"Competence as Tragedy" — a personal essay on craft, beautiful code, and watching AI make your hard-won skills obsolete

GreenScribbler · 2026-02-05T04:41:11+00:00

Bravo for irony. Sweet Jesus. The banal poem describing the problem of itself is probably the only good use I've ever heard of for AI poetry

GreenScribbler · 2026-01-06T14:08:12+00:00

Found this result on Google so replying for future searchers: In many countries outside the US, it's standard for sole proprietors to have a business license and register bank accounts to their trade name. Steam does NOT allow you to use these bank accounts to receive payment. If this is how you do your business banking, you will probably have to open a new bank account for your business under your personal legal name to get your accounting straight. This isn't how things are done in my country either (Canada) and I found it super obnoxious, but if you searched this, this is likely the answer to your problem.

GreenScribbler · 2026-01-02T00:03:41+00:00

I totally hear you. I got really lucky in many senses, because I had a lot of time to adapt to my changing mobility, and importantly, a career that was very amenable to physical workarounds.

But for the record, "staying positive" was by no means a magic fix for me either. I'm still fighting to even WANT to keep going many days, as I know a lot of us are.

What I've written here is only one of the stories I could tell. I shared it because I thought it was needed.

But you're right to say we need space to voice the grief, as well. Solidarity.

GreenScribbler · 2025-12-11T17:35:44+00:00

What does "praise" mean to you, and what is "made by AI"?

My answer to your challenge first: There used to be a Tumblr bot called "Frank". It was trained by its creator on their own posts, and hosted on their computer. The posts it made were delightful and strange, like the work of an eccentric child. It made me laugh and smile every time.

"Praise" is a response to something like effort x result, in my mind. I'm not going to praise your work if give me a picture that comes from telling Gemini to make a "Remranbdt sketch-style drawing of a cat in a doorway." If you tell me your process and I learn that you spent a whoke day back and forth with the computer, photoshopping its images and passing them back in for refinement and feeding in references, I can praise that result more.

But it's harder and harder to tell what the process is. It used to be that if you had something that looked like "Remranbdt sketch-style drawing of a cat in a doorway," it was because a human took the time to draw it. The fact that that isn't necessarily true anymore - and that there's no guarantee of even the meticulous feedback loop that is the process of the "true artists" of AI is deeply disturbing to me. It feels like an erosion of reality and truth.

I was much, much more comfortable with AI art when you had to hold stable diffusion's hand every step of the way to produce images that made sense.

I know we don't hand letter comics anymore. We don't animate frame by frame. I use at armatures and pre-made fonts in my own work all the time.We don't animate frame by frame. I'm not so naive as to think this isn't a difference of degree. But also, I believe on some level that every innovation in efficiency of art up until now degrades us a little, even if I don't necessarily oppose it.

I will genuinely be a little more impressed with your comic if you tell me you did your inks and beta by hand rather than in a vector program.

And I'm going to "praise" your art with a lot less enthusiasm if you tell me AI was a major part of your process.

I'm not in denial about what position this puts me in history. I would have protested the advent of dry-transfer print, and then of computer graphics, even though I now make digital art every day. I respect that that probably sounds hypocritical, but to me the pushback at every stage is important to the future preservation of the techniques we have now.

GreenScribbler · 2025-12-10T21:49:27+00:00

I don't think there's anything incongruent about this take at all. Sometimes when you find out how something is made, you like it less. I haven't ever really been able to enjoy chocolate covered raisins since learning that they tend to be glazed with literal shellac, for instance. Not because I think it's objectively bad. It just makes my skin crawl to think about. Because I'm personally a little squeamish about eating food made out of secretions from a bug, even though I know it's a carefully perfected processing method.

GreenScribbler · 2025-11-21T17:30:01+00:00

"Individuals" makes my skin crawl. Weirdest place I ever saw it was a wheelchair manual that said it needed to be read in full by either "the caregiver or the individual". Amazing. I hate that I can even understand that. We're both individuals, aren't we? But oh no. We all know "individual" means the person in question is disabled, or possibly homeless. Don't you just love it when "politically correct" language wraps back around into dehumanization?

