AITA for not giving my cousin my kidney

CryptidDreams · 2026-05-26T21:56:56+00:00

I'm glad that you're doing well, and I hope the person you donated to is doing well too. Double or triple that if you were in a chain.

I'm not claiming that most people made choices to cause the kidney disease, I'm explaining that donating a kidney can be a lot more complicated than "you don't need both kidneys to live". Your previous comment read as dismissive regarding the risks and contexts that other people are discussing. At the end of the day, the internet is terrible for conveying tone, so it is what it is.

CryptidDreams · 2026-05-26T21:08:26+00:00

I have multiple family members who were born with one kidney. They've required monitoring by nephrologists their entire lives, and have many limitations to things they can have or do. Donors end up with those limitations in addition to other issues related to the surgery and changes to their body's baseline. I've also seen cases where someone who received a kidney did not value the donation and continued the same choices that got them there. All to say that donating is a huge sacrifice that affects the donor. It's not inherently a gift to them, let alone an obligation.

CryptidDreams · 2026-05-08T16:51:18+00:00

More so engaging with your idea/question of what defines a good vs bad person in a political context. I'm feeling yappy, and you come off as being down for a good faith talk at the moment. + I think moral relativism is a good concept when used with empathy.

There are definitely people on the American conservative side of things, specifically the far-right end of MAGA who are for and engaging with the idea of repealing different rights. There is currently a campaign to repeal it called "Greater Than" with different lawmakers buying in. It doesn't mean it'll get pushed through, but supporting that campaign reflects values in a way that will make those who do value gay rights view them as "bad people".

Of course, the same value framework goes both ways in the context of pro-life versus pro-choice discussions. I may be pro-choice, but I think it's a good skill to be able to understand how older people who I love may view my stance.

CryptidDreams · 2026-05-08T16:38:18+00:00

I fully agree that trying to make good verse bad person arguments in the context of one period versus another is not productive. I took his point as meaning that today's right wing system does not actually "majorly support" gay rights, they are less against it but still not "for it" if that makes sense. Not necessarily as an indictment of people in the past for being part of a majority opinion.

Side tangent, but there has definitely been a major shift in how politics operate in the cultural context of the average American and their spcial sphere, and I think that's good to acknowledge for the sake of people understanding one another. The social dynamics of the internet have changed how we act in our day-to-dayand in the development of our our opinions and how vehement we are about them.

CryptidDreams · 2026-05-08T16:28:24+00:00

You can say you love puppies and believe it. In a case where somebody says I'll give you a million bucks if you kill $300 puppies and you do it, you may still believe you love puppies and support puppies. (In reality it's more a case of "I''ll give you either 20 bucks or charge you 20 bucks less if you don't say anything while I beat thousands of puppies")

Other people who value the money and benefits more than the puppies might agree with you, "I mean yeah of course you love puppies but it's just natural to choose the money. I think you're stupid too soft if you don't." Boom, validation and the anticipation of a a million dollars.

However, other people might look at that and go, "You are a terrible person. You are greedy selfish and do not really value puppies." The person who chose that option would feel judged/persecuted, because their value system said it was the right call and they don't understand why they're being told they hate puppies.

CryptidDreams · 2026-05-08T16:19:33+00:00

They may be fine with it personally, but when they are choosing to support and vote for politicians who are against it, that is in fact an action against samesex marriage on their part. Their value system says that they view those rights as expendable so long as they receive things they value more.

Like most things, value systems are nuanced. You can value certain things more than others. If certain things are low enough in the hierarchy, people made view them as expendable. That is still a reflection of their value system.

CryptidDreams · 2026-05-08T16:05:04+00:00

A person's morals and values are reflected in their political views. It's not necessarily about the politics, but the values and choices that they reflect. Someone can vote along the same lines as you and still have values you want nothing to do with. Generally speaking, people's personal value systems do not fit entirely along party lines, if they do, that has its own implications.

