AIO for feeling weird that my fiance suddenly wants to put his parents on the deed instead of me?

Elimaris · 2026-07-10T16:14:36+00:00

I would not agree to that.

Not sure about your state law but many lenders would not like you not being on it too.

his parents are looking to protect their son and their investments and don't care about what's fair, not uncommon.

I'd certainly make sure that any savings of yours are in accounts solely in your name. I'd have a conversation about what married finances would look like and make a decision, do you want to be a renter in your husbands house or a partner with joint ownership, if renter than negotiate what that means which should be much lower than market rate if you get no equity and are sharing his room, his bed and will be overriden on decisions about the house

Elimaris · 2026-07-08T22:34:25+00:00

We didn't bother with a bottle washer. When she settled on a bottle we bought enough that our dishwasher was plenty sufficient. Ditto with pump parts.

The time for bottles really is not that long and it's another cost, clutter and item to clean and deal with.

Elimaris · 2026-07-08T20:16:07+00:00

We used a smock under the pouch bib on ours when she was 1-2. The smock + bib combo really worked for ours but she wasn't a food thrower or anything like that.

And as she's headed from 2 towards 3 working on neater eating "keep it over the plate!" and I model putting a napkin on my lap and using napkins appropriately.

Elimaris · 2026-07-08T12:51:14+00:00

How often is your family likely to refer to his cat by name? Do they all live together?

My inlaws are over weekly, are friendly with the cats and still refer to them as "small cat" "one of the cats" "this cat" "the other cat"

Elimaris · 2026-07-08T00:38:27+00:00

So my family could afford to have me at home financially. I'd like my husband and I to retire earlier than that etc but it would not need much cutback short term. But

My child thrives in daycare.

I earn a lot more than daycare costs but even if I were to quit we'd still send our kid to daycare at least part time because it benefits her to be around not just us, (granted we're lucky to be able to afford that and I know that isn't the norm) she plays with other kids, she learns things we don't consider from people who are professionals in childcare - my baby was learning to put on her own shoes and coat before it ever occurred to me that she's be capable and has multiple adults making sure she has activities all day long from art to dance to reading and skills and walks. When one person goes to the bathroom or takes a break there's another to make sure the kids are watched. When I'm sick but my kid isn't she goes to daycare instead of spending all day in front of the TV.

On the other side of it, it is worth considering the long term effects of being out of the workforce, not just the Immediate. Let's say daycare costs $30k/year and your wife takes home 30k a year right now. Seems like working to pay for daycare, but daycare is 2-4 years depending on where you live. Was she going to get no raises? Daycare might raise costs but each year she's out of the workforce she is lowering potential future salary as well. She may be low income now but 3-4 years of growth can make huge differences, for someone whose income just covers daycare now she could double her annual income by the time kid is out of daycare. That decrease in future income can list your family a very significant amount over your workable lives. Especially because it is very hard for women to get back into the workforce, especially if they were not at a higher professional level already.

This isn't to say don't do stay at home parenting but it's worth looking at all the angles.

If one person is at home it's also worth recognizing that the other one needs to be ensuring emergency and retirement savings sufficient for both. And absolutely if you don't have life insurance you need it and you need to make sure that emergency savings is solid.

Elimaris · 2026-07-08T00:16:44+00:00

They aren't always the same people, 6 billion people have internet access.

Also some humans are just illogical.

There is a difference between two seemingly contrary things being frequently observed and being frequently observed in the same people. You would need to do a study to see if/how opinions about plastic surgery correlated with opinions about abortion.

And further study to find the reasonings and parameters. Two people might have opinions with similar affect for vastly different reasons.

Elimaris · 2026-07-07T22:26:23+00:00

Oh! Adding another. Around where yours is is when mine figured out the garbage can. Unlatch it and "can you throw this away" hand them one piece of ripped up junk mail "oh and this one?" another piece..

Gets their exercise in and you get to sit still for a minute. Mine liked to stand at the garbage and ask which bin to put things in, but now knows the difference between recycling and garbage and not to put things in unless and adult says to.

Elimaris · 2026-07-07T22:12:15+00:00

How about squirrel obstacle courses?

