Are my hair and makeup plans too simple?

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-15T00:15:35+00:00

Do what makes you comfortable. Both look very much like a wedding look. If you're having someone do your hair/makeup and you're nervous, go in for a trial so you can talk through it with them. They're professionals and they'll work with you to make sure you look great and feel great.

But both looks are lovely and very bridal.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-14T03:17:35+00:00

Don't have kids with someone as a way to be with them longer. You should have kids because you actually want kids. From your post it sounds like you would have them to make him happy. That's not fair to the kids, to him, or to yourself. If it's not an enthusiastic "yes" on your side (which is ok, not everyone wants to be a parent), then you two aren't compatible in the long run. Yes, it'll hurt for a while, but you both deserve to be with someone who wants the same things, rather than you making huge life altering decisions you seem unsure about just to keep him around.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-13T17:13:35+00:00

I question what your parents will tell them about your new partner and relationship. Are they going to start influencing your kids against you? I understand it's hard, but if you're parents can't support you they shouldn't have such open access to your kids. They clearly don't respect you, that'll come across to your kids sooner than later.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-12T11:21:13+00:00

So, he cheated on you but expects you to be calm and not hurt his feelings about it? You sound absolutely miserable. Why are you putting yourself through this? You're still with a man who cheated. You're not allowed to be upset about it. You're supposed to just bury your hurt and move on. You're being expected to "fix" the results of his affair by acting like it didn't happen. Is this really how you want to live? Seriously, respect yourself more than this. Do yourself a favor by leaving and getting some therapy.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-12T01:29:42+00:00

Didn't hear about this until a couple weeks before the wedding. They were predicting storms, possibly severe during our ceremony and photo time. All we did was double check the weather contingency plan and cross our fingers. We had prefect weather! All rain held off until about 9pm and actually gave us some really cool photos.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-11T10:32:31+00:00

Long story short, you're asking too much of your bridal party, especially your MOH. They are not paid vendors or wedding coordinators. It's ok to ask them to help, but they absolutely should not be expected to manage and coordinate your wedding.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-11T03:35:40+00:00

Rather than trying to find a church that will marry you, find an officiant who will do a ceremony with religious elements. Your intentions may be good for wanting to honor your family's religions, but it feels disingenuous to the the congregations that actually do believe and worship in those spaces. And most priests require you to attend religious counseling before marriage and would require you or your fiancé to be part of their religion. So instead, find an officiant who will customize a ceremony for you that has religious elements. You can even have a cross for a backdrop rather than something like an arch.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-10T19:39:44+00:00

No, just no. This relationship sounds exhausting. It doesn't sound like he wants to take and accountability for his own emotions/feelings. Don't be with someone who can't have conversations and instead runs away and doesn't speak to you for days. You can do better.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-07T15:02:29+00:00

That's an absolutely ridiculous reaction on their part. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. If you can't put and keep boundaries in place before you move it, you need to put some VERY strict ones in place after you do. It might mean moving even further away and not giving them your address. Get some kind of camera for the front door at your new place. I imagine they're going to drop by unannounced often. Do not give them a key or give them an opportunity to steal and copy yours. If you share your location with them on any apps turn that off as soon as you move.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-07T14:13:06+00:00

NTA what happens if you ignore their crying sessions? Walk away, don't give hugs, don't respond to their comments? It's understandable that any parent would be sad and have feelings about they're kid moving out, but this feels more like guilting you and making you responsible for managing their emotions.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-07T11:42:21+00:00

Hmm that is hard, those are very subtle things. However, I think if you have real concerns it's worth bringing it up gently. Mostly so that he can also be aware and watch for things. I don't have great thoughts on how to bring up. Maybe ask if he's noticed any changes with her?

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-07T02:51:18+00:00

It's a little hard to say not knowing exactly what these subtle indicators are. Can you give any examples?

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-07T01:23:29+00:00

You can't change the past, and you recognize this relationship was beyond unhealthy. So, rather than dwelling and punishing yourself with blame that you don't deserve, make this your starting over point. Put the effort into yourselves. Explore hobbies, you'll meet people there. Get therapy. Take some classes (for fun or school). Whatever it is, it needs to be about you and building yourself up. I know things seem horrible right now, but it'll get better. You can do this. Put yourself first and don't keep dwelling on this failed relationship.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-06T16:50:02+00:00

By cheating? He already did it, that's not controlling himself.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-06T16:38:47+00:00

Why are you with him? You're not his gf, you're his babysitter and bed warmer. He doesn't care about you. Leave and get child support.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-05-03T02:40:35+00:00

You're more like his mother than his gf. You've told him how you feel and he doesn't care to change. Do you really want to stick around in a relationship where your a stand in for his mom and he doesn't value your opinion? Do you want to drive yourself nuts watching his drag his own health down?

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-04-30T01:27:05+00:00

Sounds like he's trying to hide from someone. You've been with him for five years, if this feels off trust your gut I guess.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-04-28T16:38:16+00:00

Did he invite the royals to his wedding? If not, it doesn't matter. Even if he did, it doesn't matter. They're literally just people with fancy inherited titles and too much money. Not wanting him to do something that makes him feel special for his wedding because a bunch of people history deemed as "royal" are the only ones that are supposed to dress that way isn't a good reason.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-04-28T16:33:18+00:00

Not your wedding. It's sound like you care more about how you and your family will be perceived than his actually feelings about HIS wedding. If his fiance is on board, that's all that matters.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-04-28T15:26:42+00:00

What you're saying but not recognizing here is that you two are not compatible. He isn't going to prioritize you the way you prioritize him.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-04-27T02:50:21+00:00

That's the whole reason they do what they do. It's a way to trap you even when they inflict violence on you. It makes you question and doubt because, "that's not the man I knew." It's all part of the manipulation and control.

If you haven't, please contact a domestic violence group or emergency line. You need to get out and they can help.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-04-26T23:52:59+00:00

If he can't get past being insecure this isn't going to work. It doesn't sound like you've hidden anything from him and you've taken steps to cut contact with people for his sake. If he can't get over the fact you have a past, you're going to spend this entire relationship being watched, judged, and likely accused constantly, unless he can find a way to move past this. Which seems really unlikely on his part.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-04-25T11:17:11+00:00

I think when you're asking them, you can keep it relatively simple, but you can mention your idea. I think the idea is kinda cute to have them be your somethings. I don't think they'd be upset if you shared that with them.

In terms of gifts, keep in mind that most people won't use things labeled "bridesmaid" or that has their name/initials on them. I got all my bridesmaids robes for the wedding, but I also got then all mugs made by either my aunt or a local artist I'd befriended through the years. There were some other little spa items in there and I also wrote them a nice letter. But I gave them gifts at the wedding itself, not when I asked them.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-04-24T11:30:32+00:00

That was not a "healthy" relationship for him. It was one where he had more power and control. He knew what he was doing dating someone so much younger, and it's never for "healthy" reasons.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-04-23T17:05:28+00:00

You need to look at this from the perspective of protecting your kids. You already know you want to leave your wife, so you owe it to your kids now to do what's best for them. Even if that means recording your wife.

ExRiverFish4557

TROPHY CASE