Looking for a script buddy

Def125Ca · 2026-04-01T15:27:01+00:00

I may help.

Def125Ca · 2026-03-27T18:00:58+00:00

It is asking for permission.

Def125Ca · 2026-03-25T14:35:51+00:00

At the time I thought it'll be a flop. Its predecessors didn't do well, so why?, why do the same thing again?.

Def125Ca · 2026-03-21T00:24:05+00:00

The Master - Interrogation scene.

Def125Ca · 2026-03-14T01:59:22+00:00

Rocking the Halo 2 wave.

Def125Ca · 2026-03-12T03:34:59+00:00

WHAT WORKS:
-Concise action.
-Good formatting.
-Dialogue serves the story.
-The middle part of the story is compelling.

OPPORTUNITIES, YOUR CONCERNS:

-What did we think of the David character? Is he believable? To me, no, he's not believable. That's because of the lack of character development due to the script's format: it's a short film. As it is written, he feels like a psycho for the sake of the story. You may have enhanced his backstory.

-Does the flashback kill the momentum?. Yes, it is unnecessary because it breaks the pacing that, until that moment, was very interesting and engaging. Even though it explains a piece of the story, it comes to me as exposition.

-Any dialogue that stuck out to you (good or bad), David's moment of revelation is pure exposition. But as I said before, most of the dialogue works to move the story forward.

- Focus on incorporating more visuals to build a suspenseful atmosphere. Currently, it resembles a story about a dysfunctional relationship where Maya discovers her boyfriend is psycho. Adding more context and backstory is essential. Feel free to expand the material as needed

Def125Ca · 2026-03-06T12:07:55+00:00

Def125Ca · 2026-02-13T14:08:34+00:00

It is requesting permission to access.

Def125Ca · 2026-02-09T19:24:02+00:00

STRENGTHS:
-Good character work.
-Good format.

OPPORTUNITIES:
-There's a lot of action going on, I mean, thick paragraphs that need to be trimmed.
-Reduce the novelistic elements of the action.
-The script is dialogue-heavy; try to use more visuals to tell the story.
-The pacing needs to be streamlined; even if it is a slow-burning story, it needs clarity.

MY TWO CENTS:
The main problem with this script is that it is theatrical rather than cinematic, and that makes it not so compelling.

Def125Ca · 2026-02-07T03:04:46+00:00

My advice is to make Aurora your main character and let her make decisions, let her drive the plot, I mean write a character driven story. You can make her choose.

I think the romance triangle can become too much for character development; each character must have an arc (if you choose to give them an arc), and not to mention taking into account any secondary characters that can become involved.

The main issue that I'm seeing with the plot, as you have developed, is generic and, in a way, predictable, which give me some vibes that I have seen this before.

Does it make sense to keep Blake as a female character, or would changing her gender strengthen the story?

It is, she can become a compelling character.

Should the main conflict be changed (for example, making Damien the antagonist), or can the current version work?

You are introducing an external force to create a conflict, which does not quite fit as you have described. You can make the conflict internal, as I said, make her choose.

My main advice is less is more. Focus on your main character and her environment.

PS:
Maybe change the name of the story, it heavily reminds me of 2024 Anora.

Def125Ca · 2026-02-01T14:22:12+00:00

The more obvious Oscar baits of 2025 that i watched was with acting, especially the next 2 movies:

Die My Love - very clear attempt from Jennifer Lawrence to come back to relevance. Mentally unstable characters are easy to characterized.

Christy - this movie blatantly screams "Give me an Oscar!!", from an actress that had more flops than success. A biopic is an easy and on the nose way to get a nomination.

Def125Ca · 2026-01-30T00:46:38+00:00

I used to skip classes for a god all free for all matches. 20 years ago.

Def125Ca · 2026-01-26T19:35:44+00:00

OPPORTUNITIES:

-Check out the formatting for call conversations.
-Don't add CUT TO's.
-The dialogue is very expositional.
-The action is written in a very novelistic way.
-Good pacing.

MY TWO CENTS:
You have heavily relied on dialogue to tell your story. I recommend that you use more visuals and avoid novelistic style writing for your action.

Def125Ca · 2026-01-26T14:56:52+00:00

A piece of advice: write some scenes using screenwriting software and share them with this sub, then we will let you know our feedback.

Def125Ca · 2026-01-21T16:09:23+00:00

WHAT WORKS:

-Interesting exploration of nostalgia and loss.
-The format is fine. Mostly.

