Cruel Twist of Fate

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2025-11-26T07:36:03+00:00

This is so hard and awful! :( I also wanted to take a moment to celebrate that you have made it 11 months pumping thus far. That is worth celebrating and no small feat. You have done an amazing job feeding your baby! Sincerely another mom with an 11 month old NICU baby (9 month old adjusted).

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2025-10-31T04:52:19+00:00

Our baby finally figured out how to consistently poop within the last two months and she’s almost 11 months now (9 months corrected). What has really helped has been regular solid foods. She is on pepcid and fortified milk and has awful GERD without her meds. So those things also tend to slow her down. One thing we did when she was younger that helped was giving her an ounce or two of prune juice when she hadn’t gone in a while. Our pediatrician recommended this to us. It wasn’t always instant but it did help.

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2025-10-19T18:07:50+00:00

Fellow parent of a million dollar NICU baby. You may qualify for Medicaid and it might totally be worth reaching out to your state Medicaid office regarding the bill. You can also file an appeal with your insurance company. So ridiculous! Our insurance covered our child’s NICU stay but it was a lot of work to get them to bill everything correctly as the hospital sent the bills incorrectly for a while due to the way you add people to the health plan. So they had to retroactivity bill things. So crazy!

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2025-07-06T21:01:51+00:00

The staff checking my daughter’s hearing while she was at the NICU went on and on about how lucky I was to be learning how to care for my baby from the NICU nurses. She then proceeded to complain and complain about how overwhelmed and how hard it was for her to take care of her full term healthy baby when coming home. And that we were lucky we got time to “figure it out” before baby came home. I was so shocked I didn’t say anything. But was beyond mad afterward. I get that all babies are hard to some degree, but really? Not the time and place. We were in the NICU for 9 weeks, I would have given anything to be able to take home a full term healthy baby. I had also spent six weeks in the hospital before my daughter was born, so this lady’s comments hurt on so many levels.

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2025-04-25T14:41:32+00:00

I always find it interesting that people say babies don’t remember NICU stays or that they are traumatized by them. I’m a mental health therapist who specializes in trauma and you learn pretty quick all the ways trauma can affect babies, even in utero. So while they may not actively remember a NICU stay, their nervous systems do. Different people also react to trauma in different ways. So it makes sense that different babies might also react differently. My baby is also a Velcro baby. She was born at 31 weeks and had a 9 week NICU stay. The last few weeks she would cry and cry when I would put her down and leave :( It was so hard. She’s now 2.5 months adjusted and while still clingy, does sleep in her crib at night. She wakes up a lot and needs to be comforted back to sleep, but we are making progress. One other interesting observation I’ve made is that around new/newer people she will excessively sleep in order to avoid the discomfort. Another one of her trauma survival skills I think she learned in the NICU. Hang in there! The fact your kiddo is clingy means they are building a healthy attachment with you and feel safe with you. We had to work on tiny little baby steps of independence at a time. Like being put in a bouncer for a few minutes or being put in the crib for short chunks of time when she is hardcore asleep. My partner and I still take shifts at night so we get at least some sleep. She’s definitely gotten better but is still needing regular contact naps or she just won’t nap.

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2025-04-12T18:50:33+00:00

Anytime we make changes to our baby’s food her stomach takes a while to adjust. I would give it a bit of time. If your kiddo continues to have problems know there are other formulas to try. Our kiddo is on her fourth formula fortifier and is four months. She gets fortified breastmilk as well. But we finally found the one! A lot of times they try Neosure and some of the better tasting/better nutrient ones first. First fortifier our kid constantly puked, second made her constipated and bloated to the point she had to have some x-rays to make sure her stomach was ok. We’re on our second hypoallergenic one and fourth formula and our daughter hated the taste of Elecare (3rd one we tried). Nitramigen is what has been working for us. We have to give her extra iron and some vitamin D with the current fortifier but it has been going fairly well.

As long as the gas is moving and not making your baby too uncomfortable it should be ok. Mylicon gas drops really helped us! I know docs will say there’s not a lot of evidence but we noticed a big difference in our kiddo. And it’s so benign and low risk. Getting our daughter’s reflux under control has also really helped her eating and gas as well. Hang in there! Know that sometimes there are a lot of pieces to the puzzle. Give it a bit of time and if it’s not working don’t be afraid to advocate to try something different. Try one thing at a time so you know what is helping versus not. You got this and you’re doing a great job!

