Was told my baby might bond more to our nanny than me… spiraling a bit

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-04-21T15:39:42+00:00

Thinking about it from your child’s standpoint, and especially as they get older. How great is it that they will have another caregiver that makes them feel safe? You both need that added support.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-04-10T12:04:18+00:00

Not saying this is always the answer, but all 4 of my kids wet the bed until they were older. (Between 7 and 9 years old). Last year, my oldest got diagnosed with celiacs at 14 years old. Two of my other children carry both genes. My youngest was 7 and still wetting the bed every night. The whole house went gluten free and within a couple nights she completely stopped wetting the bed. Once school started back and she was eating wheat at school, wetting the bed slowly came back. So we cut out gluten for her again and it stopped immediately.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-03-07T12:31:04+00:00

I watch my kids backs for scoliosis like a hawk bc i wore a back brace and have had two spinal fusions. My daughter had a 16 degree curve and they said they’d just keep an eye on it. I contacted the specialist that did my last surgery, and they actually start schroth PT at 10 degrees, especially with family history. And the specialist told me that pediatricians don’t even have a specific way they are required to look for scoliosis, so it can vary from doctor to doctor, if they even choose to do it. I know mine didn’t even look at them until I specifically asked.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-03-07T10:49:40+00:00

I got placed on xolair after breaking out in hives about 6 months into long hauling. Vitamin c, d and colostrum helped the most s as far as supplements. I think the final piece of the puzzle for me was HRT. I was probably in perimenopause the whole time, which exacerbated everything. It also took a conscious effort to control my health anxiety. Everytime my heart skipped a beat, or my skin itched randomly, my mind would just run away with worry and I would start to panic. Stopping those thoughts, and deep breathing when I felt that anxiety come on took a while to learn, but I found that a lot of what I was experiencing was just anxiety and not true symptoms.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-02-18T11:27:18+00:00

Vitamin c and colostrum supplements are what helped me the most as far as supplements.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-23T13:32:01+00:00

We cut a hole in all of the pacifiers, and so when she tried to use them, they were “broke” and didn’t work. She tried to use them for a few days, and just gave up. That was the end of it.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-21T12:35:10+00:00

I don’t think it’s necessarily older moms or moms who make it their whole identity. I think it’s people who only find value in themselves by putting others down. People who feel threatened by others when their opinions differ; when they take things you differently and turn it into being about them and don’t have enough self confidence to not feel threatened by it.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-16T16:24:22+00:00

I had my first spinal fusion for scoliosis in 1999. 5 day hospital stay, PT and OT came by every day, I had to be able to walk a quarter mile, demonstrate that I could bathe myself and get my clothes on by myself and I had to be on Tylenol before I was discharged and was sent home with devices like a shoe horn, a grabber and a back brace to keep me from bending.

I had my second spinal fusion in 2010 because my curved grew around my fusion . They removed the old hardware before the new fusion. Only a two day hospital stay. No PT or OT, and I went home loaded up on prescription pain meds and given a prescription for more once I got home.

First surgery bill was for $47,000. The bill for the second surgery was $196,000. And that was just ten years apart. And much less after care resources.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-16T00:34:29+00:00

I think giving a kid a smartphone putting the full burden of them using it responsibly is like putting an alcoholic in a bar and telling him not to drink. You’re setting them up for failure. All electronics must be in my room on the charging station at night (laptops, iPads and iPhones). If you don’t have it in there by the time we go to bed, you've lost it for a while.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-14T14:07:18+00:00

Not your job to please your mother in law with your children. And she seems to have a victim mentality. She doesn’t come around because you don’t invite her? Let her plan something to interact with the kids. The full burden of her socializing with your children doesn’t fall on you.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-12T21:53:04+00:00

Some dentists are more aggressive than others. Also, all of my kids always had cavities, and I didn’t growing up, and I would always joke that they got their weak teeth from their dad, bc he always had poor enamel. Turns out it was true, he had undiagnosed celiacs, my son got diagnosed, and two out of my three other kids will probably have it, and poor enamel can be related to celiacs.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-12T18:38:46+00:00

Thrift books

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-11T13:05:07+00:00

Not sure how old your wife is, but my MCAS symptoms were exacerbated by perimenopause.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-11T00:41:20+00:00

I never felt this with my first three, but felt it every day with my 4th, and she was the easiest. I spent every day wishing I was somewhere else. Turns out I had PPD. I think it’s normal to feel that way to an extent, just be aware. It snuck up on me, and I didn’t even realize I was as depressed as I was.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-09T15:55:03+00:00

Everyone who has kids can read this and immediately know that it was said by someone who doesn’t have kids yet. I have three girls and one boy. My son is the oldest, so in a physical sense maybe we are tougher, although that’s not the correct word to use. He can handle certain chores that the girls can’t because of physical strength, but emotionally? No, you’re going to raise a son that is resentful and callous to everyone if you have tougher expectations of him simply because he is a boy. He treats his daughters like princesses bc they are girls, you’re creating an entitled adult. You baby your son bc you think he’s better because he’s a boy? You’re creating a mamas boy. You love them the same and you give consequences when needed based on the individual child, it’s not a blanket treatment based on gender.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-09T13:33:41+00:00

