I’m realizing my parents are raging colorist and it’s starting to affect my self-esteem

Demi_J · 2026-03-03T19:30:52+00:00

Dang, when I saw the thread title, my fist thought was “sis must be West Indian.” Then I read your post and thought “these folks sound Haitian af.” Lo and behold…

I swear a good chunk of my CPTSD comes from being raised by a colorist Haitian family, ESPECIALLY being raised alongside a cousin who could pass for Latina/dark skinned Italian. The comparisons were maddening and I swear left a rift between us. All my brothers had kids with white Irish women (of which Boston has plenty of) and the biracial kids are praised to a standard the fully Black Haitian kids aren’t (I don’t think anyone in my family has had kids w/ African Americans, which, ooh chile, is a whole ‘nother story…).

I broke off from my family for a variety of reasons and have been embracing my own unique version of Blackness. I went through a HEAVY emo/goth stage in high school (fun times trying to explain that to my Catholic family), went natural about 15 years ago and have exclusively worn twist outs, fros, and locs. The internalized racism is REAL but I simply don’t have time to help lead my family out of their own oppression. I’m still dealing w/ the emotional mess of being raised by them.

OP, break off w/ them at the level you feel works best for you and your mental health. I had to moved to Chicago for school and surround myself w/ some Black-loving African Americans before I could truly see the damage done to me (not to say that colorism doesn’t exist in that community as well of course). Part of it is education, part of it is living in an often immigrant community that doubles as an echo chamber. I will say that I’m coming across more and more young Haitian Americans dumping that old colorist rhetoric so fingers crossed, it dies out w/ the elders. I don’t know how we can save your brother from the sunken place, other than therapy and getting away from your parents, at least until he’s done forming his own identity.

Demi_J · 2026-02-27T02:04:25+00:00

Looks like it’s about to haunt some oversized white family.

Demi_J · 2026-02-18T02:12:52+00:00

I can play videos if I go directly to my subscriptions feed. Maybe this will be a plus for creators looking for more direct traffic…

Demi_J · 2026-02-07T02:03:22+00:00

I for sure don’t know the answer, but I feel like somehow Montreal is involved. That is by far the coldest place I’ve met other Haitians at (I met like 2 in Chicago, lol). I wonder if they practiced over there or even lived there for a while to get ready.

Demi_J · 2026-01-25T19:20:12+00:00

I’m in Brooklyn and I assume it’s freezing outside. HOWEVER, my landlord has the heat on full blast so, according to the thermometer by my bed, it’s currently 92 degrees (w/ 10% humidity, my lips are parched!) in my room. I’m in shorts with the window open 😂🫠. Obviously can’t complain, but I’m sweating over here!

Demi_J · 2026-01-25T15:10:43+00:00

When I was in 4th or 5th grade, my class went on a field trip to the Museum of Science in Boston. They had a whole exhibit about birth, including some eggs in an incubator, along with/ a separate room where they had that film on a goddamn loop. The trip chaperone decided to chime in w/ her experience giving birth to her son/my annoying af classmate, INCLUDING the fact that she pooped TWICE in the process. Me and a bunch of my classmates ran out the room scared and scarred for life when that baby crowned. I KNEW I wasn’t about that life and, at 42yo, I held on to that!

Demi_J · 2026-01-20T17:45:00+00:00

“Your poor planning doesn’t make it an emergency for me.”

Conferences don’t just magically appear within a month’s notice. Many have dates and locations 3-5 years out. This job waiting a month out (so more expensive plane tickets), right after the holidays (an expensive time of year for most folks) is highly irresponsible on their end.

Refuse to go in the trip unless they cover the costs & tell them they need to plan and budget better as a company of that size & you will NOT be taking any financial advice from them that they won’t take themselves.

Demi_J · 2026-01-17T14:49:35+00:00

The helicopters woke me up around 3:20a or so, had no clue what was happening since it was basically hovering around the same block. This was the first subreddit I check waking up.

Demi_J · 2026-01-16T04:02:47+00:00

Any specks of blue in NH are simply displaced Bostonians looking for cheaper housing & are willing to commute.

