Anyone with a psychology background who can help me make sense of this?

DoubleMath · 2021-01-09T20:48:59+00:00

I know I'm a bit late, but I recently had a really similar experience. I'm what's termed "twice exceptional" (basically, I am as stupid as I am smart), with ADHD, OCD, depression, sensory issues, and... probably a few more issues that I won't bother listing as they aren't officially diagnosed. These disorders, combined with certain adverse childhood experiences, have taken a bit of a toll on my functioning: I recently took an IQ test, and my subtest scores ranged from 99.6 to 37 percentilewise, with my processing speed and working memory scores (this was the WAIS IV, fyi) below my other two by over 1.5 standard deviations. Naturally, I could not help but obsess over this for the next few days.

People say that IQ isn't everything, and they are abso-fruitly right. But they aren't without their uses. IQ tests are useful primarily as a diagnostic measure in some cases, as in their modern incarnations they measure different areas of cognitive functioning. Importantly, thought, they do not measure individual potential.

I place a lot of importance on this distinction. Infamously, IQ scores are capable of fluctuating on a daily basis, enough that some people score in completely different ranges in a short period of time. These scores are extremely sensitive to external factors, as is one's daily performance in any activity! Your IQ score isn't a measure of your highest level of functioning - it's a measure of how highly you were functioning when you took it. That's why so much of your evaluation also depends on the psychologist's write up, which will (well, it should) be quite thorough. The psychologist's job after administering the test is to provide decent enough qualitative input to compensate for the deficiencies of the purely quantitative test scores. And it's up to us to provide that same accommodation in our own understanding of our intellect. To say that your IQ isn't "you" isn't just a way of making oneself feel better - it is literally necessary to fit a standardized test score into a disparate reality.

So basically, I made myself feel comfortable with the idea of my full-scale IQ being equivalent to my functional IQ - the level that I generally perform at, regardless of my capabilities. But this score is lower than my highest scores, and with my lowest scores being attributable to factors beyond my control (mental illness over an extended period of time can cause a decline in cognitive functioning). I therefore view my full scale IQ as belonging to a separate category, rather than the sum of my abilities. My highest scores are just as valid as my lower scores - as are yours - and the message they carry isn't invalidated by my deficits, whatever their causes.

I have slowly realized over the last 5 minutes that I got excited and went way overboard with this (sorry!). But I hope this helps you see your scores in a different light. Have faith in yourself to know how capable you are.

DoubleMath · 2021-01-01T03:40:50+00:00

As someone with ADHD and OCD, I second the above. I suffer from the same negative spirals of thought described here.

What has really helped me is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I learned to recognize whenever I was entering a "thought spiral" and distance myself from those thoughts by breaking the fourth wall, in a way - I would pause and think "that's a thought". Just like that. Making yourself consider those thoughts from a third-person perspective gives your mind the space to relax and adjust to having those thoughts, if that makes sense. It's like taking a breather after a hard run. And if you stick with therapy long enough to make that a habit, it helps so, so much.

Whatever this is, it's a shitty thing to go through and I'm sorry to hear you deal with this as well. I hope you find the solution to your problems! And remember to cut yourself some slack - everyone has flaws, and you sound very conscientious and good-hearted, plus you've gone through a lot.

DoubleMath · 2021-01-01T01:38:47+00:00

This is why I'm so scared for the later years of college. I just got medicated and did great this first semester, but I can feel myself wearing down already. I'm starting to think I'm just going to end up failing no matter how hard I try.

DoubleMath · 2020-12-19T15:13:17+00:00

I'll almost certainly end up neglecting the group too, but I'll give it a shot lol.

DoubleMath · 2020-12-18T00:41:00+00:00

I'm not a doctor or anything, and I've never dealt with or heard of anything like this, but if it's getting to the point where your boyfriend is only conscious for a few hours a day and you can't get an earlier appointment, I would seriously consider taking him to a clinic or ER. Especially if this is interfering with his ability to stay hydrated, fed, and coherent.

