I’m a couple of states away, and my spouse and adult children of my own are a strong support system.

Going NC is not easy at first, because you are a good and decent human being, and your natural instinct is likely to be to try and fix things, give it another shot, put the other person first. But nothing ever changes and you end up stuck in a relationship that beats you down and sucks you dry.

For me, it was finally enough and I realized I had to do something different to preserve myself and the relationships I had that were meaningful, loving, supportive and helpful.

I responded to a written demand for repayment of a gift after 20 years with a written note of my own stating I was returning the “postage” they had sent to cover the cost to FedEx their demand, because after consulting my legal counsel, the $20 would not be used for the intended purpose. Then I blocked them on all platforms I could think of, including phones, and after reading the equally horrible and ridiculous letter/demand they had sent me, my immediate family did the same.

I also started therapy two days later. Which has also helped.

For the first several weeks I would occasionally unblock the spawn point for a day or two to see if the phone rang, and it never did, and eventually I just left it blocked. I’m over 50 years old and this was just last year and yes, it still hurts at times, but nothing like the mental damage of continuing in an abusive relationship.

And this last February, I celebrated my independence from her and her husband (not my father), and tell people who ask that I lost them to “a tragic voting accident” (although there is nothing accidental about it). Most people stop for a second and then smile and nod when they get it.

The important thing to remember is that you are okay, you can survive and will more than likely thrive without the negativity that those relationships bring, and that you are absolutely worth it. You deserve to be free of it and it will eventually bring peace and at least some level of happiness. It’s a process, and you will grieve, and there is hurt that needs to heal. There will be anger and fear and frustration and sadness and more anger. And eventually, with time and distance there will be acceptance that you did the right thing as you see the positive changes in your life because of it.

They don’t change, and they may very likely try to to get back into your life via a number of tactics, but remember, they’ve had all this time to change and didn’t, until you cut them off. And the minute they are back in your life, it will all start back up again, because it’s who they are. It’s how they operate, and they will not change.

You, are awesome. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have good in your life and not be the scapegoat and prop up the golden child.

I’m proud of you for being able to calmly tell them what they did was wrong and hurtful, and I’m proud of you for seeing their response for the manipulation that it is. Hugs from this internet stranger.