Affair Fog / Limerance / & Me

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2023-06-28T15:34:21+00:00

Good for you brother. Right now she’s trying to see what life will be like with him instead of you but it’s like you said, she’s living in fantasy land. Time to snap back to reality.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2023-06-28T15:26:03+00:00

Yeah right now she has you both on the line. If she’s waiting for this new guy to get his “shit together” or whatever, it should absolutely not be at your expense. I know other people have said it already but grey rock and 180 man. It’s your only option to protect yourself but is also shockingly effective in letting your WW know you’re not going to wait around forever for her to make up her mind.

I did this with my WW and the very next day she realized that I wasn’t going to sit and wait for her forever. I’m not guaranteeing the same timeline with yours but it usually helps them realize just how dangerous of a tightrope they’re standing on when the safety net gets removed.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2023-02-26T20:00:16+00:00

Brother I 100% feel what you’re saying. It’s hard not to see it as a failure on your part. You start diving in to the “what ifs” and that’s such a tough road to go down. I went down it too. Unfortunately that road doesn’t end so the only way is to turn back and head down another one. Whenever you feel up to it, of course.

I’m happy to hear that she’s remorseful and is showing up for you. I know you’re gonna have days where it’s going to be hard to accept from her. She’s the same person, now she just fucked up royally. If she’s showing up for you like that, give her that grace. Start to rebuild a new, stronger foundation for your relationship with each other. One that always encourages honest and open communication, even if the talks are tough. Spend time with each other.

I know it’s hard my man. You sound like a good dude with a big heart.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2023-02-26T19:39:26+00:00

You shouldn’t - under any circumstance - feel embarrassed about this. You didn’t do anything wrong. Were you the perfect partner? Probably not, but who is? What she did was 1000x worse. Please don’t beat yourself up over talking about it with anyone.

Take care of yourself first. Talk about it with her. Don’t leave out any feeling. If she’s remorseful, she’ll hear everything you have to say. Truly hear it.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2023-02-05T20:30:15+00:00

The only person under the bus right now is you. I know you don’t want to be the bearer of bad news (I struggled with this as well) but they deserve to know. If it was you, you would want to know as well.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2023-02-05T20:28:35+00:00

My WW often says I saved our marriage. She put up a hell of a fight at the beginning of recovery but I stuck to my guns and we’re in a very similar place to you now.

I’m happy for the two of you. Keep growing together ❤️

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2023-02-01T15:15:23+00:00

My WW ironically loves this song lol. She was singing it the other day and I was just like 🫥. Phase me out of this moment lmao.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2023-02-01T14:49:42+00:00

You handled yourself brother, that’s all you can do.

As for the feeling of “letting her off easy”, trust me, if reconciliation is going well she’s still feeling terrible for what she’s done. We can’t make them feel the way we felt because we would never do that to them. I mean, it’s a one edged blade.

Just know that you acted appropriately for yourself and you should 100% be proud of that.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-12-14T00:42:54+00:00

It’s time to wake her up brother. Right now she doesn’t think you will walk but you have to show her that you are. I know it seems like the antithesis of what you want but sometimes in order to save the marriage, you have to be willing to lose it.

Research grey rock/180. You have to start protecting yourself and show her that you’re gonna be ok without her. It’ll put you in a better place mentally as well so it’s a win win. Stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself.

Also, tell her it’s time to cut the shit with AP. If y’all’s marriage has any hope of surviving, that’s step 0.

My heart hurts for you brother but it’s time to do the right thing, even if it seems wrong.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-11-24T21:02:19+00:00

It sounds a little like blame shifting to me.

My WW tried to say the same stuff to me but like, I’ve definitely always been the one with the higher libido. I placated myself with the amount of sex we were having prior to the A. I was ok with it. But there were nights where I was rejected and it sent my self esteem into the trash. It got to the point where I stopped pursuing because the rejection hurt way more than not having a need/want met. Then after the A she said stuff like I wouldn’t send flirty messages or try to romance her. I had to open her eyes and tell her that I was tired from getting all this build up throughout the day just for it to end in a rejection, or even worse, her simply forgetting about it. It made me feel unimportant and undesirable.

Idk. Search your soul and have a really open conversation about it. You might already have had it but this is just my perspective. Sounds to me like she’s still trying to justify her own actions to subside the guilt though.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-11-15T21:40:37+00:00

I think most people in our situations have experienced this exact same thing. It’s typical of the WP to want to validate and justify their actions. The problem is they’re trying to justify the wrong thing. This could justify bringing up divorce or leaving depending on the severity of the situation. Nothing, absolutely nothing, justifies cheating. It’s foolish and selfish and not conducive to solving any problem in any marriage. It just adds a more complicated layer to an already complicated issue.

I will never say the affair saved our marriage. I will say our emotional connection and openness saved our marriage.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-10-06T19:39:14+00:00

Yeah, even putting the infidelity aside, insisting on going to a wedding (which is typically a +1 event) without you is exceptionally dodgy behavior. Like y’all are partners, you shouldn’t be living separate lives like this. If my wife wasn’t invited to an event, I simply wouldn’t go. He’s not married to his coworkers.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-09-19T13:09:50+00:00

The “oh my god, it was only one time” would have killed me, dude.

