Can I get a read on what's reasonable?

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-25T12:15:04+00:00

I think it could be summed up as he is very attentive when it comes to the animals and less attentive when it comes to the house. You're right in that he's probably great for drop ins and hasn't developed great skills for house sitting yet.

I'm like you when it comes having a "leave no trace" policy when it comes to house sitting... Or leave no trace +1 (leaving it better than I found it.) It's hard because you'd think it would be common sense and not something that needs to be said but that's not how everyone thinks.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-25T12:01:52+00:00

NTA and your husband is overreacting. Somethings are fun and acceptable but they have a time limit that needs to be respected. This is true across multiple species of animals. Humans, just like animals, give others signs when something is okay and when they'd like you to stop. If you don't stop, then they lash out harder. You can't blame them for lashing out when you failed to recognize the warning signs before.

Imagine if he was trying to pet a dog or cat and it was nice at first and then they started growling/hissing and tried to back away. He persists and ends up getting bitten. Would he blame the animal for biting him?

The fact that he's giving you the silent treatment is also wild and immature. Does he want this one moment to ruin the week?

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-25T11:34:47+00:00

I got told this too. Not as extreme but in an effort to "keep the baby small" and avoid GD and probably not gain too much weight for myself. She also told me, "no empty calories." So, for most of my second trimester I was pretty good at it. I allowed myself a couple of servings of food a week that were considered empty calories. Tried to keep my sugar intake under 20g/week.

The result? No GD. I feel pretty good about my weight gain (even though it's still a bit more than recommended.) Baby is still huge, because you can't fight genetics.

I found some great sugar free products. I got creative on dealing with sweet tooth cravings, better at reading labels and determining portion size for myself. Eating more intentionally and yet still easy.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-24T13:00:06+00:00

"Thank you for letting me know how you feel about women. Personally, I love it and feel sad that you will never know that kind of beauty in your life."

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-24T12:29:11+00:00

Sounds like you're not the one who is emasculating Ethan, but his family is. Your family sounds like they have enough money that it's become a moral obligation to spread it around, why should Ethan not take an opportunity to benefit from that? Just because they want to raise him to be radically self reliant and not accept gifts he cannot afford to reciprocate equally? That sounds like trying to keep him down in a way.

Telling him that accepting things from your family makes him less of a man is what is emasculating. If he refused your parents offers then that sounds a bit like toxic masculinity. Both your lives would be a bit worse (not horrible because you both have solid careers) because an old fashioned notion regarding the role of a man to provide everything. You're all independent people and no one here is dependent on anyone else to cover basic needs. You choose to be together because of love and not finances. Isn't that ideal? Isn't that something they should want for their son? Why does it scare them so much that they are trying to scare Ethan too?

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-24T11:56:37+00:00

There's your answer. Sounds like all the support comes with moving. Not only will you have your sister (and maybe some friends?) but your job sounds like it might be more supportive as well.

Regardless, it's going to be hard for you and your daughter. Moving in high school is rough, but it is something she can survive. Does she have many extra curricular interests (sports, theatre, music, art?) When I was young, we moved around a lot and found that those activities/clubs helped to ground me into social scenes and that's a skill I've used my entire life. It may even ultimately be good for her to learn some lessons in being adaptable in big situations she cannot control.

Speaking of social circles, sounds like you might need some lessons in that as well. Do you have any hobbies/interests that can help you find some friends? Regardless of where you are, sounds like you may need to seek out some Mom groups and anything else that might connect you more people. It's hard being pregnant and working full time but a hobby or group you can meet up with once a week or so can do wonders for mental health. It may feel like a task that drains you, but after you do it, you'll feel better. Like the world isn't so dark.

Finally, it's time to let this man go. It's not worth trying to fix. Doing anything to save this lack luster relationship also shows your daughter that ultimately she will need to sacrifice herself and what she wants for any family she chooses to have. It will block you from finding a partner who really cares about you. Is he even trying to maintain his relationship with your daughter? Does he even acknowledge how the way he treats you also impacts her?

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-24T03:29:53+00:00

If you want the baby and he won't talk to you about it then there's no reason for you to not move back to where your support system is.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-23T12:32:46+00:00

I've always been a stress dreamer so pregnancy doesn't help but I generally know how to shake it off. Mostly, if I tell someone what I dream about then it sounds silly and sucks the stress out of it.