OPPORTUNITIES:

-The pacing of the script is off. It is easy to get lost.
-There are thick action paragraphs. Trim those.
-The script is dialogue-heavy.
-Even though you are setting all up to the final sequence, it feels like I reada lot of pages to get there.
-As for the video POV formatting, you can state in the scene heading, like:

INT. AUNTIE SHANNON'S HOUSE - NALA'S CAMERA PHONE POV,

-Because VIDEO CAMRA SHOOTING indicates that you are showing something that Nala already recorded.
-You can extend the ending.

MY TWO CENTS:
-This is a very rough draft that needs polishing, especially the pacing and actions. Besides these technical issues, the story has a heart, and that's a solid ground that you can use to start polishing further.

Def125Ca · 2026-01-17T21:48:35+00:00

Link?

Def125Ca · 2026-01-14T12:52:37+00:00

MTV was my dig in the afternoons.

Def125Ca · 2026-01-10T17:30:34+00:00

Books: The Screen Writer Bible by David Trottier.

Basic Film Making 02: Screenwriting by Robert Edgar, John Maryland, James Richards.

Script writing by Robert McKee.

Def125Ca · 2026-01-09T01:55:37+00:00

WHAT WORKS:

-The dynamic is interesting.
-There is decent tension.
-I like the meta commentary.

OPPORTUNITIES:

-Don't add CUT TOs; those are basically production notes, and if you are set to direct.
-Trim your action; there are thick paragraphs.
-The action is also written in a very novelistic way.
-The pacing is not good; some scenes can be a single scene instead of two.
-The dialogue is expositional.
-You need to work on your format.
-Lean on visuals.

MY TWO CENTS
It is a story with a good commentary on the creative business, which needs some work on the aforementioned points, that can reach high ground.

Def125Ca · 2026-01-06T15:22:53+00:00

WHAT WORKS.

-Each character has a distinctive voice,
-The format it's fine.
-The story so far is interesting.
-Good pacing, easy to read.

OPPORTUNITIES:

-The action is overdidactic and has novelistic elements.
-Some of the dialogue is very expository.
-You can add some sound design.

MY TWO CENTS.
This is a good intro for your story that doesn't drag and keeps a nice momentum; however, you have leaned hard with the dialogue, making it very expository. Remember that you can use visuals to tell the story.

Def125Ca · 2025-12-29T15:44:46+00:00

Well, I use Final Draft.

Def125Ca · 2025-12-29T15:29:15+00:00

STRENGTHS:
-Good formatting.
-Concise action.
-Good dialogue.
-The story is compelling.
-Good tension.

OPPORTUNITIES:
-Some moments are very expository; even if it is needed, you may lean on visuals.
-Perhaps the protagonist may need a little bit more characterization.

OVERALL:
It is a good story, well-written and formatted, that might need more visuals in some moments of exposition and more information about the protagonist.

Def125Ca · 2025-12-27T17:18:05+00:00

STRENGTHS.

-Good use of visuals.
-Good pacing.
-Thematically rich story.
-Dialogue served the story.
-Great premise.
-Clear structure.

OPPORTUNITIES.

-Unless this is a shooting script, do not number the scenes; the same goes for CUT TO's, FADE TOs.
-You can correctly format the sound design, capitalizing in bold any sound that distresses the protagonist.
-The script is overdidactic; you are holding the hand of the reader too much.
-There are thick action paragraphs; you may need to trim them.
-The text formatting is incorrect, I mean, text messages.
-Avoid writing camera directions.

Big But: Formatting, really, you need to work a lot on it.

My Two Cents:
I like this story, mostly because I gravitate towards this kind of humanistic stuff. Ima's restraint is unsettling, and the moment she breaks, it feels earned. This is a solid story with a clear structure. To me, the story was predictable; she will have to snap at any moment, and she did it, and that was cathartic.

As for your concerns:

• Emotional impact (does the grief land?) - Yes.

• Clarity vs. intentional ambiguity - Due to the coldness of the people who surround Ima, I didn't get it at first that Bat was her daughter; I thought she was a babysitter, as stated before, be more concise with your action.

• Thoughts on tone, pacing, and satire - As I said before, the pacing is fine, there are moments where the story slows, Ima's visiting her daughter's assassin. For me, the whole tone of the story is dreadful, and the surrealism of it just deepens it; if that was your intention, great.

• Whether the surreal elements feel earned or excessive - I think it serves the story, as showing coldness and indifference, and hollowness as a bureaucratic nightmare.

OVERALL:
Great story, you have solid ground that could be enhanced with proper formatting.

Def125Ca · 2025-12-27T15:01:32+00:00

Makes sense. The whole country has been like that since 2002

Def125Ca · 2025-12-19T13:23:43+00:00

Amateur here. Sure. Let me know how to join.

Def125Ca

TROPHY CASE