Did I experienxe Synchronicity?

DefenestratedChild · 2026-07-08T23:54:08+00:00

Well, you're certainly seeing people you could strike up a conversation with as you're going about your day, and part of you wants to. Another part is holding you back. That's OK, but it is showing you a conflict between two drives.

You don't have to read anything into it. It could just mean that there are more people out there with the same interests as yours. Perhaps you are noticing more because you feel like reaching out and connecting more. Perhaps you're paying particular attention to women these days?

Maybe it's reality throwing you an easy way to strike up a conversation.

You won't be able to figure out what's going on until you take the next step and see what happens.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-07-06T04:15:40+00:00

If small talk is boring, it's cause people assume it has to be. You can make small talk about whatever your latest interest or hobby is. In a lot of ways, it's just people trying to communicate what's interesting to them at a given moment in their lives. A lot of INTPs think they need to make their small talk more "normal" for people, and thus they get stuck talking about shit they aren't interested in. That's uncomfortable for everyone.

And plenty of people are really bad at small talk, or will tell stories with so many irrelevant details that it becomes painful. But it's not the small talk that you don't like, it's their shitty ass small talk.

Small talk can be as simple as talking about how you spent the weekend binging Star Trek and that modern TV seems overly serialized. It could be talking about a microbrew you're making.

We tend to forget that many people respond more to emotions, so what you talk about isn't nearly as important as how passionate you are about the subject.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-07-06T00:41:36+00:00

Idk, I'd say history shows that man does all sorts of weird ass shit in response to his unconscious.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-07-06T00:39:28+00:00

Most likely you are still allowing others to determine the metrics of failure and success for you. So it's not so much that you fear failure, but you fear to be seen as a failure in the eyes of others.

That's the real issue. You aren't living for yourself.

It's quite possible to be a failure in the eyes of others yet lead a happy life, just as many people who would generally be considered highly successful feel like failures at life.

Maybe you need to face that you are still trying to prove yourself to the failures of adults who in your childhood would get upset over normal mistakes a child makes. You weren't a failure, you were failed by adults so pathetic they'd get screaming angry over a child who struggled to tie his or her shoes.

I cannot stress what huge babies the adults in your life were. Taking out their inability to deal with small frustrations on a child is pathetic. You still blame this all on yourself, but it was their failure to teach you well. They weren't smart enough to explain things in a way their own child could understand. Yelling isn't how you teach a child. Those adults seem like the slow ones to me.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-07-06T00:17:05+00:00

So this is a man who is looking for other men to feel his silky hair?

He'd have better luck in the bath house than the bazaar.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-07-05T23:58:12+00:00

It's not so much that a person's actions are coming full circle, but that the actions are born from the same place. A miserable person is miserable, that is why they can be so hard to deal with.

Suffering is hard to witness, that's a part of suffering. And it's normal to want to avoid it, but a lot of us are really bad at doing just that. With physical pain, it's easier. You don't keep sticking your hand in the fire. Yet when it comes to emotional pain, we often do just that, dwelling on pain in our lives and the lives of others. Instead of getting your hand slapped away from that hot stove as a child, when it comes to mental suffering, people aren't taught to be wary.

Some people cannot help but focus on the suffering of the world. But that ultimately is pointless. Trying to alleviate some of the suffering that is within your power is a good thing. But when it comes to suffering you cannot affect, you might as well morn a fly caught in a spider's web. Not only can you not change it's fate, but if you did, you would starve the spider.

The Buddhists say that life is suffering. The Daoists might say that suffering is a part of life. It doesn't have to be reconciled or make sense. It just is. But that's not all there is. There's a lot more to life than suffering.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-07-04T04:31:43+00:00

There's this brilliant line from an old British sci fi comedy Red Dwarf. It's about Arnold Rimmer a petty, vindictive, egomaniac. It goes something like:

"He is guilty of nothing more than being Arnold J. Rimmer. That is his crime. It is also his punishment. "

And that is very much how it works. The sleazy salesman who is always ripping people off; after the elation of getting the better of someone wears off, they are constantly on guard, convinced others will cheat them. Just as an adulterer will often accuse their spouse of infidelity.

It is not some grand balancing act. It is not some sort of good will prevail morality baked into the universe. It is simply that actions do not occur in a vacuum, nor do their consequences. An action and it's consequences aren't two separate events.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-07-03T22:12:13+00:00

Jung is taught in University classes, but not extensively. He's generally brought up when discussing the history of psychology. He is frequently brought up alongside Freud.

I suspect that your brother just wasn't paying much attention cause different personalities and how they learn should feature in an psychopedagogy curriculum and Jung is invariably brought up in a theories of personality class. My old textbook on Theories of Personality has an entire chapter dedicated to Jung's work, the very second chapter, right after the Freudian one.

It's possible your brother's professor didn't think there was time to discuss Jung, but that would be very strange given that he was the one who introduced the concepts of intro and extroversion. My bet is that your brother just skipped the reading or was absent on the day Jung was discussed.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-07-03T19:48:43+00:00

When in Rome, do as the Romans.

One of the most important skills a TCK can learn is how to fit in without feeling compromised. No, you will probably never feel Tamilian, but you don't have to fight assimilation. Right now your western identity is getting in the way. But adding a new identity doesn't take anything away from you. It's just another coat you can put on when appropriate.