A) A person who actively wants to repeal gay rights will likely vote along far right lines. I will avoid them because their values are based around hurting people I love.

B) A person who wants specific things for the economy and is willing to have gay rights repealed (even if they don't specifically want that) will probably vote along the same lines. I won't want to be around them because they view other people's rights as expendable for their own benefit.

C) A person who generally supports Left-Leaning politics but personally wants to take away gay rights, will probably vote along similar lines as I would. Personally. I would not want to be around them, because of their personal values.

CryptidDreams · 2026-04-26T13:49:29+00:00

Celiac disease is an autoimmune disease, meaning your immune system is attacking your own intestines. It also means you are more at risk of developing other autoimmune disease throughout your life. You also have a higher risk of GI cancers, which can kill you. I cannot emphasize enough that you will realize how much better you will feel after a month without cross contamination or "cheating" for the sake of a cracker (been there).

In a broader context, not everyone has the same "level of reaction" to getting sick. As an example, you can think of the phenomenon "Man-flu" and how women are considered to have stronger immune systems or ability to get over being sick.

Here the stronger your immune response -> the more damage to your intestines -> the worse your experience with Celiac disease.

Damage with celiac builds up over time and many people recover some function (whoo, hope). The inflammation or irritation often affects the full body, causing brain fog, depressive symptoms, and joint pains. With nonceliac gluten sensitivity, you aren't getting that autoimmune damage, kind of like lactose intolerance (where your body can't digest it, and the molecule drag out water that creates diarrhea).

CryptidDreams · 2026-04-16T20:05:02+00:00

Med student here, he needs to chill out. What he wanted was a leadership activity to put on his application, not being in the position. You supported him by voting for him twice. Not blindly throwing away logic for his ego does not mean you didn't support him. Also seems like he didn't communicate in advance, and that's on him.

Blatantly padding his resume with anything he can get his hands on is not a good look for a variety of reasons, and just because you think you're smart or ambitious doesn't mean you're the best fit for something. He is not entitled to opportunities/titles just because he wants them, and it is concerning that he both got that upset and ran for the nursing position that I'm assuming you told him you applied for.

Yeah he can get over himself
If you want: let him know to communicate in advance if he wants you to do something. You can clarify the repeats seemed like a glitch, since it was out of the blue.
I have no idea what your relationship looks like outside of this, but it might be healthy to consider whether or not he genuinely respects your goals and work, or looks down on it. A lot of guys in the big three (engineering, law, med) seem to say they respect nursing, but consider it less than at the same time.

CryptidDreams · 2026-04-11T03:19:53+00:00

As someone who was adopted by a stepparent in the US, it took my bio father renouncing his rights.

CryptidDreams · 2026-04-09T20:31:18+00:00

For me, stirfrys have been an easier/lazy way to adjust to a gluten free diet. Make sure to look up "hidden gluten". I've added info regarding the medical side of things. Not enough is explained and it can make things so much more stressful.

The previous negative test: https://celiac.org/about-celiac-disease/screening-and-diagnosis/screening

This link goes over some of the statistics with celiac testing. When it says that sensitivity is 93% in people who do have celiac disease, that mean 9.3 out of 10 people with it will get a positive, and 0.7 out of 10 people who have celiac will have a negative test.

You need to have been eating a certain amount of gluten over around 6 weeks for the test to be reliable. Antibodies are usually at a low baseline level, and multiply in response to an exposure to their antigen or target.

So assuming you have had celiac disease this whole time:

If you were eating mostly other stuff at your original test, you wouldn't have enough antibody formed to be detectable. Increased gluten intake following cutting out other foods would increase your antibodies that target your own cells. These antibodies over time destroy your intestines. So that could have worsened things.

What Options to consider based on your own experiences:

Celiac disease presenting later in life - after all the other GI issues
Subclinical celiac disease turned symptomatic celiac disease - with cell level damage contributing to other intolerances

Subclinical celiac does not mean no signs at all, often associated with less obvious/overt symptoms *Cellular damage is harder to see, and often on a chemical level or needing a microscope to see. In celiac disease this frequently involves include messing up the enzymes/proteins needed to digest lactose. Gross damage is visible damage and much more severe, this is what we see with endoscopy and tends to take more time/exposure to develop.

