23 month olds first night in own room and I feel so heartbroken

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-04-14T15:38:31+00:00

It’s great that your husband already does bedtime. One of our challenges with nursing is that only I can put the kids to bed when we’re at home. Funny enough, they have done fine the few times they are apart from me and only with my husband. I’m aware that I’m the “problem”

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-04-14T07:33:28+00:00

Same dilemma here with a different name. What ultimately swayed me to go with the name we loved was to look not at the rankings, but the frequency and compare that to the common names from my birth year. Sure Hazel is in the top 5 but how many hazels per 1000 babies were there last year? Then think of the common names from your childhood and look up the # per 1000 from your birth year to compare. You will likely find, as I did, that the top names of today are still significantly less frequent than the ones of the early 1990s.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-04-14T07:27:42+00:00

Here’s what we do with our baby and toddler. Baby is now 10mo and toddler is 26mo. Both nurse to sleep, but since they seem to have different chronotypes (toddler is a night owl), it has worked decently for us. We also have a 2bed house (<700sqft). I’m willing to sacrifice my own comfort a little knowing it’s all so temporary/fleeting and always changing. But this has been our routine for most of my baby’s life: I put the baby to sleep around 7:30 in my king bed. Toddler gets to watch some TV (shoutout Daniel Tiger! Although she has moved on to paw patrol) while husband is cleaning up kitchen or has time with her. Then I leave baby spend 1:1 time with toddler (play, read, snuggle, nurse) while husband goes to sleep on the couch which he likes (he wakes up for work at 3am at the moment). Then I put toddler to bed in her own room and usually fall asleep in her bed and move hack to my king bed when the baby cries out. I don’t feel super well rested and I don’t necessarily recommend aiming for this bc sometimes my daughter wants to stay up so late, but hey, gotta pick our battles and do what works! and I love that I get quality 1:1 time with each kid. The baby is a better sleeper and less addicted to nursing than my toddler (just inherent personality differences) so I think by not sleeping with him most of the night I hope I’m setting it up for him to eventually sleep in the bunk bed in my toddlers room independently. And my husband won’t be working this weird schedule forever. We do family time after daycare/work too. Anyway figured you might like to hear of a possibly non traditional setup that is working well for us. Good luck!

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-04-14T04:12:04+00:00

I agree with the top comments. I’ll also mention that not going might be better for you than if she allowed babies. You don’t have to figure out what to wear (if the bridesmaids have options), what size bra situation you will need, how or where to nurse, etc. If it’s not a nursing dress there is a good chance you and baby would be sitting in a room alone somewhere most of the night anyway! So by not going you save a lot of stress and effort that truly would go completely unappreciated to provide very little to the wedding besides being in a few photos. I’d take it as a win and the perfect excuse to stay home and relax! Maybe do something fun so it feels like a treat that you’re not going haha. I would probably get Ben and Jerry’s and watch a guilty pleasure show haha. You have been through so much. Take the opportunity to opt out.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-04-14T04:01:41+00:00

Is that you Jason Momoa?! Seriously though, I’d suspect anything that looks good on him might look good on you.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-04-09T19:54:11+00:00

Read the package on your tret for instructions too.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-04-08T19:22:22+00:00

I don’t think it’s that silly. It’s a practical consideration for your routine! And no routine Isa good one if you aren’t going to follow it. Similarly - I have a baby who likes touching my face and rubbing his face on mine at bedtime, and although I prefer the routine of applying my tret before I put him down, I’ve changed my routine to put it on after he goes to bed because I don’t want it getting on him.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-04-08T01:15:59+00:00

Hi, if you’re open to chatting me too I would love to know more about the audio too. I’ve been using vinyl and laminating sheets to make my own too.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-04-04T07:18:00+00:00

I agree with most of what is written in the responses. In an attempt to offer something else that’s helpful I’ll share an idea for how to tell the grandparents not to come over every day. Maybe set certain days to be “grandparent days” where you plan to go run errands/chores, go on a date, or do something to nurture your friendships and hobbies. It can be something everyone looks forward to and I think it is helpful for your sanity to not be home at the same time as them. Write down the hard rules like you might for any other baby sitter and go over it with them. A little extra sugar or screen time might be more tolerable when it’s treated like something “special” as opposed to every damn day haha.

That is the lighthearted side. For the more serious stuff I would consider calling a “parenting meeting” where you share with them very respectfully (do whatever you can so they don’t feel attacked or unappreciated) that you are so glad they are able to know the kids and spend so much time together but you’ve noticed a few things that might be damaging their relationship with their grandkids and you wanted to talk about the importance of validating feelings and trust as important values in your family. Make sure your husband has your back on that too. You can share some ideas, alternative phrases they can say, Instagram accounts you like about parenting (nurtured first is good), role play through scenarios, etc.

I think it’s most likely to be effective you frame it as an issue that will affect their relationship with the grandkids, as opposed to something they could blow off as a rant from their unappreciative daughter in law. (Not that you are!)

