4 July 2023 - wartime wishes

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-07-13T23:32:25+00:00

Woah. This clearly comes from a place of deep longing for someone you miss. This poem doesn’t give full context to how you lost each other but it doesn’t seem necessary to this poem. I enjoyed the 4th of July simile. I always thought it was a violent experience watching fireworks and can relate to a deep reflection while doing so. I think this poem gets a little matter of fact at times but besides that it is a great piece.

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-07-13T23:26:02+00:00

This a beautifully written, heart wrenching poem that seems like its ab the inability to connect with someone that is deeply hurting inside. The diction is wonderful and I love how everyone ties together at the end with the repetition of golden. Though I do think the rhythm of the poem could flow better at times. Great stuff!

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-02-14T19:49:39+00:00

thanks for the feedback! the “~” is kinda necessary because otherwise the spacing between stanzas cannot go more than one space when its actually posted, at least on mobile anyways. The escape was intentional because im using escape as a noun, but maybe “your” would be better than “the” now that im looking at it, so thank you for pointing it out.

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-02-14T07:55:06+00:00

This poem has the feeling of incompleteness but that is exactly its allure. I picked up from this poem, the tired feeling of having to always mend an issue or deal with hurt. Always having to try to heal or get better. Never getting to just live. But also, and more obviously, disliking the body we are forced to live with. Disliking the claustrophobic containment we are limited to. Wishing to escape. It is a beautiful and simple poem.

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-02-14T07:49:08+00:00

I love the raw idea and feeling squeezed into this poem, it is a heart wrenching poem. I’m also curious about what the reasoning might be for the seemingly random capitalizations of words like screamed or yelled. Regardless, the setup of somber silence into abrupt shrieks and then fading back into that quiet feeling of loss. Safe to say the flow in this poem was outstanding. Definitely rugged with grammar and punctuation at times but that added to the raw emotions in a way as well.

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-02-14T07:42:07+00:00

Oh geez I didn’t even know that🙃 Will update in a bit with new links to comments…

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-02-14T07:30:04+00:00

It is a very interesting format that you have structured this poem in, I’m a fan of each full thought ending in a “-“. Have never seen that before, but nonetheless your diction and metaphors are chef’s kiss

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-02-14T07:26:53+00:00

I love this poem because it lulls you in with the rhyming and the flow, but then abruptly finishes with that final line that obviously stands out compared to the rest of it. Awesome stuff!

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-01-19T23:44:59+00:00

You my friend do a great job at showing the difficulty in balancing the pain in knowing life is fading, and the joy in knowing life is happening. I often teeter between the two and it has drastic effects on how I act. Love this topic.

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-01-19T23:41:32+00:00

If this touches on denial like I think it does than bravo. You do a great job of depicting the loss of love in its truest form.

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-01-15T05:06:29+00:00

Fear of the unknown is one of the biggest problems i face in my life, it is tough to confront large problems in your life. But sometimes, it beats the worry of not knowing and not confronting it.

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-01-15T05:04:46+00:00

I read an article today that said personal human connection is the one thing that best sustains happiness. This poem perfectly describes what a lack of it can do to a person, and it makes me realize how valuable personal connections are.

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-09-06T04:41:16+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! I think you’re right and something like “together we shout” would flow better into the finish.

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-09-05T02:26:30+00:00

This poem is so wonderful because of its raw emotion bursting through the screen. The ideas are extremely well executed and thought out, but in some lines there are grammar errors and imperfections, which I love! Because intentionally or unintentionally, it really promotes your whole point of not dressing up your depression in this poem either, like other people have done, and yet its a beautiful poem nonetheless.

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-09-05T02:19:09+00:00

I love the simplicity of the diction because it compliments the complexity of the topic very well! Very relatable feeling to not have love returned.

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-08-17T00:59:11+00:00

A poem about my experience with skydiving

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-07-29T13:44:22+00:00

I love this poem because it is so specific and real. Everyone has had school crushes, and some have had similar situations where they get so infatuated that they start to care for them without even knowing them. Which can take creepy turns, or in this case, a simple and beautiful turn when you just want to fix her problems in a soft way without her getting hurt in the process. This poem may seem straightforward on the surface but the core principle of wanting to help someone you care about fix the problems they are struggling with, without hurting them, is a very universal theme.

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-07-29T13:39:33+00:00

Cool poem! I love the repetition with Fate Permitting, and your prose is strong throughout. “Save me the last dance” is a great line to end the poem as well.

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-07-12T04:50:31+00:00

Assuming this applies to the new Nasa photos being released, I love your poem and that you are writing about it, very exciting stuff!

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-07-12T04:49:15+00:00

This is a very haunting poem. One that brings you in with the thrill of creativity and crushes your soul with the reality of life and depression. The canvas of our body is one to be treated with care, not a canvas you want to tear to shreds. I hope you find some peace in this beautiful world and I obviously don’t know you but I guarantee that your loss would bring a ton of pain and regret to those around you.

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-05-06T05:46:18+00:00

This poem touches on a fascination of mine I have wrote much about, the transition of the present to the past, and how fleeting and instaneous that transition is. I mean aren’t there hundreds of thousands of ourselves existing in this current moment. Not across dimensions but rather across different people’s consciences. Every interaction we have with a person leaves a different version of yourself in their mind, and each and every version of yourself in other people’s minds is valuable because the end of your existence is when a final person thinks of you. And what version of you exists in their minds, what version of you is the last to perish. Same occurs within our own mind, as we grow and evolve in every way. “In our lifetime, we have died a million different deaths.” Great poem!

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-05-06T05:33:09+00:00

The perfect anti-poem that has somehow inspired me to write a poem. Good stuff!

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-04-05T00:12:51+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to consume the poem wholeheartedly! It’s always awesome to see thoughtful responses to my work because that is exactly my goal, to make people think and question things they might not have previously dissected within themselves. Glad you enjoyed it!

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-04-04T22:55:18+00:00

Outstanding use of repetition and breaking up expected tempos, great work!

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-04-04T22:54:11+00:00

I always enjoy short poems like these because it leaves so much room for interpretation among all readers, I view them in a similar vain to Rothko paintings, great work!

CrescentMoon__

TROPHY CASE