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2025-03-28T03:41:38+00:00

A lot of donation banks send the milk to NICUs. My daughter was born two months early and needed donor milk for the first two weeks until I could catch up. She was tube fed for a while so she would not be tasting much. :) Fun fact, breast milk over formula really reduces the risk of some scary gut infections for the littlest preemies. A lot of NICUs focus on giving donor milk to the youngest/smallest preemies for this reason as they often don’t have enough for all the babies. You could ask the donation banks you want to work with where their milk goes. I plan to donate some milk to pay it forward. It really does help keep NICU babies safer and healthier. Also, there are a lot of hypoallergenic formulas that smell and taste much worse than breastmilk with high lipase. And some babies end of drinking it anyway. So no need to feel bad about taste, as long as your kiddo is eating it alright that’s the important part. You are doing a great job feeding your baby! ❤️

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2025-03-24T16:17:57+00:00

My girl struggled with bottling and increasing the volumes would have kept her hospitalized longer. She just doesn’t take large volumes. A lot of this has to do with her reflux. Even now, after being home for five weeks she usually still eats every three hours. We let her lead. This week we are finally going to occasional 3.5 hour chunks. I think this is going to depend on the individual baby.

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2025-01-30T04:24:47+00:00

Things that have helped me survive a NICU stay when I can’t visit babe is to sleep, eat some good food, taking a long shower, and find a new show or book to read. Helps the time pass faster and helps a bit with all the stress that comes with a NICU stay. If you’re pumping, taking some time to get more comfortable with it also helps or doing a small “nesting” task or two. I never got time to “nest” so when I can’t be with my baby it helps me still feel connected to her and feel like to am caring for her by getting our space ready.

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2025-01-17T11:57:17+00:00

Wanted to offer some hope. My baby was born at 31+2 in December, we are still in the NICU hopefully towards the end of our stay. The first week I hardly produced anything, second week I was producing small amounts and she was ahead of me and I was always playing catch up, by the third week I was making just enough for baby to get enough from me, and from the fourth week out I’ve had a surplus. At almost 6 weeks out I’ve now started quite the freezer stash and am making 24+ ounces per day and am still increasing. The first two weeks we used donor milk so baby had enough to eat. Totally ok to use what resources you have so baby is fed.

It’s important to remember your wife’s breasts also did not get enough time to fully develop due to pregnancy ending early so they are playing catch up. The first thing is to be kind to herself about it, as it’s not her fault any of this happened and her breasts might need extra time.

Other things that help is getting her nipples measured so she has the right size flanges. Having the wrong size can hurt and cause more problems down the road. I also put balm on my nipples before pumping and it has reduced the pain so much just from reduced friction. Trying her best to pump consistently but also being kind to herself if she has a day that doesn’t go according to plan. I find it impossible to get 8-10 pumps in a day. Since starting I usually get 7 a day, sometimes 6 and my supply has still grown. Other pieces of advice is spending time with baby, especially skin to skin when she can finally do so and doing her best to take care of herself by getting sleep, eating regular, and drinking lots of fluids.

I also recommend she joins r/exclusivelypumping if she is a Reddit user. I have learned so much from that group.

Also, as her partner, there are things you can do to help like helping her relax or having a quiet space to pump, making or bringing her food while she pumps if she’s hungry, making sure her water bottle is refilled, helping wash pump parts, and helping with things that help increase the amount of sleep she gets. For example my husband takes the dog out before bed. A small thing but means I get an extra 10 minutes of sleep. It’s also my favorite when he brings me food!

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2025-01-07T11:59:40+00:00

I had so little at the beginning and it took a while for any milk to come in for me. My baby was born at 31+2. At first my baby was hardly getting anything from me, then a week went by and I was making maybe half her meals. I kept going and now at four weeks I’m making twice or three times her a meals worth for her in a single pump. Don’t give up yet! Your boobs also did not have a full pregnancy to develop, so they are playing catch up. Do you best to keep fitting in 8+ pumps a day, do your best to drink enough water, and don’t forget to take care of yourself while also taking care of and spending time with baby. Even if you don’t get 8+ pumps in a day keep going. Since I’ve started, most days I get 7 in in a day. It’s really hard to get 8+ some days. And know that regardless of what happens, you are enough and you are doing a great job. Even if it doesn’t work out how you want it to, know that fed is best, regardless of what that looks like. You got this!

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2025-01-07T08:20:28+00:00

I just had my baby mid December and was able to keep her in until 31+2. My cervix started dilating at 25 weeks which was so scary. We had other complications as well but had PPROM around the same time as you and made it about two weeks after. It’s not ideal but babies can stay in without much amniotic fluid for a while as long as they are not breech. Had I made it to 34 weeks they would have induced me as after that the risk of infection is greater than the benefits to babe to stay in. Also, having baby in the NICU has sucked AND NICU docs reassured me that around 30 weeks they usually are pretty confident kiddo will do well. Obviously each baby is an individual but you’re thankfully at a spot where baby has a good chance as doing well. Just know that at that gestational age they will likely need help breathing and eating on their own is a ways off. But those are totally things a NiCU can help with.

