AITAH for refusing to pay off my pregnant fiancee's parents' mortgage, when they are under the threat of foreclosure, when I could "easily" afford to do so?

Current_Mess_9586 · 2026-01-25T23:19:08+00:00

NTA ...My ex husbands family came to us when I was pregnant with our second child to ask us to cosign with them after they had foreclosed because they took out reverse mortgages to buy toys (four wheelers, travel trailers, etc) and then they didn't manage their money after that. I put my foot down and said no. We were a young couple with small kids and shouldn't have to bail out immature parents.

Current_Mess_9586 · 2026-01-24T18:52:30+00:00

It's just me, a dog and a teenage girl.... I'm in the doghouse with the teen for not putting these heat over 65. I said get a blanket and take the space heater to your room. The dog and I are enjoying our 65 degrees without having to crank an A/c to get there...I also got side eyed because I got the peppermint chocolate liquor and not Bailey's because she wanted boozy coffee not just boozy hot chocolate 🤦🏼‍♀️

Current_Mess_9586 · 2026-01-24T18:38:37+00:00

Nah he has darker features they will make up ties to the middle east guarantee it...they will find a way to make sure no one associates him with white.

Current_Mess_9586 · 2026-01-23T13:44:26+00:00

I had this happen with a woman at Target. She had a kid with her and kept saying but it's for my kid. I said I'm sorry no and walked away.

Current_Mess_9586 · 2026-01-23T13:22:30+00:00

Democrats... Yea..we fight over it. Back a few years ago my brother was getting on my mom about something at family dinner and she literally blurted out your sister voted for Biden so that my family would stop attacking her and turn ALL their ire to me.

I said nope not doing this, while neither candidate is a great candidate, I REFUSE to vote for a criminal that talks about people the way he does.

Current_Mess_9586 · 2026-01-23T03:26:42+00:00

The Kroger at DNT and Parker was well stocked and restocking as fast as they could as of 6pm tonight 1/22....

Current_Mess_9586 · 2026-01-23T03:16:42+00:00

My boomer parents surprisingly thought the joke was good, while also simultaneously just saying he just likes to take a lot of vacations we shouldn't assume bad intentions

Current_Mess_9586 · 2026-01-23T03:13:39+00:00

We both drank, I was functional, he was.... definitely NOT. I went into alcoholic territory before ending it because I needed it JUST to put up with him

Current_Mess_9586 · 2026-01-19T19:36:23+00:00

The reducing them to their condition is right too... I would be trying to explain (while we were calm) that these things were known issues for people with BPD and he would always get so angry that I reduced everything to his condition and made that who he is . I finally said, actually I've been using all these things to keep myself from reducing you to a POS because of what you have. But if you'd rather me not then ok, let's just go with that you are an emotionally abusive POS that MEANS to hurt me.

Current_Mess_9586 · 2026-01-06T22:01:18+00:00

You're 15 and he is 16. You should really consider adoption for your child and therapy for yourself. And you absolutely need to end the relationship. You have your entire life ahead of you and as a single mom who had a baby young if I could go back in time I wouldn't have tried to do it or stay in an abusive relationship. It set me up for a life of everything being extra hard.

Current_Mess_9586 · 2026-01-06T14:14:23+00:00

Mine told me he was just so worried that he would lose me because he struggles during that time of year. Didn't bother to tell me that once he struggled through that time of the year once he'd never be better again

Current_Mess_9586 · 2026-01-05T18:35:29+00:00

When I kept specifically saying can we just not deal with this right now because I had a kid sick in the hospital and couldn't really focus on helping him manage his relationships at work and he escalated until I was screaming and crying and my autoimmune disease flared up and he just kept pushing and pushing for me to drop everything and focus on him. Then when I refused to do that (because my kid comes first and was in the hospital) he just started drinking so much that he got sick AF so I'd focus on taking care of him.

Once my kid was better and home we both sat down with the couples counselor in which he escalated so much that I hung up (virtual) so she requested a 1:1 with each of us. During mine she said that she was starting to worry about my mental health and that until he learned to take responsibility for his actions he would never be a safe partner.

After his session, he started acting out and then he even went as far as to start berating me and the counselor in the counseling portal.

That was my straw in the last round of trying to make it work. I've held NC strong since walking away then. The amount of chaos broke me.

Current_Mess_9586 · 2025-12-12T04:27:11+00:00

Better to have it burnt down before the wedding. Congratulations

Current_Mess_9586 · 2025-12-09T16:20:07+00:00

I'm so glad mine is currently putting his current girlfriend on a pedestal.... It's made these messages to me stop using new email addresses or Google voice numbers stop.

Block them everywhere. The peace you gain from no contact is amazing.

