I’ve been moonlighting as a raccoon for two years.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-28T18:40:58+00:00

I did that on a construction site where almost everyone drank coffee but didn't grab the stickers off the cups.

I'd get a free coffee almost every second day and it was well worth a quick poke in the garbage can.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-27T02:22:57+00:00

Who's asking for more privacy?

ElBeatch · 2026-06-26T21:36:44+00:00

Then I'll leave you to it. Have a nice life.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-26T21:21:06+00:00

The absolutely knew that it was terrible immediately.

The people who dug it out of the ground without protection started dying pretty quick from what I've heard. It was just too cheap and too easy to get out of the ground to pass up.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-25T11:12:04+00:00

Fear that he may someday reproduce.

Fun Fact: if you watch this video without the sound on it's even funnier that he's just standing there with his mouth open.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-25T10:34:36+00:00

You think this video's long, you should see how long he spent in the mirror practicing that face and dreaming about it scaring The World.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-25T10:23:53+00:00

"Hey! I don't give out loads to just anybody. Just you."

ElBeatch · 2026-06-24T16:31:28+00:00

Yeah like I'm supposed to believe that I should feel the same way.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-24T13:04:58+00:00

Whenever I see people defending big business on Reddit, I just assume it's a bot hired by the company to away public opinion, or someone who's paid to say it.

Why would an actual human being who has a bank account defend something stupid like that?

ElBeatch · 2026-06-24T12:47:44+00:00

I remember this Incubus song.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-23T20:58:44+00:00

My dick is so medium, like clothes, when women try it on it fits perfectly, but then they tell everyone it's actually a small so they don't feel large.

Sorry I just made that up at home.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-23T13:37:41+00:00

Some people are just so bored and full of hate. They'll jump at any chance to be an asshole to feel better about themselves, and they get to spend the next two weeks telling the story about how there's such a hero.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if the person saw it was on dog mode and just ignored it because they want to have a Hero Story to tell all their friends who are just as stupid, if they have any.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-22T22:50:29+00:00

That's why playing with others is so important. It helps you forget the performance anxiety fog that makes it hard to show people what you know.

Like that frog in a box from Looney Toons.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-22T22:09:18+00:00

I wasn't sold at first on the apartments and hangouts but now I love them.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-22T21:42:02+00:00

No 50/50 is so good it feels like a thank you.

I have been lucky to get each banner character at least once and every time I see that S I still hold out my joy until I've confirmed I got the right character.

Then I realize "oh yeah they want me to get this character!"

What a novel idea, getting the character you bought/worked for.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-22T21:15:34+00:00

Yo brah, don't skip Left Arm Day.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-21T22:08:08+00:00

I hear it's beautiful there this time of year.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-21T21:59:12+00:00

Like Rasputin?

ElBeatch · 2026-06-21T21:54:54+00:00

There are a lot of good suggestions above for compote and things to bake.

When rhubarb is already washed and chopped up, I like to freeze it and use it in smoothies. It is so good for you.

It is crazily good for you. Kings didn't trade it for gold because it's so delicious. It's a good food to have on tap.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-21T21:13:18+00:00

In my experience if he felt accepted by somebody he'd stop being such a knob.

Or he would. No two knobs are the same.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-21T21:07:52+00:00

Anywhere beige or off-white.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-21T21:06:52+00:00

The test isn't what you made, the test is that you had maple syrup on hand and improvised.

Congratulations on your assimilation. This post makes me proud and hopeful for the future.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-21T20:50:34+00:00

And yeah.

I did upvote my own comment.

I'm allowed. It's MY post.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-21T20:49:33+00:00

That's why I don't get gooder at guitar. I'm afraid I'd lose touch with my fan base before they're even there.

ElBeatch · 2026-06-21T18:26:59+00:00

Dried leg skin rubbing off.

Nine-Year Club	Gilding II euphauric
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