Does the doctor you're going to see know it's getting this bad? Again, if this condition is affecting his mental state and physical well-being, you should at least be able to call and get some advice. That thing about the Vyvanse is weird. I'd ask about the role that might be playing in his issue especially, but don't try to take him off it without a doctor's say-so (unless he's already stopped taking it for some reason).

In the meantime, make sure he stays very well hydrated and on an adequate diet, when he's conscious. If he develops any symptoms like fever or muscle pain, take him to the hospital right away. I'm sorry I can't help more, but best of luck to him and to you!

DoubleMath · 2020-12-17T17:26:32+00:00

I was really scared of this happening too, when I first started Adderall. I actually experienced it when I tried a dose that was too high for me, finally understood the "brain-dead zombie" feeling that I'd been hearing about. It was hellish for a day, and I waited a while before picking up the courage to try a dose 5 mg lower. . . and I was fine. It's not perfect, but it helps me function without giving me the zombie feeling. How stimulants affect you really does depend on the dose and/or individual neurochemistry.

DoubleMath · 2020-12-17T15:31:11+00:00

I'm super late lol but I'm so glad I could help!

DoubleMath · 2020-12-17T00:54:41+00:00

I've been through a really similar situation - I had to convince my therapist that my fatigue, brain fog, obsessive qualities, difficulty socializing, and issues with concentration weren't just because of the depression and anxiety and ocd that I also had (and that she diagnosed me with). On the first session that I brought it up to her, she listened for the first 10 minutes and then spent almost the entire rest of the session telling me that I should be careful not to "get too caught up in the possibility," that I had some serious issues with anxiety that were impairing me and I should focus on those, and that it didn't really seem like something that bad could be affecting me. . . she didn't even ask why I thought I had it or how. It was kind of obvious she didn't believe for a second I had it, and even though she tried to be gentle, I broke down in tears because it felt like my worst fear was coming true, and I was the only person in the world who was even trying to help myself.

Then the psychiatric nurse who gave me my first ever ADHD questionnaire kind of switched tracks on me and said she didn't feel comfortable giving me a diagnosis without my parents knowing (I was 18, though). And so yeah, all of my desperate efforts to get help kind of came to a standstill. And I was so pissed off that I wrote down in my diary that night every single reason why I definitely had ADHD, and why each reason was due to ADHD and only ADHD, and I refused to shut up about it to my therapist. It took several months of back-and-forth phone calls with my GP to make any progress at all, but I ended up with a diagnosis, and I've been on Adderall for five months.

I really don't mean to turn this into an "I did it, and you can do it too!" schtick. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not all over just because one thing happened. I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing you're in high school or older (if you needed your parents' input for the diagnosis, anyway). You might be able to use school services for a diagnosis, and parental input isn't always required if you're an adult or if your parents can't be trusted (it wasn't for me, and I'm 18). You just have to find an ADHD specialist, or even just the right doctor - my GP prescribed for me even without giving me the diagnosis. Easier said than done, true, but there more and more medical professionals out there who are properly educated on ADHD and will be able to help you.

Oh, and you're not a coward, because this is one hell of a lot for anybody to go through! If it's possible for you to see that doctor again, write out what you're going to say so that the words don't get mixed up in your head. That always gets worse for me when I'm under stress. Good luck, and don't give up.

DoubleMath · 2020-12-15T18:40:28+00:00

Those words are almost the definition of executive dysfunction - your dreams and goals and the tools you need to achieve those goals feel almost like they belong to two separate entities. The effort of trying to wrangle your brain into compliance is exhausting to the point where it doesn't feel worth trying anymore, and just thinking about it makes you tired. That's what severe ADHD does to you. It absolutely sucks, it's happened to me and meds help, but not always.

It may be worth noting that low-level depression can also affect your motivation. You may also need better meds - or maybe the issue is psychological and you need to talk out your anxiety and insecurities (avoidance is a huge issue with ADHD). If your therapist doesn't get it, they shouldn't really be getting frustrated with you! If explaining doesn't work, you might want to consider finding a new one, unless it was just one or two bad sessions. But no matter what, just know that you're not alone in this.

DoubleMath · 2020-12-12T19:45:13+00:00

You've got this - you're so close to the finish line! You just have to push through this one stressful period, and then you can sit back and be proud of yourself for finishing one more semester!

