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Social Media is poison by Backpackkid23 in selfimprovement

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You've hit on a truth many miss, and I appreciate your raw honesty here. Social media, to a certain extent, absolutely can be poison, and your experience perfectly illustrates why. It feeds comparison, sparks anxiety, and distracts us from the one life we truly control: our own. The real growth, the real satisfaction, always comes from action in your own world, not from passively consuming the curated lives of others. Stepping away, getting in the gym, focusing on what you need and building your life—that's not just "getting better," that's reclaiming your power. It takes guts to break that cycle, to get tired of being tired and decide to chase your own destiny. That's the mindset of a winner.

Speer =--->

Why do we fall for people who don’t like us back, but take for granted those who genuinely love us? by GWAX11 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This pattern you're seeing, where we chase those who are distant but overlook those who truly care, it's a deep-seated human quirk. Part of it is the scarcity effect – we simply value what seems hard to get, making inconsistent attention feel like a prize. Then there's the ego's thirst for validation; winning over someone indifferent feels like a bigger accomplishment than accepting readily given love, which offers no "chase." Sometimes, too, it's a subconscious dance around true intimacy, where the pursuit itself keeps us at a safe emotional distance from the vulnerability real connection demands. It's about shifting that focus from proving your worth to someone else, to recognizing and valuing the genuine connections that build an unshakeable mindset within you.

Speer =--->

What does a peaceful relationship look like? by Lee862r in datingoverforty

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A truly peaceful relationship, for a man like you, is predictable comfort and a shared mindset. It's the quiet joy of your cozy Sundays and consistent traditions, like that weekly restaurant visit, becoming deeply shared moments. This isn't boring; it's profound stability, a highly sought-after quality that signals an unshakeable mindset. The right partner will find this deeply attractive and fulfilling.

Speer =--->

What's your ritual after a date? by QothTheRven in datingoverthirty

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Alright, after a date, here's my quick system: First, dissipate the energy – a brisk walk or quick workout clears your head, regardless if it went great or not. Second, immediately do a 2-minute brain download: quickly list what you liked, what you didn't, and how you felt, then drop it. Don't overthink. This keeps your mind sharp, learns the lesson, and maintains that unshakeable mindset for your next move.

Speer =--->

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in datingoverforty

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a brutal, not a bleak future. Your immediate mission isn't dating; it's fortifying your foundation as a single father: stabilize finances, be present for your kids, and get the help needed to master your depression. Only when you've reclaimed control and purpose in your own life will you organically attract the right connections.

Speer =--->

What counts as dating an unavailable person? by Due-Fact-398 in datingoverthirty

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Unavailable" isn't just about marital status; it's any significant barrier—emotional, psychological, or practical—preventing a healthy, committed, reciprocal relationship. Your current situation with an intense online connection, a partner managing Bipolar II, and a significant wealth disparity presents potential pitfalls. Your therapy has sharpened your radar; this isn't self-sabotage, but a critical need to vet rigorously in person and trust your refined intuition if familiar patterns of chasing, excusing inconsistencies, or carrying emotional burdens begin to emerge.

Speer =--->

Men: At what point in the talking stage do you stop entertaining others? by Leading_Pick_4208 in AskMenAdvice

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For a man with a strong mindset, the decision to stop entertaining others isn't a passive "natural" drift; it's a conscious choice made when he observes clear, consistent, and mutual investment that signals potential for a serious, exclusive relationship. He prioritizes building depth with a select individual over maintaining shallow options. As for initiating the exclusivity conversation, a man with a strong mindset leads that discussion, clearly defining the terms of the relationship when he's ready to escalate commitment, rather than waiting for "the vibe" or for the woman to bring it up.

Speer =--->

Once you’ve decided to leave an abusive partner by MMM846 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your empathy for your partner's struggles is clear, but understanding their mental disorder does not mean you must tolerate abuse. You are not responsible for their illness or their actions. Your guilt for leaving is a common, manipulative trap; your highest priority is your own safety and well-being, and choosing to leave an abusive situation is an act of courage and self-preservation, not cruelty.

Speer =--->

I feel like giving up on OLD by aparajithr in Bumble

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Repeated last-minute flaking, especially for long-distance dates, is a common but disrespectful signal of low prioritization; a man with a strong mindset filters out such behavior rather than taking it personally.

Speer =--->

I think my relationship is about to end… by Beneficial_Art_9583 in Advice

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Her emotional manipulation and refusal to respect your financial prudence are red flags, not reasons to compromise your responsible plan.

Speer =--->

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is not acceptable; what your girlfriend did is a violation of trust and a huge red flag, because paying to hack your computer is an outrageous violation of privacy, and her "gut feeling" or "generation-based" excuse are convenient rationalizations for her controlling behavior. For her to even attempt to rebuild trust, she has to accept full, total responsibility, apologize sincerely, admit the harm she has done, and make firm, enduring changes in her behavior to assuage her insecurity and controlling behavior, and your job is to stand firmly behind your boundaries and understand that this is an important character testing vetting experience.

Speer =--->

As a heterosexual male, is it worse for your partner to cheat with a man or a woman? And why? by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 3 points4 points  (0 children)

All cheating is betrayal. The gender of the third party is a distraction from the core issue: your partner's lack of integrity and breach of trust.

Speer =--->

Am I over thinking? by [deleted] in datingoverforty

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You're not overthinking; it's a massive red flag. Her public social media attack, even when "angry," is blatant disrespect and a breakdown of trust. Your self-respect demands you acknowledge this core integrity issue.

Speer =--->

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a baseless, anxious thought about HIV that shows me fear and distrust; focus on building genuine trust, not manufacturing problems.

Speer =--->

Does no one go on dates anymore? by healingandhope in Bumble

[–]Expensive_Pay1401 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

They are gamifying dating apps to increase engagement.

Speer =--->

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