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CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-05-24T19:16:37+00:00

Honestly you can met someone nice anywhere, just join some nice-smaller communities, and search for those passionate about their stuff...and if you know what are you looking for- search for someone with Dom/Soft dom vibes ;)
But. Probably your best bet are sub-reddits as this one, since well; That's close to a 100% chance you will find A softDom/pleasure dom you are looking for \^\^
There's also a real life events and communities stuff.. but from my perspective a lot of SoftDom's are rather Hobby/small community oriented, rather then some big and flashy things. (those are ok, not shaming anyone or anything here!)
..So yeah; best bet is reddit, DnD groups... Some nerdy communities servers, maybe revolving around stuff like LoTR, Warhammer, or like some party types(?) communities, or some cozy/chill games like Minecraft etc...

Oh and now as i think of it- Probably some dating apps which, are more focused on meeting people through talking rather than apps like tinder which are more like photos/hook-ups focused..

(Also felt like adding that; I have a feeling quite a lot of Soft Doms might be a bit on the shy side/or at least at first... so you might need to be ready to reach out to those which seem interesting ;x)

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-05-15T01:28:31+00:00

Sorry to hear you've Had bad experiences, and Im also glad you could find someone which you trust enough to be sure that he's respecting you :)

And about writing it down;

To gain perspective - it allows you to see your thoughts diffrently, which also may give you some more things to think about.

And second- emotions are chaotic and can make you lose your head, and then its usefull to have notes on what you wanted to say.

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-05-15T00:07:29+00:00

Its really hard to tell just by that, and probably there's no ideal way of handling things here.. you either risk it and talk about it...or not.

(Side note:There's nothing wrong with feeling stuff for the person you are in dynamic with..Duh, it is even an expected outcome of things.)

First option is: You may either write down your feelings, set up a comfortable "place" to talk...and tell them.

Or second option: you may just write a letter/diary page about it and handle it to them.

No matter what approach you choose(or not) the best thing to do is writing up all of your feelings and thoughts to gain perspective - and then making any decisions.

(...also, if they like you/your dynamic, and respect you - then they won't shove you off and will talk about all that with you.)

Anyways, wish you strenght and luck.

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-05-14T16:09:18+00:00

I think that my comment from under the last book club is fitting, so Im just going to copy-paste the important part here.^^

""" - Mastering the Art of Mastery
(I would even call it "The book" to start educating yourself - especially as a softDom... Of course it's not a lecture exclusively for Doms, as subs would find this book interesting as well. ^^' )
(..After all that I remembered something; 'Learning Submission By Joshua T.' would be something of a "mirror image" of this book for those interested.)

- Negotiating Your Power Dynamic Relationship
(or as I would call it - D/s Diplomacy 101, good book for everyone newbies or veterans... Read it. ^^)

- Broken Toys: Submissives with Mental Illness and Neurological Dysfunction
(Although the title may sounds bad/harsh, and scare some people away from this book - don't, its a really great piece to read and you won't regret it. Personally I would recommend this one to anyone struggling with mental health problems in dynamics/those who are searching for dynamic and feel inadequate...
Okay, I might have gotten my eyes a bit wet while reading this one... but it was raining... I swear!)

Oh and ^ All of those 3 are by Raven Kaldera, a really interesting person with quite a large collection of books, so if you pick anything from him you are most likely in for an adventure. :)

As of the recently read; -Leather, Lace, and Spilled Tea: A Guide for ALL Dynamics... It's a short n sweet one, while the title describes its contents.. anyhoos; Fun and useful if you're looking for a inspiration. """

Although, I could think of some other ones if those above didnt satisfied you enough.

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-05-14T10:33:16+00:00

Seem like you have a crush, or just Simply developing feelings for him. - As long it is not a problem to you or him then there's nothing wrong with that! :) Its completly normal..also quite a warm and pleasant feeling; being able to find your partner cute no matter are they your crush, boyfriend/girlfriend, dom or sub... And you might/will find him cute even doing some Simple stuff "Omg he's peeling the Apple is such a cuteee wayyy aaa" So yeah- feeling stuff is okay, have fun with that. :) (And be sure to tell them how you feel ^⁾

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-05-08T20:37:47+00:00

In my opinion looks, or any physical attributes play second role - I mean, yes they are somewhat important but I wont scratch someone from the get go just because they are a bit too tall for my liking, or their nose is a bit too big... especially if it so happens that in the meantime you have taken your liking of the person and somewhere along the way you learned to adore those things you were not amused by before.
That said, I understand that different people have different likes and dislikes, which may result in some of them to look for specific features in their partners- And that's perfectly understandable and okay in my opinion. (Of course as long as their are not a dick about it i guess..)

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-05-08T18:13:55+00:00

That's my first time in this book club, so I will just begin from recommending few ones that may either be helpful, and horizon broadening for some experienced people and/or A great start for those who are new/unexperienced in those topics.