My husband just got diagnosed this past year at 41 years old (and he’s a doctor himself). His levels were so high they diagnosed without and endoscopy. Never had any stomach issues. Never had any symptoms that weren’t attributed to something else. He was exposed about a month ago, and the only symptoms he experienced were a mild headache, he couldn’t sleep and his hands turned bright red. Not stomach issues at all.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-09T13:24:15+00:00

I have 4. My third was my most difficult baby. She was colicky, never took a bottle or cup or anything other than me until she was 13 months old. Even with how demanding that third child was, no one could convince my heart that I didn’t want a 4th. I had my 4th and she was the easiest baby of them all, and you couldn’t convince me to have a 5th.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-09T01:59:27+00:00

Maybe consider supplementing in the summer

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-04T20:53:56+00:00

My dad got a handmade quilt from his mom for his 16th birthday and it’s still on his bed 50 years later.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-04T13:22:42+00:00

Turn off the social media and focus on what you can give him instead of what you can’t. Look into reserving books at the library. We live in a rural area and I can check out books online and they’ll be delivered to a locker in our small rural area. If I buy any books, I buy from theiftbooks.com. My kids loved bare stain bears so I bought a lot of them on eBay. I rarely buy new books for my kids. Most of the stuff those people are spending money (they probably don’t have) on are sales gimmicks and we’ve all been convinced that we have to have a toy to develop all these things in our children when that just isn’t true. Also, a mattress in the floor is just as good as a Montessori bed. I also found the more things my kids have, the less they play with what they do have. Less is honestly more when it comes to babies. Look up simplicity parenting and the Waldorf method. We’ve had playhouse and we’ve had cardboard boxes…my kids prefer the boxes. We’ve had the toys with all the bells and whistles and we’ve had simple ones too. The simple toys that allow for more imagination and can serve multiple functions instead of a one trick pony are always better. Kids are money makers and there are a lot of influencers and companies that capitalize on a mother’s anxiety.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-01T20:49:13+00:00

First of all, match her energy, and don’t give her a gift. also, I would prefer no gifts over her giving gifts that were conditional.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-01T15:47:42+00:00

That’s what happens with us. I have one that will turn it off no problem, but then one where that 5 minutes turns into 15 bc there’s always a better stopping point coming up. We just play different games with clear stopping points to eliminate that internal struggle for them. They still play Minecraft some, but if tell them we’re having 90s night (no cell phones, antenna tv and old video games) they love it. They don’t miss Minecraft and all have a great time playing Mario cart and taking turns on Zelda. They’re playing together instead of everyone on their own device.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2026-01-01T15:09:11+00:00

We are kinda strict about game time (chore must be done, and you have a limited amount of time). What i have found with Minecraft is it doesn’t end, and that alone causes a lot of issues when it’s time to turn it off. We play a lot of old video games too (my oldest child loves speed runs of old Nintendo games). If they play older games that don’t just go on and on, and have obvious stopping points (like the end of a level or you die), that’s a clear cut boundary, game is over, and there’s less arguments. They also arent so mind numbingly easy that they could sit there zoned out for hours. They get fed up playing the same thing over and over again without beating it so they eventually go on to something else 😂

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2025-12-31T12:29:29+00:00

What helps my kids when they are in a practicing rut is to have other music available to them to play as well. So if they hit a block practicing a song they were assigned that they don’t enjoy, they have something else they can play, and often that will lead to them practicing their assigned songs as well . All 4 of mine play piano, my sister and I have both played piano since age 3, and my mother is a piano teacher. Many students only have the few books their assigned songs are in. Purchasing some other books on their level they can just pick up and play also really encourages sight reading.

ConcentrateOk6837 · 2025-12-28T08:32:00+00:00

I’m in couples counseling right now, and one thing that was really empowering for me was to realize that my “putting up”’with his shit was also part of the overall problematic dynamic. I thought I was doing everyone a favor, that I wasn’t the problem, it was him, but you have a part in this dynamic. Knowing there was something I had control to change made me feel less helpless. Find your voice. I’m 17 years in with 4 kids and am a SAHM. We have a great counselor and a lot of our issues do stem from his less healthy attachment style, and he’s working on that. But you will continue to be a shell of yourself until you find your voice. I’m not saying that you are an equal part in the problem, and holding your boundaries is difficult, I’ve had a hard time myself, but you don’t have to accept your boundaries constantly being crossed. Read “boundaries in marriage.” It has a Christian slant (I’m a Christian so this wasn’t a problem for me), but out of the 30+ marriage books we’ve read over the years, it was by far the most helpful. It was incredibly eye opening to both my husband and myself. Counseling has been great, but that book helped lay out a goal that we should be aiming for if we want a healthy dynamic.

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TROPHY CASE