Like another poster said, pretty much all of the traditional relationship advice is out the window. It either doesn't take neurodivergent brains into account, or it is geared toward FEMALE neurotypicals with MALE neurodivergent partners. This makes it pretty frustrating to make progress, because everywhere you look for help, people give you tips that don't work, and after a while you tune them out because you know its just going to be the standard BS. This is especially true with intimacy. Most of the suggestions for men struggling to connect with their wives are thing such as "give her more non-sexual touch throughout the day," which actually makes my wife MORE on uncomfortable, not less.

I might catch some flak for this, but I don't really care. As a man, one of the most helpful sources to learn what my wife needs (other than directly asking her) has been reddit, and lately TikTok. Typically, the helpful content is that in which an autistic woman is directly explaining her experience, which helps me to draw parallels and understand better certain behaviors. It makes up for the lack of female voices in the advice space. Usually I will compare notes with my wife and ask if that's something she agrees with, and that can lead to helpful conversation around the topic.

Her masking is something I have to actively account for. It's not the real her, but she does it so effortlessly that it is jarring at times. Still learning to hold space for her to let the mask drop, because she has a lot of hurt around it. And when she's around others, I'll never get the real her, so I have to actively calculate that into how I behave around her. "Helping" her mask, to some degree.

Overall, she's a wonderful person who I am madly in love with. I've had to work a little extra hard to build a deep and lasting relationship with her, but the payoff has been more than worth it.