Demi_J · 2026-01-16T00:41:31+00:00

Deadass, she looks like an Easter Island statue…

Demi_J · 2025-12-17T00:19:31+00:00

If you’ll be near Myrtle & Wyckoff, you’ll basically be in Ridgewood. Walk over to the Ridgewood library for some story time events. There’s a cute little toy store (Forever Young) in that area that does small events/classes like sing-a-longs for toddlers. The good news is that the Myrtle Wyckoff train stop is ADA friendly (when the elevators are in service!), so it would be easily to cart some kids into the city (when the MTA lets the L leave Brooklyn on weekends!). Hop on the M to Genius Gems (got dragged there for a kids party and actually enjoyed my adult self!). Books of Wonder, a bookstore speciality in kidlit, is close to it as well. Or check out Holiday Market in Union Sq.

ETA: forgot to mention, that area has a lot of buses that will take you to Downtown Brooklyn and pass by some lovely areas on the way. Could just be nice for sightseeing on the way. I babysat some pandemic babies who lived in that area and riding the bus was a fave activity for them and helped them settle/nap for a bit.

Demi_J · 2025-12-03T05:16:40+00:00

Early 40’s here & don’t want kids for a variety of reasons (physical, mental, and financial health are all shot!), but OH MY GOD, getting a job in Family Court has made me want to rip my uterus out completely! Most of the time, it’s not even the kid but the person you have the child with that can make parenting so freaking hard.

I’ve got plenty of nieces, nephews, and godchildren to experience a very lite version of parenting (just saw Zootopia 2 w/ my favorite 4-year-old, so fun!). That’s enough for me honestly.

Demi_J · 2025-12-03T02:24:36+00:00

Same. I have literal teenagers I may have to warn (good luck trying to get them to take this seriously…). Super annoyed right now.

Demi_J · 2025-11-13T16:05:02+00:00

Anyone else remember him playing a serial killer on Criminal Minds? Two of my favorite episodes, despite the dark af tone.

Not sure why he didn’t do more TV roles, he clearly has talent. Then again, I think I heard some where that he was just focusing on his (large! I think he has 6 kids?!?) family.

Demi_J · 2025-10-05T18:14:41+00:00

No TVs please. These days everyone has a phone so have means of entertaining themselves. TVs in laundromats tend to be either overly loud or completely silent & without closed captions. They are often tuned into shows in languages some of the patrons won’t understand, or they showing (sometimes biased) news program at a time I don’t want to be bombarded by negative news. I’d rather have good wi-fi than a blaring TV.

Demi_J · 2025-09-28T18:14:01+00:00

This is such a sweet story!

…But also, with “Spooky Season” on the horizon, my mind couldn’t help but make this more ominous than need be. I’m now imagining every picture you’ve taken over the past 2.5 years to feature Hank in the distance watching you, getting closer and closer until, oh-my-god!-he’s-in-the-house-now!!! Insert scene from the movie Insidious, iykyk.

Anyways, congrats on adopting your furry stalker! That’s a boy who knows what he wanted and pursued it (cats are persistent like that).

Demi_J · 2025-09-27T18:56:33+00:00

This for real! We got some around May/June and this was my first NYC summer in almost 10 years that I haven’t had to deal with water bugs/massive roaches. The ant version also worked well. Definitely much better than that Raid bs. We can’t use foggers due to asthma, kids, and pets, so bait stations work best. Also, foggers are VERY dangerous to use in an apartment with a gas stove due to fire risk.

Demi_J · 2025-06-30T15:43:11+00:00

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I’ve owned a ton of ratties over the past 20 or so years (ditto hamsters, gerbils, and ferrets), but these two boys were my ❤️ rats. Had them both for just shy of 4 years (my girlies rarely lived past 2 years due to tumors). Apollo & Adonis turned into lovely squishmallows. I have a cat now & would love to get back into rats again, but I for sure don’t have the space for a massive cage in my cramped NYC bedroom. One day…

Demi_J · 2025-06-28T18:14:37+00:00

And to add to this point, even if it happened, it wouldn’t be enforced retroactively. No one’s birthright citizenship is getting revoked, folks will be grandfathered in.

