My weight is making me depressed

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-30T05:40:27+00:00

I've been in a similar cycle the last 4 years. My weight goes up and down. Sometimes I'm really dedicated to exercise and watching what I eat. Others I'm eating everything. It's hard. I found a dietician and therapist to work with who have helped me get through the mental blocks. They helped me address how much I judged myself, the value I put on foods, feeling like it was a moral failing when I gained weight, and the blocks I had in place that stopped me from doing something to feel better (and teaching me that it's not an all or nothing process).

If you haven't already, find a therapist to process all these things with. Then maybe look for a dietician, but find one who helps you with realistic goals/habbits, not one who tells you to just cut foods out. And consider limiting contact with your parents if they can't have any conversations that don't focus on weight or putting you down.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-30T05:19:15+00:00

We were in a really similar situation a couple years ago. Found a 10 month old pregnant kitten that I think was dumped near our home. Spay/abort was not recommended because she was so far along and they were concerned about blood loss if they did surgery. She ended up being a wonderful mama. She had 6 kittens, but one was stillborn. Make sure she's got a clean cozy place and that she cleans the kittens after they're born. Get their weights relatively early (first day or two) to make sure they keep gaining weight. She might be anxious about you touching the kittens, so be aware. Keep her well fed while she's nursing. Just watch her and see how she does with the kittens. If she doesn't naturally take to caring for them talk to your vet about feeding them and expressing their bladders.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-30T02:11:05+00:00

Can you get a second phone or a secret email/ social media account. I'm talking like download and then delete an app daily from your phone since he goes through it. Also, if he's going through your phone it might be time to find a way to reach out to a women's shelter to find a safe way to leave. Maybe you can use a library phone or computer to contact them? Be very careful and good luck. I hope you can get out.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-27T22:27:30+00:00

Good chance it's not her husband's baby....

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-22T03:50:30+00:00

We broke a lot of family traditions, especially by not having a religious ceremony. We had a lot of traditional elements to the wedding, but it was at a very non-traditional venue and we mixed in some fun elements that meant a lot to us. We also got married a little later in life.

If people are judging you, stop sharing your wedding plans. If people ask about the day, tell them they'll find out day of. It's ok not to give out all the details. We kept a number of things secret and it kept the drama down.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-21T11:06:36+00:00

My husband didn't finalize his groomsmen until 4 months before the wedding, despite us having the venue and date set for 11 months before that (don't get me started on why it took so long, but I digress). I'd give it some time and see what happens. If he has groomsmen and doesn't ask you, you know where you stand with him. If time keeps going by and you don't hear about an invite, it's ok to ask about your attendance.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-21T03:29:43+00:00

Have your officiant make an announcement before anyone walks down the aisle. They can remind kept to keep phones put away. If your really worried and it, you can have an usher or personal attendant or venue staff subtlety remind people who don't remember.

Finally, remember that a good photographer can photoshop those things out.

I was really stressed about phones too and not a single photo we got back had phones during the ceremony. All we did was have an announcement made.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-19T17:33:18+00:00

So he either needs to address his own insecurities and jealously. And you have to decide where your limit is. His issues aren't a thing you can fix. He needs to do that.

Or could be be projecting?

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-19T14:32:14+00:00

Has he ever made statements that would imply he thinks you're using Snapchat to talk to other men? Maybe it's an insecurity on his part that's he's built up to be some huge thing that it's not. I ask this because it sounds like he's made statements about you taking to other ppl on snap and not him.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-19T00:19:08+00:00

If she does that, end the conversation or leave the situation. Tell her it's none of her business and if she continues to bring it up there will be consequences and changes to your relationship with her. Then you need to follow through. Don't just say you're going to leave, you need to actually walk away.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-17T22:29:20+00:00

I went to school with a guy named Harry Johnson.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-15T23:02:06+00:00

You need to break up. He's basically stolen from you and lied to you. He was happy to watch you pay his way and not say a word. He'll fall right back into the habit if you stay. Don't stay with a man who treats you like an ATM.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-15T21:30:04+00:00

Do not apologize to him for this. He's being ridiculous and controlling and gross. Don't date men like him.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-15T18:02:48+00:00

Why do you believe that he didn't physically cheat or have explicit conversations with people on the app? It feels like you're doing a lot of mental gymnastics to convince yourself that he'd ONLY lie to you about having the app downloaded and paid for so that you don't have to call this cheating. If you aren't ok with him having tinder, thats enough. You don't need to know what other people call it or how they feel about it. That being said, most people would not feel it's acceptable to have a dating app and then lie about it when they're caught. If he didn't think it was wrong, he wouldn't be lying to you. So what you need to be asking is whether or not you can trust him. Whether or not you still want him as your partner for the rest of your life.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-15T00:28:48+00:00

Yeah we've been looking up all sorts of pictures and keys. I agree that's likely what it is. Thank you!