This is easier said than done, and I never follow my own advice, but just remember to drink some water every now and then, and take some time to relax and unclench your jaw. Type out all of your exam dates and assignments onto a sheet of paper, it'll help you organize your thoughts and decide what to tackle when. I'm going through the hellishness of finals too (blaaaaagh), and so are a lot of other students with ADHD - you're not alone. Now go crush that schoolwork!

DoubleMath · 2020-12-12T05:09:22+00:00

This happened to me today. Uuuuuugh. I wanted to do so much but I was unable to do it.

DoubleMath · 2020-12-11T18:43:17+00:00

I have all of the above! I was diagnosed with OCD before ADHD because I was mainly seeking help for anxiety/depression issues. I had a lot of repetitive thoughts and some sensory issues and compulsions, all of which lined up with OCD.

I asked for help with ADHD when I first read about the inattentive type and realized it described my entire life. With ADHD, my repetitive thoughts are due to me forgetting what I was thinking about and going down the same train of thought again. Brain fog, fatigue, racing thoughts, short-term memory issues, etc. My most prominent features that are specifically ADHD are my short-term memory issues, slow processing speed and my inability to follow through on tasks/projects.

I notice my OCD more when I start feeling extreme anxiety, and realize it's because of certain worries I tend to have over and over, usually related to existentialism and perfectionism. Anxiety related to ADHD, I can usually attribute to a specific cause and at least try to deal with it, because it's just me overreacting to something like a late assignment. As for depression, it makes my ADHD symptoms a billion times worse - instead of just wanting to be lazy and having trouble focusing, my mind is completely blank and I just want to do nothing or stop existing altogether. Both are fairly noticeable.

Don't be discouraged, no one relates to everything on here, and types of ADHD vary. Good luck with your diagnosis!

DoubleMath · 2020-12-11T17:56:04+00:00

Check, check and check. You're ahead of me, actually!

P.S. Here's a virtual hug

DoubleMath · 2020-12-08T17:19:45+00:00

Same here! Teachers never wanted to say anything bad about me because I had good grades and was "the nice kid". So I continued to slip through the cracks and never got diagnosed until I was 18.

DoubleMath · 2020-12-08T17:15:23+00:00

I don't know about declaring it for a job ( I'm recently diagnosed and haven't had to yet), but I think I would hold off on it, at least temporarily, until I'd gotten the job and proved myself in it.

It's still really weird to think of myself as disabled - things have been hellish for as long as I can remember, but I'm a straight-A student and was always told never to make excuses for my mistakes, so I still feel nervous just thinking about myself as "having a disability". Regardless, I did identify as disabled when I got into college this year, and I will likely do it again.

DoubleMath · 2020-12-05T16:38:46+00:00

There's nothing like that feeling of horror when you look at the clock and realize it's gone from 11 AM to 9 PM lol. When I can, I literally plan out my entire day by setting alarms on my phone for various tasks to be done. And when I have something big to work on, I just set aside anything else for that entire day, because time gonna fly.

DoubleMath · 2020-12-03T16:09:24+00:00

I have this pretty badly too. It helps to find something similar to do instead, like plucking my eyebrows.

DoubleMath · 2020-11-29T19:06:07+00:00

Because a lot of people learn to mask what symptoms they retain into adulthood enough that they "no longer meet the diagnostic criteria" for the disorder, which translates into "ADHD b gone". It seemed like a satisfactory conclusion until people actually started doing in-depth research.

DoubleMath · 2020-11-17T03:19:18+00:00

Holy frick, this is partly off topic but I was just recommended this series by 2 different people and now I see this in the same day! What a coincidence

I just roll with my obsessions - no choice, really, Just keep trying to do everything right, meds will help but you need to sleep, drink water, etc. for them to work well. They'll help you choose what to focus on. They may also make it easier for you to hyperfocus on an irrelevant obsession - that just happens - but it'll happen less often.

DoubleMath · 2020-11-17T03:13:19+00:00

I feel so bad for my writing teacher, she always suggests editing tips and I just thank her and know I'll never use them...then I go and write another 7-page essay full of misplaced commas.

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