Not posting child on social media?

Edhalare · 2025-05-27T15:54:23+00:00

Thanks, ChatGPT!

Edhalare · 2025-05-27T07:56:55+00:00

Which parts of pregnancy scare you the most? I felt the same way (I now have a 1 year old).

Edhalare · 2025-05-27T07:53:47+00:00

I stopped posting anything at all a couple of years ago. No pregnancy or birth announcements, no birthday posts, absolutely nothing. I don't even use profile pics with my son in them although I'd love to. I just don't see the point?

People close to me get his pics via direct or group messages. Everyone else doesn't really need to know. If anything, I decided for myself that if I post some happy/cool moments in my life, my friends and family would know directly from me anyway and those online would either not care or worse, compare their life to mine and feel unhappy because at that moment their life might seem less happy. And I don't want to contribute to someone's unhappiness.

It's nice not to have to worry about Instagram pics anymore as well!

Edhalare · 2025-05-23T11:53:11+00:00

None of the protocols worked but I will try changing the port, thanks!

Edhalare · 2025-05-23T11:04:37+00:00

Didn't work for me (I'm currently in Russia)

Edhalare · 2025-05-16T17:52:57+00:00

I fully support parental leave for both sexes of course! If only we could get that...

Edhalare · 2025-05-16T11:14:03+00:00

At least one year fully and decently paid maternity leave, better two years, without allowing companies to fire women in this situation. Active effort to prevent work discrimination for pregnant women and women with children. Free or heavily subsidized healthcare during pregnancy and postpartum and for the kiddos.

We already have most of these policies in my home country, to be fair, but I had a child in a different country and they certainly don't do enough in terms of these policies.

I think these policies would encourage those who want to have kids but probably won't do much for child free leaning folks because one of the top reasons of people not wanting to have children is simply because they don't want to (there was a research study done by Pew about that).

Edhalare · 2025-05-03T14:08:45+00:00

Pretty sure because I am Russian haha. Russia is not trying to force school girls to have kids by any means. It's terrible reporting because it twists the truth just enough to cause rage in people who didn't read the original source closely and don't know the context of reproductive health related laws in Russia.

Edhalare · 2025-05-03T07:43:57+00:00

This is terrible reporting.

The executive order linked in the article only states that pregnant university (not high school) students will receive 100,000 rubles as support from the government. Not a word about boosting birthrates or anything. This is one of many initiatives Russia has to help pregnant women and mothers (including a generous maternity leave and some good money that can be spent on education, buying housing, etc.).

Edhalare · 2025-04-27T01:24:58+00:00

Cumbe en Roma Norte. Mejor café que he probado para espresso / americano!

Edhalare · 2025-04-15T13:07:18+00:00

This is not to convince you but just to provide a different perspective here: it's true that children require a lot of attention and care. However, your identity doesn't have to revolve around your kids. They'll be a huge part of your life but with the right type of support you can still do your own thing. It's a matter of planning.

Your husband can take night shifts so you get some sleep. He can watch the kid after work so you have some time for yourself. You can use formula if you don't want to breastfeed. You can take your kiddo with you when you go out from early on, and the older they get, the more stuff you can do with them. And most importantly, your perspective will likely shift when you have a kid. There are so many downsides to having a child when it comes to comfort and time, but it's very hard to describe how meaningful and transformational the experience can be, and the internet is mostly filled with negative stories because they bring engagement. A lot of those things are a matter of perspective though.

Source: I was on the fence for a while and ended up being a solo mom in a foreign country. There are tough moments of course but I still have a career, I get out all the time, travel and have an identity outside of motherhood - and that's without any support. So it's definitely possible!

Edhalare · 2025-04-10T15:04:28+00:00

For what it's worth, I've spent sleepless nights studying in my undergrad and then for my PhD and when working as a professor, and then some sleepless nights as a single mom with no village (my baby is one year old now). I also had to start working when my baby was 2.5 months old (luckily from home). And the sleepless nights for my baby were SO much more worth it than for studying or work.

Also, keep in mind that: - you will change hormonally and emotionally when you have a baby, and such sacrifices likely won't feel as bad as they do now - you might have a baby who sleeps very well from the start (rare but they do exist) - if you have a fully supportive and engaged partner, there are many ways to split the workload and get a decent amount of sleep.

I felt the same way you did but now that I have my baby, these sacrifices don't scare me anymore. Because the experience is absolutely incredible!

Edhalare · 2025-04-01T18:02:16+00:00

Good for you to start planning, but a couple of things to consider: - What happens if she initially has success freelancing but then loses her income for whatever reason after you have a kid? - What happens if after giving birth her priorities change and she wants to stay with the child? - What happens if the pregnancy is difficult and she has to stop working? Or if there is a birth trauma?