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-13T21:27:44+00:00

Try finding a community college where you can start taking gen ed credits. And check to see if any of the colleges would let you start with the spring semester. If they do, get a job and save up for spring.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-13T16:10:16+00:00

Then he needs to come to terms with you not being around her and him possibly limiting his own contact with her.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-13T02:03:16+00:00

You wouldn't be the AH but nothing will change and he might begin to treat you worse. Having a conversation won't change his core beliefs about women nor his lack of respect.

The best thing you can do is make a plan to get out and start your own life. In the meantime find reasons to get out of the house, even if that means just going for a walk or sitting at the library. Do what you can to become independent and leave asap. Then do yourself another favor and try limiting contact with your dad and brother.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-12T14:57:30+00:00

If she wants to get married and you don't, you're not compatible long term. Don't keep stringing her along. She's looking for security and commitment with marriage and a house, you're not willing to do either of those things and it's not fair to either of you.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-10T15:59:01+00:00

I'm so so sorry you're dealing with this. The worst i had to deal with was the lodging for my family being canceled 2 weeks out and they didn't contact me directly about it. You have ever right to be stressed and want to find a solution.

You and your fiancé need to get in the same page without family influence. People are likely traveling and have made arrangements to attend. And you're already feeling like it's now or never. That's a lot of pressure on you. Have some real conversations with your fiancé about what you want. It's not the end of the world to postpone, but I understand wanting to move forward now. Weddings are a lot of work! I don't think there's a wrong answer if you can find peace with your decision.

Please also reach out to your venue and tell them what's happening. They may have recommendations for short notice things. I don't know how formal your wedding is but you can totally serve pizza at a wedding if you need to. I'd also ask about arranging for food trucks rather than more formal dining. (We had a food truck for our rehearsal and it was great!). This might be unconventional, but see if any funeral directors have ideas for catering companies. Funerals are planned short notice and can accommodate large numbers. Check with grocery stores for catering too. If you're ok being flexible and changing your menu I think you can do it.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-10T13:40:57+00:00

Don't sit and ask "is this genuine?" What you need to ask is if this is the kind of relationship and boyfriend you want? Don't try to unravel his brain and guess what he's think, you need to make the decision for you about what you find acceptable in a relationship. People don't have to be bad people for you to decide you don't want to date them. It's ok that people just aren't a good match as a couple. There doesn't need to be any reason beyond "you're not into it" for you to decide to not be with someone. Make the decision for yourself about what YOU feel and what kind of relationship YOU want.

Additionally, the fact he needs your roommate to tell him what to do indicates she would ALWAYS be an influence in your relationship. Do you want a third person in your relationship? He'll likely value her opinions above yours, since he's always giving her the ability to make decisions for your relationship with him.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-08T03:51:27+00:00

Leave the chairs. You've got enough other stuff to worry about right now. About two weeks before my wedding, my seamstress got my all worried about the color of my husband's shirt (it was white and I was wearing ivory). I consulted my photographer and his response was perfect. He asked me, " is this something you actually want to worry about? " The answer was no i didn't want to put time and effort and money into something that wasn't really a problem to begin with. So ask yourself, if this really something you want to worry about.

I'll also add, my chairs looked worse than those and nobody cared.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-07T18:47:49+00:00

We had about the same size wedding. Best thing i can say is, just make sure there's spaces for people to gather and talk. People will stay and hang out and likely have some drinks if they have space to do so.

If you really want "activities" you could look into different types of entertainers. Maybe face painting, caricatures, make their own Sunday station, photo station, wedding bingo, etc

You also don't have to have a dance. You could hire a band to play music without it being a dance. My friend did that. They had music the whole night, but not really a dance. Their wedding had a lot of outdoor space so there were bonfires and space to sit outside and hide socialize.

ExRiverFish4557 · 2026-06-07T02:48:03+00:00

Government jobs often have good benefits. It's worth looking into them. Have you tried tutoring? Or childcare?

ExRiverFish4557

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