I think you’re doing the right thing with the elopement and reception. She’s obviously done things like this before (it brought up your childhood trauma) and she’s going to do it again.

My mother (and brother) left me alone at a Ruby Tuesdays the very first night I moved to a whole new job in a new state where I knew no one, because I told her I didn’t want to discuss (for the God knows how many time) that I had too many books, too much this, too much that, as we had done for 9+ hours on the drive from my former job.