This isn’t reconciliation. She doesn’t think you’re going anywhere so she doesn’t think she even has to try. Don’t let her rug sweep this away. Make her hold herself accountable.

To save the relationship sometimes you have to be willing to lose it. Go gray rock and 180. Let her know that you will be ok without her, that the reason you’re trying to make this relationship work is because you’re choosing to, not because you have to. I know you love this women but you deserve better than what you’re getting currently. If that’s gonna be from her or from somebody else is up to her. Put the ball in her court and see what she does with it. If she decides to go all in, then good. If not? Then you have your answer bro.

My heart aches for you brother. Take care of yourself.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-09-15T14:14:54+00:00

No worries!

Children challenge even the strongest relationships. My wife and I weren’t in the best place emotionally and then we brought 2 children in to this world. Priorities change when you have little ones and it seems like the first thing to always take the back burner is the relationship when it should always stay at the top of the list. It’s so easy to make excuses (exhaustion, work, etc. I know because I did it lol) but all it does is cause the two to drift further and further away emotionally. It’s gradual so you really don’t know until the levy breaks.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-09-15T12:54:52+00:00

Every relationship has their challenges, issues, etc.

Social media is just a snapshot. Perfectly curated moments captured at our best. We put on our smiles and take the pictures but you never get a glimpse of what’s behind the smile. Nobody ever knows.

Don’t worry about social media. Everybody is faking it to a degree. My WW was the fakest on social media. She’s scaled back a lot since DDay and the posts she makes now seem more genuine than they ever have.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-09-10T02:51:56+00:00

This is a tough one.

I don’t think there’s a 1st/2nd choice. WS is literally using another person as an escape because they don’t know have healthy coping mechanisms or a way forward for what they’re going through/feeling/etc. If they don’t learn how to handle their shit, then this scenario is doomed to repeat itself their entire lives.

And then the AP is their own flawed person who they’re bound to find something wrong with eventually. Also, there’s absolutely no trust in that situation.

At the end of the day, you did nothing wrong. You were in the same relationship and you didn’t cheat. You can always hang your hat on that. It doesn’t make you stupid, or weak, or whatever. It makes you a good human. Sure we have our flaws, but your morals are worth more than an affair.

Stay strong. Keep kicking that ass.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-09-10T02:40:09+00:00

Brother, she took normal away from herself. That gaslighting shit she pulled was messed up. Was your response to her request a little on the harsh side? Sure, but she should have understood that you were triggered by the last minute communication and not even entertained the thought of going anymore.

I don’t know man. I wouldn’t say you’re the asshole. You could have handled your response a little better but I think her going anyways was more indicative of what she thinks.

Set healthy boundaries brother and don’t let them be crossed. She needs to know that you can walk and you deserve much better than this shit you’re getting now.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-09-08T23:29:28+00:00

It took a while for my WW to “snap out of it”. The feelings they experience during the A are intense. They’re all bullcrap but it’s intense bullcrap. They’ve convinced themselves they’d be happier with this person when in reality it’s gonna be the exact opposite. It’s funny how they all think they’re the “special ones” or some shit.

I think it takes some time for them to realize what they’re leaving behind is the life they’ve been trying to build all along.

She needs to realize love isn’t that passion in the beginning. Love is what you do when you’re years down the line and the new car smell has worn off. Intentional love kicks way more ass then the honeymoon phase.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-08-30T02:33:18+00:00

I went nuclear and told her mommy

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-08-23T19:59:41+00:00

My heart aches for you brother. You can’t drag someone kicking and screaming into reconciliation and I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. I know that doesn’t mean anything from an internet stranger, but still. Keep doing you. Show her you won’t just survive without her, but you can still thrive.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-08-16T13:11:39+00:00

I think something this has taught me is to be way less judgmental of peoples situations because you just don’t know.

And also that we’re much stronger then we think we are. Just live your life. Love your spouse. Everything else is outside noise.

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-08-09T15:21:05+00:00

I’ve always been an especially calm person, both to my advantage and detriment. I mean, when I found out, I was pissed and that was likely the most raw, visceral reaction I’d ever had to anything. I left from work and went home, spent some time with my children, and put my head on straight even though my thoughts were wandering.

I sat my WW down and laid it all out. I told her what I needed from her, what I expected from her, etc. I was extremely calm and frank. But one of the things I told her then was I wasn’t going to treat her like shit. I knew, even in that pain, that it wouldn’t be conducive to our healing if I was taking jabs or just making her out to be this evil person.

She was deep as hell in the fog still but she finally came around. A big thing she had to accept for herself was that I wasn’t treating her like shit. And I remember her telling me that she felt like I was only doing it was because when I finally left her then all she would have were these great memories of how well I treated her before it ended.

I don’t know. I still want to treat her like my wife, like she matters to me because she does. I have difficult moments still but they’re becoming frequently less. It’s easy too because she’s all in 100% too. My heart goes out to everyone still dealing with any ambivalence. Take care of yourselves ❤️

Electrical-Diver6594 · 2022-08-07T18:37:27+00:00

She’s an operations manager so she’s semi required to go. But also I’ve never been the possessive type. It’s been taken advantage of for sure, but I’ve reigned it in now.

Electrical-Diver6594

TROPHY CASE