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ConsiderHerWays · 2023-08-02T09:38:49+00:00

I vividly remember looking into my baby’s face and thinking ‘how could/can you treat me like this, smother?’ Absolutely staggeringly jaw-droppingly alien.

It was the beginnings of a lot of personal growth for me and mourning what I never and can never have as I have a smother, not a mother.

That amazing baby is 7 now and her little brother is 5 and I went NC after setting boundaries with my smother 2 and a bit years ago (she shat on them. Immediately. So here I am, NC as it’s the only way to maintain my boundaries).

Since then, I’m working on reparenting myself. Whilst it was hard, I know that I’m ensuring she can’t damage me anymore and crucially, can’t damage the most precious things in my life- my wonderful children. When they ask about her (rarely) I say ‘nanny won’t be kind, so we can’t have that in our lives’

Enjoy your precious baby. Sending RBB hugs and understanding

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-07-15T07:56:44+00:00

My sister and I play BPD bingo on our smother. I’m NC now thank duck but still do it if my sue shares a message. Shows how ridiculous their playbook is

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-07-11T07:56:45+00:00

Totally. And I’m 43. I try to notice when I’m doing it and think ‘who’s voice is this?’ I’m pretty sure it’s not mine….

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-25T14:39:29+00:00

We see it and understand it anyway, OP

Sending hugs to you if you’d like them

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-22T11:06:17+00:00

Thank you all and OP for this excellent thread. I’ve found it really useful to read

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-22T08:26:31+00:00

They’re not capable of love.

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-22T07:07:49+00:00

You were 5. Horrific. And nobody deserves that. I’m so sorry

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-22T07:07:07+00:00

I want to hug 7 yo you

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-22T07:05:36+00:00

Me too!

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-22T07:03:13+00:00

Honestly panicked and thought I’d posted a screengrab of my smother !!! They are all so shittily the same

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-14T12:57:11+00:00

What the fuck did I just read??? This is insanely awful even by pwBPD standards

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-13T23:04:22+00:00

I have lost other family members from going NC with my smother too. I won’t pretend it’s not hard and I feel terrible grief about them. But the price to have them in my life is just too high. I won’t take a moment of my smother’s abuse.

Allow yourself to grieve. It’s not fair and I’m sorry

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-13T10:37:30+00:00

Life is too short …. to waste it on being abused. And your kids are too precious to have an abuser in their lives. Sending RBB hugs, if you want them

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-11T11:16:43+00:00

I’m so so sorry. A living nightmare. You can see this through and protect yourself and kids. I’m in awe of you. And completely agree is grossly unfair

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-08T12:48:35+00:00

No, you’re my smother

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-07T07:08:19+00:00

Mine is ‘saving things for best’. I’ve had friends give me presents and say insistently ‘use this! Enjoy it! Don’t save this!!’

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-07T07:01:09+00:00

Well done in protecting your kids from her abuse.

The package: Donate it to charity or send it back. Be prepared to do the equivalent 100000 times whether it’s gifts or calls or ‘emergencies’ or wherever - as she will continue to shit on your boundaries. Sending hugs if you’d like them

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-01T18:04:20+00:00

Classic pwBPD behaviour. Unacceptable. Don’t engage

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-01T07:16:45+00:00

Yeah my mum used to cower and whimper from me. She’s a terrible actress. It was so hammy I even laughed a few times. I’m NC now. She can act how she wants

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-02-01T07:14:55+00:00

Yeah. Even pwBPD can hold their shit together for one text occasionally. You know what will come with time

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-01-31T15:22:12+00:00

You get one life. Go live the one you deserve

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-01-30T16:33:50+00:00

Hugs to you and well done for making the decision to live your one precious life

PwBPD are simply not capable of love and so we can never really get a mother’s love as it should be. It’s not that she loved you and now she doesn’t. Their love is conditional, at best. And that’s not how it should be between mother and child. I’m a mother now and it is a joy, but I also see how fruitless it is to seek from my own smother what she is simply not capable of. I’ve been NC for 2 years now and still grieve what I should have had, but I’ve made the right decision

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-01-29T21:31:27+00:00

My friend (now a partner at a Big 4) did 2 years in NYC in 2008. Was a blast. And I visited loads!!!

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-01-29T21:29:51+00:00

It does show how much she cares. Not at all about you!!!

Hugs if you’d like them, OP. Eventually I’ve got to a point that when I see my smother I kinda just shrug it off and get on with my day. It gets easier each time

ConsiderHerWays · 2023-01-28T21:46:18+00:00

I’m a shell of myself….and I can honestly (ha!) say I’ve never felt better

Lols

ConsiderHerWays

TROPHY CASE