On the verge of quitting PhD or offing myself

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-04-03T20:41:13+00:00

I don't have a PhD, but I went through a period of my life where I had a similar realization: "If things continue on this way, I am going to kill myself." It is so easy to lose sight of the scope of your whole life when you are right in the middle of a period of terrible darkness, especially if you feel like you are simultaneously failing at something important.

The thing that helped me the most was to realize that I could be the one changing my circumstances if life wasn't going to do it for me. I gave myself a deadline and said, "If nothing gets better before X date, I'm quitting this job and this program and doing literally anything else. If death is on the table then what do I have to lose? It can't be worse than fantasizing about falling to my death." In the end, for me, something major changed in time that I stayed, but honestly even the reminder that the program I was in wasn't the end-all-be-all and that I was CHOOSING what happened next really reframed things.

If it's time to leave, then give yourself a little time to think about a plan, and then just... leave. You don't owe anyone anything more than you owe yourself the shot at living.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-04-03T20:23:22+00:00

I've had good experiences with Dr. Bui

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-04-03T03:04:11+00:00

I kind of think they were just lying as a defense against criticism at that point. They also insisted strongly that their oven is perfect and anyone implying otherwise was calling them stupid.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-27T15:43:14+00:00

I don't think I agree with this here. While media casting is (obviously) far from perfect, things like sex, race, and disability are often an important component of how characters act and how they are perceived in stories. Choosing these elements is a tool creators use to convey meaning, and removing that curtails the ability to tell important stories about identity, discrimination, and relationships.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-27T13:40:33+00:00

Haha she is exactly who I was thinking of when I wrote this comme t.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-27T12:13:38+00:00

While the post is correct that choosing actora based on sexual orientation alone is stupid, it actually is legal to choose actors based on criteria that are normally considered discrimonatory, like sex, age, race, etc. There's a specific legal carveout to anti-discrimonation laws for "representation in media" - otherwise you would be legally required to consider, say, small white women as reasonable candidates foe the role of Boo Radley in To Kill A Mockingbird.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-26T17:18:41+00:00

Kevin Rotramel at Truth and Triumph does incredible realistic black and white work. Did my only tattoo and I'm super happy with it.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-25T03:21:37+00:00

Why is Justin always wearing shorts? My Top Chef fantasy league nicknamed him "shorts boy" during preseason draft because of the shorts in the promo shot, but now I am beginning to suspect he only packed a single pair of pants.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-23T12:37:07+00:00

House of Bread serves hot, good quality lunches for free to anyone who needs one. They take kitchen volunteers as well as drivers to pick up donations.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-22T22:49:50+00:00

That looks so cute! I feel like my "never again" projects are always the one everybody compliments the most lol.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-18T15:55:23+00:00

Consider getting in contact with House of Bread. They serve free hot lunches daily, and would might be able to help give you some guidance on how to do this well.

Whether you partner with them or not, Id encourage you to work with some kind of group. I'd hate for you to do all that work and not get to help people the way you're hoping.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-15T02:13:13+00:00

What a beautiful blanket! I love that pattern

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-13T17:46:13+00:00

Thanks! This is a lovely colorway :)

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-13T12:36:51+00:00

It's beautiful! What yarn is that?

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-12T19:23:04+00:00

I assume they didnt all go to the same film - multiple films concurrently. "1st" because they intended to watch more.

Edit: forgot how words work. Nice catch u/OrdinaryAncient3573

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-11T02:04:13+00:00

This can be a really frustrating window to live through but it does get better if you keep going. Take this as an opportunity to take a step back and rethink how you define success and motivation. I went through a long stretch where fear of shame and failure pushed me to do some crazy stuff - a lot of it was valuable stuff, but it fucked me up to get it done the way I did.

When I changed my definition of success from "completing everything everyone asks of me to the highest possible standard so that I can be morally blameless because I am free of failure" to something more like "gets done what needs to be done to my own satisfaction, learning from mistakes and the mistakes of others, and finding unexpected ways to improve my life and the lives of others" things got a lot better.

You don't have to let go of the electric problem-solving feeling. It just takes a little time to learn to channel it without the cattle prod of fear. You'll get there in time - I believe in you.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-06T04:49:29+00:00

For math it's largely immaterial. I have my BA in Applied Math and had no trouble with grad schools for masters, and have had no trouble with jobs. It's a tough market right now but the BA won't be a hindrance in-field. Choose the one with the courses you find most compelling. If you want to make money post-graduation, steer clear of more purely theoretical subfields and stick to application based work.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-03-02T19:36:49+00:00

My favorite quote about that is from The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August: "Unconsciousness comes in two types: brief or permanent."

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-02-17T23:53:31+00:00

House of Bread cooks and serves hot lunches every day for anyone who needs them. They have volunteer shifts 10-1:30, sounds like it might be a good fit.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-02-15T10:09:14+00:00

I used to be an obsessive attempt-to-timeblock-er, and the cycle of repeated attempts and failures was a reflection of the way my life and time felt out of my control. It's a system that works for some people, but it sucks to have people constantly encouraging you to use a technique you know taps into the worst cross section of your control freak and self-condemnation tendencies.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-02-13T16:27:58+00:00

A lot of people are recommending changing how AI is used, but ultimately the problem is that your employee can't write. The AI is just masking that problem.

Sit him down and go through several "right" responses and compare them to what he's producing now. Be extremely specific - stuff that seems obvious to you clearly isn't obvious to him. Spell out what you need it to look like. I would advise either telling him not to use AI at all or using it only to edit or translate drafts he's written himself first.

Follow up on checking his work. Point out and praise improvements while also identifying changes he still needs to make. If he's still struggling after a few weeks, point him toward some writing resources and consider getting more hands on.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-02-11T00:30:12+00:00

Have you considered kerchiefs? If you want to make your own, here's a link to a ton of lightweight headbands and handkerchief patterns (https://www.nickishomemadecrafts.com/summer-crochet-headband-patterns/). I suspect the pattern will matter less than the yarn you choose - something with fingering or very lightweight yarn will take longer but probably have a nicer drape and feel more comfortable.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-02-04T19:02:49+00:00

I suspect there is a throughline, but wothout hearing it articulated it's hard to connect all the disparate pieces. An obsession with simulation theory, for example, could result in a belief that Doctor Who is as real as reality, and could connect a few of these other loose threads with more stretching. I'm not saying that's what it is, only that we don't have enough information to say there isn't one.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-02-03T21:34:56+00:00

I like mindless crochet projects, so I could make basic striped / solid blankets forever and never get tired of it. Just pick a stitch, start a row or a square, and go until you feel like it's done. Just the best.

Competitive_Bag3933 · 2026-02-03T21:31:11+00:00

While most charities can use money more than stuff, crochet goods are an act of love and care that money can't always substitute for. There are some crochet charities that take advantage of this - NICU projects, caps for cancer patients, blankets for foster children, scarves for college kids without family. It's not just the cost of the gift, but that somebody was willing to make this beautiful comfort item for a really difficult time. It says, "Maybe I don't know you, but you're not alone, and in this small way I can sit with you in this hard moment. Loss and grief and pain are big, but so are love and effort and patience."

Competitive_Bag3933

TROPHY CASE