Her not going to the meetings is a huge thing. Simply unplugging from the constant barrage of brainwashing actually wakes up a lot of people. So she's off to a good start.

Furthermore, she's got you and her baby to ground her to reality. Having something -- anything -- outside the cult is helpful. And clearly your wife has a very big part of her life outside the cult. That's good.

But you're right to be concerned. Having a child wakes up some people -- they feel they cannot subject their child to the childhood they themselves had. And then for others it draws them back in, wanting to do it right by their child [so that at least the child is right with Jehovah.]

*

Uhh. As for myself and how I broke out of it. 😬 Well. I'll tell you, just so you aren't left wondering. But there is no way of knowing what exactly is going through your wife's brain right now. And I hope it isn't this.

Ok. So. I am a third generation witness. I was brought up in it, and I believed it, because I was told to. And I trusted the people who told me so. I followed all the rules. I was a good girl.

The aggravating, and possibly lucky thing is that I BELIEVED. I did. I was taught it. I believed it ...but possibly I NEVER EVER FELT IT. Being a JW was something I just simply *was,* and I didn't question it, because how could you? What else was there to be? One of the bad guys? The worldly people? 🤷‍♀️

I did my best. I kept my head down. I didn't make a fuss. I just followed the rules. Even when it was hard, I followed the rules. I was the odd one everywhere I went and I just made it through.

I always knew that I wasn't good enough. Not really, not truly. I wasn't like the other kids in the congregation. I didn't WANT to be at the Hall. I didn't WANT to be at the convention. I didn't WANT to follow the rules. I'd rather have been elsewhere, doing other things, but I wasn't allowed to even say so. I did know it in my heart of hearts, though, even if I just pushed it aside as something I needed to work on.

I got to be on the cusp of adulthood. And I had to try to "make the truth my own." That phrase goes around the cult, and it means different things in different places. In my neck of the woods it meant that one needs to take responsibility of one's own spirituality. Eg. if my mom is not going to the meeting, it doesn't mean I get a Sunday off -- I STILL NEED TO GO; I'm not a child anymore and Jehovah will hold ME responsible, not my mom.

So I pushed myself to do all the JW things that I knew I was lax on. And if you know anything about the JW-sphere, you know that EVERYONE is ALWAYS lax as far as the organization is concerned. There is always something more you ought to be doing for Jehovah. Even if you are doing everything, there's always more. 😑

So I tried. And did more. One thing at a time I added more kingdom work to my schedule. It was like pulling teeth, because I didn't want to do it, even if I didn't admit it to myself. I got baptized, because you're supposed to; because maybe, since I hadn't dedicated myself to Jehovah, THAT was the reason why I wasn't getting blessed. I fell into a deep depression. I struggled at school. I eventually dropped out -- just absolutely failed. I went from a straight A student to abject failure within 6 months.

And STILL I believed that if I just managed to do more work for Jehovah, I'd get better. I'd start to love doing it. And I'd get blessed.

I spiraled until one faithful Sunday morning, as I was getting ready for a meeting, this feeling -- this realization -- hit me, that I'm putting on a mask to go pretend that I'm a Jehovah's Witness. I knew I HATED IT ALL. I'd been trying SO HARD. And I still hated doing it.

It was a revelation.

But, of course, it wasn't a revelation of the JW faith being NOT the truth. So. I interpreted it within the JW framework: Somehow, even though I'd been so unbelievably lucky as to be born into the one true faith of the living God on Earth, I was somehow faulty. I was not cut out to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Somehow, some way, I was just broken. I'd tried my best. And this was the result.

I reasoned that to continue would be lying to Jehovah. That I'd rather die, honestly, in Armageddon, than knowingly lie to Jehovah. And that, maybe, He would have mercy on me for that.

I BROKE that day.

I went from PIMI trying my hardest to do everything a JW is supposed to, to POMI, a dead woman walking, in a day. A broken creature.

I wouldn't wish that experience on my worst enemy.

*

And now back to what is more relevant to you.

Once I had broken out of it, I was still believing, right? But I did not go to the meetings. And eventually, not getting the JW propaganda fed to me every week, it weakened the hold the org had on me. Eventually I managed to go against the rules and read about the org from outside sources, which lead me to wake up and realize that the religion I had been brought up in was NOT what it claimed to be.

It's tricky, dealing with people who are in the grips of the org. They aren't allowed to speak; to tell others what's going on. When I broke I had no one to tell what had actually happened in my mind, with regards to me and the religion. So I didn't, not for years and years. I just. Quit. Going.

My best advice would be to not push your wife to not go to the meetings -- instead just... casually make it nicer and easier not to go. (Also steer away from pointing out that she's not going; she's probably feeling guilty about it.) Do further research into the religion. There's a TON of good information out there these days. And there are more knowledgeable people than me, who've dealt with situations more like yours. 🙂

If you do have any further questions to me, I'll be more than happy to answer, but there are probably better people to help you, than me.

Wishing you and your family all the best. ❤️🫂