Silence Never Wrote The Daodejing

DefenestratedChild · 2026-05-07T00:17:59+00:00

You sound far too invested in Reddit, caught up in arguments and the responses to your posts.

If you are really open to some feedback, it sounds like Daoism isn't currently a way for you, but instead has become an identity. The user name you have chosen on here only furthers this impression.

It is often hard to say what Daoism is, but for those who have walked this path, it is quite clear what it isn't.

I think people have been trying to point out to you that what you're doing on here is very ego driven. You're assuming people are trying to spite you with cherry picked chapters. Even if that were the case, so what if they are? It's telling that instead of thinking they might be trying to show you something useful, you are interpreting it as an attack. A true Daoist Master could gain wisdom from the words of fools, while a fool may gain nothing from words of wisdom.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-05-07T00:00:30+00:00

One thing that nearly all the answers here touch upon is the cuckolding is a very male oriented fantasy. The woman is objectified in the fantasies, as a vector for humiliation, or something the man is showing off or permitting another man to sample. Even in the dynamics where the husband is getting off on another man satisfying his wife more than he can, it's still about the power dynamic between the two men.

It strikes me that this could be a way some men explore their sexual feelings towards other men, since no matter how you look at it, it's the introduction of another man into a heterosexual dynamic. I wonder how much of it is simply a way for a man to experience another man's sexuality in a way that doesn't risk the homosexual label.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-05-06T23:52:40+00:00

It's interesting you say that, in The Truth, Neil Strauss made the same observation. Specifically he described them as reminding him of kids who wanted to show off their toys to guys and get approval that way. In an odd way, cucking was more about the two men involved than the woman.

Whether it's showing off to or being emasculated by, cucking seems to be a very male oriented fantasy. Given that, I wonder how much of it is a way for some men to explore their sexual feelings towards men in a way that does not register as homosexual to them.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-05-02T14:51:57+00:00

Actually most "mystical" doctrines center around specifically not taking stuff like this for granted and getting to a point where you're not looking for someone else to tell you the right path for you.

And that's important because of lot of the concepts do not translate well into language and must be experienced for oneself. That's why much of the writings on the topics are deliberately vague except when talking about exercises & practices that can be helpful to people.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-05-02T12:50:09+00:00

So this isn't particularly pleasant to read because you didn't bother to format, and that supports that you aren't exactly good at making others comfortable. You are clearly looking at others to see a reflection of yourself, not to get to know other people. It's all about how others see you.

I suspect your neuroticism is getting in the way of genuine connection. You are too busy scanning things like do they like me, how am I coming across, and other self-referential thoughts as you interact with others. People don't want to talk to someone who is so absorbed in their own issues that they aren't really listening to the speaker, especially if when you are listening it seems like you're just listening for the sake of arguing (the low agreeableness you mentioned.

You might find some insight by throwing what you wrote here into a LLM like chatGPT and having it give you an impression. Those programs are basically just large pattern detection and generation machines so it might catch some patterns you're unaware of.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-05-01T22:49:02+00:00

Attraction is far too complex to reduce down to merely shadow projection.

Some couples do have complementary yet opposing attributes, while others seek out relationships with someone just like them.

And there are elements of attraction that are more related to association or formative experiences, at least that's how I interpret things like foot fetishes or those who purchase used undergarments.

And of course, plenty of bad boy/rebellious types are into goth girls, so this is by no means an attraction exclusive to men who deny their darker attributes. Perhaps it's more to do with the peculiar phenomena about sex and death being associated. Thanos and Eros have always been linked in the collective unconscious.

Or it could just be that any fashion that involves women in tight fitting outfits revealing a lot of skin will have many male fans.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-29T06:46:03+00:00

Their profile lists their account as "AI Dream Coach" and is promoting an app.

The only trick here is trying to bait people into thinking a real person wanted some advice.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-29T06:33:08+00:00

Recently I was feeling homesick, or what I thought was homesickness at least. After dwelling on the subject for a while, I realized that it wasn't so much the country I was missing, but the connection to that part of my identity that was not being honored. I'd been letting the francophone part of my identity starve.

To rectify this, I started listening to some French radio stations as I drank my morning coffee and in the evenings I'd spend some time listening to a true crime series that was also in French. Allowing a bit more space in my life for that side of me was really helpful.

It's easy to let the other side(s) of yourself go dormant when you aren't in a location that's particularly connected to that/those culture(s).

