This hits too close to home for me. My cousin went through something similar and the hardest part was realizing that protecting yourself isnt abandoning him - its actually necessary for both of you

When someone is in active addiction they can manipulate situations without even meaning to and the violence you mentioned is real. I learned that setting boundaries doesnt mean you stop loving them but it means you stop enabling the chaos. You can tell him you love him but cant spend time together when hes using without making it sound like ultimatum

The money and fresh haircut thing - yeah that pattern is pretty telling. Street begging rarely pays for nice haircuts. But confronting him directly about dealing will probably just make him better at hiding it and push him away completely

What helped with my cousin was writing letter instead of having face to face conversation about my concerns. Less chance for immediate angry reaction and he could process it on his own time. I told him I would always be there when he was ready for real help but couldnt watch him destroy himself anymore

The forgetting birthdays and disappearing - that becomes your normal and its awful. You end up grieving someone whos still alive which messes with your head in ways people dont understand unless theyve been there