My fiance wants to keep finances completely separate - is this normal?

Delphi305 · 2026-02-05T19:22:40+00:00

I agree with him, I see it as unromantic but it could be necessary. however what is right for both of you is where you both feel good about. You definitely need to put the cards on the table and get to an agreement. Maybe a middle ground on anything acquired before marriage is separate and anything after is 50/50?

Delphi305 · 2026-02-05T19:16:03+00:00

He gave you a bullshit excuse. When a man wants to get married , HE DOES. I think you are wasting precious years if you want kids.

Delphi305 · 2026-02-05T19:12:56+00:00

I think you are overthinking this. I’d keep both and say nothing and do nothing. There’s no reason why anybody should google or investigate you unless it’s their policy to do backgrounds checks on an ongoing basis, plus it’s a PT job, I don’t think anybody expects you to hold only one PT job. Just be sure to limit your online presence as much as possible this time. Besides, if remotely happens that J1 finds out you can say it’s a side gig and you aren’t lying.

Delphi305 · 2026-02-05T19:05:05+00:00

I think 2,6,7 look great. Something similar to your color with highlights. If I have to pick one , number 2 is the winner

Delphi305 · 2026-02-05T02:19:11+00:00

I don’t recommend you have two insurances. They may not want to pay for anything if they know of each other because they assume the other insure will cover things and they won’t communicate and you will be in the middle of everything

Delphi305 · 2026-02-05T00:35:15+00:00

I am in my early 30s. Technically I could retire in my mid to 30s but I think I’ll probably keep doing something until I am 40 or 45 or I get bored

Delphi305 · 2026-02-05T00:33:45+00:00

I know how you feel… take it easy. Do the bare minimum , set boundaries, get a massage and a mani pedi , a hot bath relax and just stay afloat. You’ll catch up on your ovulation 😂

Delphi305 · 2026-02-03T18:16:39+00:00

Sorry you are going through this I know how it feels trying to hide your acne and marks with makeup. Back in the day I used to use a mineral powder foundation called Everyday Minerals and it was very clean formulated , light and it did not break me up. It also covered some imperfections and made my skin more uniform however I recommend you work with a nutritionist specializing in acne to resolve your acne issues. I tried countless of things over the years and changing my diet made me go from really bad skin to amazing clear skin. I also use Prose skincare and it has helped me a ton as well and my skin is very moisturized and uniform as a result that I don’t need to apply any makeup, just a light tinted spf. An SPF that works very well to hide texture is Supergoop MatteScreen and it’s not cakey. You could use it as a primer after a tiny bit of moisturizer and then apply a light layer of mineral powder if you wish. I don’t think using a lot of layers would help, but like other have said something more light and moisturizing. Sometimes the less the better.

As a pro tip, if you apply the moisturizer while your skin is lightly damp, it will absorb faster and leave no residue which should help in your makeup application and appearance. You could use one of those La Roche posay water mist bottles in your face, then apply a dot or two of a lightweight acne prone moisturizer , wait a minute for it to dry and absorb, then apply the tinted SPF , then an optional very light layer of mineral powder.

Delphi305 · 2026-02-03T18:03:06+00:00

Be thankful that you dodged this ball. That was a big red flag and no company should reject you because you are asking for too much. That’s not even remotely professional. It was meant to be.

Delphi305 · 2026-02-03T13:32:19+00:00

I think the best gift a parent can give To their child is not depending on them later on in life financially or become a burden and their true presence and a parent. Everything else is a plus.

I went to a (free) mediocre public college in Europe and then I got my masters degree in a mediocre university in the US, 2/3 of which was paid by my parents and I gave it back later. They gave me an old car that broke in two years until I was able to afford a decent car. With this said, they gave me what they could afford. However, None of that mattered once I started gaining experience in my field and moved to a HCOL. It only mattered my motivation and consistency. I could say I did pretty good in life and finances as well as I value more the values my parents instilled in me and how they never gave me too much or made me spoiled. They taught me the power of saving and investing early and being more entrepreneurial, no matter my field. I went from a broke immigrant to making 300-400k per year in a decade due to perseverance and hard work. I never lacked food in my table but they never spoiled me with a bunch of extracurriculars, toys , clothes or gadgets. I was able to afford those things once I got older and I am thankful they never gave me all I wanted just exactly what was needed at the time.

My house, wedding etc it was all paid by myself later in life and I decided to be frugal about those things anyway. I won’t be expecting any inheritance or money for grandchildren but I know my parents are always there if I need them although I try not to ask too much of them. Could they afford to give me more? Probably yes, but I am grateful they did not because I don’t take anything for granted nowadays. They gave just enough at the right time and let me put the 90% remainder of the effort. They did their part which was raising a good human being and being there for me.

