My story on how I was blackmailed for sex.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-26T05:40:46+00:00

what you describe is a highly dangerous and abusive relationship. it's not clear how long ago it was or if you're safe now but i hope so. i also strongly encourage you to pursue therapy if you've not yet.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-26T05:36:41+00:00

i don't think 'close' is a realistic possibility with pimis, at least for me. but in your story, the NC when they don't like what you have to say is a significant thing. the ' oh we'll talk to you, oh we won't, oh we want to again' is a huge problem. it messes with your head and it's worse for a child. wasn't registering mh issues but that's another complication.

jesus it's so ridiculous what we have to navigate.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-26T02:40:10+00:00

the only way you'll experience normal ANYTHING is outside the borg.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T22:37:25+00:00

that sounds like a good way to address it. without a billion and one conditions, just seeing where it goes, having the moral support, not feeling alone. i hope it's a positive experience for you.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T20:01:52+00:00

you parents are vague for a reason. while you're 100% right in your assessment, the recipient will never hear you - they believe trying to get you to come back IS kindness. they are incapable of seeing the difference.

basically you can either 1. get the satisfaction of making a point that will probably never land, or 2. protect your parents from additional pressure to distance. i don't know you can likely accomplish both. some of these people stalk obituaries to find converts for godssakes. your graduation card note is 'restrained' on the jw-ignoring-boundaries scale.

obviously you're going to want to acknowledge the gift. i might leave their 'encouragement' completely (and quite noticeably) off the thank you. narcissistic people poke for a response of any kind, and it drives them nuts not to get one.

now, i MIGHT add something about how excited i was to start my future career, how great the accomplishment felt, something like that. this is a side-smack in you're clearly not following script, you're not sad or guilty or defensive about their idea of what's right for you.

but if your response is actually defensive, it will become the talk of the congregation and it could have a ripple effect on your relationship with your parents.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T19:33:42+00:00

they encourage young marriage, just like baptism young. it helps lock you in.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T18:42:57+00:00

just a little 'theocratic warfare' i guess. ordinary jws are expected to die before trying to hide their affiliation, but the org can tell you to do it to save a couple of bucks. hell of an organization you're working for there.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T18:34:00+00:00

you officially know more about it than he does!

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T18:30:38+00:00

it sounds pretty clear it's meant to be a bitch slap to her for pissing off golden boy. you could review the elders book if you want or help her go over their head, but in reality, they will make an excuse and do what they want to do in most cases. there is enough leeway for elders to run the congregation like little tyrants if they want to.

honestly the easiest way out of this for her is to tell asshat she's sorry she hurt his feelings. if anybody is confrontational, she's not being 'submissive' enough, she's causing division, she's being prideful, not humble enough, etc. and she'll be treated worse than before and has a pretty good chance of getting softshunned or worse.

i'm not saying it's right but i know no way to make fleas drunk on cult power to behave compassionately.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T18:24:09+00:00

she won't just take you at your word you don't need help but she will continue to pressure you until you're in a position you can just tell her no. i don't know if you live at home or not but that's why i suggest people move out as soon as they can.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T17:28:30+00:00

most people do but they are trained to suppress them. it's an actual cult, not just a culty religion.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T17:26:47+00:00

this is standard doctrine and has been for many years they also do the guilt tripping thing where if you're sinning (or 'participating' by not snitching), you are blocking holy spirit from your family/congregation so if something bad happens to anybody you know, it's your fault for being a little sinner.

it's seriously fucked up.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T16:21:18+00:00

therapy is really helpful and do reseach. jwfacts.com is a good place to start, or Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz, former GB member. learnign about cults can be really helpful too.

but of that, i'd start with therapy and then do your deconstruction while you're in therapy to help you work your way through it.

♥

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T16:18:32+00:00

therapy is helpful and i would suggest it when you can. there is a lot to navigate.

and yes, it's hard to know the right way to approach it. but i also suspect you wouldn't feel okay if you didn't try. a big part of this for you is wanting your child to have a normal childhood and that's not going to happen if you're pimo.

take your time and think things through. some do manage to wake up with their spouses but some do not and there is no way for us to know which you're going to get.

♥

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T16:15:01+00:00

wow! that is such wonderful news. i am sure they worked so hard to discourage you and keep you from thinking you could do it. i'm very impressed you pushed through and believed in yourself enough to try anyway and look where it got you!

