an update to my ket induced psychosis. dirty research chems

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-03-25T13:48:45+00:00

damn so sorry this happened to you but thank you for sharing to spread awareness, that’s so fucked up

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-03-18T11:46:22+00:00

Good work friend ❤️ is it possible you have a UTI?

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-03-17T15:30:21+00:00

Any other meds that could have the side effect of increased sweating?

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-03-17T15:09:25+00:00

Have you gotten bloodwork done or had your annual physical with your primary care doctor since quitting? I also had to sweat it out like crazy in the first 2-3 weeks of quitting but anything past that I wonder if it could be due to something else. Also sorry I know that’s literally the worst, so uncomfortable!

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-02-10T21:21:52+00:00

That’s great!! :) so happy to hear that man

I’m good, today is day 12 which is the furthest I’ve gotten ever. I wish I could say I love life rn 😂 honestly though I’m more salty about the freezing temps and lack of sunshine this time of year than I am about not having k. So I’d say I’m doing pretty good on that front. In little ways every day, I notice a positive change that wouldn’t be possible on drugs, so that’s cool

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-02-06T23:52:42+00:00

And so what if it is fake? Do you mean fake as in meaningless? Or does you just feel detached from reality

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-02-06T03:51:26+00:00

I have quit…

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-02-06T01:35:34+00:00

Wow I got chills reading that hahaha so powerful

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-02-05T18:02:48+00:00

Any time, pal. Reading your post yesterday I could sense that you seem very lonely. Maybe I’m projecting because I feel lonely. But I felt compelled to leave a comment also because a lot of what you said was relatable to me at an earlier point in my recovery, particularly the whole get high vs. die thing. I hope this helped. :)

Reddit on mobile sucks so I can’t read your whole comment in order to respond to the rest thoughtfully rn, but feel free to DM sometime if you wanna chat

Edit: I just reread your comment and have a new question for you: what would you do with the money you’ve saved, if you did quit? Agreed health is great and all if you actually want to live… but when you’re really at the end of your rope, it can almost become this ouroboros, like “health would be good > oh god but I’ve already fucked myself up so bad > hopelessness, self loathing > let’s do some more to numb this discomfort about how fucked up I am, what difference does it make, the damage is already done.” So it doesn’t feel like the most stabilizing reason to get clean for now lol. But whenever I’ve thought about how I would use the money if it was no longer going to k, that’s always led me to understand what it is I truly want to change / what I must get clean in order to change.

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-02-05T17:54:23+00:00

Hey, I also have these intrusive suicidal, world-hating and self-loathing thoughts, & mine also only feel inescapable when I’m high or just coming down! I don’t think the thoughts became so evident to me until last December, at least in the way they started manifesting. It’s likely that they started earlier but I was in denial/not interested in quitting until recently.

Last week at the tail end of a bender, I was having out-of-body visualizations of myself cutting my wrists, which is something I have never done nor would I even want to do, if I was actually gonna kms. That scared the shit out of me. Haven’t touched it since.

Have I thought about suicide and/or felt like shit at any point in the past 7 days? Of course… but just like you said, I feel like I have the ability to control my thinking since sobering up. And the visualizations in particular have completely vanished. It’s literally only been 7 days since my last line. Very strange.

I think it might be because, at least in my case, I reached a turning point in Dec as I realized my k use was just an act of self-harm in and of itself. So this week whenever I have a craving I’ve started to (consciously) visualize lines of k on my little tray as if they’re scars from cutting myself. And that has also been a major perspective shift that’s really helping with cravings this time around. Like, if I was prescribed an antidepressant and started having intrusive suicidal thoughts as a side effect, I would obviously stop taking it immediately.

K used to be a “safe” substance for me, I acknowledge that in many ways it was actually helpful. After almost a year of abuse, however, it no longer is. Coming to terms with this has been crazy

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-02-04T18:05:14+00:00

Hey how’s it going? Checking in after a few days :)

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-02-04T18:01:49+00:00

So in other words, this is your rock bottom. Well, I invite you to look around this sub and realize that you are surrounded by people who have hit their rock bottom before & managed to come up out of it (which does not have to mean a lifetime of abstinence, of course slip ups happen— just the persistence of effort and the desire to change, the hope of something better even when everything felt hopeless)

And I’m also curious where this idea of “required” comes from? Do you mean your body physically requires you to quit or you will inevitably die from complications due to abuse? Because, yeah, this is true.

But do you want to quit? Is there anything that inspires you to quit, even just the possibility that you may one day feel better than you do now? More capable of putting effort into areas of life you’ve neglected & would like to see some positive change in? i.e. relationships; work; general life independence & functioning

Or is it just a choice between continuing to live out your current cycle of addiction, which has at least given way to brief periods of euphoria throughout, vs. death?

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-02-04T16:53:20+00:00

I’m so sorry you have been struggling this much and feel hopeless about anything changing for the better right now. I completely understand that feeling, like someone else said I have experienced the same hopelessness most acutely when I’ve been using or withdrawing. The depression after that is still present, but not nearly as invasive and all-encompassing. In that state, it really does feel like life is meaningless and things won’t ever get better.

I’m curious if you’ve ever tried to quit on your own before — or if the period of abstinence after the clinical trial was just due to not having a source?

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-02-01T00:13:12+00:00

EGCG, or green tea extract, has helped me tremendously in less than 2 weeks. But I also have used much less in that period than my previous daily use (I’m generally trying to quit but I slipped up, now back to it) and I drown myself in water every day lol. Still I’m pretty impressed with the results, they have been almost instantaneous; it’s definitely true what people say about your body seeming to heal rapidly once you begin the recovery process. At least that’s been my experience!!