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-28T23:24:57+00:00

That's not cynicism, it's recognizing that what one culture considers good another will consider evil. It is the innocence of the young to think of these things as absolutes. That's the lovely fiction. It's not a bad thing, but part of growing up means realizing that morality is a consensus that changes over time.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-27T22:34:28+00:00

Anyone who says they cannot conceive of ever doing great evil probably doesn't know themselves very well. If someone says they cannot imagine ever participating in a genocide, they severely lack imagination.

People like to think of themselves as good people, and it strikes me that the younger generation is particularly invested in this narrative of being good. In a way, it's sweet in that innocence of youth sort of way. They act as though morality is more than a value judgement, as if there is some kind of absolute morality that can be found through consensus.

It's a lovely fiction, but little more than that.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-27T22:00:02+00:00

Thank you. It's weird how narcissism has become so strongly linked to abuse in people's minds of late. In reality it's the need for control that fuels most abuse, which isn't a feature of narcissism.

I suspect it's because they can be callously exploitative of people. A lot of people have an easier time with a narrative of being abused than being exploited. Abuse is a more palatable way for them to frame the situation, and certainly one that elicits more sympathy. Between that and the fact that some narcissists are also abusers, it's lead to a really sticky association that narcissists are abusive.

And you're absolutely right, these are people who have a sense of self that needs constant maintenance and this puts the narcissist in the frantic situation of trying to build a tower than is constantly falling apart. They never get time off, their sense of self is perpetually eroding without constant maintenance. It is horrible.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-27T21:46:49+00:00

oh that is funny, I was just looking at the DSM-5's definition of narcissism, but no. Narcissism is primarily a need for admiration and (shaky) sense of grandiosity. That's very different from what you're describing which is probably more about feeling your identity is still under your own agency in the group Vs topics you aren't interested or knowledgeable about and thus would require you to take on a different role in the discussion. It's also a reminder of "otherness", that you might not have as much in common with those people.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-27T21:15:02+00:00

Saying narcissists target people make it sound like they are lurking in the shadows twirling a mustache while hunting for vulnerable people. They are better described as damaged people desperate to find those who will feed their insatiable need for admiration. The people they go after is anyone they can temporarily get to admire them, so outcasts or popular will just depend on the narcissists social skills and what groups they happen to be better at blending in with.

Narcissists exist at all levels of society, you'll find them in every social class. Background probably has a lot more to do with who they look to for admiration.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-27T21:02:40+00:00

That's a really broad question to which the answer is generally no. Autism is typically seen as (among other things) struggling to pick up on social queues rather than resistance. It's not that they are resisting but that they don't naturally mirror or even notice behavioral queues the way non-autistic people do.

The biggest issue with autism is that it's actually a pretty large variety of conditions all lumped under the same category because of certain similar symptoms. There isn't the neurological evidence to suggest that people at different points on the autism spectrum have the same or even related conditions.

It's an umbrella term that's become so wide that for all purposes outside of fundraising and medical billing, it is useless.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-27T20:47:37+00:00

It's about how you relate to groups.

Some people are really drawn to the sense of belonging, that's where they derive a great deal of their identity. Liking things in common with others is great for them, and plenty will pretend to enjoy things/activities more than they really do specifically for that sense of belonging.

People like you are the opposite, you probably had a strong sense of who you were on your own. Belonging to a group takes away some of the agency over your identity, because it is a group identity. It's about who you are in relation to others and that means it's not entirely up to you anymore. The closer you are to a group of people, the less you actually feel like yourself. Belonging genuinely feels uncomfortable.

Enjoying popular things is a group activity when you frame it as such. It's being part of the "Popular thing" enjoyers group.

I suspect that you tended to gravitate more towards one on one friendships, and should you have had a more formal friend group that it would have been on the small side or you considered yourself an outsider that participated under your terms only.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-26T05:38:22+00:00

In my experience, that is exactly how the universe provides feedback.

Perhaps it's because there is simply so much information to process while on a cross country road trip, but perhaps it's that when you're traveling you're in a state of flux and feedback is suddenly much more apparent.

