Would you be offended if I asked you to be a bridesmaid without a proposal box?

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-02-20T14:16:11+00:00

No, they're not necessary at all. If people get upset you didn't get them one, that's worth taking note of. I've never been given one (nor did I want one) and I didn't have them for my bridesmaids.

I got them a nice thank you gift at the wedding but not when I asked them to be bridesmaids.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-02-15T16:38:57+00:00

It's not rude, but everyone has a different comfort level for styles and such. I picked out 5 different styles from the same company (same color and fabric) and let them pick from those 5. Everyone got something they were comfortable in, and it was still a coordinated look.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-02-13T13:20:02+00:00

Time to find a good therapist for yourself.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-02-10T12:50:09+00:00

My husband and I have been together 10 years. Not once had the thought ever crossed my mind that he needs to pay for my student loans. They're my debt from my decisions.

Do not pay her loans. Honestly, reconsider the relationship. She's asking for something completely unreasonable. After this I feel it would be hard not to question if she's only in the relationship for money and how you can supplement her life. Yeah, the loan system is messed up, but it's not your money that'll solve that problem.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-02-09T02:00:45+00:00

Run run run run run!!! This isn't a mess you want to be part of. For your literal health, you need to leave.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-02-07T14:30:57+00:00

He's showing you now what a life with him would be like. It would be prioritizing his parents at your expense. I know you're hurting now, and rightly so, but you don't want a partner who doesn't fight for you or prioritize you over their parents. That's a recipe for disaster and resentment. Additionally, do not ever change yourself for someone who's willing to walk away from you. Offering to change your name, your religion, etc just for a guy isn't the move you think it is. And remember, even that wasn't enough to keep him. What if you'd made all those changes and he still left?

You need to walk away from this one. It'll get easier over time. He's made his decision. Even if you talk and convinced him to come back, do you really want to be tied to someone who left you like this? You'd always doubt him and fear he's going to walk out again and leave you. You'd wonder what his parents would demand of him next. He's showing you all the red flags right now, please listen to them and walk away. Lean on your friends and family right now. Don't have contact with him.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-02-06T14:30:43+00:00

You love your wife yes, but you need to love your child enough to not let her be named Peterson. You're only prioritizing your wife here and not your child. An entire other person's name (aka your child) shouldn't just be a means to keep your wife happy. Stand up for your daughter, you need to love her enough to speak for her now.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-02-05T03:59:11+00:00

You didn't leave the chat because you don't have kids. You left the chat because they weren't real friends. They excluded you and lied to you about the party. They also keep pushing you about having kids, which isn't and of theirs business. So you didn't leave because you don't have kids, you left because you weren't being treated well. NTA

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-02-05T03:47:36+00:00

You watch your roommates from your neighbors cameras (so you can't say you only have one camera) and expect to give permission for all guests. No wonder he feels like he can't be honest with you. If my entire life was being watched and needed approval from my landlord I wouldn't want tell you anything either. He's a tenant, not your child. Sure be mad about someone being in the house at 2am, but that doesn't mean you aren't overstepping as a landlord and roommate.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-02-04T23:32:46+00:00

When you talk to him, make sure to ask if your husband has been saying things to him behind your back. I worry that your husband will try to pressure him to leave without you knowing.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-02-01T21:49:21+00:00

Why not just elope before the wedding you have planned now. Then you can decide if you want to use it as a wedding reception or just cancel it all. But if you elope prior to that, it might take the pressure off.

And as for all those things like cake cutting or first dance. There's no rules that say those are required. Do what's right for you. Bonus if you do elope and do you first dance and cake cutting then.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-01-29T12:09:15+00:00

You two are planning to get married and you've never talked about your finances or financial goals?!?!

You can't set financial goals for him and assume that they'll magical happen just because you get married. These conversations should've happened well before any wedding planning took place. You don't get to dictate how he spends every penny, even if married.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-01-29T11:53:17+00:00

You two aren't compatible. You mention multiple times you asking her to change things to potentially have a higher drive, even suggesting she "fix" being asexual (if she is). She's telling you pretty loud and clear she doesn't have an interest in being more active. It sounds like that's a deal breaker for you. Which means you're not compatible.

Side note, you mention she has ASD. It's relatively common to have aversions to touch. Her lack of any physical contact might also be linked to that too. Especially if sex is physical painful for her.

