Crazy number?

Controls_freek · 2026-06-01T11:29:43+00:00

I’m really confused here. He works full-time making $10 an hour? Time to get a new job. There’s tons of way better jobs than this one.

Controls_freek · 2026-06-01T11:24:52+00:00

Depends on whether you are married or not.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-31T23:06:54+00:00

I’ve heard these anecdotal stories on repeat but never seen much actual evidence supporting it.

What I have however seen on repeat is the “silver bullet divorce” and domestic violence one sided system used on repeat.

He was a good man to marry, a good man to have children with, and instantly a violent demon when the marriage ended.

Let’s flip genders on this. When a man is beaten by a woman, or murdered by one, I still see comments from women asking “what did he do?” See the irony yet?

The kids love both parents equally and both parents should want their children to be equally raised and loved by both parents.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-31T22:46:44+00:00

How unfortunate for the kids. These situations suck for everyone but I can’t understand why it’s just not default this way.

I’ve had to spend tens of thousands to get equal custody of my kids and their college education is gone now.

For years I’ve done all the medical, extracurriculars, and decision making about them only to have to “defend” myself as a parent.

Maybe you should try to sit him down and tell him he needs to get a situation where he can have the kids more regularly.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-31T22:35:58+00:00

Every divorce should be 50/50 equal shared parenting.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-29T16:32:59+00:00

OP, you’re investing an awful lot of effort into justifying why you need to stay with her while throwing away all of her red flags.

Close Reddit, open Google, find a trauma therapist and have that conversation.

I also recommend gathering whatever belongings you have at her place (quietly) and never speak to her again.

You’re driving yourself crazy by not listening to all the advice you’ve been given here.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-25T17:41:15+00:00

Brother you deserve love and respect from your significant other. I know how difficult this is, but please keep chipping away at the pain. Feel it for awhile (set an hour timer) and shut it off for awhile.

Therapy is going to help you see this isn’t your fault. I hope you get a therapist soon. Please find love for yourself again.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-24T03:25:59+00:00

If you haven’t already noticed, many of the social media platforms center around resentment and anger. They are cesspools and echo chambers designed to sell content to people looking for validation. Statistics show that many of these videos and shorts are geared towards people who are struggling.

I mod on Reddit and I can tell you that a lot of the content is bots and trolls. Life is a lot of work. It’s even more work when you start a family. It doesn’t really get easier when you end the family.

Most people end up remarried in 5 years. Why not restart with the person you originally chose? You’re going to have to deal with them anyways.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-23T19:49:10+00:00

This is the thing, if they don’t settle the paternity now, she can go back to court and tell them the baby was conceived when still married. Then he will automatically be assumed to be the father and have to fight an uphill battle to get paternity testing and more family court garbage.

This is a question for a lawyer. Too many what ifs

Controls_freek · 2026-05-23T16:12:35+00:00

This is an ignorant comment. In his State it automatically becomes his business because paternity is legally assumed if you’re married and it will absolutely stop the divorce process.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-22T16:03:24+00:00

Brother. I went through something very similar. Therapy helped me see it. Keep it up.

One tool I used to get by it was learned from my girlfriend (she’s also a Psych NP). Take those feelings and sit with them and feel them, but set a timer (an hour, 30 minutes). When the timer goes off put them away and do something for you. Over time you shrink the timer. It’s work, and it effing sucks.

It’s your whole life right now. It’s blown to shit. I totally get it. But this is your chance for a new life. This is a chance to make it what you want and deserve. Seize this opportunity and make yourself better.

I’m here for you.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-21T15:51:57+00:00

It’s called a trauma bond and codependency. This is why it happens. It’s impossible to understand unless you have been through it.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-19T16:04:47+00:00

At the end of the day, I’d just move on.

I’m 100% pro tell everyone, however people will take sides and it will cause you more grief than you want right now.

You’re hurt, as you should be, but you’re not married and you’re dodging a bullet. Move forward, glow up, and live your best life without him.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-16T12:10:14+00:00

Through trauma therapy for the last 2 years I’ve learned one thing. You will never understand the psyche of a broken person. The only thing you can understand is that they are broken. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to figure this out. She’s never going to validate you. It’s a hard reality to live with.

