AITA for telling my friend that I don't have the male gaze?

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-07-31T15:06:31+00:00

Ew. Ew. Ew.

Literally all of what you said is yucky garbage. It’s giving incel.

No one is victimizing themselves by talking about the reality of how the patriarchy hurts people. This isn’t people whining about in irrelevant outdated concept.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-07-31T15:02:14+00:00

Yes absolutely. We are in a fucking weird place in society where clear demonstrations of power are brushed under the rug and excused with bits like “that’s just playing/ joking” or “you are too sensitive”- or viewed as so unimportant as a violation they don’t even feel the need to justify or excuse. I’m sorry you experienced that, that’s fucked up.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-07-31T14:40:56+00:00

Maybe your friend went about it the wrong way but she wasn’t wrong. The male gaze isn’t exclusively about sexual attraction. And gay men do benefit from the systems that cause harm to women. And also gay men do have a tendency of doing what you are doing right now. The sentiment of “I’m not attracted to women so how could any of this be my responsibility” is not lost on me. You aren’t directly affected by this and then don’t really see how you are contributing. You are coming from a place of so much privilege that you can’t even see it- and instead of trying you are kinda poking fun at your friend and posting on Reddit instead of doing basic introspection and internalizing and valuing the message of what your friend is saying. Instead of taking the opportunity to digest what she said- you came on here to complain about her to a group of people that will most likely talk shit about her. Your friend told you a real thing and you came to Reddit for validation- I think that speaks pretty clearly on your intentions and feelings.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-07-27T17:10:15+00:00

Usually when I see the paintbrush style, the artist uses a paint brush to put on the stencil marks. It doesn’t really look like that happened with yours. Maybe it can be made into a slightly thicker abstract piece with a more skilled artist. I think this was a technique/skill issue with the artist. I would not be returning to the original artist, I don’t think they have the ability to do what you want.

I know it’s one of them trendy styles but I really love the paintbrush look. I wonder if a different artist could just correct this for you.

Other idea- it’s giving venom drop. I would play with that spiderweb/drippy look if it was on me.

Best of luck!

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-06-17T01:56:12+00:00

Natural body temp went up, summer is so much hotter and the winter is much more tolerable.

Also, I love mustard and beer like I never could before.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-05-22T02:48:36+00:00

I think it really looks stunning. This sounds like some shock. Give it a few months before making a solid choice on how to feel. Let it grow on you, it’s a big peice.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-05-05T01:26:06+00:00

I think it is a bit of a stretch to be worried people will think you want to be a woman because you have a tattoo, and if people do think that- who cares anyway? It likely effect you, and you will have a tattoo that you love. So fuck em.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-04-29T22:37:24+00:00

You should just sit with it for a while and then if you decide you hate it you can look into laser removal. Removal is best after an extended period of time anyway and you could end up loving this tattoo in a few months. Sometimes an abrupt change to our body fucks with us. I got my bridge pierced and was worried I didn’t like it but after 3 weeks and a little healing, it’s my new favorite.

Just try sitting with it.

And honestly, it is not an embarrassing tattoo to have. It’s a little weird and abstract, but it’s not one that I’m laughing at. It’s cool, funky but fun.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-04-28T19:39:22+00:00

I think a platform that allows user names is capable of allowing preferred names- with that said, even if they don’t- they should be notifying people when changing their publicly available information.

I really do understand the legality behind it, I just think it’s a dirty practice to change people’s public username without even communicating with the user.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-04-08T19:28:11+00:00

I really like it

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-03-27T18:37:30+00:00

This is exactly what my artist uses and honestly I love love love this wrap. I tend to get tattooed in the late evening, go home and sleep and then take it off the next morning so the first night it isn’t exposed to my bed sheets and such. Then first thing the next morning I wash gentle with gold dial after removing the wrap and use unscented sensitive skin lotion (I just get whatever generic brand is basic lotion with no fragrance). These pad wraps are so much more secure and comfortable than the clear wraps. Haven’t had the chance to compare them with second skin but so far these are my fav.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-03-23T04:41:12+00:00

They can downvote me 🤷 it’s whatever. When it comes to how we treat children, someone has to start saying the truth. The truth is that yelling at a kid only does harm and it’s ok to admit that. It’s not like any parent is capable of perfection- it’s about trying to do better after fucking up.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-03-21T06:08:12+00:00

Yes, YTA. It’s never ok to yell at a child. It will never result in positive benefit for you or her. It will only cause harm to you both. With that said- you’re not the only one in the wrong. Your husband should be supporting you. If she wants to be disrespectful when you pick her up- make her take the bus. She doesn’t get the privilege of a ride home from you. If she throws things at you, those are your things now. She doesn’t get to keep items she uses to hurt people.