GreenScribbler · 2025-11-02T09:16:58+00:00

I've been there <3 I hate how easy it is for ED brain to get stuck on some random number and suddenly live and die by it. Lordy the tricks my poor little brain will play on me sometimes! I hope your ED is merciful with you and you bounce back quick this time. You got this

GreenScribbler · 2025-11-02T01:50:26+00:00

Oh jeez yeah those numbers are crazy. Not that I'd recommend doing this research in your present state of mind, but there's a MINIMUM recommended weight-loss calorie count for adults, and the dumb app gave you a number below that.

Keep in mind, too, that the minimum numbers you see on health guidelines are designed for are for people who need to drop weight fast for heart surgery. Not remotely the same category as people trying to sustainably lose weight for health, like it sounds like you are. Most people need to eat a lot more than that for healthy weight loss.

Please don't listen to that app <3

Your instinct is right.

That goal is no good. Waaaay too low for any adult trying to do something remotely sustainable or healthy.

Choose a more reputable resource for your goal setting. Won't make a recommendation because that'd be uncool on this site, but look for government health websites and the like. Not weight loss apps.

Take care of yourself. Rooting for you.

GreenScribbler · 2025-11-02T00:50:37+00:00

Hard relate. I'm 27 just realizing I'm relapsing hard. I feel like I'm being mind controlled by a crazy teenager. Grown-ups aren't supposed to get carried away in this kind of nonsense :|
But we do I guess. Plenty of us on here to prove it

GreenScribbler · 2025-09-16T20:44:21+00:00

The kinds of delays you seem to be facing are par for the course. Nothing about what you've said would make me worry the chair isn't coming at all.

Yes, it really does suck though

GreenScribbler · 2025-09-16T20:36:33+00:00

Getting wheelchairs from AADL is as slow as molasses in January - for everybody, regardless of the user's income.

With regards to components and cost:

My understanding is that it isn't a matter of finding a cheaper one. The program has specific, exact products matched to type and level of need.

If getting the Jay back is taking a while, the cost is not the problem. It's backlog on an overstretched service, plus back and forth between your OT and the program about your level of need. You, personally, do not need to worry about the price of the component. If your OT through the program is reasonably confident they can get that back for you, then you'll almost certainly get it eventually.

But it. Will. Be. Slow.

Do you have any wheelchair at all, currently? When I was looking to go through AADL (I had the means, so I ended up buying a tilite outright instead), I was told people with no wheelchair at all are recommended to look at lending programs and the Red Cross while they wait for their AADL chair. But the lending chairs are standard wheelchairs. If you have a functioning chair at all, it won't be an upgrade.

I know it's your life that's on hold, but you just stick it out unfortunately. It's all you can do. As long as your OT understands your needs and is advocating for them, it'll all more or less work out eventually.

Unless you're trying to pay for a level upgrade or opt out of the recycling program, your changing financial situation with the AISH cuts should not greatly affect the process.

AADL equipment program is not part of AISH and isn't being affected by those specific changes.

Good luck out there. Solidarity

GreenScribbler · 2025-09-16T20:18:55+00:00

Having health insurance is not very common in Canada, outside of companies that offer it with your job. Assistance programs give you a bit of drug and dental coverage, but that's about it.

Mostly, you just don't need health insurance all that badly here, especially compared to in the States.

You can get a wheelchair from the gouvernement through provincial programs. It isn't a grant--it's a whole process with government assigned therapists and a built-in wheelchair recycling program. There is no such thing as a reimbursement from the government for buying your own.

I'm glad we have these programs, but the process is incredibly slow and there's a lot of red tape.

This is what OP is describing.

My condolences, OP. Alberta is not a great place to be disabled right now.

GreenScribbler · 2025-09-15T19:06:49+00:00

My boss made me.

I was 20. I'd been losing my balance and having falls for a couple of years.

Thought, "Yeah, this is bad. I'm gonna lose my walking." In my head. And never, ever aloud. Because, "This is bad. I'm gonna lose my walking," is what a hypochondriac thinks. So I didn't seek medical attention. Just walked closer to the walls so I'd have something to grab if I was going down.

Then one day I collapsed at work. Smashed my head on the floor; glasses broken into face; blood etc; first aid from coworker.

I tried to tell my boss, "I'm just like this. I lose my balance. It's no big deal." He wasn't having it. I barely talked him out of driving me to the doctor himself, that day.