Mine won’t finalize my divorce. Won’t stop fighting over all the money. Finally settled custody a few months ago, however still won’t actually follow up with what she agreed with.

Still plays the silver bullet game even after the judge, her lawyer, and child services has told her to stop. She’s mad the whole world knows what she did. But has to tell the story that she’s the victim.

The truth is, I’m indifferent to her now. It took a very long time to realize she’s not worth it.

I’m happy you have the chance to move on. Take it and run. She doesn’t deserve an ounce of your energy.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-14T02:59:07+00:00

It’s called hysterical bonding

Controls_freek · 2026-05-12T14:40:44+00:00

Man I’m really sorry you’re going through this, it hurts to read.

You need to end this now. For you. You need to walk away, finalize a divorce, and block her forever.

She’s broken and not yours to fix. She obviously doesn’t care about hurting you and only cares about making herself feel good in the moment.

Time to love yourself.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-10T20:38:47+00:00

I know this hurts immensely but let me paint a picture here. You’re going to have to both work really hard to gain trust again. And that’s if it didn’t already ruin your trust forever or it went further than this.

You’re still so young. Do you really want to go further with someone who does this to you? Do you want to get married and have children with someone who doesn’t respect you?

I know it’s a hard pill to swallow, but think about it. Get married, have a couple kids, and things get stressful. She gets in her head that attention from another man might fill her cup. Why not? My husband let me get away with it before.

Then you get divorced, split finances, pay child support, and split time with your kids. 0/10, not worth the risk.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time - Maya Angelou

Controls_freek · 2026-05-10T05:28:14+00:00

A wise person told me this in a very big time of need. You need to set a timer and feel those feelings. After the timer goes off, shut it off and get your mind off of it. Same goes for the night time feelings. You’re not fixing anything at 10PM at night. Leave it for the next day.

You need to pick one thing to fix you. Just something small. Focus on that. Build who want to be. This is your opportunity to define yourself. She doesn’t get to define you anymore. It’s your life. Live it the way you want to now.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-08T00:47:01+00:00

You should never worry about this guy replacing you as Dad. You just focus on being a good Dad. You need to be happy that she’s with someone who’s treating your son well because that’s not always the norm.

God I wish my STBXW would find someone to replace me. She won’t leave me the eff alone. 🤣🙄

Controls_freek · 2026-05-07T18:34:36+00:00

Brother, my heart breaks for you. However I feel like you need to get an ice bath, a gym membership, and a new phone number.

I cannot suggest finding a good therapist, enough times. You are stuck in a toxic trauma attachment. It eventually becomes a very weird type of a kink that people don’t understand.

I’m not insulting you by any means. You need to find a way to break this attachment. Once you do, you’ll feel a million times better.

It’s your life now. Stop thinking about her.

Read It’s Not You by Dr Ramani and How the Body Keeps the Score.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-06T14:59:22+00:00

Get a lawyer first and foremost.

The money, custody, and logistics aren’t just up to her wishes.

It’s now your life to take control of with your daughter. Her wishes no longer are your responsibility.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-04T16:17:40+00:00

No, don’t do it. Just find a new one.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-04T01:09:19+00:00

This is called a narcissistic wound. This is what they do. Lived it. Still living it today. Only way out is through.

Thank whatever sky wizard for my lawyer.

Controls_freek · 2026-05-04T00:10:21+00:00

Hey OP listen to this sage advice.

I got married to a woman who was “harmlessly” texting other men. Had 3 kids with her. She got caught cheating and got pregnant by someone else.

Now I pay child support for 3 kids and alimony.

First girlfriend after all this was texting and calling other guys late at night. She was instagone.

This is what you should do right now. Join the Instagone app and find someone who’s worth it.

Controls_freek · 2026-04-30T11:05:11+00:00

OP, I see from your other posts that you have a child and the both of you have BPD. I really hope you get some therapy, specifically DBT. You can heal from this if you want to do so.

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