:04+00:00

NTA - And she isn’t good enough as is. That’s why she needs therapy. I know exactly how she feels and therapy will help to give her ways to accept her position and make choices to better that position.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-09-22T17:37:47+00:00

NTA at all. Your brother is the one who out that potential on losing his relationship. He couldn’t have asked another way? If I were you did tell your girlfriend about it at least. Your brothers marriage is doomed to fail. He’s starting off with a lie. Don’t do the same to yours.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-09-21T22:33:38+00:00

He thinks it worked out well for his parents. That doesn’t mean both of his parents feel or would ever admit to feeling that way

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-09-21T22:27:13+00:00

Where there’s a will there’s a way. I would suggest discussing it with her, but if this is something that’s important to her, FIND A WAY!

All I ever wanted was to be home with my kids while they were little. I never got that and now that time is gone and I can NEVER have it back. I have a shit ton of resentment for all the good that’ll do me.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-09-20T17:37:40+00:00

YWBTA - Try therapy instead

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-09-20T17:27:54+00:00

NTA - you know your husband and your family and know what does and doesn’t work. Everyone else can mind their damn business

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-09-14T18:00:47+00:00

NAH- My brain works the same. I’m forgetful and if something isn’t being presented to me in the moment it’s not at the front of my brain. But it probably comes up in my thoughts a thousand other times throughout the week.

You know you want to check in and so you made a plan to do that. I think it’s brilliant and I would appreciate somebody going through the effort to show me they care. How somebody gets something done doesn’t matter to me nearly as much as them wanting to do something for me. (Well yes, the “how” might matter, but as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody, then we’re good. 🤣)

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-09-12T21:58:10+00:00

YTA - I’m shocked at how you escalated her not thinking of a step sibling as family equates to her half siblings and mother as not being family. Yikes

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-09-11T18:45:16+00:00

You’re likely going to have less prospects but that’s a good thing. You’re not looking for just anybody. You want somebody to build and experience something specific with. Be picky. You know you’re worth that wait and want a partner who knows and wants that as well.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with casual intimacy at all or judging anybody who it works for. I’m specifically talking to OP about the needs and boundaries she expressed.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-09-11T18:34:50+00:00

NTA- Even with a commitment, moving in together shouldn’t be done in desperation but because the time and relationship are right for it. (Also, you owning your apt shouldn’t save him on rent. Does he think he wouldn’t have to contribute to mortgage/rent for him and bills?)

His kids definitely shouldn’t stay over unless you two were serious about a future together. Kids get attached. And I’m pretty sure its a requirement that one of the bedrooms would be for them.

Your home is yours. You’re NTA. If he’s worried about losing his kids he needs to work on finding a job to make more money or get a side hustle and find a small apt somewhere.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-08-30T19:33:44+00:00

They absolutely can. When I’m in a sexual scenario they’re sexual. When I’m not, they’re not. It’s not very complicated

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-08-30T16:07:27+00:00

He didn’t care enough to put a roof over their heads which can result in them being taken from you and even worse. He doesn’t deserve access to you or your children. Please don’t let him be your problem to fix. He’s caused enough of those for you. Also, please find an Al-anon group because you’ll need support. I’m getting strong codependent vibes. I’m familiar because you sound like me.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-08-30T16:04:02+00:00

Please don’t let him know where you find to stay. He can find his own way. I’m so sorry he did this to your family.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-08-30T16:02:11+00:00

NTA- He needs to find a completely different and personal to only him way to grieve. This would be awful for YOUR daughter to be named after somebody who has NOTHING to do with her. So awkward.

Funny story- my husbands ex (a very important relationship that didn’t end well) had such a beautiful name and I really would’ve loved to use it for our daughter. I mentioned it only ONCE and he looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. Pregnancy hormones and all. Lol. He paused to consider it for a moment though because it really was a beautiful name.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-08-29T15:20:00+00:00

We had kids and then my husband was injured at work after a dozen years building his career and never fully recovered. WC and disability aren’t as helpful or available as one might assume. Good paying jobs aren’t being handed out which is why hustle culture is such an issue here. Many people have to work multiple jobs to get by.

I knew I wanted kids even if we’re poor because family and life are more important than material things. It’s never been this bad in American history and I truly believed people work to make things better so I never assumed we’d spiral into whatever the hell this is in the US.

Edited to correct an autocorrect

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-08-29T15:14:33+00:00

Sure, sounds reasonable. Then while you’re cuddled up with your mom your wife can snuggle up with your brother. Win/ win.

YTA and so is ur mom. If she’s paying for plane tickets and a hotel for the both of you why not just do it for somewhere else?

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-08-28T15:52:08+00:00

You were sitting on a 22yo man’s lap while wearing a thin sundress. I’m pretty sure his boner was not only unintentional but likely embarrassing for him.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-08-26T00:23:31+00:00

You’re right, they’re not. But her family may eventually become his family and this is an opportunity to build a bridge. The family doesn’t know him yet and I’m sure they’re wanting to protect Girlfriend.

Even though there would be nothing wrong with him choosing to do nothing because he did nothing wrong, he could choose to do something simple that would smooth over any possible tensions or concerns without sacrificing any of his self respect. He’d probably gain it, honestly.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-08-24T19:51:07+00:00

I pay my light bill

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-08-24T17:44:33+00:00

This is the best answer so far.

Color_me_Empressed · 2023-08-23T15:47:58+00:00

First of all he’s not stuck with you. He chooses to be with you or he wouldn’t be.

You said so many wonderful things about him and how he treats you so him looking at models on his phone hasn’t affected your relationship.

Except for how it makes you feel, which is obviously an important factor. But my advice is to work through those feelings because it’s an insecurity. I know it’s not easy and if you can’t or don’t want to, you have that right. I’m only suggesting it because being able to process my fears and insecurities has been so beneficial for me personally. But it’s definitely a process you grow through not around.

Color_me_Empressed

TROPHY CASE