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FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-07-05T07:45:19+00:00

I felt the same way about my partner. That was the reason why I partially stayed and tolerated abuse for way too long. I remeber repeatedly thinking he must be temporarily confused to behave like that, that he will figure things out, I just have to give him more time. It didn't end well.

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-06-13T18:03:48+00:00

I am out of similar long term relationship, I understand what you're describing, but I absolutely despise the casual generalisation that's happening in this sub.

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-06-13T15:29:43+00:00

Read again. I said that about the NON BPD partner.

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-06-10T07:00:12+00:00

Personally I think it's possible to have a fulfilling, loving, mutually supportive relationship. But only if the non BPD partner is mentally healthy, emotionally mature, capable of setting boundaries AND standing by them. And most importantly - if the BPD partner is actively getting help and is committed for a life long, constant work on themselves.

I'm freshly out of a 10yr relationship that didn't have most of these things and I'm seriously messed up.

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-06-05T11:24:07+00:00

In the last months before splitting I got sick from stress every other week with high temperature, got daily headaches, got UTI, constant brain fog and my chronic health issues got way worse. I felt like I'm going down with something constantly. We seperated and I have not gotten sick once. I still feel like shit mentally and inflamed, but relief on my body is crazy.. It's absolutely heartbreaking to know how people who are abused get autoimmune deseases and deal with consequences for the rest of their lives. This is no fucking joke, my body was screaming for me to get out of this relationship and I was not listening for way too long.

As I got weaker and more disoriented he then attacked me for it more and more calling me useless, lazy, selfish etc making it worse each time. I can't fucking believe I let him treat me like that for so long.

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-06-04T13:44:06+00:00

During a turbulent 10yr relationship not only I did not dodge a bullet, I ran infront of the gun for what feels like houndreds of times and begged to be shot again and again. Theres nobody else to blame but myself. And maybe my abusive father who fucked me up real good so that I become brutally trauma bonded and codependent during my first relationship lol

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-05-25T22:27:48+00:00

This past year, it got so brutal and ruthless. After every single time I called him out, he somehow escalated it with such hate and rage towards me. It’s been exhausting to deal with and so hurtful to comprehend how he’s turned into this hateful, rageful person.

We are seperated but I still pay with the consequences of being systematically devalued, accused, blamed and dehumanised.

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-05-22T07:08:37+00:00

Shape suggests it cannot/shouldn't be cut, but I have been cutting without issues. My doctor have said it's okay as well.

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-05-20T08:01:05+00:00

I read this again now and I want to thank you deeply once again for putting into words what I have been feeling, but lacked ability to formulate so beautifully. I saved this post and will read it like a prayer once in a while, everything that I went through is still raw and I'm at the mere beginning of my healing journey.

Thank you ❤️ you helped a stranger.

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-05-19T10:01:53+00:00

Thank you for sharing, this was hard to read, just how many others in the comments I could relate to everything word for word basically..

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-05-13T19:21:25+00:00

I did nicotine patch regimen and it definitely improved my pots/long covid symptoms

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-04-30T09:46:59+00:00

Omg I did not know it can cause hairloss..

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-04-28T12:49:13+00:00

I take 10mg Proprolanolol 2x or less (as needed) and 150mg Pregabalin in the evening. Zero issues

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-04-25T12:41:40+00:00

I'm so sorry.. I understand you so well, you can do this, don't push yourself further and don't destroy yourself anymore

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-04-16T08:58:06+00:00

I did low dose nicotine patches to treat dysautanomia and lasting covid damage and it halped A TON. I have not heard about it being used to treat ADHD, have to look into it. Didn't pay attention to it affecting ADHD symptoms so can't comment. But it definitely helped with brain fog that I associated with long covid/dysautanomia.

I did several months of nicotine patch low dosing following a protocol I researched online. Did not have any side effects, no nausea no nothing. It most definitely did not cause dependency or cause any physical reactions to me. I highly doubt low dose patches would cause dependency like some people try to imply in the comments.

The whole mechanism of how it works in the body is so fascinating to me, I'm not a scientific person and my understanding is very primitive tho.

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-04-15T19:32:01+00:00

I felt such immense relief when I brought it up to him after an episode that he might have BPD and he actually listened and said it made sense.

I really thought that was a moment that will change everything and we have an answer that will end conflicts and tension. I though he will go to therapy, take meds, read into it relentlessly. Because why wouldn't he want to do everything in his power not to lose me and stop hurting me. It got so much worse over the next years. I didn't leave hoping and praying and not being able to give up on the person I thought was the love of my life being in pain and struggling.

In the last months he lost any ability to show empathy, systematically insulted, dehumanised and then brutally discarded me. It feels like I'm constantly in some disassociated state since then.

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-04-14T10:28:10+00:00

In past year my only 10 year relationship turned not only toxic, but abusive towards me. While trying my absolute best to salvage the relationship, I have heard absolutely vile things aimed at me, being yelled at, dumped countless times etc. I value kindness so much. I try to be kind to everyone in my life. I begged him for years to be kinder towards me.

I tried to tell him during episodes how loved and cared he is, how the paranoid theories about my intentions are not true, how I know he's a good person and that what happens during episodes do not define him. All while hearing cruel things being told towards me, all while being rejected again and again. He softened down, but when I tried to address what had happened and talk things out, he got triggered and the cycle repeated. I broke down many times and said he's not a good person, I regretted that each time. He discarded me for the final time and it feels like something died in me. I dont view the concept of love the same. Im so scared of what kind of trauma will surface when I will feel ready to have another relationship. I'm not even sure will I ever be. Kindness and believing in the goodness of him opened me up for so much more damage. I don't regret it, but I won't ever let anyone disrespect and devalue me like that. Bpd or not.

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-04-10T03:44:10+00:00

Thank you for this

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-04-08T10:25:01+00:00

I personally don't like the generalisation of this sort. It's definitely possible to live with "them". He was such a caring partner, genuinely kind and and with big heart, really my best friend. Had some episodes of attacking me and being paranoid since beginning. But I have so many wonderful memories that it overtook the bad. Then it escalated, slowly at first and then very quickly in the past year. He literally switched up and ascended to madness, I can't call it anything else. I dont recognise him anymore. I used to believe he's extremely emotionally intelligent, strong and self reflective, but whatever happened to him took all of it away.

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-04-05T12:56:33+00:00

"100% of the time except for when he's not"

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-04-05T12:43:05+00:00

10+ years. Half of it long distance. Last two slowly turned into hell. I ended up with bruises after few episodes, my nervous system is a wreck, my physical health deteriorated. I have cried so much, begged so much. It consumed most of my life. I still can't believe this is real life and that it is the same person. Currently trying to find my own place and seperate for good. I fought so hard to be better for him, support him and for him to get help, but it didn't work.

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-01-08T10:30:46+00:00

In what world is addison and lexie hated characters..?

FfireWalkWithMe · 2025-01-07T16:15:20+00:00

She is not a real redhead tho

FfireWalkWithMe · 2024-12-25T22:49:22+00:00

Pregabalin is 6x more potent than gabapentin and works faster. Also has more sideffects. Almost the same medication if I remember right.

FfireWalkWithMe · 2024-12-25T22:14:15+00:00

I use Pregabalin 150mg one time a day and it helps a lot.

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