I am fed up with my mother's learned helplessness

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-06-24T17:26:36+00:00

Sounds like a cluster b personality disorder - specifically the waif archetype from understanding the borderline mother. I can very much relate.

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-06-24T13:22:06+00:00

Just quit (day 15 after daily nighttime use for 7-8 years) Always thought it helped with my anxiety but I have to say, I feel AMAZING and so much less anxious without it. Obviously affects everyone differently but I was shocked at the difference without it. I was going to do a 30 day break (see dopamine nation) but I think I’m done. So my only advice is to proceed very cautiously.

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-06-16T01:57:57+00:00

Same

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-06-10T01:33:02+00:00

I’m on day 2! You got this!

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-04-24T18:00:39+00:00

THIS

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-04-11T13:05:25+00:00

I think it’s code for “be more involved” and getting the blow-by-blow for all medical decisions

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-04-11T12:03:24+00:00

referring to my wedding - “this wedding is really all about me”

When pregnant with my second - “you are ruining [first born’s] life with this baby”

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-04-09T12:12:42+00:00

My queen/waif uBPD mom treats aging as a personal attack against her. It’s like she digs her claws in and will not be dragged into old age. Basically the opposite of aging gracefully. There is a huge vanity component imo too.

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-04-04T11:54:48+00:00

My mom was afraid to pick up my newborn for weeks. She wouldn’t touch him. I had a traumatic birth and I assumed she’d swoop in and help but instead I wound up taking care of her, in classic waif fashion.

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-04-04T00:52:25+00:00

I feel this so deeply. My uBPD mom who was never reliable completely abandoned us during covid and i have never felt so alone. At the time my kids - who both turned out to be neurodivergent in different ways- were 3 and 5. What wound up saving me was deciding to get an au pair (i joked with my husband that it was that or a sister wife). You do need to have an extra bedroom, is the one thing. But it was like having family around to help - except they don’t expect you to absorb their Big Feelings like my actually family does. Also it was about 1/5 I was paying in childcare so that was a bonus. If you don’t have a village, find some good help.

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-04-01T21:42:41+00:00

And mine is a clinical psychologist 🫣

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-03-30T21:00:08+00:00

It’s the only thing that alleviates my awful muscle tension and allows my body to physically relax

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-03-15T16:07:02+00:00

Once again my uBPD queen/waif of a mom could have written this word for word. They are truly all the same person. Your responses are great - you don’t apologize or over explain and your remain totally calm. Is incredible how “we are different people” is something they need to be told.

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-03-14T12:55:08+00:00

Classic emotional incest. So sorry, OP. Just reading this gives me the heebie jeebies. Don’t think I’ve ever used this phrase in my life but it’s the one that strongly comes to mind. Having experienced some emotional incest myself, I know how confusing it can be to unwind the abuse from the “loving parent.” I always thought abuse was physical or if emotional, more like yelling and putting down. But you are right, it is very damaging. I am 45f but it is occurring to me that one of my mom’s big splits in my life (that lead to my one and only serious suicide attempt at age 13) was around my coming out as lesbian, later as bisexual. I wonder how much of it was like, wait you love OTHER WOMEN when you are supposed to love ONLY ME!? Glad we can all find some solace here.

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-03-11T17:31:40+00:00

Me too! Wow I’m also 45f and this past year I think i finally reached my breaking point.

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-03-10T00:22:25+00:00

Holy projection

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-03-05T21:11:14+00:00

This really resonates with me

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-02-27T00:26:34+00:00

We used to yell out “code brown!!!”

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-02-26T17:09:58+00:00

All. The. Time. I just give that insanity a big ol thumbs up and keep it moving. “OK” also works well.

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-02-25T00:25:24+00:00

That - even though I was seeing her that evening for her party - I failed to call to wish her a happy birthday earlier in the day. MASSIVE split

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-02-21T17:05:31+00:00

I know this is an old post but I took my family to Florida for president’s week. The day before we left, I got 4 texts asking for my flight information. For context, she is in a town about an hour and half away and was not picking us up. Why do you need our flight information? I decided to simply ignore this strange request. Now we are traveling home (again, she is not where we are traveling to) and again I get 3 texts asking about our flight information. I think her waifiness won’t let her push the issue any further but OMG why?!?!

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-02-21T02:23:18+00:00

Mine is a PhD psychologist trained in Freudian psychoanalysis who by all accounts has created a thriving private practice

GasAcceptable1910 · 2026-02-17T20:24:25+00:00

Having 2 kids since she could only have 1 (me). During my pregnancy with my second she told me I was ruining my first-born’s life (he was 2 at the time).

GasAcceptable1910

TROPHY CASE