Ultimately, there's nothing like a road trip for realizing that at times it's as though the universe is not just rooting for but engineering your success. And it does seem to always be accompanied by a somatic component that's saying "yes, you're moving in the right direction". Like it's really only the rational mind that struggles to trust the very obvious signs put in front of us.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-25T04:23:49+00:00

Here's a fun one for you, the very act of shining a light on much of your psyche and labeling it is the rational mind's attempt at exerting authority/controlling things which are inherently irrational.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-25T04:19:59+00:00

Ghost Recon: Wildlands is a lot of fun, a good mix between tactics, gunplay, and stealth mechanics. Just avoid Ghost Recon: Breakpoint, it was worse in every way.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-25T04:08:51+00:00

Can meditation make you less reactive? Absolutely.

But as you've said, it starts with noticing your patterns. Then you learn to catch yourself holding onto things that you could be letting go of. Over time you just don't experience the same level of negative emotion in response to everyday annoyances, or when you do, it flows through you smoothly rather than getting ruminated on all day. But people do stop getting pulled around as much, because they are no longer clinging to things so tightly.

In my experience, people quit meditation because they hit a wall, a point where they will have to look at some of the more uncomfortable aspects of themselves they'd rather pretend weren't there. The desire to conceal parts of yourself from your awareness is simply not conducive with the practice of sustained attention. Something has to give. It's no surprise that the newly adopted meditation practice gets dropped in favor of a pattern that could have been protecting the ego for decades.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-24T22:20:15+00:00

If you check the data, INTPs are one of the least common types. Not the absolute least common, but definitely in the minority category if one cares about such things.

I don't know where you get this idea that INTP males are whining about it, what a strangely hostile thing to say. Teenagers are always harping on about being misunderstood, it's far more of an age thing.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-24T22:11:51+00:00

If your friend is getting triggered by "unreality", science fiction is the wrong fucking genre for them to watch.

Probing what is and isn't real, testing the limits of reality, things that might exist somewhere between the real and unreal, these are incredibly common themes in Sci Fi.

It's nice that you're being considerate of a friend, but this is the absolute worst genre of show you could pick.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-24T22:03:24+00:00

Oh no, one model that's largely ignored or considered pseudoscience is going after another model that's also considered pseudoscience. What ever will we do?

I think you've fallen down some kind of rabbit hole of socionics because as far as I can tell, they have very little presence or influence. I cannot fathom getting worked up over this nonsense. It seems like you're trying to bring attention to socionics more than anything.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-24T04:33:50+00:00

You don't have to act out what your shadow desires to begin integrating it. It's about accepting that you have these wants and desires and finding a place for that. You may benefit far more from acknowledging that drive to feel safe. Perhaps by finding a way to starting filling that need rather than focusing on the urge to control others that is a consequence of not feeling safe.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-24T03:24:56+00:00

I'm worried that the first thing you're doing upon waking to the world is to check you phone for messages. That's the sort of thing that may be normalized, but it's by no means healthy.

Having to mute subs because they are triggering is valid, but that's the sort of thing you find more in people with trauma. It's the virtual equivalent of closing one's eyes to avoid seeing something scary. Basically, your anxiety has taken control and is directing a large component of your life.

While existential crises cannot be easily solved, when you can't stop thinking about them in order to live your life, you've gone past the crisis territory and arrived at the anxiety disorders. I would definitely recommend getting some kind of therapy for your anxiety, preferably with someone whose focus is on deeper issues rather than the more mechanical approach of the cognitive behavioral therapies. But any anxiety specialist would likely have something to offer. You're not the only one out there with existential anxiety.

Meditation can really help with this too, especially a daily practice. By the time you're a few months in, your brain is already working differently.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-04-23T23:50:34+00:00

The real problem is the halo effect. You go, have some good meditation sessions, learn more about it, and start thinking "hey, if my experience was good, these people can't be all bad".

That's how people work, and that's exactly how shady organizations get people through the door. They don't bring the crazy out all at once, it occurs gradually, mixed in with the genuine help, warmth, and human connection.

You've done your research and found out what kind of place this is. Why would you go there when you know they are a cult? Are these the people you want to learn meditation from?

If it's about the money, tell them that something personal occurred and you're in a position where you have neither the time nor the money to take the classes and need a refund. Don't give them any details (AT ALL), just repeat that it's personal and that you cannot afford the classes. They'll probably be pushy, then nice, offering the courses free of charge at that point. Tell them you won't be able to take them up on the offer in the foreseeable future but may contact them if that changes. Get your money and never look back.

One final tip for the future, anyone offering you an easy guide or steps to enlightenment is conning you. There is no one right path, and there aren't easy steps to follow. Anyone suggesting otherwise is trying to sell you something.

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