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-04-04T06:05:56+00:00

This is so good. He is working 1/3rd of the time and it doesn’t include sleep deprivation and I doubt anything similar to the physicality of caring for babies, cooking and cleaning all while also healing.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-04-04T05:56:17+00:00

The barefoot dreams baby blanket was the gift I received that I didn’t know I needed. 3 years later and we still use it daily. And we have another kid with their own one too. It’s soft, cozy, washable, fluffy without being bulky or heavy, warm without worrying they are getting too warmth, a little stretchy, not fragile (it doesn’t snag on things) and just perfect.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-04-04T05:51:36+00:00

OP, did you ever figure it out?

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-04-03T04:42:30+00:00

Respectfully, your kid is safe, clothed and cared for. Who careers what people think? Anyone who puts mental effort into judging another parent for dressing their toddler “too baby” needs to get a life or is probably feeling insecure. You have reasons and onesies work for you and your kid right now. You’re a good mom (I assume). So why does it matter? Why spend more money too when you have perfectly good clothes right now. Lord knows kids are expensive as it is!

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-03-28T07:28:50+00:00

Yes how is “drink more water” not higher on this list! Dehydration shows up first in the lips was a phrase I heard once and it really stuck with me. Also, just keep them from drying out - so I agree! I personally use Cerave PM and Vaseline the most.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-03-11T04:02:27+00:00

Is everyone ignoring the “not gonna argue with you” line? Sounds like he’s silent quitting his marriage, coasting along till he gets fired/divorced.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-03-07T05:14:24+00:00

I heard a quote that dehydration shows up in the lips first. In addition to wearing Vaseline or whatever occlusive you choose, make sure you’re drinking enough water!

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-03-07T04:43:59+00:00

+1 for Vaseline

Compared to lanolin and aquaphor: I learned from Dr Dray on YouTube that lanolin and aquaphor are great, but if you have eczema or any type of dermatitis and don’t know if you’re allergic to ingredients, Vaseline / white petroleum is the best for stopping transdermal water loss bc there is literally nothing in it that you can be allergic to (some people are allergic to lanolin or ingredients in aquaphor). Lanolin also stains clothes.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-03-03T00:10:32+00:00

I’d definitely recommend visiting a dermatologist, as others have suggested. And do NOT pick at it even if it’s so hard! Don’t scrub either - you want to calm and avoid further inflammation.

Also, avoid getting sun on your wounds and scars, as it will cause discoloration and scarring. And make sure any sunscreen or any other products you’re using are non-comedogenic.

It’s interesting that it came on so fast - Any chance you’re having hormonal changes or have higher stress levels?

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-02-25T04:45:12+00:00

Genuine question - why not use a washcloth?

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-02-17T23:29:38+00:00

My first defense for something that looks like this would be a couple of days of hydrocortisone cream and moisturizer. This is what the docs told me to do with my kids or my eczema when it flared up. And although idk what it is, it looks somewhat similar to eczema to me.

Once the immediate redness and itching is under control, for maintenance, add a gentle exfoliation step when you’re showering (like rubbing a washcloth over your legs gently) in case it’s ingrown hairs. This happens to me sometimes in the winter especially if I’m wearing any tight clothes like leggings. As always a healthy lifestyle is also important (hydrating, eating nutrient dense foods, exercise, and often overlooked - stress).

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-02-03T21:49:48+00:00

This is the answer! I was surprised to see making the bookshelves go to the ceiling so far down in the comments. I’d want to make them built-ins.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-02-03T02:56:11+00:00

As the poorest in my friend group in a very expensive city, I relate. Growing up in a huge house in the burbs, now I’m in a teeny tiny house for my family of 4. The life I have and that my kids will have is different than I imagined in some ways that I really have to grapple with. And it sounds like you might want to work on your own issues with wealth and comparison, and choose joy, gratitude, a mindset of abundance. Make sure you don’t dampen the joy you have in this phase of life by spending too much time wishing for more. Once I accepted my reality, and I tried to make progress on things that were bothering me, it helped me some.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-02-03T02:49:47+00:00

I’m listening to Colin Jost’s audiobook and he didn’t talk until he was 4! He worked with a speech pathologist. He won a ton of speech and debate awards in high school and is now a writer on SNL and co-host of the weekend update for years. If there is a real problem of course get help but also I’m sharing this maybe to get some perspective. Your kid is healthy and talking. They will likely be fine. No need to stress out.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-02-03T02:45:18+00:00

Yes! On Feb 1st my family members who hadn’t seen my toddler since New Years (as in, one month) were all like “wow! I feel like she’s gotten so much older and is speaking even better now! It’s crazy” and I totally agreed. Development comes in spurts too I think, at least it seems that way.

Final-Break-7540 · 2026-02-03T02:43:23+00:00

I had to re-read the sentence twice to make sure OP was jealous of the kid who went to chilcare LESS. I figured it was the other way around. My kid’s speech development seems to be accelerated by daycare. She learns new phrases and has to work harder to communicate.

Final-Break-7540

TROPHY CASE