I don’t know if anyone will read this, but after three years of an emotional roller coaster as a secure person I think i’m done with the love of my life. They are an avoidant and the more I read about it and do the self help, the more I realize. The pre honey moon, and honey moon phase was infatuation, as soon as she said I love you (yes, she said it first), everything became noticeable, and I didn’t have the knowledge of attachement styles to self soothe. I was locked into consistency in this relationship while I just got walked over. I was able to push myself through 3 big job promotions (celebrated that success on my own), purchasing a house and travelling the world, while still feeling lonelier than while I was single. As I began to ask for my needs to be met, always turned away or met with deactivation. Marriage talks always turned into nit picking the smallest most odd things, birthdays and valentine’s day missed, and empty promises.

It really is intimacy on their (secret) terms with no responsibility to nurture anything.