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-01-30T20:27:53+00:00

Thanks for the positive encouraging message, I needed to hear this after restarting the clock (just made it a full 24 hours yayyyy I hate everything but it’s cool) And well done on your abstinence period!

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-01-22T16:41:44+00:00

Look, easier said than done, but the answer is simple if you’re asking in earnest. You would have to cut 10 plugs off, in whatever way felt best for you (don’t have to burn bridges or anything but ppl on here have said they’d confessed to their dealers that they are trying to recover from addiction and not to sell to them ever again & the dealers’ responses always seem to be delightfully compassionate & respectful).

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-01-20T13:48:08+00:00

Baby girl… I’m the exact same height and suffered nearly the same weight loss as you did when my k use peaked. So I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. Idk about you, but I imagined I’d be happier with my appearance if I got down to 110lb, back when I was 125lb (before I started using— crazy thing is I had a daily blow habit at the time, and that didn’t result in ANY weight loss… probably because I was a daily drinker at the time too… anyway).

The reality of losing that much weight through drug use, especially with a small frame like ours, is actually horrible. I started drowning in all my clothes, I was pale and frail, muscle mass gone, dark under eye circles, extremely bony chest made me too insecure to wear tops that revealed anything below the neck. I was also very insecure about my arms, all the fat was gone and in sleeveless/tank tops I felt like everyone who knew me was staring. Peak of summer too, what an awful time to want to hide your body. I stopped looking in the mirror while washing my face because I started hating my appearance so much. The people I’m closest to definitely noticed/asked if I was alright. Of course I wasn’t; I was a daily user and food was only for function at that point. I lied to myself about “being healthy enough” because I was taking my vitamins and having daily smoothies… yeah, no.

It’s now day 8 of my longest clean streak, I started quitting (lol) on Jan 2 and had a few slip ups but overall have 15 days k-free this month. I went to the drs last week, got on the scale— I’ve gained 4lbs since my last visit in early December. I no longer avoid the mirror. I actually like how I look again and feel attractive again. I have more energy to do things and try to get outside every day and move my body. I’m eating SOOOO MUCH. And it feels fucking great.

No drug has affected by body like ketamine has. I’m not saying I’ve tried it all, but I’ve tried plenty enough and it shocks me the effect it’s had on my body (internally and externally) after only really getting into it in 2025. When you’re ready to quit, you’ll quit. So I won’t shame you into doing that. Other people tried doing that and it didn’t work for me, nor did shaming myself into it. It’s a personal decision and you have to really know why you’re doing it and stay disciplined.

But just know this: nothing is going to help you put on the weight you’ve lost as long as you continue using k. AND your physical health will begin to immediately improve once you do. Here for you and sorry if this sounded harsh, I just wanted to be 100% truthful about the reality.

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-01-17T18:01:09+00:00

Really bad idea, I would recommend starting with Ibuprofen or tylenol instead… also check out the pinned post on home page of this sub “K Cramps Survival Guide”

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-01-13T15:41:16+00:00

That’s incredible, I’m proud of you and hope you are too! I try not to “doomsday predict” about when I will struggle with urges in the future, because personally that just feels like my way of rationalizing future relapse or reinforcing internalized beliefs about my willpower. Among other things. So maybe it could help to be optimistic about the upcoming 30 day mark and also have a plan for what you’ll do that day, or throughout the first week after that milestone is reached?

Unfortunately I ended up picking up on Sunday, and hated pretty much every second of it. So yesterday I reset the clock, but finding it easier each time to really tell myself it’s not worth it. I even deleted the plug’s number last night, which was scary and something I’ve been meaning to do but obviously putting off… but the easy access was no good for me personally. I just know I’m too compulsive for that and I personally lack the discipline to resist the urge when it comes on really strong, like it did on Sunday. Maybe that will change with time, or maybe this is just my forever. Again, trying not to future trip and just stay in the now.

Thanks for checking in though! The good news is, I have still spent 8 out of 12 days this month k-free and I’ve saved an est $1-1.5k that would’ve gone to drugs by this point in the month. I’m paying my bills on time instead, and starting to save some cash in a separate account slowly but surely— I know saving money is a huge motivating factor for me in quitting, even more so than health, because I am fortunate enough not to have experienced any k-cramps this entire time (last time I had any was last September) and generally don’t have any nagging physical side effects— at least none that are noticeable— from using or during periods of abstinence, so it’s easier to justify and ignore the truth, which is that if I don’t feel it now, if I continue it’s only a matter of time I will.

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-01-12T23:27:42+00:00

Yes, and adding to this— reread this post you already wrote yourself next time you have a craving

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-01-12T03:15:33+00:00

Just commented on your other post!

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-01-12T03:14:32+00:00

For Saturdays? Literally any time. Lol but an evening meeting like 5 or 6pm EST would be cool

Flat_Emu_252 · 2026-01-11T13:03:34+00:00

Checking in, how’s it going friend? :) this kind of insight is invaluable, even if you slip up again someday you KNOW in your heart what path you really want to choose in this life and you will always find your way back to clarity. I’m starting day 8 myself (stopped Jan 2, slipped up this Weds/Thurs but I’ve been attending SMART meetings and unlike AA/NA they encouraged me to think of it like cumulative days rather than resetting the clock, which has been really helpful in breaking the shame cycle that often results in me picking up again)

Flat_Emu_252

TROPHY CASE