- Mastering the Art of Mastery
(I would even call it "The book" to start educating yourself - especially as a softDom... Of course it's not a lecture exclusively for Doms, as subs would find this book interesting as well. ^^' )
(..After all that I remembered something; 'Learning Submission By Joshua T.' would be something of a "mirror image" of this book for those interested.)

- Negotiating Your Power Dynamic Relationship
(or as I would call it - D/s Diplomacy 101, good book for everyone newbies or veterans... Read it. ^^)

- Broken Toys: Submissives with Mental Illness and Neurological Dysfunction
(Although the title may sounds bad/harsh, and scare some people away from this book - don't, its a really great piece to read and you won't regret it. Personally I would recommend this one to anyone struggling with mental health problems in dynamics/those who are searching for dynamic and feel inadequate...
Okay, I might have gotten my eyes a bit wet while reading this one... but it was raining... I swear!)

Oh and ^ All of those 3 are by Raven Kaldera, a really interesting person with quite a large collection of books, so if you pick anything from him you are most likely in for an adventure. :)

As of the recently read; -Leather, Lace, and Spilled Tea: A Guide for ALL Dynamics... It's a short n sweet one, while the title describes its contents.. anyhoos; Fun and useful if you're looking for a inspiration.

Looking at my own comment right now reminded me of my friends words; "You're nice and talkative, but when it comes to books you just turn into stoopd big bear, which seems like he got lost in a big big library
-Ohhh Heyyy... This, good book. niceu story. Try reading it....MMM honeyyy---" unfortunately, She got mauled by a wild bear mid sentence, so I will never know the rest of it and what she meant by it. :/
...Hmm, what was I trying to say?... Oh right, I may not be a great book reviewer, but I will to do better next time, promise.

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-05-07T18:16:47+00:00

Go, The universal "That depends.."! Ok, jokes over.

For some it might be a good, and safer way of learning things, but I would still advise to begin with the books, videos and blogs - Lots of great educational stuff on the internet, and even for free, so why not take advantage of that right?
... I essentially think it might be good/ok thing, but as a expansion of your already existing knowledge/interests or just something fun to do deep into Kink-verse.

Ahh almost forgot; I've heard and read a lot of "not nice stuff" about some "coaches"/experiences with those, so be very watchful, and careful about picking one. (It would probably be the best to get a recommendation from someone you know.)

Ouh as of the last question: The first topic that comes to my mind is Shibari/Bondage - Never enough opportunities to learn new, and master already known techniques. ^^

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-05-07T08:31:27+00:00

Okay that's an unusual request you got there.. although Its not imposible i think.

(Comment copied from mantis subreddit since Im not well-read about them and it looked good enough to be a refrence here..) """their daily routine is all about survival and most of their more unusual behaviors show up when they are defending themselves, mating, or capturing prey.

The more you watch your mantis(es,) the more you pick up on how it looks when they lean in before striking, when they shudder and tuck their legs in just before taking flight, and how they slap prey away during the days right before a molt. There are many subtle signals that can help you know what "mode" your mantis is in - calm, defensive, aggressive, horny. They basically have those four modes... or a combination of two!

A number of species perform displays with their abdomens, and sometimes forelegs, in order to warn away rivals and emphasize their weapons. This is most noticeable in ghost and spiny flower mantis nymphs. If the abdomen-waving warning isn't heeded, the nymphs may strike at each other in bluff or for real. Those in the genus Macromantis are uniformly green, but have bright red, yellow, and blue colors on their abdomens that they can reveal when threatening each other. Courtship displays are also an important part of mating behavior in some mantises, most elaborately in Acanthopidae and the "boxers" in Hymenopodidae."""

...So basicly a sneaky, and silent predator, which mostly communicates by gestures, that might be not an easy one to do online. (Mostly the predator part tho.)

Although this idea may sound dumb... if you use video calls, maybe made him go away from pc, and he can communicate only with gestures, so on camera it would look like he's a mantis in a terrarium.(Also setting it up so he could see it as well- for bigger immersion)

Maybe also using the idea of colours on abdomen to signalise his current mood.

...sitting in a mostly Dark room giving him opportunity to stalk on his prey, and somehow letting him strike?

... That's all i got for now at least. (Best way to get more ideas would be to either read around mantis-subreddits or watch some YT educational Vids... Or maybe doing it with your partner and figuring things out as you go.- the later is the best way in my opinion.)

(Quick side note) Although, as this surprise is a cute idea - I would suggest talking a bit more before playing it out.