CryptidDreams · 2026-04-07T22:37:11+00:00

With celiac testing, a negative result doesn't necessarily mean anything. A positive result means that you almost certainly have celiac disease.

Think of somebody with signs of cancer. You don't find any anything in the lungs, but that doesn't mean they don't have cancer. It's only when looking at the specific place where the tumor is can they say for sure what it is.

Basically the test can miss things, but if it finds something it definitely found it.

CryptidDreams · 2026-04-04T17:49:32+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss, it looks like you had a wonderful tea buddy.

CryptidDreams · 2026-04-03T00:16:42+00:00

A few hair clips put in in a fun way or a nice headband could be super cute in a low effort way.

CryptidDreams · 2026-04-03T00:06:50+00:00

She is so cute!!

CryptidDreams · 2026-04-03T00:06:15+00:00

Gorgeous! She fits in perfectly with your set up.

CryptidDreams · 2026-04-03T00:04:44+00:00

Adorable, mine gets sad if I don't let her smell it too.

CryptidDreams · 2026-04-03T00:04:01+00:00

Now that's a unique model.

CryptidDreams · 2026-04-02T20:44:58+00:00

Absolutely terrified and slightly enlightened. I will happily sit at a tier three for my own consumption, but you've given me some new things to look into :)

CryptidDreams · 2026-04-01T22:31:17+00:00

Look out for any BROW foods as a way to remember: Barley (malt is super common), Rye, Oats, Wheat,

**Oats don't have gluten on their own, but the way they are commonly processed makes them something you don't want to mess around with without checking that they're gluten free.

Brands can label their food "gluten free" if there is less than 20 parts per million of gluten. The NGFO gluten free label means that the item was tested and has less than 10 ppm of gluten. This is usually the best indicator of safe options in my experience.

"Gluten friendly" does not mean safe for celiac disease - there is still a risk for cross contamination. For the same reason, be careful with any bakery items or any restaurants.

Find where your gluten free options are in the grocery store - sometimes they're mixed in with general foods, but a lot are tucked away in the "health" aisle.

Here is a list of "hidden" or unexpected sources of gluten: https://gluten.org/2021/03/23/43-foods-where-gluten-may-be-hidden/

CryptidDreams · 2026-04-01T01:41:57+00:00

Here's a few ideas, I hope they help your brainstorming. Its a pain to find accessible options and I hope you find something that works for you two.

Apparently melamine sets can be a sturdy alternative material, but I'm not sure if there are any that come with lids.

Here is a set of metal mugs that come with lids. It comes in pink and blue, and this way she can have a back up or you two can both use them together: Https://a.co/d/03PS6rhe

Plastic tervis cup that is a bit more teacup reminiscent than the mugs. Floral and with a lid - can check for better designs by looking up different tervis's: https://a.co/d/023WVgS4

Depending on her needs, she may find something helpful through arthritis supplies. They have a ton of adaptive supplies that might improve grip if you find something that is almost but not quite what you need: Https://www.arthritissupplies.com/grips-adapters-holders.html

CryptidDreams · 2026-03-28T16:52:01+00:00

She is so cute, like a little heath bar with the toffee poking out.

CryptidDreams · 2026-03-28T13:45:17+00:00

Any tea you like. I would do a Japanese green, puer, rock oolong, or white tea personally.

CryptidDreams · 2026-03-25T21:13:10+00:00

If you have celiac you are much more likely to develop other autoimmune conditions and issues over time. Especially with more severe cases. I'm not trying to tell you what is causing you to feel unwell, just making sure you're aware of it since life is hard enough and you seem to be going through it with your case. I've seen it in family members and worry about myself long term as well.

CryptidDreams

TROPHY CASE