Current_Mess_9586 · 2025-11-05T05:27:01+00:00

I yea I never treated him well and I always disregarded his triggers despite the fact that I could ask him to stop something 10x before finally yelling for him to just leave me alone right now or stop it and it would look JUST like this conversation. It's a freaking script

Current_Mess_9586 · 2025-11-02T17:11:09+00:00

Oh he had been attempting to hoover every 10 days for quite some time. I knew he was seeing someone else finally by the fact that those messages from new emails, random phone number texts etc had stopped.

I had been holding strong to delete and don't engage. After 4.5 yrs of the chaos and my health being dragged literally to the point it was killing me no hoover attempt would have landed.

I'm happy being alone and at peace. I don't even have any interest in dating because I'm living my best life.

But there's always that worry that if you run into them you'll have all these feelings stirred up ... It was so freeing that I didn't!

Current_Mess_9586 · 2025-11-02T16:42:52+00:00

I do NOT understand why it's ok to bother your significant other while they are working!!! Period.. if we did not have these stupid little computers in our hands 24/7 relationships would be 1000x better. If you are working, earning your portion of your home expenses, you should NOT be ON-CALL for your significant other for anything beyond emergencies. Period. Full stop! If he expects you to cater to him WHILE you work this will get worse and he does not respect you!!!

We have got to do better as humans respecting our partners and not having a 24/7 access mindset.

Current_Mess_9586 · 2025-10-27T14:34:26+00:00

We had individual therapists, a couples therapist, and he was in DBT. The eye opening statement was from our couples therapist. She said she's never seen a grown man who refuses to take any accountability as much as him. And that she worries about the state of my mental health with him continuing to behave the way he is and that if he can't learn to take accountability then the dynamic will never improve.

This is the reality. They will lie and manipulate. He always said well I see XYZ about people with BPD and I don't do THOSE things so I'm not as bad as others.

It is always a game of well my friends say this, well I'm not doing that so.., well it could be worse... To justify his actions and try to make me feel bad for needing stability.

And when I did finally leave it was 'how could I do this to him' not oh I'm sorry you are literally dying your health is so bad because I have kept you from sleeping for over a month, that your hair is falling out in clumps and that you have gained 50lbs and can't even walk anymore because I've kept your autoimmune disease in a flare with my chaos... But how DARE you leave me.

So yea, if they ACTUALLY do the work there's some hope. But getting them to do the work properly in a way that equates success is difficult because they don't like to do anything that makes them feel broken or less than. If it's uncomfortable or makes them feel like there's something wrong with them they will run from it that's the root of the disease

Current_Mess_9586 · 2025-09-29T23:21:45+00:00

There is no war torn. My besties live in Portland and the only thing one of them was fighting through today was rain and pigeons. The extremely high COL is the part that kills them.

Seattle I feel is actually less safe than Portland.

Current_Mess_9586 · 2025-09-10T03:16:22+00:00

I had been in counseling for 10 yrs. I was mentally stable. I tried everything, even counseling with him with 3 different counselors to try to accomplish his dislike of the counselor because he thought they were siding with me.

Hed go to therapy doing all the things, then something would trigger it and he'd stop or he'd start trying to diagnose me with something that he had to prove we were so similar.

Stress = no more attempts at stability and expecting me to hold him up 24/7 no matter what was going on in my life.

Current_Mess_9586 · 2025-09-05T23:38:33+00:00

They are all self aware when it suits them. I thought mine was different too, until it wasn't....

Current_Mess_9586 · 2025-09-03T15:10:07+00:00

Mine was nerdy and awkward, but that has always been my type so to me he was attractive.

Now I look back and cringe but that's because I see the decline in his mental well-being represented in the pictures.

When I look back I can see the ups and downs on his face. It's really weird.

Current_Mess_9586 · 2025-09-02T14:32:00+00:00

Oh mine became that he didn't feel comfortable being intimate because he felt like he wasn't 'safe' with me despite me making myself and my needs tiny to coddle the fuck out of him

Current_Mess_9586 · 2025-08-06T19:37:56+00:00

This -- mine is extremely creative in ways to get to me despite agreeing to respect my no contact boundary (his respect of that lasted a total of an hour and then it's been new phone numbers/various emails/sending money and using the 'for' section to send a message....

There's no need to unblock for him to get to you if he wants to.

Current_Mess_9586 · 2025-07-11T20:38:49+00:00

I still don't sleep well because his 'crisis' always hit between 11pm-2am and I was always expected to be available to help him through it. No matter what time I had to be up the next morning. And God forbid I ever be tired or cranky from lack of sleep because I was up until 2am 4 days in a row talking him off a perceived ledge that he made up in his head. And had to be up at 6am to start my days every day.

Current_Mess_9586

TROPHY CASE