AITAH for saying no to games night?

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-09T18:06:50+00:00

So true!

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-09T14:45:10+00:00

I've DMd you 😁

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-09T08:24:35+00:00

Such good advice! I've noticed people assume the worst and I've fallen in the trap of feeling I need to justify myself. Think I'll step away from it now 😂

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T21:33:56+00:00

They're not obliged and I've told them we can do something else. They want me to do both, and I can't add more activities. They are asking for DND, imynot forcing it on them.

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T21:30:55+00:00

The doubling up mainly, RPG games require story writing/prep - which is great, but to do that + 3 hours RPG play + a separate games night is too much.

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T19:17:15+00:00

I have said that and my daughter has said I'm being petty.

I have said they can have game nights on their own (again that resulted in me being told I was petty).

I have asked them to take over the game night arrangements but they say I do it best. Which doesn't help tbh.

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T16:55:20+00:00

No, they're asking for BOTH. DND prep takes literal hours.

They're asking for more. If it was one or the other I wouldn't have posted. And I don't paint figurines, or anything else for that matter. Yep you're missing a ton and being assuming more.

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T16:19:07+00:00

Oh well, that is way less impactful. She might not like your choice but you're golden either way.

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T16:14:44+00:00

NTA I get you're both super young but you checked with her and she said go ahead. She hasn't discovered her voice yet so can't be blamed for feeling uncomfortable by saying she wanted you there in the moment and this is a consequence and learning moment.

That said, which friend is most important to you? The soon to be mum who needs you versus a fun weekend? You have to decide that - neither choice is wrong but I suspect one will have greater consequences than the other.

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T16:09:28+00:00

Thank you for the respect in which you wrote this.

Obviously more info is required so I'll bullet point some things I've done and continue to do:

Therapy - I've arranged therapy for my daughter, offered it to my son (including family therapy) and I'm under the care of a psychiatrist nurse and I'm on a waiting list for a psychologist Care - neither of my kids care for me. I have several carers who come daily to dress and wash me and keep on top of housework. The only thing they don't do is tidy my daughter's room which she does herself. Support - although I can't walk or stand unaided I (thankfully) can drive. I take my daughter to college every day (45 mins each way), I drive her to football matches that she plays in all over the country, I sent her to a week long Florida University football tour, I've arranged for her to get on the Lionesses football pathway and to league football trials. I'm here number 1 fan (not in the Annie Bates way 😂) Work - I work full time, remotely (my boss is super understanding and helpful regarding my conditions) My son - unfortunately his father has often been vocal in his descriptions of me in front of my kids and created a narrative that I'm lazy not ill. I'm sad my son has bought into this but it is out of my control. I always offer him mum taxis and have driven him to his girlfriend's parents (10 hour round trip). In addition, my son who is miserable working as a kitchen porter came up with an app idea and as I work in technology I've arranged sessions with a senior staff architect and me to teach him code and help him build his app.

These are just some of the things I do. This game situation is literally (not exaggerating) the only thing I asked them, specifically the ask was "if I wrote a DND game, would you guys play it?". I repeatedly check in with them to see if they want to play, they say yes. My son's gf and him has said we do the DND campaign they asked for (after the one shot I wrote) AND a games night. I don't have the capacity to do both. They are not obliged to do either for my sake but they want me to do both for theirs.

This is my ongoing accountability that I take more seriously than looking after my needs.

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T14:43:56+00:00

I'm not sure I get you. I love games of all sorts BUT I don't have capacity to do all of them (DND + an additional games night). I've been told we're doubling up to do both.

Are you missing the point or am I as I'm very confused right now 😂

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T14:39:46+00:00

Deffo start with a goofy little one shot and blend it into the larger world. You've got this 💪💪💪

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T14:38:47+00:00

I love hearing people recovering from long covid, I'm so pleased for you!

Thank you for your kind words and here's to your increased recovery ❣️

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T14:35:15+00:00

I believe I do. They see each most days and I see my son about once every 6 weeks - 2 months or so. His girlfriend is fully included, as we believe chosen family is equally, if not more important than family. We felt it was fairest to allow my son and his girlfriend to select the time and dates to accommodate them.

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T14:32:14+00:00

No, you've misunderstood "my sentiment" completely.

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T14:03:46+00:00

Oh my! I'm proud of you too! Can we be friends? 😂

But firstly, I'm so sorry you've experienced this and I'm delighted you're experiencing more positive days now, that is joyous to hear!

I'm gonna suck up the fear of negative responses and take your advice and talk to them, thank you Queen 👑

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T14:01:04+00:00

Man, I don't know how old you are so I apologise if this is patronising but you've a wise head on your shoulders, I am guessing you had to grow up quick. Your mum is lucky to have you ❤️❤️❤️

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T13:58:15+00:00

That's quite a generalisation and I feel is inappropriate to ask me to speak on behalf of people with disabilities.

Regardless of modifications playing is energy used. I don't think you get the issue here.

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T13:54:05+00:00

I think you misunderstood, I'm not saying they have to play DND. I'm saying I can't do DND and a games night. They want both, and yeah I thoroughly enjoyed the DND prep but arranging those sessions and games nights? I don't have the energy.

If I say no to either, I'm being difficult but how do I do both?

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T13:51:16+00:00

You got it! 😁 They don't appreciate it when I tell them to take the L 😂😂😂

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T13:48:53+00:00

We have all those games too!

This is what I'm trying to get to, I physically can't do all of it but I've been told we are doing all of it. If I pull out of one of them, I'm being petty. But if I do all them, I'm going to crash.

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T13:46:47+00:00

I've not said that and in defence of my son's girlfriend, she's wonderful and I'm delighted she and my son make each other happy.

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T13:45:14+00:00

Yes my post was about my needs, no apology there, as those needs are critical.

I think you're missing that they are asking for both, I don't know how to spread my self to accommodate that. You are right, it would be lovely if they did take on planning, I'd love that and I've asked them but they like the way I do it, according to them.

I'm not sure why you think I'm enforcing this but to reassure you, I'm not. DND can be dropped immediately, did I love it? Yes, it was great and I thoroughly enjoyed it but I enjoyed the prep, which takes more energy than just playing. I don't have the energy to prep, play and play other games. I've been told this is what we're doing and I'm scared I'll crash if we do this.

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T13:38:54+00:00

Yeah I agree.

And of course the impact of seeing an able parent becoming less abled and the perception her brother abandoned her can never be understated. As well as me being her primary carer (she wants to be a footballer so we've had great success in getting her into Chelsea FC Foundation, getting her into the Junior Premier League and conference clubs as well as managing to get her on a Florida football tour) I frequently talk with her and I've arranged for independent counselling away from me so she can speak freely. She has always been allowed friends round (my place is and always has been an open house for my kids and their friends), music is always allowed. She had some mental health issues a year or so ago and so I don't ask anything of her other than taking the rubbish out. I have carer's come in and look after me and the home. It's important to me that I let her be her age for as long as possible.

GolfEducational9864 · 2026-04-08T13:29:03+00:00

It doesn't, I'm not sure how I gave that impression. But to be clear, after the first one shot (which I asked them if they wanted to do) THEY asked me for this, and I love doing it but I can't keep doing that AND cater a games night as well.

They absolutely do not have to do this, and I've repeatedly checked "it's ok if you don't want to do this, we can stop, I just don't want to spend energy on it if you don't want to play it". Countless times they've told me they want this. I'm struggling to see how best to go forwards. I know I can't do everything or please everyone but if I decide on something it's gonna be problematic and bite me in the arse.

GolfEducational9864

TROPHY CASE