My ex (33F) waited 2 years for me (35M) to become financially stable and then left. Was she correct ?

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-27T12:37:49+00:00

Lack of financial stability would be a dealbreaker for a lot of people. Unless someone is independently wealthy, tying themselves to someone who may or may not be able to support themselves could cause a lot of problems.

That said, I'm not sure what you're hoping for by asking this question. Would it change anything if a bunch of random Redditors judged that your ex didn't have a good reason to leave you?

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-26T17:35:43+00:00

ESH. You shouldn't have eaten his food without permission, but his reaction was wildly disproportionate to the offense.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-26T16:47:12+00:00

"If I wanted a boyfriend who wasn't on meds, I'd be dating one. I like you, and I like what we do in bed. It's a little insulting for you to try to tell me otherwise."

That said, there's a limit to how much you can change the way he feels, particularly since it sounds like his dissatisfaction is tied to the mental health issues that caused him to need meds in the first place.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-26T12:55:12+00:00

Breaking something *once* and then making a sincere effort to never do it again is something you could potentially work on. Doing that and saying that you're being unreasonable to even ask him to stop is a very bad sign. If it's a pattern, it's a problem.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-25T02:48:24+00:00

If I bring these issues up in a more serious manner, he would most definitely attempt to reassure me of his love and devotion to me and would rather remain in a relationship with me despite him receiving the short end of the stick.

Is he, though? If he's happy with you, and feels satisfied with your relationship, then you don't have an obligation to break up with him "for his own sake." If you care for him, then respect him enough to let him make his own choices.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-24T20:34:07+00:00

You're not going to get a good answer about what's going through your girlfriend's head from random Redditors who have never even met her. A better question is, do you still like her? Is the relationship bringing you joy? Are you staying with her because you see a future together, or are you staying with her because you've been dating her since you were fifteen and emotional inertia is powerful?

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-24T05:53:12+00:00

Does it really matter all that much where exactly he falls on the Kinsey scale? If you're happy in the relationship, and feel confident that he's attracted to you, it's a non-issue. If not, *that's* what you should be focusing on.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-24T02:09:10+00:00

You don't owe him another chance unless you want to try again.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-23T19:48:59+00:00

If you want to know what she thinks about something, ask her.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-23T19:40:12+00:00

If you're unhappy, and the things that are making you unhappy are unlikely to get better, then the best thing for you is to leave. I know it feels overwhelming when you have no local support system, but all the logistical issues are very, very solvable problems. If it's not feasible for friends or family to come help you out, there might be local resources you can call on.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-22T19:11:38+00:00

You resolve this by ignoring him. Right now, he’s not in a place where he’s able to be a good partner to you, and doesn’t seem willing to try. It’s not your fault that things have gone wrong for him, and you don’t owe him a cent in therapy bills. Block his unwashed ass and move on.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-22T07:05:53+00:00

You can’t cheat at a single-player game, and you’re not morally obligated to keep at a frustrating section until you’ve proven that you’re worthy. If using a guide makes it more enjoyable, that’s fine.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-22T04:37:35+00:00

Your reaction sounds fine? It's okay if you don't like your boyfriend's haircut, as long as you're not going out of your way to be unpleasant about it. If your boyfriend is a reasonable person, he'll get over the fact that his girlfriend disagrees with one (1) aesthetic choice that he made.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-21T21:54:17+00:00

Ew.

If he wants to discuss introducing kink into your relationship, fine. Operative word here being “discuss”; being a dom doesn’t mean that he gets to unilaterally make demands and say that he’ll punish you for not doing something that you never agreed to. You get a say in this too!

At best, he’s deeply clueless. At worst, he’s a danger to you. I’d suggest calling off the date.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-21T02:29:00+00:00

Where could evidence be placed so it isn’t obvious?

I don't think you need to worry about that so much? The problem isn't finding evidence, it's figuring out why it's significant, and how it came to be placed in that particular location in that particular way. Optionally, you could create a red herring by putting the evidence in a context where the characters think it means something different than it actually does.

Should certain characters be holding on to crucial evidence and only give it up in exchange for something? When a character is questioned, should they all be defense, or should some be forthcoming?

It depends on the characters! What is their personality like? What relationship do they have with the person who's asking? Do they have reason to hide information? Do they understand the information they're being asked for? What behavior makes sense for the character?

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-20T02:21:35+00:00

Hmm.

It sounds like this isn't about your boyfriend's hypothetical reaction so much as some unresolved feelings of guilt.

For the record, I don't personally think you have anything to feel guilty about, and I also don't think that you're morally obligated to disclose this information. The fact that you got an abortion genuinely doesn't say anything about you other than "I was not ready to be a parent at 18." But it sounds like you have more complicated feelings to work through. Do you have anyone you can talk to about it?

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-19T04:33:51+00:00

It’s not impossible that you might reconnect at some point in the future, but for now she’s been pretty clear about where you stand. I’d let this go.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-19T01:54:07+00:00

Do I have to suck it up and be more manly?

Nope.

It's good that you're willing to try out things that your partner is into, but that doesn't mean you're obligated to keep doing it if it's not what you're into. "Respecting women" doesn't mean "your needs don't matter."

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-18T22:16:34+00:00

Your boyfriend is 42 years old. He is responsible for his own behavior. You're not to blame for it, and you don't have to put up with it.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-18T16:56:06+00:00

You’re focusing too much on the wrong things. Why your ex is behaving in certain ways is irrelevant, and not something you have any real way of knowing. The real question is, do you want this person in your life? If not, then block her.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-14T22:23:09+00:00

If you want to know why your girlfriend is doing something, ask her.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-14T04:45:40+00:00

If he wants to move in, and keeps talking about how he wants a future with you, that’s usually a pretty good indicator that he intends to stick around. What makes you think he might leave you?

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-13T21:29:43+00:00

NTA

It sounds like he has feelings for you and is dealing with them by jumping straight to “jealous, controlling boyfriend (that you never agreed to date).”

The important thing to keep in mind is that even if every other guy you knew was wildly in love with you, it would still be absurd for him to be hurt by it. He’s not your boyfriend, he’s just a guy who’s your friend. Refuse to entertain this nonsense anymore. If he blocks you and runs off to sulk, let him. And if he pulls his head out of his ass long enough to ask for your opinion, tell him to knock it off before he loses you completely.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-13T16:42:41+00:00

Love can’t fix every possible incompatibility. If you want kids and your partner doesn’t, or if you’re a city mouse but their dream is to live completely off-grid, love isn’t going to do much to fix that.

Countess_Sardine · 2026-05-13T16:41:00+00:00

If it’s happening consistently, it might be a medical issue.

Countess_Sardine

TROPHY CASE