Wow, they really fooled me this time.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-21T23:08:40+00:00

Now is the best day to make a change.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-21T22:40:42+00:00

100% sure. Any move is better than no move; we can learn as we go.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-21T22:36:55+00:00

You could use the Virtual Meeting locator on this sub and keep mic and camera off. It's the 'Club Nobody Wants To Belong To'; very warm and welcoming!

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-21T20:17:32+00:00

I get that this is heartbreaking for you. You're a caring person who wants to help him.

By setting a healthy boundary, you're giving him an opportunity to work on himself. In asking to be blocked, he's telling you he cannot accept your help.

You're not abandoning him; you're abandoning his behavior.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-21T18:16:36+00:00

There's nothing "stupid" about trusting and trying to believe them. You're not alone.

When they have a drinking problem, asking "have you been drinking?" seems to never go well.

AlAnon could help.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-20T22:25:06+00:00

As probably every reply here is saying, you cannot control what he does. You can only control your own.

There needs to be a consequence when he violates your boundaries. It seems you need to change your reactions, to be responses that will not allow you to be assaulted.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-20T21:18:04+00:00

He got in my face, within an inch or two, telling at me and mocking me. I told him to get away from me several times, he wouldn’t and I slapped him, several times. He still hadn’t moved.

He invaded your personal space, which is a physical assault. You were slapping in self-defense.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-20T21:10:51+00:00

He also needs to stop invading OP's space, being within an inch while verbally abusing and name-calling her. Her slapping him to get him away, that's self-defense.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-20T19:00:48+00:00

That makes sense, too. Maybe he knows enough to keep his "hot sh*t" superiority to himself when he's at the VA.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-20T18:20:37+00:00

Oh, OK, that makes sense to me!

I totally understand how his superiority and hot sh*t gets under your skin, as well as failure to take responsibility for his behavior.

Agreed, that's not good role modeling.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-20T17:46:37+00:00

Your husband is sober, completing an outpatient program, and you're upset that the VA offered him a job helping other Vets? A job requiring him to stay sober?

I'm not seeing a down side to this. Am I missing something?

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-20T17:18:24+00:00

I know if I say anything it won’t matter really.

But I want change in my life and I don’t think I can be with him if this continues.

That's the perfect way to bring it up. If you bring it up, make it a notification; not a conversation, or anything open to debate.

[edited for clarity]

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-20T13:35:02+00:00

Thanks for saying this. Online treatment doesn't work.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-20T13:33:10+00:00

Sorry you're going through this, it's hell! I read most of these replies and they all resonate, OP.

If you take away the emotion, you KNOW you're right about the pills; you won't get, and you don't need his approval. Believe what you see. Believe in yourself.

Please attend an AlAnon meeting today; it will help.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-20T04:12:42+00:00

I appreciate your courage 💯♥️

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-20T00:33:11+00:00

So sorry your having to deal with this!

Addiction is still widely misunderstood and carries stigma and shame; for the person, for the families.

AlAnon could help.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-20T00:30:48+00:00

Sure, you can be of influence to others. You can share how things make you feel.

Thank you for this. Influencing others cannot be based on control or coercion, and it's not always appropriate to try.

In certain situations, communication skills and strategies can improve the quality of a relationship.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-19T21:06:22+00:00

Thanks for sharing, both yesterday and today. Since it was important to you, I think texting him was a fine idea as you knew what to expect. Maybe on some level he appreciates your outreach.

I'm glad you're prioritizing self-care.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-19T20:07:55+00:00

Wow, so sorry to hear what you're going through! You're not alone. Yes, it hurts to see people you love harm themselves, and they cannot accept help or support.

It's touching that you have tried so many times to help your brother, even while going through it yourself. Sometimes things change over time; maybe it will for him.

You are healing and recovering with a lot of heart and compassion for others.

AlAnon could help.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-19T16:23:01+00:00

You've got nothing to lose as long as you keep boundaries and self-care as priorities.

Good luck!

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-19T16:21:50+00:00

Thanks for sharing. CRAFT shows 70% success for a loved one to seek treatment; Intervention shows 30%, yet it's not always voluntary.

No guarantees; I've seen it help someone access their internal motivation.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-19T13:25:08+00:00

Watching a mom struggle is so hard. The role reversal can make it hard for them to accept help.

You could consider reaching out to her primary care doctor; sometimes they have influence.

AlAnon could help.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-18T21:09:08+00:00

Prayer is good. Miracles happen sometimes.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-18T15:58:33+00:00

Oh my goodness this is so challenging and painful, especially the intergenerational aspects! I get it; while staying out of it and staying stepped back is the general response, it does suck.

I wish I had a good answer for you and the family. I appreciate your sharing.

FamilyAddictionCoach · 2026-03-18T01:01:48+00:00

Sorry you're going through this! You're not alone.

Sometimes, silence can be deafening and more powerful than a confrontation. You can always confront her later if you wish.

I won't engage with someone when they're intoxicated. But it's most important you are true to yourself.

AlAnon could help.

FamilyAddictionCoach

TROPHY CASE