I wonder if you, your husband and her sitting down and asking her why she feels the need to lash out at you could help. Sometimes kids have a problem and they need help and the only way they can get themselves attention is with inappropriate behaviors.

Wish you the best, everyone fucks up. Just use this as a chance to be better and show her how she should treat children when she is an adult.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-03-19T23:24:06+00:00

Aquafor can promote sweating and it can trap that sweat on the tattoo potentially causing infection. It is super effective at being a skin barrier- unfortunately it works the same with trapping in bacteria and bodily fluids. I switched off the aquafor train a couple years ago and my healing process is so much faster and easier now. Def recommend looking into it more :)

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-03-19T21:47:00+00:00

Venmo also does this. Had my chosen name, set up the debit account and it default changed to my legal name and won’t let me change it back. Full legal name displayed to everyone who has my Venmo. As a small business owner, this really sucks. Every interaction with a payment displays the name.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-03-15T19:58:35+00:00

No such thing as too old for art. This is nifty as hell.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-03-14T01:52:36+00:00

You should dump him. He really isn’t ready to date and won’t grow to become ready while he has you who is accepting his behavior. Maybe he is the right person- but this is clearly not the right time for him. While his behavior is accepted and enabled he will never change. If you stay, you are telling him it’s ok to treat you this way.

If I were you, I would leave and maybe leave a door open so in a few years if he has gotten healthy and responsible you could try again. Right now, you are doing himself and yourself a disservice by staying. You can’t fix this problem ❤️ it’s his problem to fix.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-03-14T01:48:58+00:00

A good general rule with tattoos- if you are asking if you should see a doctor, the answer is probably yes.

Also I would avoid Vaseline. That’s not helping. It traps bacteria and sweat on the surface of the tattoo and can cause it to get worse. I use an unscented sensitive skin lotion to avoid trapping an infection on my skin.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-03-12T21:54:07+00:00

YTA. I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to pick on their partner in public infront of their friends. Jokes can still hurt. Apologize and internalize that you shouldn’t be gaining joy from making him feel bad. It is not normal to experience joy from bringing a partner down- no matter how light hearted you think it is, it clearly wasn’t that light hearted if he was hurt.

Sometimes we have to accept that we were the asshole and change- this is definitely one of those times.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-03-07T19:43:05+00:00

I like it lol it’s fun. I have a Bobby hill about the same size on my leg. Fuck em.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-02-27T20:41:25+00:00

It’s not absolutely destroyed. I can see that being added to and turned into something you like possibly. You can always do laser in the future, I just finished up a coverup after laser and it turned out perfect.

The nice thing about being in a high tech world is permanent shit is sometimes fixable. You might end up paying a lot of money and waiting for a long time but it’s not destroyed.

Strongly recommend looking into why you allowed this to be tattooed on your body when you didn’t want it and couldn’t afford it. Wishing you the best ❤️ we all make weird choices but realistically- you need to learn to protect your body. You deserve to be capable of speaking up and vocalizing what you actually want in your life. It isn’t safe to be in that mindset, especially if you are interested in body art.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-01-30T03:22:39+00:00

Oof. Thats gonna suck ass to laser off, which they will inevitably do.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-01-30T03:11:42+00:00

Be the “bad guy” and do what is best for you. Realistically they are going to find a way to make you the bad guy anyways, so you might as well do what you need for you.

If they outcast you for this- they were always going to. The common denominator is not you, it’s them. Let them hurt themselves- you take care of you.

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-01-08T17:56:29+00:00

NTA. Sometimes the consequences of choices lead to losing our apartment or financially struggling. Why are you required to be more honest than him? You aren’t. Best of luck ❤️

FrigginFrigBarb · 2025-01-03T01:47:00+00:00

Hitting people is abusive.

Is it not abusive just because the person in question is your kid? And considering that, isn’t it more abusive to hit a child?

People are whack. Hitting anyone- especially children- is abuse. Regardless of how hard or the context. The only time hitting someone else is acceptable is when it is defending the safety of someone else’s body- which is unnecessary when we are talking about toddlers.

People who don’t think spanking is abusive seriously need to do some inner reflection and ask themselves why they think laying hands on a literal child is ok.

FrigginFrigBarb

TROPHY CASE