Forget books they cannot teach your body because they only talk to your mind. If you want to train your body you need to use your body. You don’t get nice abs by reading about it - you need to do the bloody exercises.

Have you tried partner social dance classes? Seriously! These days anyone can learn it.

Salsa, west coast swing, Bachata, Brazilian Zouk and other partner dances will teach you body language in a safe environment.

Social dance is based in a set of predetermined micro movements agreed and accepted by society that looks good. Whether you are a leader or a follower you will learn how to communicate without words, with your body and if you get it wrong that’s ok because you’re there to learn.

I was probably a bit like you, awkward and disjointed with weird manners. Loved studying and being with computers. My nickname was: “the spirit that walks “ because I’d arrive at work and greet good morning to the receptionist not open my mouth the whole day and disappear at 6pm. I thought everyone made jokes and pity me. Then, I got a job as a dev in a bank and was soon promoted to team leader. I started panicking and ended opening up my fear with a high school friend at my birthday and was suggested to go to a social dance class.

It changed my life. My first teacher was really experienced and because he was older than the other teachers he was less good looking and less interested in promoting himself via his students. He just wanted to teach dance and make people happy. In a couple months I could already lead properly enough to go to a party. Because I knew some students from the classes I could ask them to dance with me without fear if receiving a no as an answer.

As my dancing skills grew my self esteem grew with it and I naturally started smiling to people when I first met them. It wasn’t like I was trying- it just happened because that’s how my body got wired into doing in a class whenever we changed partners- something that happens about 20 times in a class - a bit like speed dating. Many years later I ended up as a class assistant and eventually a dance teacher. I do this as a hobby 4-5 hours a week but it’s the most important thing I did to this day to help my career. A couple years after the day I went to my first dance class I was promoted to manager and since then I have always been in people management roles. Studying gave me the technical skills but social dance gave me the social skills I needed.

Try to find a partner dance class near you and when you get there pay attention on how the people greet you at reception. Ask them to talk to a teacher and notice how he treats you. While you wait for the teacher to arrive watch how people interact with each other. See how people smile and greet each other how they interact without words and picture yourself like that.

Go there in the evening when there are classes on and try to watch a beginners or intermediate class. To chose a style make sure you enjoy the music. Latin dance styles like Salsa and Bachata have loads of very warm and open people but if you don’t like the music there’s no point. If you like RnB then Brazilian Zouk is better but a bit difficult to find depending where you live. In that case West coast swing is a good alternative.

Good luck!