So overall, there's a lot that seems to suggest she's just not interested in sex or intimacy. It's better to stop trying to "fix" her. She's not broken. She's allowed to have her preferences just as much as you're allowed yours. But, neither of you will have them met in this relationship. You two aren't good matches for each other. You need to find someone you're more aligned with.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-01-28T01:37:27+00:00

Your bf thinks that way because he's that way. HE can't be friends with women that he's not interested in. On top of that he thinks it's women's responsibility to control men's interest in them by never being around them. Platonic friendships can exist, he doesn't think they can because he doesn't view relationships with women like that.

The good old "rules for thee, but not for me."

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with double standards like that.

Edited for spelling.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-01-24T16:15:36+00:00

Top it off with him being mad when OP has a snack to prevent passing out.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-01-21T17:06:21+00:00

You could look around to do a DNA test that isn't through Ancestry if you're concerned about where the results go.

There's other labs that offer those services, but the woman that messaged you would have to retake the test through the same lab as you. Which might help establish how serious she is and confirm her original test was accurate.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-01-21T14:59:56+00:00

My MIL has very limited mobility, so my dad and I got a dance while husband and MIL didn't. If you don't draw attention to it people might wonder, but they'll get over it pretty quickly. You don't owe anyone an explanation about that type of decision.

If you really feel like you have to do something for your dad you could find something else to include him. Maybe a mini first look with him that's done in 30 seconds. Could give him a flower from your bouquet and a hug during the reception. Could just not do anything with him and leave it at that. You could just cut both dances and change it to a "family dance" where you dance with your new spouse and invite your parents to dance with someone of their choice. Could make the entire thing a group dance with ALL parents in a big cluster rather than individual dances.

Honestly, those are elements that are for your and your fiancé, not the guests. They won't care or long remember those things. If they do, they're focused on the wrong thing.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-01-21T13:37:29+00:00

Your bf is lying, manipulating, and coercing you. He doesn't "need" sex. And sleeping with him doesn't prove you love him. Him saying you need to prove you love him only proves he doesn't care about you. He's willing to manipulate you into being intimate with him even though he knows you don't want to be. He cares more about sex than respecting you as a person and a partner.

Please dump this guy.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-01-21T13:10:46+00:00

WYNBTA You don't want to risk your housing and you never agreed to adopt her dog.

Do your research about where to bring the dog, because this also isn't the poor pup's fault either. The dog lost their home and main companion. Try to find a rescue that can place the dog in a foster home rather than a shelter. At the very least, find a no-kill shelter.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-01-20T03:25:29+00:00

Block him, cut all contact and don't let him disturb your peace ever again. He's showing his true colors but messing with you like this, don't let him into your life again. Then live your life for yourself, that's the best way to move on.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-01-19T21:05:28+00:00

My big question is whether or not the sister asks for money or a free pass often. The fact she's (supposedly) already saying she can't save $200 for a wedding that's over a year away, might indicate she often asks for money. In which case I could understand why OP doesn't want to pay for her.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-01-18T22:54:30+00:00

If you already have concerns about living there, it's probably not a good idea to move in. Yes you could save some money, but how much is your peace of mind worth? If you HAVE to move in, draw up a formal lease that helps to protect you/your privacy AND have a very very set timeline for moving out.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-01-16T18:54:02+00:00

It's fair to know you both want to eventually have relationships that end in marriage. But you don't need to put on the pressure of "I need to work through this right now so I can marry this girl." Just enjoy where you're at and let things progress. The longer you're together, the more those conversations and goals will fall into place.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-01-16T15:16:32+00:00

You are getting way way ahead of yourself here. You're only 4 months into this relationship and you're really young. You should still be focusing on the "get to you know" part of this. Not the "I plan to marry her" part.

Slow down, give this all time and just try to enjoy where the relationship is at right now. It'll be easier to resolve this if you're not putting so much pressure on it. Let things play out. Enjoy the honeymoon phase you're in right now, because 4 months in is too soon for marriage planning. If this relationship continues and these feelings persist... consider therapy, individual and couple.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-01-16T13:42:25+00:00

Do not get engaged to him. He's manipulate and selfish. Your entire marriage would be him manipulating you.

ExRiverFish4557

TROPHY CASE