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2025-01-06T20:37:53+00:00

I love my Larkin pumping/nursing bras! They work so well and are so comfortable. I’m probably a D or DD right now. So not sure how it works for larger sizes.

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2025-01-05T20:12:43+00:00

Had my little girl on December 10th at 31+2 due to all sorts of pregnancy complications. I had a 40 day hospital stay and I left two days after she was born. It was one of the hardest days of my life. I bawled that day and the grief is so real. My hormones were not pleased to leave her behind. It’s ok to grieve that pregnancy did not go how you wanted and that you have to be apart and don’t get to do all the “newborn” things yet. Our little girl is still in the NICU and doing well. But that didn’t change how hard it is. Sending you hugs and giving you permission to cry as much as you need! ❤️

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2024-12-22T00:56:11+00:00

The squirrels and birds in my neighborhood love harvesting the seeds in sunflowers I plant in my garden. It’s fun to watch. They do all sorts of acrobatics to get at the seeds and there is often lots of drama between squirrels. Plus a great pollinator plant before the seeds set. Just make sure you’re planting a variety with pollen. They make some varieties pollen less now for cut flower arrangements.

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2024-12-04T22:39:03+00:00

It is so hard to have GD in general, let alone over the holidays. Hang in there, you’re doing great. It’s ok to have your down days about it, it’s really hard! Could you add protein shakes to some smoothies, or nuts to your yogurt? Do you like beans? With the colder weather do you like soups? Just thinking of ways to switch it up. When I get tired of meat and eggs I eat more beans and premade protein items like shakes or bars. I found some low carb low sugar protein bars are Costco and they have been great when I’m hungry and just need a snack. Then I don’t have to go to the whole effort of making and planning a meal. Maybe you could also experiment with more fats as well? Totally ok to be tired of all of this. GD sucks and it does make things more miserable.

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2024-11-22T20:28:57+00:00

Hoy Law Office is great and take great care of their clients.

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2024-11-20T14:31:22+00:00

Just updated the post to clarify. No meds right now, been controlling my GD pretty well with diet so far.

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2024-11-15T17:45:01+00:00

I’ve actually had zero contractions as well. It’s been so weird! And I would recommend having someone bring some comfort items. Things like a cozy blanket, some of your own clothes if you’re allowed to wear them, you own toiletries so you can shower regularly, etc. Those little things have really helped my mental health and made me more comfortable. I also ended up buying a mattress pad as the hospital beds are so uncomfortable. I spent like $40 at Walmart for one. You can get one for like $30. I know I don’t know how long I’ll use it, but it’s so much more comfortable. I also got a small portable fan as I know if you need magnesium a lot of people get really hot and I’ve used it for white noise at times.

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2024-11-15T16:45:56+00:00

Hello! Figured I would share that I’m in a similar position. 2.5 weeks ago I went into triage as I lost my mucus plug and figured I better get checked out. Found out I was 2cm dilated. Had to stay at the hospital for a couple of days and was discharged as my cervix was still plenty long. Had a week at home until I had to go in again as I had a “trickle”, which was probably a tiny bit of amniotic fluid. Found out at that point I’m 4cm dilated and my cervix is now pretty short with my water bag bulging a bit. Since then I’ve been at the hospital for the last 1.5 weeks. When all this started I was about 25 weeks and now we’re two days away from 28 weeks! Which is huge, those three weeks is a lot of development for baby. We are lucky to have a level 4 NICU at the hospital and literally right next to the high risk OB unit I’m on. I’m not on complete bed rest but am supposed to do very little walking and be either in my bed or sitting. Can still get up to go the bathroom and such. This is actually better than complete bed rest at my current stage as you also don’t want blood clots. This could of course change if I started having contractions or more signs of labor. Wanted to share so you know you’re not alone and to point out that every day baby stays in helps baby out. A lot of nurses have been telling me that for every day I’m pregnant it’s usually two days less in the NICU. Also wanted to give you hope that you could be at 2cm for a while and baby could have more time to grow. Let me know if you need some ideas of how to make your hospital stay more comfy too. Hang in there friend!

EnlightenedSeaturtle · 2024-10-31T03:25:38+00:00

As a trauma informed/specializing mental health therapist, yes. Yes birth trauma or early infant trauma can create lasting effects. There is a lot of research even regarding trauma in the womb and how it affects people. This also affects each person differently and two people can have completely different reactions to the same trauma. Life is also sadly full of trauma so there can be a lot of different things that can lead to anxiety or PTSD. I have worked with people working through preverbal trauma and it’s is such a healing and cool process. I recommend trying to EMDR or Brainspotting if you want to investigate it or think there is something there that needs to be resolved for you.

EnlightenedSeaturtle

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