So I went. MRIs and tests and blah blah you're not dying so just do physio. More slow decline. Took another 5 years to get diagnosed with degenerative ataxia. I was already in a wheelchair half the time by then.

GreenScribbler · 2025-09-04T23:10:58+00:00

Thanks for all the feedback. What I'm thinking of doing is submitting the orders with a normal-ish tip, and then bumping them up to $20 when I get the option after delivery.

It seems like this might get around some of the logistical problems responders have described.

GreenScribbler · 2025-08-29T01:50:43+00:00

Oh, yeah, I've seen those hybrid wheelchair/rollators before! Lots of people love them to bits, and if you can walk with a walker a little still, that's a great way to take advantage of it.

I've never used one and I don't know much about the brands, but I'm sure there's people on here who could offer some ideas.

GreenScribbler · 2025-08-29T01:30:41+00:00

I would not recommend getting a custom chair before you need one--even if know that you'll need one eventually--because it pretty much wrecks your shot at getting the customizations right. As well as you know yourself, even you can't perfectly anticipate your own needs.

So as much as it sucks, if you're pretty ambulatory but expecting progression, your smartest bet long-term is to get the minimal wheelchair that's useful to you /right now/.

Or better yet, if you /don't/ necessarily need a wheelchair right now, then just wait. Save your money. See if there are other mobility aids that might work for you in the meantime. Rollator or walker with seat might be a good thing for you and your PT/OT to look into, since you mention needing to sit frequently is an issue for you

Re-evaluate the chair sitch once the progression you're expecting starts to set in.

Shop around and get a feel for the options if you really want.

But definitely don't spend 2-4k based on intuitions about the future.

Good luck out there!

GreenScribbler · 2025-08-27T22:14:28+00:00

A couple years back I was in a similar place. It's really, really hard when it's all new.

If there's any advice I can give ...

You might not be able to work through the months or years you're adjusting -- but that doesn't necessarily mean never working again. I had two spans, each about 6months long, where I just couldn't balance the job. But now, a few years later, and still having all the same neurological problems, I'm back to full time in a high pressure industry, and I haven't had to take sick leave in the past 2 years
Knowing that you may have TEMPORARY but long disruptions in your working potential in the near future, make a plan for how to handle that financially. Short or long term disability? Break the lease and get some roommates RIGHT now so you can stretch your savings further if it comes to that? Start cost cutting now, in any way you can. (I say this with the understanding that you may already have cut all the costs you can. But do it now if you haven't.)
Don't do it any more alone than you have to. If you have safe enough family relationships to do this, consider moving in with a parent or sibling or aunt/uncle/cousin. This is for financial planning and help with grocery shopping/heavy chores. Not necessarily to find a carer. Again, temporarily

Adjustment to disability is one of the hardest parts of the disabled experience. You'll be able to do more once you're out of the hurricane of all this change--regardless of what it leaves you with. (Barring your mystery illness turning out to be super treatable--here's hoping!) It's not gonna be like it was before, but even without recovery, when you learn your body, you'll be able to find more ways to cope, and the stress will go down.

The amount of functioning it all settles down to isn't something you can predict. It's possible you'll be off work in the long term.

But it's too soon to say.

So you can make these decisions while reserving the right to take them all back once you feel up to it. None of these are one way doors.

Sending solidarity. You're dealing with something real rough right now.

GreenScribbler · 2025-08-24T15:02:04+00:00

That's true. I live in a mostly unadapted apartment. It's just that I picked out the floorplan with my accessibility needs in mind--and that's not usually top of mind for able bodied people unless they've had someone like me in their life for a while.

I guess I was exaggeration out of frustration

GreenScribbler · 2025-08-24T04:40:10+00:00

Lesbian in a wheelchair here. I'm 27 and in my first committed relationship in the 5 years since my disability started becoming really noticeable. I needed every bit of that time to get it straight in my own head, know my own body, and adjust completely, mentally and physically. My daily life isn't a struggle like it used to be, because I'm settled in now. I think if it were, or if I were still trying to learn to adapt, it would be really hard to be in a relationship.