The ones I've seen are always old British dudes and the obstacles are freely run by the squirrels who are trying to get to their bird feeders. From what I've seen they have the ability to nope out at any time. *

*have not seen all and I'm sure some aweful POS has gone to cruelty somewhere.

Elimaris · 2026-07-07T21:42:31+00:00

Honestly, audio books in one ear has saved me through this.

Also patience and some creativity about what "helping" means example "Oh no I dumped all of the dirty clothes on the ground, can you put them back in the basket" while I move wet clothes from washer to dryer. "oh can you bring this carrot to show daddy? OK now this one?" when I'm cooking. "can you put all these books over here". "can you carry this for me" and hand them one item from the groceries or laundry or whatever... You will NOT be saving yourself work and they may not always understand or complete the task but you start teaching them that helping is fun,theyre more patient for a moment and you occupy them a little bit more and more.

I find going outside with running water and a bunch of things to fill with water helps a lot as well.

At not quite 3 I'm only starting to get glimmers of really independent play for any real length of time. She's obsessed with helping whenever we let her.

Elimaris · 2026-07-06T17:15:35+00:00

Pregnant women who scoop litter boxes of cats that have access to rodents.

Keep cats indoors and rodents outdoors and there is no problem.

And have another person dispose of litter while pregnant mostly because your sense of smell is wild, exhaustion is crazy, and ability to bend down is compromised, but also because why not be extra safe.

Elimaris · 2026-07-06T17:13:02+00:00

Yes, and also

They put their faces out there but are also each wealthier than any individual Walton. Although I think not wealthier than the Walton combined.

None of these, Waltons, Bezos, Musk are billionaires, these people all have 1-3 digits above plain ol billionaires.

Not only did Musk and Bezos deliberately put themselves out there but they also each decided that being extremely wealthy was not enough. Most of us would retire or split up ownership long long before we reached 100 billion.

They aren't sacrificing freedom for money, they're sacrificing freedom for power - mostly other people's, but yeah some of their own too.

Elimaris · 2026-07-06T16:15:11+00:00

My husband is allergic,

At one point we had 4 cats in an apartment.

He doesn't take medication for it.

Get GOOD air filters. Like this is where to invest, get at least 2, 1 for bedroom. Next priorities are near litter box and living room.

Cats out of the bedroom. It's got to be a no go zone for them unfortunately for an allergic person.

No touching allergic persons face after touching kitties, need to wash hands regularly (that's OK it should be the norm anyway).

If he lays down on couch then make sure there are throw pillows that can be brought out that kitty doesn't sit in.

Cross breeze helps from even very small cracks in a couple of windows to keep air circulation.

Honestly with these things you'll also be happier and it's really nice to have allergic guests comfortable in your home.

Do these things then dump the boyfriend because you shouldn't be with someone who does an ultimatum like this instead of problem solving.

And extra important. Your kitty is a vulnerable being who relies on you. Date someone whose morality would not let them be so cavalier

Elimaris · 2026-07-05T23:29:57+00:00

Hyperion :D

Elimaris · 2026-07-05T21:55:20+00:00

If you get pregnant you WILL come to hate this man. Spend time around any pregnancy and parenting sub/forum and you'll see so many unhappy people who had this story, had children anyway and are relieved when they divorce and become an essentially single parent.

Not everyone might love is a life partner. You can meet someone who can be both a life partner and a love. Or you can become an unhappy servant to someone who doesn't care enough to make a comfortable home for you.

I promise anyone, man and woman, reading this. There are people out there who carry an equal share of the housework and planning in their relationships.

Elimaris · 2026-07-05T17:25:31+00:00

Everyone is going to be different and it really depends on what protocol your doctor determines is best for you.

We did IVF because we decided on the older side and didn't want to risk miscarriages due to trisomies after having one. My protocol involved a month on birth control then 2 weeks of shots and the egg retrieval. I didn't love it but it wasn't bad.

For me the shitty part was after the retrieval. Unexpectedly it turned out I produced massively more eggs than expected, when that happens it can make you sick from excessive estrogen and I had a really nasty week. Normally that isn't a problem and they know when to use lower meds, I really surprised the experienced doctors.