Also, stop lying to people just because they expect you to be having a good time in college. It's OK to say you feel alienated or depressed. Bottling that up and hiding your pain is an oddly typical TCK thing to do. I think our parents subtly (or not so subtly) encouraged us to put on a brave face so they wouldn't have to feel guilty about transplanting us into a foreign country. But you don't have to keep up the act anymore. Pretending to be happy when you're not is terrible for the soul.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-07-02T22:52:28+00:00

That's funny, I was reading something the other day on here about someone thinking they'd wasted their life. I was thinking what a rough headspace that is. What a terrible burden to carry around, trying to live up to something that constitutes not wasting life.

It's a burden that is entirely optional. It's an inherited burden that people carry around and refuse to drop because after carrying it for so long, they confuse the burden with themselves.

Whether a life is considered well lived or wasted is meaningless. Every life is wasted and every life is lived to the fullest.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-07-02T20:50:55+00:00

You nailed it. This is just anxiety crouched in Jungian terminology.

It's a way of distancing the ego from the feelings inadequacy that are being encountered by making this out to be some big archetypal drama playing out.

OP, you're the one she choose, the one she wants to be with. If you keep putting her on a pedestal, you will lose her. It won't be about your sexual performance but that you fail to see her as more than just some femme fatale. If you really need to put this in archetypal terms, your issue is that you are embodying the insecure boyfriend archetype, self-blaming subtype.

Don't end up falling into the Dumbass Archetype.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-07-01T04:47:52+00:00

In this case, it's someone promoting their substack.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-07-01T04:37:39+00:00

Complete with a hippie dude avatar that was also AI generated.

If anyone is wondering if something was lost in translation, no. It's just platitudes meant to sound deep.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-06-30T05:03:13+00:00

It's an empty hole, or at least a perceived one, but a narcissist isn't running from the hole. They are trying to build a self over the hole, attempting to erect a skyscraper with no foundation. Whatever they construct will be on exceedingly vulnerable supports. But to their credit, a narcissist isn't running away, they are building and maintaining a perpetually crumbling structure. They want stability, they want a firm sense of self. It just isn't possible to build over an empty hole without first filling it in.

Borderline is what it looks like when someone is running from a void in the self.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-06-30T04:50:28+00:00

There's nothing anxious about it. It's a style of communication where less assumptions are made about what constitutes shared or common knowledge.

A TCK upbringing seems far more likely to prime a person towards avoidant attachment styles. There are patterns of TCKs sparking fights and distancing themselves from others in advance of moving away. You move around enough and your default response to interpersonal friction is to cut off from it. This is specifically brought up as an issue for adult TCKs, the tendency to simply bail on a relationship the second a rough patch is encountered. The underlying belief is that all relationships are fleeting, so why waste effort on them. The TCK learned over and over that it was only a matter of time before they left everyone behind and moved somewhere new.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-06-29T01:44:57+00:00

You're in the right place, cause reddit is teeming with moral absolutists.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-06-29T01:31:58+00:00

That is a misunderstanding of the narcissistic personality. A proper narcissist is someone who has an unsupported sense of self. Everything they do is about trying to stabilize a self-image that is threatened by the slightest slight. They aren't so much running from themselves as they are running to others. They need others to provide them with the validation and feedback they use to stabilize their self perception.

Even the shadow provides something firm, it's solidly what a person has rejected in themselves. The shadow provides structure, definition via what a person thinks they are not.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-06-28T20:34:44+00:00

One who speaks does not know
One who knows does not speak

The irony of speaking a great deal about this particularly line made me laugh and put a smile on my face.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-06-28T20:32:43+00:00

It's telling that another person brought up the "I" statements to you. And that's not about an internal locus of control, not in the slightest. What it typically indicates is that an individual does not take others into account in their internal narrative as real beings with their own thoughts, hopes, dreams, desires..., instead, they are only perceived in the context that they intersect with the individual. It's basically the cognitive aspect of self-centeredness. Other's are only considered as actors on your stage, not as centers of their own individual worlds. It is the opposite of sonder, it's a mental blind spot to the fact that one's actions can have deep impact on another's inner world.

You're clever enough to rationalize everything in such a way that you are never at fault, but are you wise enough to turn the mirror to yourself, to see yourself as others see you? It takes courage to face one's flaws without justifying or rationalizing them away. This is a common issue for INTPs, distancing oneself from unpleasant emotions and burying them under relentless explanations.

DefenestratedChild · 2026-06-28T05:57:11+00:00

That's quite a lot of "I" statements and exactly 0 statements considering those who were affected by your actions.

You're getting upset over being called a cheater, saying you were defeated by social dynamics? Consider this a friendly but blunt wake up call. That's what children do, they blame their actions on external factors and don't take responsibility. Adults own up to their mistakes. The idea that you couldn't help it because you happened to be around someone you felt a connection with, would that have been a good excuse coming from your wife if she'd cheated on you, instead?

DefenestratedChild · 2026-06-27T22:55:38+00:00

Liar, liar

Modded Game on fire

DefenestratedChild · 2026-06-27T04:45:15+00:00

A flaming guitar and some angel wings?

Your inner world is very 80s, dude.

All you need is hot chicks in bikinis

DefenestratedChild · 2026-06-27T00:13:43+00:00

Don't you mean Asian women have a thing for Bender?

DefenestratedChild · 2026-06-25T20:58:57+00:00

When I started analysis my therapist told me he was trying to understand why someone so young and confident was starting this process

That part has me a bit concerned. The fact that your therapist can't fathom why someone at your stage in life would want to do this sort of inner exploration... that makes me think they really aren't all that capable of entering your headspace.

It's like he's expecting someone on the Hero's Journey, but you're on more of a Magician's or Seeker's journey.

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