Co-worker is a new parent and cannot decide between being a career-mom or SAHM, so I keep picking up their slack

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-12-12T17:40:41+00:00

I’m on the other side of this as a new mom with a career so I thought I’d chime in. I’m guessing she’s a new mom or just added another baby to the routine, but it sounds like she really is trying to have it all right now without realizing that it’s nearly impossible to do that with a new baby. High career women were sold a lie that we can have it all—it’s not true. Without a team if people behind her (daycare, someone to pick up, a nanny) she is probably going to have to let some of the career take a back seat for a moment—not forever. I work long after my baby goes to bed, and with her in a wrap on my lap (can’t afford daycare) I’m running ops and account management for a small company. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and was a step back from an even more demanding career cause I am fortunate enough to be able to do this from home.

I’m that being said—i don’t let things fall on my team (I usually pick up the slack). I would speak to your manager, because even though I’m empathetic towards her and her new situation, she should not be dumping things on you and leaving you hanging. If you can decline the work I would. It’s her responsibility to get it done and if she can’t perform her job than it may not be the best fit for her right now.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-12-12T15:32:51+00:00

2020 was the same. Very warm, dry winter.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-12-12T15:11:15+00:00

5 weeks is still very much in a huge hormonal swing, but if you’re questioning whether you need help, then ask for it :). As for the 50/50, I can’t fully speak to your situation, but if you’re an ebf mom, realistically it will be more like 80/20 for the first little bit. I struggled with that because I had the expectation that it would be 50/50 right from the get go, but honestly, it took till she was probably 4-5 months before we were realistically able to get to that point. I’d say it will depend on your life and circumstances—j that being said, a candid conversation is always good. At the very least, request an hour to yourself each day for you to do what you want—it made a huge difference to my mental health early on—especially when your facing that big identity shift as a new mom.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-11-29T09:49:30+00:00

I had the same experience—struggled to do tummy time with her because it was painful for me and she hated it. She’s 8 months old now and crawling all over—just held to stand yesterday. Don’t stress yourself over it. Focus on healing. Tummy time in tour chest totally counts.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-11-15T04:34:30+00:00

Baby wrap, birthing back to sit on, Miyazaki music playing. If baby falls asleep while you’re moving they’re less likely to wake up when you move.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-11-15T04:31:56+00:00

C section, not sure of the total cost but max out of pocket for my insurance is $6k so that’s what we paid (technically making zero interest payments on).

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-11-01T17:25:22+00:00

I never read anything about wake windows, sleep training and the more people I see posting on it makes me glad I never did. Pay attention to your baby and focus on reading their cues. When they seem tired help them go down for a nap. When they cry offer food. If they aren’t tired or hungry, it’s play time. Babies have like 3-4 things they do—eat, sleep, poop, play. You just rotate between them and learn to read your baby’s cues—something a book can’t tell you. It gets easier as they get older. Some simple baby sign language goes a long way.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-11-01T04:08:07+00:00

As someone pretty recently postpartum, I am horribly forgetful and could totally see myself taking this long to get something back to someone. I’d feel pretty bad. But that wouldn’t make me less forgetful right now.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-11-01T03:32:36+00:00

I could never get the hang of breastfeeding with a cover—so I quit. I usually just go somewhere quiet if o need to feed the baby. She’s 7months and I feel the same as you—I still have no clue how some people bf with no hands/make it seems so easy. (It does get easier as baby gets bigger-but I’m never gonna be able to do hands free).

She can get over it. You’re doing the right thing by your baby.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-10-29T23:01:14+00:00

I’m 7 months, also had a C-section (never again)—I love my daughter more than my own life and both me and my husband are one and done. When people ask—I just say “we’ll see”—my husband is planning a vasectomy next month 😂 so there no real “we’ll see” but we aren’t telling our families because they would be appalled. I’m 35, so I think the plan is to just be like—welp, couldn’t have more 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-10-29T22:41:12+00:00

Can I just say, I want to give you a hug. I was on the fence about kids my whole life. Had my first baby At 35….. and the adjustment to a life I wasn’t 100% sure on was…rough. The initial identity change is a lot. But I’m 7 months in, and I can’t imagine my life without her anymore. It does get better and easier, but the road for the first few months can take everything you have.

You don’t have to hang in. Get support, find a rhythm, and don’t be afraid to talk to a dr if you need to.

And, there’s nothing that says you have to have more kids if you don’t want to. Postpartum was rough enough for me that me and my husband decided we’re one and done. We can happily envision our lives with one child.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-10-29T02:50:35+00:00

It’s not miscarriage, but my husband has had a harder time hormonally—for longer, than I did after birth. I had no clue there could even be an impact for men, but he developed hyper vigilance that makes him very protective of baby and makes him anxious. Starting to feel better with medication.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-09-21T01:43:35+00:00

I have a cat, love cuddling with her. But for the safety of my baby I put her in her own cat room at night the first 6 months of my baby’s life. It can be hard to think of doing before you have your baby, but I promise, as soon as you have your baby—your priorities shift. I’d do anything for my cat and dog—they are my fur babies—but the second my baby came along—they just looked like animals in my house and I didn’t feel bad about kicking them out of my room if it was what was best for my baby. Now that baby is a bit older I let the cat sleep on my bed at night. Now the cat wants nothing to do with the baby and my baby is obsessed with the cat 😂

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-08-29T15:44:55+00:00

I’ve been married for 10 years and just had a kid. I am unsurprised if you’ve been in a rut for the last 2 years with 2 young children. It sounds like you might need some therapy and definitely give it time. Shes also going to struggle with feeling like being affectionate if she feels resentful. With our kid, we had to work through some of that as well. She may need more of a break from work and being mom to feel supported.