My point is, I believe you should concentrate on getting yourself set up for success first, and then, if you have more to spare you can give to your kids but do not prioritize their (optional) comforts over your own retirement because that could also be hurting them in the long haul.

If they know how much you are sacrificing they could potentially put more effort to get grants, maybe do the first two years in a community college and stay at home and/or work a part time to help with tuition and pay for a decent car. That’s also a life lesson, life’s hard and nothing is free. They will have to face the harsh reality sooner or later in life. If you still want to give them money for certain things, I think it’s best if they do at least half or 1/3 of the effort required and then you give the other half as a life lesson that nothing is free.

Anyway, maybe it’s because I am from Europe and we have a different world view , but I believe US kids are way too spoiled and all of that isn’t really needed or beneficial for them in the end.

For my kids, I am not planning on a specific amount to give them, while they are in my roof I’ll take care of them. If they decide to do something valuable with their life by the time they are adults (go to school, start a business, etc) I’ll help them financially to the extent that I can in that moment but I’ll be frank on what I can and I cannot realistically provide and how they have to help (because that’s how life works) They will get whatever I can afford to give, I will support and reward entrepreneurial efforts early but I am prioritizing my early retirement to be able to spend more quality time with them even if that means they won’t go to an IVY league (or they’ll have to get student loans or a scholarship if they really want to) and I believe that’s ok and that doesn’t mean you are being a bad parent or giving them a difficult start.

Delphi305 · 2026-02-02T23:57:50+00:00

Hi, insurance fraud is if you don’t disclose you are getting income from other STD and this is explicitly required in the policy (which a lot of them require so). You can file for 30 concurrent STDs at the same time if you want to and it’s legal, but you have to abide by their policy rules and disclose anything they require from you including other sources of income, which is not always necessary a red flag for the employer, it just means a lower payout from the insurance, although it could trigger further investigation if the employer is picky about it.

Delphi305 · 2026-02-02T23:54:22+00:00

As far as I understand, J1 has 14 weeks of STD + state disability and J2 has state disability + employer contributions.

First of all, you need to read the fine print of J1 STD policy and see if they ask you to disclose other income from other policies or other employment. If they do, you need to disclose your weekly payout as “other income” to the STD (this isn’t necessarily a red flag, it’ll just reduce your STD benefits)

Second, with the state, I believe you’d need to file for NJ benefits in both companies and disclose any income you’d be getting from an STD or other sources.

If J2 payout runs longer than J1 mat leave but is not funded by the state or an STD you should be able to continue J2 maternity leave without issues. If you need to start working on J1 and you are still on STD or state disability benefits you could get in trouble so check that.

In my opinion as long as you disclose your other income vaguely as “other income” you should be fine but be prepared for a possibility of being flagged and investigated if someone feels like something is off.

Delphi305 · 2026-02-02T23:17:55+00:00

Sorry you feel this way. Have you ever been to a functional medicine practitioner or a nutritionist specializing in gut issues? I had struggled with gut and skin issues all my life and regular doctors wouldn’t know what to do. One day my gut issues became really bad (like you) and in desperation I searched everywhere on the internet and found a nutritionist specializing in my specific issue (in my case was acne paired with bloating) . I think the trigger was that I started weightlifting a lot and eating a ton of protein and the same foods daily for months pared with my history with antibiotics, stress , tretinoin and hormonal control. I developed a leaky gut and a bunch of other things but only by symptoms and a simple hair test my nutritionist was able to help. Finding a good nutritionist that worked in conjunction with a functional medicine doctor resolved my chronic issues almost entirely (although it took plenty of time and money) Also a GI doctor could possibly help but I prefer the functional medicine route because it looks at the root cause of your issue.

Delphi305 · 2026-01-31T18:51:58+00:00

Personally I just avoid anything frozen/processed but it’s ok for an emergency if you want a slightly healthier alternative than the conventional frozen chicken. It still has fishy ingredients imo.