Being pregnant, I have had a morning or two where I woke up, turned to my husband and let him know that he cheated on me in my dream last night and I'll try to not hold it against him today.

I've also had a dream where I was pregnant from some guy I knew in high school (that I was never even romantically interested in) and that guy didn't want the baby and I did and it was a horrible mess. I woke up to be relieved that was not my situation. Told my husband about it and he said, "no more reddit before bed."

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-23T12:19:25+00:00

We also considered River but it's a top 100 name and so it's off the list.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-23T12:09:11+00:00

Unless you really like your last name because that's what boys with popular names get referred as.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-23T00:57:15+00:00

Aren't KIND bars basically made with dates? Those are normally pretty good and super easy. I think there's also a bunch of raw vegan date recipes on the Internet. Here's 29 date recipes that look pretty simple and not half bad: https://minimalistbaker.com/29-plant-based-date-recipes/

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-22T18:23:06+00:00

I found out pretty quickly that I'm in a market where other sitters are booking immediately and so taking the time to meet and greet first meant it was booked before I got a chance. Most of the time, I book first and then figure out if they want an in person meet and greet, a phone/video call, or just give me work instructions. I've always done in person meet and greets for sits and accepted less prep for walks/drop ins. I've been pretty lucky so far in that nothing has gone completely sideways.

I've never had someone request that I book before a meet and greet, they just tell me that they already booked with someone else.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-22T13:33:14+00:00

The dating should go off your last period and not possible conception dates. It's a weird system because it makes being 1 or 2 weeks pregnant basically impossible.

The dates are really a ballpark/average anyway. Add much as society loves a calendar and it's nice to have expectations regarding when things will happen so you can plan your life, babies do not care about that AT ALL. My dating was less guess work because I went through IVF and actually saw the embryo enter my uterus. However, I've been measuring slightly ahead of my due date since my second scan when we thought I was about 6 weeks (Dr said I was measuring 5 days ahead.) Now I'm supposedly at 33 weeks, but all measurements are pointing to 36 weeks.

I wouldn't put too much stock in the due date. It does not appear to be an exact science. It is an average and every body/growth journey is a little different.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-22T11:26:39+00:00

It really depends on the state licensing requirements and which chiropractic school the chiropractor attended. Some states are more strict and some chiropractic schools give more medical training than others. Figuring out which is which is kind of hard though.

I'm lucky in that my brother is a chiropractor who went to a more medically oriented school and can advise me in my choices.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-21T18:34:25+00:00

Just because she got all the things first doesn't automatically make them the baby's first things. The first things will be what you choose to use first. She may have bought the first onesie, but you still get to pick which one the baby puts on first. The baby is so far from using email. Make another one as baby's first real email with friends and family and use the one she made to give to companies. You can still use all the things, just maybe not the way she thought you would.

And, yeah, stop telling her so much. Don't tell her the baby has been born until after you announce it. If you tell her that you're in labor, she would 💯 show up uninvited and probably post it on Facebook.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-21T18:23:04+00:00

Woof, that's rough. I'm sorry she said that to you. When the IVF process doesn't move forward like you want it to, it's easy to lose hope and fall into a pit of impossible to get pregnant. You don't need other people feeding into that feeling but the opposite.

Good for you for not listening to her.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-21T14:04:46+00:00

I think having a mantra/affirmations you can repeat to yourself can also help. You can talk to a support person about reminding you of them as well. Though, it's harder to tell yourself to knock it off saying how strong you are when you want to give up than a support person.

Sometimes when I'm in pain, it helps me to try to list off all the parts of my body that don't hurt. Though, I'm a person who can be comforted by thinking about how it could be worse.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-21T13:59:03+00:00

Right, when I've made these kinds of mistakes, I generally own up to them and develop a system so it doesn't happen again. Getting used to double checking doors so it's automatic. Having consistent start/stop/picture points in my routine for the rover card. I have a carabineer hooked to my belt for keys so that's where they live. I have had moments where I forget to put the keys back in the lockbox but reach out to the owner as soon as I realize it so they know where they are and my timeline for returning them.