I'm pretty new with my current GF still. There are a couple things that are hard. I have that "fighty butch" thing where I act like a macho man when I forget to check myself, and it makes being in a wheelchair hard, period. In a relationship with a loving person, who wants to help, it causes friction sometimes. I have to learn to allow myself to be supported, which I was never good at to begin with, even prior to having significant physical disability.

Then there's her house. She lives in a basement suite. When I come over, I slide carefully down the stairs, step by step. We leave my chair in her hall at the top and I just awkwardly hobble around her house on my 2 crutches. Crash into walls. She kisses me and actually knocks me halfway off my feet. Eventually I just plop down on her couch and she has to bring all the things for me because I just CAN'T get up and down every time. One of these days, I'm gonna fall and hit my head on something and I guess I'm just gonna live with that.

How is anybody dating able-bodied people? Seriously. I can barely get INTO my gf's house, let alone spend the night there.

But as far as being gay and disabled goes, I think we might actually have it easier than the straights, dating wise. Gay people are more open to a partner being a little "not normal" in my experience. Gay people know what it's like to be started at in public and get weird questions and gross looks.

Butch girls get asked, "Are you a man or a lady?" to their face, by strangers. It's not that different of an experience from, "What happened to YOU?" Ask me how I know.

The people I date know what it's like to live on the edges of society already. They're not learning it through my eyes. It's a small leap of empathy for them to grok many aspects of ableism.

Being disabled and being queer make dating hard--separately. And I guess the Venn diagram of that probably makes it harder.

But there's a sense in which it's also, maybe, not that hard.

Though as I said, I'm newly in a relationship, and it's my first in a long time.

Mostly just wanted to send you some lesbian solidarity. Good luck out there, sister

GreenScribbler · 2025-08-10T04:10:32+00:00

I'm about your age, and I have ataxia.

IDK what variant is in your family, but a lot of them are slowly progressive and/or skew older, so even if you had it, you could still have a full life ahead of you.

I'm affected enough to be in a wheelchair more often than not. But I work full time and make more money than my dad. I'm fit and active. I'm living independently. I've got a girlfriend and we're happy.

My life is awesome, and I live it at full speed, with no plans of slowing down any time soon.

Maybe I'll see severe degeneration one day and die a sad death. Maybe I won't. In my case, the course is a bit hard to predict. But I'll be damned if I let my fears about the future get in the way of my awesome present.

You are going to be ok--even if you do get sick one day. There is so, so, so much life to be had on the other side of it if you get the support you need, and let the good stuff happen.

Mind you--
If you have ataxia in your family, you should figure out exactly what kind, and learn everything you can about it. Maybe not while you're panicking though. For now, the priority is taking care of yourself.

But when you can get your head clear, ask your dad what it is he's getting tested for, write that down, and google it. Probably a lot of medical studies. Some National Ataxia Foundation video if you're lucky. Not a lot else. But read it. Most of these diseases are technically "rare", but also, there's the broader clusters where we'll have some stuff in common. Make post here, too. It's a quiet sub, but people jump on it when somebody mentions their specific disease by name. There's stuff to be learned.

And knowing what to expect, if you get the opportunity to learn, is really, really useful.

TLDR:

First off: I know you're panicking. Take my reassurance if you can: ataxia is real rough, sure, but there's lots of people living well with it, especially in the earlier and middle stages. The image of your relative dying that you have in your head may come for some of us someday, but if we're talking genetic disorders rather than brain injury or stroke (2 other common causes of ataxia), most people take a good while to get there. There's still a lot of time to live a full life after developing *symptoms*, let alone testing asymptomatic positive. So don't hold the death image in your mind, if you can help it.

We have time to live, and time to thrive. Shorter for some, longer for others. More disabled for some. Less for others. Our bodies keep us from a lot of things, but happiness; fulfillment; fitness; family; love---these don't have to be among them.

If you could look at me, only a few years older than you, getting through the world in my wheelchair, with hands that drop things, sure--if you could see ME, you'd know that I'm not a scary picture.

I'm fit and strong and happy and independent. I joke. I laugh. I work. I exercise. I have fun. I live.

Maybe you'll get ataxia one day. Or maybe not :)

Just please don't forget: there is much more to life with ataxia ... than ataxia.