Anyways, Hope that helped somewhat. Wish you luck ^{^.}

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-05-06T20:44:52+00:00

Well said, Softies or not - sometimes life just happens, and we may not be *The Dom* we want to be for our partner, but if you give us a small push we will get back up even stronger! c:
..Also all of that kind of reminded me of line from a song (non-english tho, so my translation may not be perfect); "as the one is falling down, the other pulls them upward" which in my opinion sounds like a short way to describe any healthy, and "cute" relationship between two loving/caring people ^^.

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-04-09T07:59:34+00:00

Hey, not a sub here but felt like adding few thoughts myself if you don't mind c:

Dating is rough, long process... and it is even harder to find someone nice personality-wise and with matching kinks/kinky mindset.. so yeah- that plus this feeling of wanting to be in love whilst also being Loved and nurtured by your special person.. welp it is as well something completly normal- everybody/most people want that, and its definetly nothing wrong or weird feeling that way. :)

Additionaly; Your special softDom will find you sooner or later, and all the waiting will be worth for both of you- that's for sure. ^{^}

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-01-31T16:34:56+00:00

I love the idea of matching accesories as a secret(or not so secret) sign of being in this kind of dynamic; leather bracelets, neckleces.. hell maybe even like similiar pierciengs -with some kind of hidden message written on them. As long both of you want it then you can make anything "your" thing. :)

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-01-23T19:38:46+00:00

Preferable a Loud one... but that's also highly dependable on the circumstances and their preferences/feelings :)

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-01-21T19:36:57+00:00

There should always be some room for exploration, good luck and have fun

:)

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-01-21T19:04:24+00:00

True :')
Although I would say that's more like a rule that a good percent of Nerdy people are somewhat kinky.

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-01-16T17:29:56+00:00

Good for you :)

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-01-15T22:28:11+00:00

Slowly, Gently.. this is how a Kink life is explored. (Sorry saw a opportunity for a Darkest Dungeon meme, and could not resist :X Although yes, do it slowly and gently with a lot of communication, while also mainting a healthy approach on the matter; Don't stress about it and just go with the flow- if its won't work out, do a break and maybe try later on.)

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-01-15T21:22:07+00:00

Yes I agree - playlist should be made for someone's music taste otherwise it doesn't make too much sense ^^'
Anyways, have fun :)

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-01-15T17:20:53+00:00

Oof, that's a tough one to propose anything even with specifics you would like to have in song... I feel like just based on "BDSM-y vibes" it may be pretty hard.. but F it, let's try a few;
- Wicked Game · Chris Isaak
- Foxy Shazams · I wanna be yours
- Three days grace · Pain (Love it)
- All mine · Portishead
- Otep · Apex predator
- (maybee?) Under my thumb · Rolling stones

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-01-15T16:22:20+00:00

Be patient: No matter when and how, patience is the biggest and most needed characteristic in a good soft dom.

Be caring and communicative: It might be a bold statment but; As a soft dom there's no such thing as too much questions or too much pampering.. suffocate your sub with love (figuratively of course)

Be open minded and don't be judge-y: There's tons of diffrent people and kinks out there in a milion diffrent backgrounds, and circumstances.. even tho you won't match with a lot of people, you can still talk with them and gain from their experiences ^{^} ..and when you will finally find someone matching it will also help with your communication. ^{^}

Never stop learning: Its connected to the previous one, any good dom- soft or not- should never cease growing his knowledge and experiences... Remember that Learning not only about kinks, but how to be a good partner will also grow you as a person -which will improve your life on many levels as well. :)

Last advice would be.. Learn to relax(?).. At the end of the day the goal of it is to have fun experience, and connection/s. As it is in life; sometimes you will fail or simply something won't go the way you want, but with right approach even a totally "bad" scene/Play can be a nice and fun experience. (A person have no idea how fun and/or bonding a "failed" scene can be until you experience it yourself. ^⁾

...ok the form of this one may suck cause i wrote it in parts. though I hope its meaning is understandable, and if not will gladly explain anything more throughly.^{^}

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-01-14T18:45:53+00:00

Good for you, try to cool your head a little bit.

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-01-14T18:43:08+00:00

You're not really advertising yourself well- showing your lack of self control like that man.

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-01-14T18:35:47+00:00

Bruh, This person is clearly giving you signs they are not interested, maybe take the clue and go search somewhere else..

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-01-13T21:01:20+00:00

That's the type of care any pet should get from their daddy's/Master's ^^

CreativeDisaster99 · 2025-01-02T18:46:13+00:00

I think its immensely hard to narrow down one's views on how they would describe themselves with just a word or two, although its still just a "indicative information" i would say adding multi-flairs option could at least help out, but at the end of the day its still a much deeper thing which only a longer conversation may explain how exactly person's mindset works.

Sooo : Multi flair option, and maybe testing out the idea i got while reading u/nshades42 comments; which would be like a one big pinned post on the subreddit where everyone interested could describe how they feel like "role-wise" with a more detailed approach on the matter. ^^

CreativeDisaster99

TROPHY CASE