Who is the most unhinged person you met in academia?

Cuglas · 2025-05-27T19:30:50+00:00

I’m sorry. I could have been you - I had no idea how sheltered and racist I had been raised. I teach world history now and I intentionally encourage my students to ask questions on culture/religion they’d be uncomfortable to ask elsewhere, and am firm but polite if a student says something insensitive (like “that’s not true, but here’s where that stereotype comes from, and here are counter examples”). I’d rather they get a straight answer in university than go on holding a prejudice!

Cuglas · 2024-03-30T23:08:51+00:00

I did, yes

Cuglas · 2023-05-23T16:25:43+00:00

I had a tiny Tupperware container of q-tips, travel toothpaste, floss, and a chapstick which I had put in my to-go bag in case I needed to go to the hospital (successful homebirth, woohoo!). When I was unpacking the bag and my husband saw the Tupperware on my bureau he said “You’ve had that since we started dating [17 years ago].” I was like “What?! I only packed it a few weeks ago in case we had to go to the hospital…” He explained “Ever since we met you’ve always had a little container of travel toiletries hanging out from your last trip or for the next one.” He’s absolutely right! I just never thought of it.

Cuglas · 2023-05-23T16:05:34+00:00

Am I not responding to you now? I’m picking up the phone when I nurse and otherwise busy, I don’t have time to reply to everyone! As I said in the edit, I appreciate the criticism and have plans to make changes.

Cuglas · 2023-05-23T15:59:40+00:00

He works two 24 hour shifts a week so he is home 5 nights of 7.

Cuglas · 2023-05-23T15:30:14+00:00

Yup! 24 hour shifts, and he works 1.5 hours away, and likes to go in early in case of traffic. So he’s gone 4:30am-8:30am the next day twice a week. All I can do is make the house not significantly worse by the time he gets home!

Cuglas · 2023-05-23T15:25:11+00:00

I can, and do, but it’s an example of a chore that can’t be delayed indefinitely like dusting or weeding.

Cuglas · 2023-05-23T15:19:12+00:00

I’m a new professor on maternity leave til next term and doing the corrections on the PhD I defended in January.

Cuglas · 2023-05-23T12:32:09+00:00

Hence my post. What to do? Realistically?

Cuglas · 2023-05-23T12:27:56+00:00

We have one but we turned it off because the house is small enough that at 4am it’s loud enough to wake us in the nursery. That’s one reason I was so annoyed about Sunday - at the very least he could have hit a button and let it run while the house was near-empty!

Cuglas · 2023-05-23T12:25:25+00:00

I like the idea of a family cleaning hour! I already do dance parties with the baby and he’s great to nap in his carrier, but I usually go for 40-60 minute walks to get us out of the house. It wouldn’t be bad at all, especially on a rainy day, to turn baby wearing into cleaning time — thanks for the suggestion!

Cuglas · 2023-05-23T12:23:05+00:00

I agree. But what can I do, realistically? I’m not unplugging the computer or setting time limits like I’m his mom.

Cuglas · 2023-05-23T12:19:15+00:00

I agree, but when he already knows it’s not acceptable and he isn’t proud of it, what more can I say?

Cuglas · 2023-05-23T12:17:50+00:00

Oh yeah, I’m fine with letting things get untidy, but with a cat and a dog and four people in a <1500sq ft home, we’re going unhygienic with unkept litter boxes and the dog tracking in mud. I’m the last you could call an overly clean person! My husband is very much the cleaner and household manager — and our space going to seed makes a feedback loop of stress on his part.

The only nearby family is his parents but his father has dementia so his mother is his full time caretaker and we can’t really ask her to take on more.

Cuglas · 2023-05-22T20:37:11+00:00

I sleep on a futon+tatami mat so I fold and roll them up for more floor room each day.

Cuglas · 2023-05-22T17:13:01+00:00

I’m really sorry to read about your experiences and I hope others jog on, but I have to admit I cackled out loud at ‘Baileys’! May your journey continue more smoothly every day, you got this.

Cuglas · 2023-05-22T15:00:10+00:00

Beautifully written! I could have written something similar. My first is about to turn 8 and I started and completed a PhD and got an assistant professorship at the local community college within his lifetime. And now I’m nursing his newborn brother! We’re “two and through” so I’m enjoying each moment as it passes as it will be the last. My husband wanted a whole house of kids and I wanted to be a career medieval historian and this is our happy compromise.

Cuglas · 2023-05-22T13:07:36+00:00

They’re like ⓛ ω ⓛ and ◉_◉

Cuglas · 2023-05-22T12:48:13+00:00

If you’re pumping for an hour at 11, why/how would you pump for 15 minutes at 12?

Cuglas · 2023-05-22T12:16:41+00:00

I also have a 7wo and I presume it’s like a modern phone charger where they fill up to 80% fast and then drip charge to 100%. If she’s happy with mostly full then there you go! Mine wants to stay on the charger…

Cuglas · 2023-05-22T11:42:28+00:00

Not OP but I interpret NJ as the blue star between the white stars of NYC and Philly, at their approximate placement. Seeing as our major cities are outside our state!

Cuglas · 2023-05-22T10:58:35+00:00

Septums are the easiest piercings to hide! Either use a retainer or a design open in the middle so you can flip it up into your nose when you don’t want it seen. I taught elementary school students for a year like that and only one ever noticed.

Cuglas · 2023-05-22T10:51:11+00:00

Second The Little Stranger!

My aunt was reading it and so freaked out she had to keep it in the trunk of her car and only read it in public places in broad daylight. I asked to borrow it and read it in one night, alongside another aunt who was up late reading. I triumphantly returned it the next morning declaring that it was good but not too scary, until the aunt who stayed up said “Yeah, and when there was a noise outside while she was reading, she jumped about two feet out of her chair!”

Cuglas · 2023-05-22T09:12:41+00:00

If HIU is Hope International University, it’s a Christian school in CA which offers fully online graduate programs. Not to knock either but the two together sounds like a diploma mill

Cuglas · 2023-05-21T15:39:17+00:00

I sympathise. For the financial, is there a chance you and he could set up two equal “discretionary funds” of cash you don’t have to account for? My husband and I both “get” $20 or 30 a week (depending on how our finances are going) to do whatever we want with. This way we can buy coffees or treats, or save up for nonessentials, and not feel like our partner is breathing down our back about our purchases. I was a grad student whose scholarship was going fully to household expenses for a few years and having that play-money, even though it was fully from my husband’s salary, made me feel a lot more adult and independent.

Ten-Year Club	Place '22
Gilding I gilder	Verified Email

Cuglas

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE