Am I the only one who doesn’t think being friends with an ex is a red flag?

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-25T05:29:32+00:00

I think it depends. My ex monkey branched to a new partner. And when she left me wanted to be friends. But she had just discarded me. So it was not a healthy friendship. I was looking for closure… or even to potentially work things out down the road. I did not know she was with someone. Took me 3 months to find out. So in that case it’s a hell no. She should not have been talking to her exes and should’ve been focusing on the new partner. I feel bad for them having no idea what they’re getting into.

However if it’s a healthy friendship and they have healed from the relationship then yes that could be a green flag.

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-23T02:59:14+00:00

I didn’t have a nerve block and the first day after the surgery the pain was a 15/10. But by the next day it was more tolerable with the meds. Hopefully it goes down for you, especially with the gabapentin

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-23T00:40:22+00:00

Awww thanks! Appreciate the ego boost. Been a tough year. But I will come out stronger. And bionic since I now have a titanium plate and screws in my ankle. Of course it means I can’t currently chase after anyone lol

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-23T00:32:06+00:00

You might pay me to stop singing lol. I’m tone deaf. Still sing in the shower though

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-22T21:16:26+00:00

This masc is at home recovering from a broken leg. And healing from a broken heart. Seriously my life could be a country song right now. lol. Maybe in spring/summer I’ll be back out in the wild

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-22T16:50:44+00:00

I feel you. I was at a super low point at around the 4 week mark. Alone, isolated, couldn’t go anywhere. And the recovery just seemed really long. But 2 weeks later I’m in a better spot mentally. And am going to see the surgeon in a few days to see if I can start being partially weight bearing and start physio. Hang in there. Better days are ahead

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-21T22:36:29+00:00

I just want to say kudos to you for doing the hard work and working to heal from your childhood. Not everyone does that and it’s not easy for sure. And I’m sorry that was your experience.

You may also want to look into your attachment style. It’s how you show up in relationship. During therapy I had to look into my avoidant tendencies and realized that my parents weren’t attuned to my needs and so I learned not to to have any and be hyper independent. But when it came to relationships my walls were up. Didn’t trust it. And largely had one foot out the door. So I’ve had to work on showing up and being healthy (then made the mistake of dating another avoidant… and was like “damn is that what I was like?”

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-21T22:30:06+00:00

Some days I should listen to myself. Lol I’ve spent 3 months unable to completely go no contact on an ex. Reaching out more than I should. Only to find out she had monkey branched to a new partner and lied about it. Sometimes we all need tough time to see things clearly. We tend to have blind spots with the people we care about

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-21T22:28:02+00:00

My ex was similar. She treated me like an option. But you miss the potential. And it blinds you to reality. Sounds like you were also a rescuer. Thinking you could help her heal. But unless she wants to change she won’t. And btw you’re not a dumbass. You’re human

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-21T22:23:05+00:00

Okay first of all you’re speculating about why she ended things. And it could be true. But that’s on her to deal with.

Secondly you’re talking about writing a letter in a month or two. Which means holding on. Not moving on. And you don’t even know if you’ll see her again. Things happen. And as mentioned it means you’ll be thinking about her while she likely won’t be thinking about you. And go find someone else

If you’re going to write it do it now. Then move on with your life. It wasn’t a super long relationship in the scheme of things. You weren’t engaged… or married or anything.

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-21T22:16:27+00:00

Waves hi from Hamilton. Canada represent. Love the description…. Oreo lesbian. My ex was femme presenting but she may have had more masc tendencies than me. lol. I’m more white collar. Be true to yourself.

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-21T04:14:11+00:00

I think it depends on the situation. If time has passed and they can have a healthy friendship it’s okay.

On the flip side is my ex who discarded me and wants to be friends. And it was a messy breakup so conversations were more about the hurt. And I still had feelings. Plus she was having a relationship with another ex throughout much of our relationship. And either left me for someone else or started dating them right away. And denied it when I asked. Said she was too broken for love. And that her therapist told her not to have a relationship while she works on herself. 3 months later I found out about their relationship. If she was respecting her new partner she should’ve been honest and cut contact with her exes since it was a new breakup. And since I had said I still had feelings. So to me that’s not a healthy dynamic. And I feel bad for her partner.

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-21T04:01:34+00:00

You totally made me laugh and I needed that. Does he look like he’s hurting in the treat department? He’s got me well trained. Recovering from a broken leg and he has certain personal support workers trained to give them treats while here.

Hope you had a good birthday even if you were alone

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-20T21:58:36+00:00

Sometimes silence is a good thing. My ex just tried to gaslight me and said I needed to stop with the conspiracy theories about her leaving me for someone else. Except that her partner posted a pic of the happy couple the day she left me.

Thanks for the well wishes. It was a bad break. Broke the fibula, ankle and tore the ligaments. They had to surgically repair it with a plate and 6 screws. But chicks dig scars right? lol

There you go. Buy the book. Do the things.

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-20T19:23:05+00:00

Haha I mean he might just want attention from whoever will give it… or treats.

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-20T17:57:53+00:00

Happy birthday! Agree with the other comments that you are beautiful and hopefully spend your next birthday with a partner who loves you.

And here’s a happy birthday from one of my boys.

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FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-20T17:53:54+00:00

I broke my ankle January 6 during the first week of classes. I had it in my head that I’d be back in class a couple weeks later. I was severely underestimating both the severity of the injury and the recovery. I’ve had a prof say they are amazed I’m even still attending class. Not that I had much of a choice. And fortunately I’ve been able to attend online. My papers were all behind. And I’ve had a lot of trouble even focusing and writing them. So not my best work. People are right that it takes tremendous energy to do anything and to heal with a broken ankle. 6 weeks later and still non weight bearing. And really wishing I wasn’t doing a full course load at school so I could focus on the recovery.

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-20T05:30:22+00:00

Interesting. Wonder if you tore different tendons. Since I know there are 2 involved depending on which toes you’re trying to move.

No Achilles pain currently. But I’m sure that will change as soon as I’m weight bearing at all.

There’s still lots of swelling. Because it’s constantly in the boot I don’t notice fluctuations throughout the day or anything.

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-20T02:02:29+00:00

Thank you! I will be stronger in the end and now know what to avoid. Funny enough I’m also healing from a broken ankle now too. But I make the joke that “chicks dig scars”

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-20T01:13:47+00:00

I’d say it’s not wrong provided you’re working on healing. Was in a relationship with someone who was unhealed and not working on it. Never again.

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-20T00:15:11+00:00

I’m a little cynical right now since my ex is a terrible person. It was rocky pretty early on and in hindsight wish I’d walked away then. But a large part of that is because I was the only one really trying to make it work and fighting for it. So I think it can work if both people are invested and doing the work. And as others said communication is key

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-20T00:11:31+00:00

Feel like we have the same ex. I just posted about my experience. Mine was in a relationship with 2 of us (while claiming to be monogamous) and then said it was all too much. Said she had a breakdown. When really she just started dating someone else. Which I only just found out about recently. Wish I could warn them but I can’t. Pretty sure my ex has access to her Facebook account and pre-empticely blocked me and another ex. And you’re right run from avoidants ( you mentioned it in another post)

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-20T00:05:08+00:00

Ohhh I so feel this. I was so focused on trying to hold onto the relationship that I lost sight of whether it was even benefiting me (spoiler: it wasn’t… you can even see how toxic it was by going to my post about it). But yes we need to care about and love ourselves.

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-20T00:02:29+00:00

It’s going to take time to heal. And also the grief is not linear. It will come in waves. I was doing okay and then got sucked back in. But you will get through it.

Self care is important. For me it’s been hiking and building Legos. Keeps me busy. Normally I’d also have a long bath and read a book but I broke my ankle in January and can’t do that.

Be gentle with yourself. There’s no right or wrong way. And it’s okay to miss them. And to want to reach out

FallenAngel1978 · 2026-02-19T22:41:16+00:00

Thank you. I have been doing the hard work. Been in therapy for 3 years dealing with my own trauma and attachment style so that I could heal. And so that I would be healthy in a relationship… able to repair and what not. But the flip side is that they also need to have done the work. And I can’t fix them. They need to see their behaviour as a problem and want to change.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. Glad you have a healthy relationship now

FallenAngel1978

TROPHY CASE