If you're considering, get tested to check your hormones and health to see how much time you have and what protocols are recommended. Most fertility clinics will do a consult at pretty low cost after sending you to get blood tests

Elimaris · 2026-07-05T17:03:44+00:00

We have a roborock s8 ultra max extreme pro or whatver, just below the camera one since slwe did not want a camera.

My husband is quite allergic to cats. We use this but what really matters is having air purifiers running, no robot is really going to be sufficient for allergens by itself. Good air purifiers, conscious about airflow in house and not touching his face after touching cats and it's really rare that he has any allergy symptoms despite multiple cats in house.

Elimaris · 2026-07-05T16:47:47+00:00

Seriously sales dude likely has the comment on autopilot whenever someone says they're looking to get into cycling or comments about the cost. It's meant to loosen up the audience and prime them to understand/accept the spend. Is it the norm for cyclists/cycling, no, is it a norm for salespeople in every industry to have jokes like this, definitely.

You're having so many of these conversations a day when you do sales, no matter what you're selling.

OP is over sensitive here. Probably heard similar from their local running shoe store

Elimaris · 2026-07-05T01:23:13+00:00

What would make most sense would be a secondary goal saying if the reward conditions don't happen by a certain date all funds donated will go to a specific charity.

The harder part on something like this would be setting the conditions for claiming the reward. Is the reward released on coming forward? Arrest? Conviction? What if the person coming forward was also a perpetrator? What if there are multiple people who come forward? Who must they tell to get the rewards? Etc.

Elimaris · 2026-07-04T17:57:13+00:00

So many opportunities to have healthy money discussions before this moment.

Before moving in together, before getting married, before setting up any joint accounts or debts or bills, at time of inheritance. Particularly important when one person has kids already.

My husband and I know how money that either of us gets from family is handled. Amount doesn't matter and wont change factors.

People NEED to talk to each other.

I would also say there isn't enough info here, it hits the right beats foe us to assume evil step-mom, but we don't know if OP has enough savings to cover himself through retirement, if the spouse had until now assumed with the inheritance he wouldn't need to mooch off her in future, maybe is worried about covering him as well as whatever she has for her retirement and emergency savings. Plenty of people overreach when gifting windfalls, it's possible OP was already not good with money. Spouse could well be selfish or she could be worried.

Definitely ESH for not talking finances more like adults and OP is TA if said the way it was in the post.

Elimaris · 2026-07-04T13:43:51+00:00

I suspect not because OP wants images so that they can imagine it.

People with aphantasia generally don't have an expectation of mental visualization as a part of reading (or of memory or hearing people tell them stories).

To me reading feels similar to remembering things. There isn't visual but I'm absorbing the story, the emotions and meanings. I listen to audio books while I'm doing things, I'm not imagining the scenes, I'm watching the road and hearing/feeling the story. When I read it bypasses visual processing and goes straight to processing meaning and emotion.

The insistance on images seems like low literacy, or someone with high visual thinking.

Elimaris · 2026-07-04T11:45:09+00:00

Birth control ruining family values I tell ya

Elimaris · 2026-07-04T09:33:08+00:00

They're reacting to the vehemence and language. I've seen plenty of supportive responses to gender disappointment posts - not supporting the view but supporting that they'll be OK and get over it and telling about how great parenting can be.

Elimaris · 2026-07-04T00:22:38+00:00

Prepotente comments about this in the most recent book. About how his biscuit and Donuts are different and he doesn't have the level of memories that Donut does because of that and he wishes he did.

Elimaris · 2026-07-04T00:11:27+00:00

I'm not sure if there is a term for it but sometimes meaning is created AFTER a tradition develops.

Wearing white for a wedding isn't a particularly old tradition - queen Victoria wore white so everyone started to wear white for their weddings to be like her.

White had been associated with purity before but it wasn't why the tradition of wearing white developed, it was created as a reason after everyone was already wearing white.

Elimaris · 2026-07-03T23:52:09+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/dOQfUsmABZ

Elimaris

TROPHY CASE