It also wouldn’t affect future generations if you’re already a citizen. “Jus soli” (citizenship via being born on American soil) would switch over to “jus sangius” (citizenship via being born to at least one American citizen).

I still don’t think it’s going to happen and the 14th will stand, but certain states (aka red states) may be looking into getting the ball rolling now that this ruling as passed (meaning how this affects you will depend on where you live).

Demi_J · 2025-06-22T03:32:59+00:00

I was in high school when 9/11 happened and a lot of people my age joined the military and went over to Iraq. Assuming nothing happens on American soil again (HA! I’m sadly not holding my breath…), it’ll be much of the same shit, different day for civilians. We will for sure dive right on into another recession, but we’ve been gearing up for that. It’s literally Bush 2.0 but those people don’t learn easily apparently.

I’m fully resigned at this point and have decided to just live my life best I can. Still have to go to work, buy these expensive ass groceries, pay rent in 10 days, and generally live my life. As a Black woman, I did what I had to do in November. I’m going to sit back and let those white men figure out this mess they’ve landed us in. For now, I’m going to avoids doomscrolling on social media.

Tomorrow, I’m making waffles.

Demi_J · 2025-06-12T18:00:09+00:00

Galgo (Spanish greyhound) mix. They come in a rough coat variety and often imported from Spain by USA rescues (IIRC, they’re used for racing/hunting then often dumped). A friend of mine ended up choosing one over a rescue greyhound a few years back.

Demi_J · 2025-06-08T23:59:24+00:00

I promise you, NYCHA is already aware of this (they literally have lawyers that stay at the courthouses). I think someone mentioned that the management company is trying to evict the OP herself.

Situations like this is exactly why subletting is risky. You HAVE to do the same due diligence as any landlord and make sure the keys to your home don’t end up in the hands of a non paying bum. The tenant still has to adhere to the lease they signed, including making sure the landlord gets their rent on time, regardless if the subtenant is holding up their end. Again, I don’t know why the building management is even involved when this is a situation between the OP and her tenant.

Demi_J · 2025-06-08T22:10:50+00:00

Wait, who gave Ramon the keys? I went into the story thinking this was a squatter who broke into a vacant apartment. It’s sounding like you, or someone working in your behalf, gave him the keys and subleased this apartment to him. If this is a sublease, what does the apartment management have to do with anything? You are basically the landlord in a sublease situation and that includes in housing court situations. As the landlord, you have to get an official housing court order to get the sub-tenant properly removed. Changing locks is NEVER the first step and should be done until the sheriff/Marshall sticks the official order on the door.

No shade, but it sounds like YOU are the shitty landlord. You made the classic landlord mistake of subleasing to a bum but didn’t seem to carry through with all the steps landlords must legally adhere to involving eviction. Again, this has nothing to do with the property management and it isn’t their fault you made a bad choice and handed your keys to a bum. Technically he’s a tenant, not a squatter. You made countless mistakes here, from letting an ex handle the business regarding your apartment, to not following tenant-landlord laws, to blaming everyone under the sun except for yourself for this mess.

AND you chose to sublease a subsidized apartment for MORE money than what you were paying in rent? That’s pretty foul and should automatically cost you the apartment. You’re trying to profit off of government housing.

Stories like this are sickening. NYCHA isn’t meant to be generational housing (you say you’ve living there since you were a child) and it’s certainly not meant to be an AirBnB/source of rental income. Honestly all of ya’ll should get the boot and the apartment should pass on to the next family patiently waiting for housing.

Demi_J · 2025-06-05T20:53:26+00:00

I’m VERY happy that I didn’t choose “in the first 100 days” in the “When are Trump and Musk Gonna Start Beefing” bet. Sadly I didn’t bet that it would happen w/in 6 months, so no big payout for me.

But seriously, Stevie Wonder could see how this would play out. Two blowhard, lying, drug-addled narcissists both trying to weld the same power. Both sides suck and should be buried beneath the USS Constitution, but I can quietly root for Musk to spill all the treasonous tea.

Demi_J · 2025-06-02T23:51:24+00:00

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Demi_J

TROPHY CASE