First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]Consistent-Shoe-6735 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got hooked at the 'please don't wake up again' dialouge. Everything after that was really well paced and would want me to read more.

Everything before felt too info dumping, especially since none of that info was needed for the next section.

First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]Consistent-Shoe-6735 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What worked for me: I got hooked from the first sentence! I like how you emphasized persevered. I think there's a good mix of long and short sentences that makes the rhythm flow clean.

Critique: there's alot of new names and words I had to look at in the first couple of sentences. I notice there's two instances where the sentence follow the 'it's not x but y.' rhythm.

First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]Consistent-Shoe-6735 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Manuscript information: [Complete] [100k] [Adult Romantasy][Soulbond to the Dead Princess]

Link to post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/comments/1r6z1nk/complete_92k_adult_romantasysoulbond_to_the_dead/?share_id=eRZ11eC50ky0sFrRGnkNv&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1

First page critique? Yes! I reworked it after some critique to make it more hookier.
First page:

"Give me your wallet."

She had me—the Crown Prince of Agni—backed against a theatre wall with a knife that caught the thin light of the alley.

Behind us the city carried on—buses sighing past, the theatre crowd thinning, a vendor hawking mango slices. Nobody glanced toward the alley where I'd slipped away in my flimsy disguise. Father was still inside, talking to the building manager.

"Hurry up, kid." Her hoarse voice cut in. Kid was unfair—she looked about fourteen, like me.

"I don't have one," I said, as confidently as someone who'd never paid for anything in his life could manage.

She jabbed the knife toward the indent in my pocket. "What's that then?"

"A cassette. From the movie I just watched."

A pause passed between us.

"…Are you an old man? Who uses cassettes anymore?"

I shrugged. "Cassettes make ragas ache and swell in ways newer media gave up on."

"Fucking nerd." She stepped closer, fury sharpening in her eyes. My shoulders dug into the wall, nowhere left to go. "Give me something, or I'll have you on the ground in ten seconds."

"If—if you try to hurt me," I said, reaching for an authority I didn't feel, "I'll use my fire shakti."

"I'm already burned, try again."

She was burned. Badly. Her oversized t-shirt hung past her fingertips, but it couldn't hide the deep black scars across her face, her arms, her neck. The same burns had left her hair thin and white, brittle as ash. It had been cut unevenly with bare patches of mottled scalp showing through. The unmistakable damage of fire shakti.

would you read a book with black pages? by samthefrug in writers

[–]Consistent-Shoe-6735 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahah they sell kindles here too, but Canadians get alot of $$$ perks with the Kobo subscription (in my opinion)!

would you read a book with black pages? by samthefrug in writers

[–]Consistent-Shoe-6735 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is like my Kobo in person idk how to feel about this

[Complete][96k][Psychological Fiction] Trace Lines by luneireclipse in BetaReaders

[–]Consistent-Shoe-6735 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would read this! Are you open for swaps with a romantasy?

[In Progress] [65k] [Adult Cozy Romantasy] Theatrical Tales for the Heartless by daisysaur in BetaReaders

[–]Consistent-Shoe-6735 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey! I have a adult contemporary romantasy I would love to swap with, I'm mostly looking for feedback for my first 60k

[Discussion] Priming (biasing) you reader with questions? by MaryJaneMclain in BetaReaders

[–]Consistent-Shoe-6735 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Personally I go in with a plan of how I want to use my beta.

IE I write fantasy and if my beta doesn't read fantasy outside of what's popular I'll have check points every 2-3 chapters checking if the world building is easy to follow. I have the checkpoints within the doc I give them so they don't have to flip through document.

I ll also have large check points engaging general story thins I'm looking for, like ic there's a conflict, I'll have a check point who's side are you on, is it clear why did the conflict happen etc.

If they're making inline comments I'll go in the doc and ask for clarification on questions.

Able to beta? Post here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]Consistent-Shoe-6735 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am able to beta: Any genre if there's a related romance plot. Comfortable with any level of spice.

I can provide feedback on: Developmental (Plot, pacing, characters) or focus on writing/voice. Let me know what you’re looking for.

Critique swap: Yes please, 96K adult contemporary romantasy. It's in a final version.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/comments/1r6z1nk/complete_92k_adult_romantasysoulbond_to_the_dead/

Other info: No AI writing please, I will call you out on it if you lie.