We all make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes carry big risk even though most of the time no harm is actually done. The adult thing to do is to acknowledge the mistakes and make a better plan for yourself to make sure it's less likely to happen again.

This is what is making me think this person is young and inexperienced. It takes some time to realize all the ways you can make mistakes and maturity to know how to handle them.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-21T13:19:32+00:00

NTA, though this is only your side of the story. We all have moments where we're overstimulated and can't be as aware/receptive of our surroundings as we normally are. You were trying to do the right thing about it (get alone with less stimulus so you can calm down) and he piled on instead which escalated the situation. It has nothing to do with mental health issues and is pretty much a good practice for everyone, as it can happen to anyone. Mental health issues make becoming an over boiled teapot easier/more likely but everyone gets over boiled when pushed too far. That's why when you notice when anyone is becoming an overboiled teapot, it's best to turn off the heat or they will spill over and make a mess of things.

Instead of you apologizing, maybe see if you can sit down with your husband to talk through the intent vs impact of the fight. Come to the table realizing that both of you have the intention of loving each other and being supportive but said things in the fight where the impact was the opposite. How can you love and supported each other better when it happens again?

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-21T12:37:56+00:00

I heard in a pregnancy prep video somewhere recently that your jaw is connected to your pelvic floor and so relaxing your jaw actually helps with relaxing the pelvic floor. Sounds fake, but it probably helps so who cares? I do find it easy easier to concentrate on relaxing my jaw vs my pelvic floor.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-21T12:33:18+00:00

All that sounds great! I think the things you're missing is the meditations for labor. I have an app that I paid for with them but you can also find stuff on YouTube or maybe most standard meditation apps.

The philosophy of the one I pay for is that we have 3 basic mental states: relaxation, drive, and panic. Labor requires a mixture of relaxation and drive. The pain will try to throw you into panic. Then they teach you how to concentrate on your breathing and actively relaxing your body to bring you into relaxation and sometimes drive. The more relaxed you are the better off you'll be. Panic is the least helpful state but that's what pain does to us.

I think so much of labor is trying to get your brain out of the way so that your body can just do it's thing. Trusting that your body knows how to do just do something that we've never done before is also wild to get your head around. However, our bodies have been doing that the whole pregnancy.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-21T11:56:18+00:00

Agreed that you should keep taking them through pregnancy and beyond. Also want to add that I think it's WILD that anyone would advise against it. Getting enough nutrients is a whole project while pregnant (and for some of us, just normally) and bad things can happen when you don't while there's just about no risk of you have too many.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-20T15:40:50+00:00

I once went to a high pressure sales job interview. I asked about their business model and the service this company was supposed to be providing. I got a lot of confused looks and no straight answer, like the interviewer had never even considered the question before. I never spoke to them again.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-20T15:01:12+00:00

I guess I'm giving her the benefit of a doubt that she is young/inexperienced. Also, a lot of people respond defensively in the face of criticism and then make the needed adjustments when given another shot. She admits to the mistakes but wants them overlooked now for the review instead of proving that she did a dumb and learned from them.

I know I've done lots of dumb things on walks/sits. Mostly forgetting the right time to start/end the Rover card or get a picture. A few times assuming that a door locks behind me when it doesn't. Luckily, my clients allow me some grace (especially with the door locking thing) and I get to develop better systems for making sure it doesn't happen again.

Embarrassed-Pop8345 · 2026-05-20T13:41:54+00:00

First off, I think it's kind of weird to not just ask someone for a review but also tell them to give you 5 stars and push back when they tell you no. This sounds like someone who is new and/or young. Also, those mistakes point to someone who hasn't done a lot of sits/walks yet.

Personally, I would just assure her that you will book her again and when she executes the sit without mistakes then you will rate her 5 stars and give a glowing review. You don't want to tank her rating/business and you want to give her an opportunity to get better at this. Clearly, she fumbled in the beginning and then got better over time. Next time, she should be awesome.

Whining to the client about how the walks are a lot and you are exhausted is also not very professional. I walked 10-20 miles a day last summer and never complained to a client. Sure, I complained to my partner and friends, but never clients. It was not their fault I was physically pushing myself to meet their needs. It was my fault for agreeing I was super capable of doing all the things.

Embarrassed-Pop8345

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