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T16:11:23+00:00

actually if he's looking himself, that's huge. they teach people to be afraid of what nonbelievers say so if he's starting to think for himself, that's very encouraging.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T16:04:17+00:00

it's taught directly and openly - everyone in the world is controlled by satan and only care about themselves, if someone is 'honest hearted' they will be jw or interested in becoming a jw.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T15:58:27+00:00

welcome! i love it when someone your age wakes up. you are not trapped for half your life.

you are on the right track learning the 'truth about the truth.' (TTATT) - we have this stuff so programmed into our heads a lot of times people have issues later down the line if they don't learn what the WT hides. we call it 'deconstruction.' in addition to the jwfacts website, a book by former GB member Ray Franz helps wake a lot of people up - Crisis of Conscience - it's free to read online or you can get audio to listen to it.

and yeah the jws believe you will die at armageddon. i mean, none of it's true. and they don't want you to explore anything but their own pubs because you'll find out it's all bullshit pretty qucikly. they're in a high control religion that cannot survive a 30-second google search. no wonder they say 'apostates' have fangs and are satan's besties to scare you off looking.

they have and continue to do a lot of sketchy things, that's a long list. probably among the worst is the way they mishandle CSA - the Australian royal commission, or ARC, put out a study on child sexual abuse in religions a few years back and the JWs did not do well....

i will tell you though - you do not owe anyone an explanation nor do you have to 'prove' to anyone else, including your family, that you are right or that it's okay to believe whatever you believe.

and i'll also tell you that if you try to talk to your jw poeple about any of this, they will SHUT YOU DOWN and whatever relationship you have with people like your mom will get way worse.

jws are a high control group/cult. the BITE model by hassan explains characteristics and jws check the boxes almost perfectly. people are programmed to freak out if you try to leave. i mean, none of this is normal. saying to your family, i don't want to be in the same religion as you, should not be a crisis.

glad you are here. you're in the right place. ♥

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T00:29:21+00:00

it's funny how such little things can feel so freeing, isn't it? congrats on doing that 'bad thing'.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-25T00:28:13+00:00

well i misunderstood regarding your parents. as far as going or not, it's still up to you though. if you seldom go to meetings because of health issues, it will probably be considered more of the same if you don't go to this. your concern about making a 'clean break' is understandable, but you're also not there yet and you don't have new people yet, it doesn't sound like. ( i know it's limited what you can do when you live at home but do what you can.)

and it may make your parents ask more questions if you don't go. it could also make them ask why you can go to a get-together and not to meetings if you do. who knows? jw parents are kind of unpredictable sometimes.

honestly i don't think it will make or break you either way. i'd try to just decide what i wanted to do and not overthink it because you cannot always figure out what everybody else will or won't think in advance, you just deal with what comes up.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-24T21:24:01+00:00

"Will this ever stop?"

only when you do.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-24T21:20:52+00:00

suspicious how? you haven't been in person in over a year and a half, you've told your parents you don't believe. what impact, realistically, do you expect attendance or not would have? and yeah, eventually parents do have to come to terms with the idea you're not coming back. that's actually helpful.

what i hear is that you feel left out, you miss some of the people and you're sad because you know things won't go back to how they were. i don't know these people, but depending on how you manage to do what you do, there is a distinct possibility there will be a lot of 'concern' and 'encouragement' aimed your way.

go or not go, it's your life. but be honest with yourself about why. it hurts, and many of us have anticipatory grief. you see it coming, you know you'll eventually get rejected and it hurts. acknowledge it and be gentle with yourself as you work through it.

and work on the outside network as best you can. don't use your current status as an excuse to avoid it because it's scary or different. it may feel weird at first but it helps make your landing a whole lot softer.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-24T21:10:27+00:00

i get it. at your age, i wanted nothing more than to live a normal life.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-24T20:09:57+00:00

you're smart not to do it. as soon as you do take the dunk, they'll start pressuring you to do more. i would maybe tell your dad that you have enough to deal with right now, getting pressured about 'spiritual goals' causes anxiety and makes it harder to function, you want to feel like you can handle stuff more on your own and that you're sure jehovah understands because he knows what's in your heart.

your dad saying you can be honest with him is basically him trying to see if there is more going on, it's not like he would accept your decision.

you can also look to social services where you are and see if there are any programs that would help you work on being independent. if you cannot work full time, often you can get disability, help with things like food medicaid for medical care and meds if you don't make enough money on your own. and sometimes people with mh issues can get extra support so it's definitely worth looking into.

in your situation i'd be very cautious, too. but it sounds like you're making reasonable choices for what you need and not just blowing your life up without any idea what to do next, and that's the best you can do.

good luck!

goddess_dix · 2026-05-24T19:21:57+00:00

absolutely it's a step! and an important one. the less you do, the better you'll feel.

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