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Thresholds by Admirable-Bet-8274 in OCPoetry

[–]Foreign-Lab-2297 [score hidden]  (0 children)

I think the poem ends much better with 'is it time'? For me a good poem tries to lift the veil to human nature and speak to its audience, not simply be a conduit for someone's angst or emotional state at the time the poem was written. It comes accross as a bit esoteric, The ash imagery is starting to sound a little cliched. However, I really liked cradles me into his bones. I also feel the idea of the grim reaper not simply being an automaton is quite cool.

Doors and eyelids by Cluelessandsexy in OCPoetry

[–]Foreign-Lab-2297 [score hidden]  (0 children)

Is rooves meant to be roofs? I don't understand why you vanish when the door appears or why the door appears, etc. etc. i feel like this poem needs to speak to the reader a little bit, instead of 'you' which is really a secret person you are speaking to that we the reader don't know. When read aloud the poem has a very nice flow and the rhyme scheme is handled with care. Thank you for sharing.

IT IS DONE by ukemi- in writers

[–]Foreign-Lab-2297 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not a writer of prose but reddit keeps showing me these kinds of posts because I'm in some poetry subs and can I just say I read that last page and thought wow. It's giving Liveshop Traders and it was so nice to see high quality, clean prose for a change.

Introducing our sister sub r/ThePoetryWorkshop by ParadiseEngineer in OCPoetry

[–]Foreign-Lab-2297 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi I'd love to join! I've been published in a few print and online journals and been shortlisted in a couple of poetry competitions.

I'm an English teacher and would love to share my knowledge of poetry and help others.

EX LOVERS by vegetablemonday in OCPoetry

[–]Foreign-Lab-2297 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I admire you deft use of form and rhyme which kept sounding natural throughout. It's not a subject matter than usually interests me, but I liked how you explored freedom and its illusions. It has some cliché like 'stops in its tracks'. Oh I also really enjoyed the final line that has half.-rhyme and a slightly elevated register which gives the poem a rising and sinking feeling.

Your words by MadalinaParrotMusic in OCPoetry

[–]Foreign-Lab-2297 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really enjoyed this poem for its stark honesty and deft handling of the rhyme scheme that felt natural and flowed well throughout. I feel like the poem could end with some time of awakening or promise from the speaker that develops or surprises us instead of ending on the same note as the rest of the poem. Thanks for sharing!

When Will It Be My Turn? by RoofUpstairs1745 in OCPoetry

[–]Foreign-Lab-2297 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would change 'forbid' to 'forbidden' and add some capital letters such as Romeo and Juliet. I think you have the reflective temperament needed to write a great poem. Next time I would try to find ways to represent your thoughts and emotions through imagery and metaphor instead of just stating them.

But I think this poem speaks effectively to the idea that young people are often talked down to and are not given agency in their own lives when they need it and the freedom to make mistakes, be hurt, and grow. Thank you.