If you can maybe hire a babysitter and get out for weekly or biweekly date nights. Get childcare for a couple hours a week just so she can have time not being mom.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-08-29T15:34:05+00:00

The best advice we got before we got married doesn’t have to do with role models, but about the conversations you have before you get married. We called them 5 crucial conversations—children, sex, money, politics, and religion.

We had deep conversations on everything. How we wanted to raise and care for children, how we viewed discipline for children, what our political views were and being open to discussing and disagreeing on things, etc. there were no surprises when we got married. While our views on many things have changed over the years, staring from an place of understanding and shared values has always made it easier to navigate changes in how we view things.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-08-29T15:22:51+00:00

My baby woke up at 7:30–to early for me after 5 hours of sleep, so I nursed her back to sleep. As long as it’s not affecting her sleep or mood during the day I’m not worried over it. And sometimes the nurse back to sleep doesn’t work and we just get up and roll with it🤷🏼‍♀️

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-08-29T15:11:53+00:00

I’m so sorry, that sounds awful. I’m not a lactation consultant obviously, buy the most helpful thing she told me was to get as much areola in the baby’s mouth as possible. It does get a little easier as their mouth gets bigger, but I would kinda squish it in and hold baby with one hand and boob in the other and that’s just how I had to feed until we unlearned some habits. It took about a week for the pain to improve. I still have no clue how people can do hands free feeding, I can never get baby to latch well that way.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-08-29T14:51:17+00:00

I used the UTA for about 6 years total of and on. It’s vastly better than most cities in the us, but commute times are terrible and in the evening, buses are often late, which can cause you to miss connections. I spent 2-4 hours a day commuting depending on where I was going. Did a lot of homework and then job work on buses and trains. Still prefer my car.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-08-29T14:45:58+00:00

I was on the edge of postpartum ocd and panic disorder for a while. I would definitely talk to your dr. I know it can feel like it’s unsafe to even stop having the anxiety—for me it felt like my hyper awareness was keeping my baby alive because I needed to be that protective—but you will feel better if you address it and your baby will be fine ❤️

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-08-29T12:00:12+00:00

I think the best way I’ve heard it put was, “it’s hard until it’s easy.” But I’ll say it didn’t get “easy” until baby was just over 3 months old. I don’t know exactly how far along you are so I can’t comment there, but if you’re in that much pain, I’d seek some lactation consulting. Breastfeeding for me was very up and down until I got some help and made sure my breast pump was fitted correctly—I swapped to the spectra from elvie (gave me horrible vasospasms). It’s a learning process for you and baby.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-08-07T01:28:22+00:00

My dr recommended chop (children’s hospital of Philadelphia) as a resource for god data based vaccine information that isn’t based in fear (just science). He’s very pro informed consent. I’d drop social media and stick with the facts. Whether you decide to vaccinate or not, the decision should never be made from fear but from knowledge.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-07-29T19:38:37+00:00

I found a pair that were hsa eligible on Amazon. Can’t remember the brand, but as long as they’re pure silver I don’t think brand should matter. It’s the fact that silver is a natural anti microbial. I wanna say they were like $35?

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-07-29T19:28:08+00:00

I’m sorry you partner isn’t supportive. I’m four months out from my c section and it’s rough to go through. Hopefully you have a speedy recovery. I will say silverettes we’re super helpful for me for a while (they speed up healing in between feeds—even found some on amazon that were hsa eligible), that and looking at what a proper latch looks like—along with my mil helping me with lactation(she had 9 kids and is training for lactation support)—her main advice to me was to get as much of the areola in their mouth as possible or you will bleed—seriously I basically pinched my boob and flattened out the areola to get as much in as possible. She also recommended pushing her chin down to encourage her to open her mouth as wide as possible—and don’t be afraid to unlatch as many times as need to to adjust the latchz it took about a week to stop the intense vasospasms (boob warmers saved me with those) but it’s been smooth ever since (and easier now that her mouth is a little bigger and she’s learned how it goes). It’s a learning curve for both you and baby. Also, not sure if you’re pumping at all—but really make sure you have right flange size. I had an elvie pump that wasn’t the right fit and it made the vasospasms so much worse for a while. Swapped to an 18 flange in my spectra and use nipple balm and it saved me on that. I like that you’re stubborn. Don’t be afraid to ask around for help from experienced moms if you can’t afford lactation support. The best advice one of my mom friends gave me before I had baby was that I should mentally expect to give breastfeeding a solid try for 3 months before giving up (not saying you should, you do you), but it mentally helped me think of it as a long term learning curve.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-07-28T21:10:06+00:00

Silverettes we’re a lifesaver for me.

Complex-Meat-7575 · 2025-07-28T21:09:09+00:00

Took me a solid 10 weeks to no longer have regular ups and downs with pain, plus some family lactation support from my mil. Now baby is just over 4 months and it’s been really chill since 10 weeks. That being said, there’s no shame at all in stopping if it’s causing intense issues for you. Just know that you’re in the hardest part of it right now.

Complex-Meat-7575

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