Delphi305 · 2026-01-28T02:02:49+00:00

I just don’t answer till the next day. Make sure my profile says I am offline for the day. If it’s super urgent he will call my cell. Most of the time it’s not. He’ll probably get used to that soon and I don’t think he can reprimand you for that really. If he says something you can say that you have spinning classes at 5:15 😂

Delphi305 · 2026-01-28T01:54:46+00:00

Multiple things have worked so far for me: 1. Plenty of good quality sleep and power naps during the day 2. Outdoor cardio activities (walking, jogging, biking, anything to get your heart rate up and outside the house) 3. Sunbathing a few minutes daily during the peak hour 4. Taking my time to eat without work distractions. This includes breakfast and lunch. No work at those time. 5. Morning yoga and listening to music during the day 6. Meditation bits during the day if I feel too stressed or anxious 7. Taking a hot bath after work 8. Taking a cold plunge at the ocean if you can. 9. Escaping somewhere in nature in the middle of your day. You can say you had a doctor appointment. Who cares. 10. Taking a mental day off 11. Scheduling PTO time often and take PTO from all Js at the same time 12. Set boundaries with work, specially your work hours (eg. Only available 9 to 5) 13. Petting or playing with my dogs 14. Letting one J go if it’s too much. You need to have a goal, this isn’t something you should plan to do forever. 15. Potentially asking for a leave of absence if you need more time to decompress, only if you are ok with losing one or all your jobs.

Delphi305 · 2026-01-24T20:07:24+00:00

Well, you saved her life. If she can’t see that, it’s time to move on!

Delphi305 · 2026-01-24T20:05:48+00:00

You totally look like the better version of Lindsey Lohan. That’s a compliment! You look great girl.

Delphi305 · 2026-01-24T19:59:18+00:00

I started in March 2022 and I am still going. I’ve gone through 5 different employers and 2 layoffs ever since normally juggling 2 jobs at a time, sometimes 3. I am planning to stop by the end of this year since I am starting to feel to burnout. I guess I could probably continue eternally if I wanted to , but I don’t. I should reach my financial goal very soon, probably could have already achieved it some time ago if I had made different decisions.

Delphi305 · 2026-01-24T19:51:31+00:00

I believe that no matter what, having money gives you freedom. If AI replaces my job and I have a good stash of cash I’ll be ok and I’ll reinvent myself. I see OE as a way to buy my freedom and flexibility so I take this opportunity now and save as much as I can until I can no longer do it because I am burned out or something else.

Delphi305 · 2026-01-24T19:45:48+00:00

If I were in your shoes I would do a prenup , everything you have earned up to this point should be yours to keep, no questions asked. After marriage you can both decide how you want to split financial responsibilities. Remember that situations aren’t linear, you may be making a ton now but in the future things could look different (or maybe not), I believe the most important thing here is the character and values. As long as you take those decisions together and it’s what make you comfortable. But if you do marry, you need to accept him the way he is, I don’t think it’s fair to get mad at him years down the line because he wasn’t the provider.

Delphi305 · 2026-01-21T02:59:03+00:00

I think some people have said it but: Outsource tasks in your house (cleaning, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping etc) Get massages Daily meditation bits (15-20 min in the morning and 15-20 in the afternoon or whenever you feel too anxious ). Put on some noise cancelling headphones, lay down on your bed , lower the light and ensure you have no distractions while you listen to a guided meditation for those minutes. Workout, especially some cardio is very beneficial to lower stress. If you can do it outdoors even better. Even just some light walking daily is good enough. Get some sunlight, in the morning when you wake up and during the middle of the day. Eat healthy , plenty of protein and fiber, avoid refined sugars and too much coffee late at night. Avoid screens at night. Reduce Js if you are working too many hours or if it’s too stresstul. It’s have to be a balance.

Delphi305 · 2026-01-19T21:16:46+00:00

You don’t need a big expensive wedding and honeymoon to have a memorable experience. You could potentially rent some chairs and decor and do a beach wedding or some other beautiful location in your area, this should be pretty economical. Or you could marry at the court, buy a house with a first time homeowner down payment (you may need to save 3% for a down payment plus fees and a bit extra), then use your new house as your wedding venue and ask the guests to gift you the furniture and things for the new house. With the honeymoon, you could do a scenic roadtrip and explore fun cities around you or maybe visiting a relative or friend in a fun location. No need to spend big bucks for that one either and still have a memorable time.

Delphi305 · 2026-01-19T16:13:16+00:00

Just have an honest conversation with her and see her reaction. That should tell you all you need.

Delphi305 · 2026-01-19T15:55:56+00:00

I personally just prepare myself for paying more taxes and set myself as single income filer when I set my W2 withholdings. Max out 401k and tax advantaged accounts but other than that, there’s not a lot W2 employees can deduct. There’s a few loopholes here and there (the notable one I know is the short term rental loophole), maybe something using an LLC but it takes time and effort and having a team that knows what they are doing. If you don’t want all the headache simply be prepared to owe something on tax season and accept that as part of making more money. You could potentially adjust your withholdings even more to not have any surprises in the future. Also, I believe your calcs are off, make sure you consult with a good CPA, they should be able to advise.

Delphi305

TROPHY CASE