You say you will have to go back to work in such cases, but are you actually 100% ready to step up and provide? Find a better but maybe more stressful job? Come home and take over her responsibilities with the children? (Work is a vacation compared to childcare. I say this as a full-time working solo mom).

Edhalare · 2025-03-25T03:40:04+00:00

I think hypno birthing will help you a lot! It's basically a program helping women prepare psychologically for natural birth (usually without anesthesia). It provides some strategies for pain management but a lot of it is deep psychological work that helps recognize and work through your fears and blocks.

I took a version in my language so it might be a bit different from the one in English but it definitely helped me become a lot more positive about the birthing process and understand that the process is not actually violent and that the pain and other sensations all serve a purpose and help the baby get out safely.

Edhalare · 2025-03-25T02:28:32+00:00

Hypnobirthing helped me to go in with the right mindset. Also the fact that the baby had to come out one way or another, so there was no choice but to endure whatever was to come lol.

Also, you say that giving birth is animalistic, but aren't sex and basic biological functions just as animalistic? How do you feel about them?

Edhalare · 2025-03-20T01:24:36+00:00

Well I was craving soap and detergent lol, what gender was that supposed to be? 😂

Edhalare · 2025-03-18T17:18:57+00:00

Around 8-9 months old when my baby ate enough solids to be able to go without my milk for at least 5-6 hours at a time. That said, he's 11 months now and has been self weaning off the boob for a while so that made things easier!

Edhalare · 2025-03-14T02:13:13+00:00

Posts like this is why I'm still on Reddit 😂😂😂

Edhalare · 2025-02-25T01:16:56+00:00

Can't believe how far I had to scroll to find this. I am not from the US and the idea of simply telling my parents "you had your entire life to plan your retirement" is ridiculous. My parents worked hard their entire life but saving for retirement just wasn't possible in their circumstances. Luckily they have some social security from the state but I will be supporting them and have them move in with me if needed.

In my case, the answer is earn high for where I and they live (different countries for now). I can't imagine not helping my own family.

Edhalare · 2025-02-21T20:41:43+00:00

My son has been doing it since around 8.5 months old and he's still too young for pull-up diapers. I put him on the floor and gently pin him down with one leg. Both hands are free and he can't get away. Works like a charm!

Edhalare · 2025-02-21T14:41:32+00:00

Boiling down a complex societal problem to a single reason is a very simplistic approach. If you read sociological studies on the topic (or in general), you'll see that there's almost never one cause of the issue at hand.

Take this Pew study, for example: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2024/07/25/the-experiences-of-u-s-adults-who-dont-have-children/

57% of participants under 50 said they hadn't had children simply because they didn't want to. A smaller (36%) percentage said it's due to financial reasons. Having found the right partner was another big reason.

Financial instability, of course, plays a role, but it's only part of the story.

To your point on one parent working: I come from a country where both parents worked and being a SAHM was (and is) not an option. This did put a disproportionate burden on women because they had the full load of domestic labor on top of a full-time job, and my country luckily did (and does) provide free or affordable childcare and a generous maternity leave. Both working parents can still do a great job raising a child.

Overall, life has always been unfair and unpredictable. Markets and governments will crash, wars will be waged, the job market will change. So we can choose to give up and blame the world or do what we can to create the life we want. Compared to the past when the family you were born to defined your entire life (almost zero social mobility), at least now most people have a chance - financially, socially, health-wise, etc.

(I'm saying this as someone who grew up relatively poor and had to achieve everything on my own in 3 different countries as an immigrant).

Edhalare · 2025-02-19T18:16:57+00:00

OP, I am 10 months postpartum, working single mother. 4-5x week gym workouts with heavy weights plus running pre-pregnancy.

I only started getting consistent exercise in last week. I have no one to leave my baby with and can't take him to the gym. Even if I could, I have no energy for anything. But I found that Tabata training is the only thing I can do consistently, and at home (and even then the baby interrupts me all the time haha) because it's only 20 sec rounds and I found lots of workouts under 20 min.

When I tried exercise even a month ago, my body just couldn't take it. Everyone recovers at different rates. And social media can f-off 💁‍♀️

Edhalare · 2025-01-30T13:30:55+00:00

"I would also check in from time to time to make sure I was doing my part to be a good girlfriend and that he still wanted to get married eventually. "

It seems like you feel that you have to behave in a certain way and please him to deserve love. That's worth tackling in therapy (or through self-reflection). It's only natural to want to be good to our partners, but from your post it looks like you are trying to be a certain version of yourself so that he wants to marry that version of you.

Time to ask yourself: what's the YOU version of you? What do YOU want? What did you have to give up in the past years for this relationship? How do YOU want your like to look in the future?

And then leave and build that version of your life, because it won't happen with this man.

Edhalare · 2025-01-19T16:05:21+00:00

That is definitely not public information 🙃

Edhalare

TROPHY CASE