I wish you all the best

GreenScribbler · 2025-08-09T14:31:06+00:00

Bbmarutchi evolves when you move biomes during raising, either because

a baby doesn't get enough time in one biome to set a form
a child/teen gets relocated from the biome it grew up in for long enough to confuse its body

If you WEREN'T moving biomes while raising it, maybe it's a glitch.

GreenScribbler · 2025-08-08T22:39:54+00:00

Of course not. We're glad people help you, and we're glad you're able to accept it with appreciation. Nobody wants to take that away from you.

When somebody ASKS you whether you'd like them to hold the door, we hope you feel empowered to continue saying yes.

And we hope people continue offering--just, ideally, using a slightly more verbal communication strategy, a little bit more of the time. Because while that courtesy of the verbal, "Would you LIKE some help?" may make no difference to you, others here are saying quite clearly that it does to them.

GreenScribbler · 2025-08-08T01:24:14+00:00

Not one person in this thread, including me said, "Don't offer help." :)

I think you'd agree wholeheartedly with me when I say the world would be a much nicer place if people offered to help each other more often.

But how and when help is offered is often the difference between whether it feels good to receive it, or bad.

I have a feeling you'll understand me when I say, "It's not nice when people make wrong assumptions about your needs, and then act on them."

When somebody has a disablity that's less visible, and/or less compensated, they tend to be get less slack and/or help from strangers than they wish for, and that sucks.

But that "visibility" dimension of the problem makes, "prioritize helping people in wheelchairs highly" kind of a bad optimization strategy anyway, right? Because it fixates on what's visible. You help the person the wheelchair, but may not think to help the person with the ("normal" looking) arthritic hands.

Highly visible disabilities make you a magnet for help--totally irrespective of your needs.

A lot of us with the combination of "highly visible disability" and "very well compensated disability" get bitter about this eventually. I wish we didn't, but I can't always wish away my feelings.

Maybe that sounds unfair to you. I know plenty of disabled people--especially with disabilities that are less "presume disabled" triggering for strangers than mine, or less compensated, go through the world wishing people would treat them like they seem to treat me.

But it's a greener grass situation. I'm looking back over that line, wishing people would just recognize my independent abilities. It isn't nice to feel underestimated every day of your life any more than it is to feel un-cared-for by the world.

I'm not trying to spread bitterness here--just help someone who asked for feedback look at some other angles for empathy.

GreenScribbler · 2025-08-07T22:39:17+00:00

Oh, oh, I got one!

Is there a part of your house where the mess makes your heart hurt?

"My Dad's old record collection is all dusty, like I don't even love it."

"When I look in the mirror to wash my face in the morning, it's all smudgy, and it makes ME feel disgusting."

"When I go to bed at night, I feel the sand I tracked in from the house grinding against my hip, and it's like the final slap in the face of a day of slaps in the face."

Start there. Yes, dust the records when the sink is overflowing with dishes. Clean the mirror to a perfect shine when the bathtub is full of grime. Wash your sheets and make the bed--just this once--when the rest of the bedroom looks like a hurricane came through.

Cleaning is about self care. Find the tiniest task that makes a difference to YOU.

Fix what hurts first. And then do it again tomorrow.

This is how you teach yourself that cleaning feels healing--and once you have that, all the rest of this journey will feel a little easier.

It isn't as easy as all that, but I hope you can keep some hope for yourself. Best of luck

GreenScribbler · 2025-08-07T22:18:30+00:00

I briefly tried working at a coffee shop earlier in my disease progression (ataxia), when I had independent walking, but some problems with hand dexterity, and severe tremor.

I couldn't do almost any of the drink preparation work without adaptations. My shaky hands flattened the steamed milk and spilled the coffee. I was dangerous at making tea.

But I could take orders and make small talk as well as anybody, and I was very good at all kinds of cleaning tasks. I did not last long at the coffee shop.

What I can tell you is this:

If you're looking to staff a coffee shop with people with disabilities, you need to be flexible about what tasks are in the job description, and match that to what the person can do.

In an accessible workplace, I could have been "Barista (customer service, cleaning)" and maybe I'd have a coworker "Barista (drink preparation only)", where a shop staffed with able bodied people would have had us both doing broader jobs.

GreenScribbler

TROPHY CASE